Understanding The Effects of Using Power and Control in Relationships: An Exercise in Empathy

Topic:  Understanding The Effects of Using Power and Control in Relationships: Ab Exercise in Empathy 

   If the Power and Control Wheel essentially outlines many of the various forms that Domestic Violence can take when present in a relationship; then it would be appropriate for us to take a good look at The Effects of Using Power and Control in Relationships. 

  So first, let's says that you are going along.. getting along... in love..... and everything you ever wanted was blossoming... Wonderful!!!  Like cool beans!!!

     HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF... the person who you now say that you love Tried to Intimidate You?

      For Example: "You are at your sisters Baby Shower, and they text you saying: 

  "If you don't come home right now, all you sh-t is going to get thrown out into the front yard.... and your keys to the house ain't gonna work any more either!""  

  Take a minute.  Think to yourself:

     How might you feel about this being done to you?  

     What would you think?  

     How would this sudden news impact you?  

     How might it impact others in the home?

           Now, lets put the shoe onto the other foot: What if you woke up tomorrow and you after carefully considering the situation, you realized that you were the one doing this to your partner -- you know... the one that you said you loved so much???

           How might you stop thinking this way or doing such things to the partner that you said you loved so much?

Or what if -- Just lets say for now -- it was them... and not you doing it?

-- Or they Emotionally Abuse you

      For Example: "You have a polite disagreement at the food court in the shopping mall and they get so mad that they tell you loudly in front of everybody, that you are ugly and they never liked you anyway.."  

  Take a minute.  Think to yourself:  

           How might you feel about this being done to you?  

           What would you think?  

           How would this impact you?  

           How might it impact others in the home?

           Now, lets put the shoe onto the other foot: What if you woke up tomorrow and after carefully considering the situation, you realized that you were the one doing this to your partner -- you know... the one that you said you loved so much???

           How might you stop thinking this way or doing such things to the partner that you said you loved so much?

 

-- Because they are so insecure and jealous, they try to Isolate You from everyone that you care about

      For Example: "If they ever again hear of you talking to that person at work (who happens to be your boss) they will go up there and kill someone."   

  Take a minute.  Think to yourself: 

           How might you feel about this being done to you?  

           What would you think?  

           How would this impact you?  

           How might it impact others in the home?

           Now, let puts the shoe onto the other foot: What if you woke up tomorrow and after carefully considering the situation, you realized that you were the one doing this to your partner -- you know... the one that you said you loved so much???

           How might you stop thinking this way or doing such things to the partner that you said you loved so much?

 

   or -- They decide to NOT take any more accountability for the things that they think, feel, do and say...

      For Example: They say, "It's all your fault!!!  They claim that they only act this way because you make them do it...???>>>>..."    

  Take a minute.  Think to yourself:

           How might you feel about this being done to you?  

           What would you think?  

           How would this impact you?  

           How might it impact others in the home?

                 (Like they start telling you it's all your fault.).

           Now, lets put the shoe onto the other foot: What if you woke up tomorrow and after carefully considering the situation, you realized that you were the one doing this to your partner -- you know... the one that you said you loved so much???

           How might you stop thinking this way or doing such things to this partner that you said you loved so much?

  -  Or like: What if they start using the kids against you?  -- They tell the kids to tell you that you are a bad parent...

      For Example: "Johnny (age 4) walks up to you and says, "MOM, Please don't leave my daddy.... He says you are mad at him and you have a new boyfriend."  

  Take a minute.  Think to yourself:  

           How might you feel about this being done to you?  

           What would you think?  

           How would this impact you?  

           How might it impact others in the home?

           Now, lets put the shoe onto the other foot: What if you woke up tomorrow and after carefully considering the situation, you realized that you were the one doing this to your partner -- you know... the one that you said you loved so much???

           How might you stop thinking this way or doing such things to this partner that you said you loved so much?

 

    or -- They try to say because they are a man or because they are a woman, they have certain privileges. (And that you will never see your kid(s) again)....

      For Example: "I am the woman, so I will do the driving....  Men don't know how to drive without their little Road-Rage BS......."    

  Take a minute.  Think to yourself:

           How might you feel about this being done to you?  

           What would you think?  

           How would this impact you?  

           How might it impact others in the home?

           Now, lets put the shoe onto the other foot: What if you woke up tomorrow and after carefully considering the situation, you realized that you were the one doing this to your partner -- you know... the one that you said you loved so much???

           How might you stop thinking this way or doing such things to this partner that you said you loved so much?

 

  -- They start hiding all the money and spending it all without even talking to you

      For Example: He says to you, "I am the man... so I control all the money.....  because women don't know how to handle money."    

  Take a minute.  Think to yourself:

           How might you feel about this being done to you?  

           What would you think?  

           How would this impact you?  

           How might it impact others in the home?

           Now, lets put the shoe onto the other foot: What if you woke up tomorrow and after carefully considering the situation, you realized that you were the one doing this to your partner -- you know... the one that you said you loved so much???

           How might you stop thinking this way or doing such things to this partner that you said you loved so much?

 

  -- Then they try to Coerce you or Threaten you into staying with them forever...

      For Example: "If you leave me, you will never see your children again."  

  Take a minute.  Think to yourself:  

           How might you feel about this being done to you?  

           What would you think?  

           How would this impact you?  

           How might it impact others in the home?

           Now, lets put the shoe onto the other foot: What if you woke up tomorrow and after carefully considering the situation, you realized that you were the one doing this to your partner -- you know... the one that you said you loved so much???

           How might you stop thinking this way or doing such things to this partner that you said you loved so much?

 

-- Now you know how it might make you feel when someone is using power and control over you?

      For Example: "I'm calling the cops because they will believe me... they know you are crazy and violent too."    

  Take a minute.  Think to yourself:

           How might you feel about this being done to you?  

           What would you think?  

           How would this impact you?  

           How might it impact others in the home?

           Now, lets put the shoe onto the other foot: What if you woke up tomorrow and after carefully considering the situation, you realized that you were the one doing this to your partner -- you know... the one that you said you loved so much???

           How might you stop thinking this way or doing such things to this partner that you said you loved so much?

  How might you feel about any of this happening to you?  What if they were doing an assortment of these things -- all these things as listed above.. and they were doing it to you?

      For Example: "You wake up ---  it's a beautiful morning -- you got the day off.  And your partner said to you:  "I just don't love you any more... I know you have been cheating... Besides, you are not my type... You are just not real smart.  And I'm tired of you anyway....  It's all your fault... I told you you needed to change.... but you didn't."   

  Take a minute.  Think to yourself: 

           How might you feel about this being done to you?  

           What would you think?  

           How would this impact you?  

           How might it impact others in the home?

           Now, lets put the shoe onto the other foot: What if you woke up tomorrow and after carefully considering the situation, you realized that after carefully considering the situation, you realized that you were the one doing this to your partner -- you know... the one that you said you loved so much???

           How might you stop thinking this way or doing such things to this partner that you said you loved so much?

 

QUESTIONS:

When you think about the various behaviors on the Power and Control Wheels as listed above and if you consider the possibility that might some day have a partner who does all those things listed above to you:

Question: How would this make you feel???  What would you do???

      ""

Question: How Can we prevent this kind of thing from happening at all???

      ""

Question: What if you found out that in fact, you were the one doing these things to your partner -- instead of the other way around. How might you stop this sort of thinking or behavior:

      ""

For additional info regarding this Group Session and about this Client's Overall Progress, please see additional Hand-Written or Typed Notes and Worksheets.

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Make Regular Payments on your DV Treatment!......... Keep Track of Your Balance! Don't Lose Out!

IMPORTANT!!! starting Immediately with full effect  

 as of Feb. 1st, 2023:

  If you have already been paying on your balance as you go, then Thank You Very Much!

  If Not???  Well, let me ask you:

  Do you expect to get paid when you work?  

  Of course you do.  

  And so does Dr. B!!!

  Throughout COVID-19 and this Inflation period, Dr. B has made many generous exceptions to previous rules in order to help Clients get through this period and their DV Treatment as smoothly as possible.  Some of these exceptions are changing as of February 1, 2023.

  Starting February 1st, 2023, Anyone who has not made a payment on their balance within the previous 2 weeks will be at risk of Suspension or Discharge.  

  So try to never be more than 2 weeks behind.

  Everyone who has a Balance should start as soon as possible to pay off their Balance and to pay on their Balance every week, or at least every two weeks until the balance is less than $71 by February 1st.  

  If you owe, but you cannot make a payment this week, then send Dr. B. a TEXT at 719-671-7793 and explain your situation.

  ALso, DO NOT WAIT for your BALANCE before you pay!  Add up the number of sessions you have attended, then multiply that number by $35.  Then add in the Evaluation Fee, and you got it!  

  If you had a session this week, then either confirm with your P.O. that you have a Voucher to cover this week; or pay for this week's session.  The same goes for every other week -- past, present or future.

  If anyone has been attending sessions and does not have a voucher to cover their session; they should be making payments via the Paypal / Debit / Credit buttons on this Blog every week or at the very least, every other week.  Or with Cash (in person only).  Or by mailing Money Orders or Checks in advance of sessions. 

  Beginning Feb. 1, 2023, if someone has a Balance of $71 or higher, they can be suspended from attending any more treatment sessions until they bring their Balance down to below $71. 

  If anyone misses a DV Session of any kind due to inability to pay, they should note that these missed sessions will count as absences and once anyone reaches the point of 3 absences (for any reason), they are subject to Unsuccessful Discharge from DV Treatment.

  From Feb. 1, 2023 forward, if anyone fails to make at least one payment every two weeks, they may be either Suspended or Unsuccessfully discharged from Treatment.

  Anyone who does not currently know their Balance Due; yet has been attending Sessions and has not been paying for them or receiving Vouchers from their Probation Officer should be making payments already.  DO NOT WAIT for a total balance before starting to make Payments of $35 per Session.  Starting Feb. 1, 2023, if anyone is more than 2 sessions behind in balance, they may be either Suspended or or Unsuccessfully Discharged from Treatment.

Everyone Must Learn how to Calculate Their Estimated Balance Due.  Estimating a Balance Due for DV Treatment is Really Easy:

  Everyone can easily calculate an estimate of their balance by doing the following: 

• Add in the $100 Intake / Evaluation fee;
• Add up the number of attended Group sessions; 
• Multiply the number of attended Group sessions by $35 each;  
• Add together all of the Intake / Evaluation and Group Fees;
• >>>
• Separately add up the value of their Used Vouchers (Your P.O. Can tell you if you have any vouchers and what their value is.);
• Add up the value of the verified Cash / Check / Money Order or Card Payments.  
• >>>
• Then Subtract the Intake / Evaluation and Group Fees Total from the Used Vouchers.  This will give you your Balance Due. 

Everyone Must Learn How To Make Their Own Payments:

All Clients who are capable of doing so should learn how to make their own payments using the Paypal / Debit / Credit button on the Blog.  Or they will need to make payments with Cash, Check or Money Order during each session.

   Here is How To MAKE CARD PAYMENTS!

If you are looking at the Blog from your cell phone: 

   A. Scroll to the bottom of your cell phone screen.

   B. Tap where it says, "View Web Version".

   C. You will see the Paypal / Debit / Credit Card Buttons in the Top-Right Corner of your screen.

   D. Use your fingers to navigate and make the screen bigger.  Press you Payment Method, Put in Your Name and the Amount, and make your payments with your Card.  

  If paying cash, it must be delivered directly to Dr. B. at the time of service.

  If paying by check or money order, it must be received by Dr. B no later than the date of Service.  Payments are not counted until they are received.  You may hand deliver Money Orders and Checks.  Or you may mail them.  But remember, they must be received by Dr. B. prior to the Service Date.  (There is an extra $35 fee if a Check Bounces). 

   * Mail your Check or Money Order to Dr. Beverly at P.O. box 871, Walsenburg, CO 81089. 

   ** Payments are not counted unless they are received by Dr. Beverly).

   *** Bounced Checks and/or Insufficient Fund Card Payments will incur an additional fee ($35 each).

FINALLY -- Remember, Your Balance and your Funding is your business.  Please do not ask about such matters while other clients are in the room.  

 Questions: Text Dr. B. at 719-671-7793 or email him at nepeht@gmail.com.  Thank you.

$$$ CLICK HERE To Confirm Notice and 

To Agree To Dr. B's Pay-As-You-Go Policy.

 

>>> Always Keep In Mind: It's a whole lot easier on everyone if you just pay as you go.

(Originally Posted 1/31/2022)

Checking My Personal Patterns Of Power and Control Behaviors and/or Domestic Violence

  What are Power and Control Behaviors?  We probably already have an idea about what Domestic Violence is.  But what types of behaviors could be described as power and control behaviors; or behaviors that someone might use to get power and control in a relationship?  Power and Control Behaviors are any behaviors that a person could use to try and gain or maintain power and/or control in a relationship. 

  And What is Violence in this context?  Many people view Violence as when someone does something physical to someone else.  However, in the context of DV Treatment, Violence starts in a situation when the disrespect starts.  If I say or do something disrespectful to, or in the presence of my wife, the violence has started.  And Violence is unacceptable; as is Disrespect.

  These behaviors could include (but are not limited to): Deceitfulness, Manipulation, Aggression, Destroying Property, Making unwanted  sexual advances, Threats, Neglecting or otherwise Threatening the Children or other family and friends, Doing things that are totally embarrassing to the other partner, Trying to control the other person in any way shape or form, Denying, Minimizing or Blaming any abuse that has taken place, Drinking or Using Drugs to a point it causes a partner to be afraid or embarrassed or otherwise to take a loss of some sort; Controlling all the money or spending it all on one's self, Assaulting the other partner's dignity, Treating the other person as a servant or as less than, Talking badly about the other partner, Using others outside of the couple to help to help control the other partner... and many many more.

But Where Do Power and Control Behaviors Come From?

  Theoretically, as humans, we constantly seek to either increase our pleasure or decrease our pain according to Freud's "Pleasure Principle". In other words, it's probably not extremely abnormal for a person to find himself or herself thinking of ways to make ourselves feel more comfortable -- such as thinking of ways of making sure that a partner who we really like never goes away...   

  Unfortunately, however, sometimes, acting on such thoughts -- especially when it impacts the life of someone else -- can be very wrong.  And if we do it over and over again, we  sometimes develop patterns towards such ends.  And sometimes, those patterns include thoughts and behaviors that are not conducive to healthy relationships.  In other words, we probably all seek to have some power over our personal relationships.  The problem is that sometimes, we cross the line when we start using Power to gain Control over the other person; or we start using control to gain power over the other person in the relationship.

  This is truly an awful thing to do when one considers the probability that we really have no business trying to control our partners; when the fact is that many of us struggle on a regular basis just to control ourselves.

  According to the D.V.O.M.B. Core Competencies: People in Domestic Violence Treatment should be able to “identify and progressively reduce their pattern of power and control behaviors, beliefs and attitudes of entitlement."  

  So this begs the question: Can one use some power and control in a relationship; without being abusive?  Probably yes.  But it would have to be benign or harmless power and control over myself and over the relationship; but never over my partner.    

  Nonetheless, it seems that it is probably always going to be better if I reserve my power and control behaviors, beliefs and attitudes for myself; and not use them to try and manage the life of my partner.  So when I do things that are coming out of my patterns for power and control, I need to be sure that my partner knows it is not about her or him.

So What about Violence?

  What if my outburst crosses the line?  What if my behavior is somehow violent -- intended or not intended?

  People in DV Treatment "should be able to recognize that violence was made possible by a larger context of behaviors and attitudes (Pence & Paymar, 1993).  In other words, some men get violent with partners because they think they are supposed to or that it is their Right.  Whereas some women get violent with their partners because they expect that its okay and they think they will get away with it.

  Nonetheless; we should be able to identify the specific forms of day-to-day power, violence, abuse and control, such as isolation that have been utilized, as well as the underlying outlook and excuses that drove those behaviors (Tolman & Edleson, 1992).  

  And also, we should be able to demonstrate behaviors, attitudes and beliefs congruent with non-violence, equality and respect in personal relationships.

Autobiography of Violence:

  Hence, we begin to explore our Personal Patterns of Power and Control-type Behaviors; as well as our Histories of Abuse (both Abuse that we have done; as well as Abuse that was done to us; or abuse that was done around us -- that we might have witnessed).  When we delve into our Violence Autobiographies.  Several questions tend to come up:  

1. What is violence?   Violence is Behavior involving Physical, Emotional, Psychological, Social (Digital), Sexual and/or Economic force that is intended to hurt, damage, or kill someone, kill something, or to destroy something.  (Notice that the act of Violence does not have to include Physical Harm.  It can be Emotional harm, Social harm or even Economic harm.)
2. What forms of violence do families experience?  Physical, Emotional, Psychological, Sexual, Social and Economic, as well as possibly violence against pets and destruction of things.
3. What forms of violence do couples experience?  Physical, Emotional, Psychological, Sexual, Social and Economic, as well as possibly violence against pets and destruction of things.

How do we learn to be violent?  “Speaking on behalf of The Ring The Bell Campaign — a movement that calls on men and boys around the world to take a stand and make a promise to act to end violence against women — Sir Patrick Stewart (formerly of Star Trek, "Next Generation"), a consistent and powerful activist for equality, spoke eloquently about what violence against women looks like, and what it means for our world.  Stewart has talked before about growing up in a violent home, and this is equally moving."  

  Stewart said, “The truth is that domestic violence and violence against women touch many of us. This violence is not a private matter.  Behind closed doors it is shielded and hidden and it only intensifies. It is protected by silence – everyone's silence.  Violence against women is learned.  Each of us must examine - and change - the ways in which our own behavior might contribute to, enable, ignore or excuse all such forms of violence.  I promise to do so, and to invite other men and allies to do the same.”  (Source).  

  The above could also be applied to different types of violence as carried out against other people such as Children and Men as well; with the exception that for centuries, violence against women and children has been an accepted (if not expected) behavior among many men in many different cultures.  

Violence As A Learned Behavior: 

  “Violence Is A Learned Behavior", says some Researchers.  The strong association between exposure to violence and the use of violence by young adolescents illustrates that violence is a learned behavior, according to a study, published by researchers at Wake Forest University Baptist Medical Center and included in the November (2000) issue of the Journal of Pediatrics (Source).

Stress versus Non-Stress:  “Domestic violence affects every member of the family, including the children. Family violence creates a home environment where children (sometimes) live in constant fear.  Children who witness family violence are affected in ways similar to children who are physically abused.  They are often unable to establish nurturing bonds with either parent.  Children are at greater risk for abuse and neglect if they live in a violent home.  And Statistics show that over 3 million children witness violence in their home each year. Those who see and hear violence in the home suffer physically and emotionally.  

For Example: 

• "Families under stress produce children under stress.  If a spouse is being abused and there are children in the home, the children are affected by the abuse." (Ackerman and Pickering, 1989) cited in (ACADV, 2012) (Source).  

• Sixty three percent of all boys, age 11-20, who commit murder kill the man who was abusing their mother (From Makers of Memories (Blog, 2011)).  

• “Seeing and Experiencing Violence Makes Aggression (seem) 'Normal' for Children (Mar. 31, 2011) — The more children are exposed to violence, the more they think it's normal, according to a new study.”

Why do we do violence?  We humans tend to do violence because we have made a choice to do so.  It might have been a choice made in haste -- without thinking it through.  And it may have been influenced by Fear, Insecurity, Anger, Frustration; or Because we think it will get us what we want - or we think it's the only way out.  And we also do violence when it is perceived as the only alternative (Self-Defense and/or Desperation).  Some do violence simply to do it for the thrill.  Some even do violence without realizing how it hurts others until it is too late.  Others do things carelessly when angry or upset that become Violence when what they have done actually causes some sort of harm to others.

• "Children learn violent behaviors in primary social groups, such as the family and peer groups, as well as observe it in their neighborhoods and in the community at large," DuRant added. 

• "These behaviors are reinforced by what children and adolescents see on television, on the internet and in video games and movies, observe in music videos and hear in their music.”  

• "When children are disciplined with severe corporal (or physically abusive) punishment or verbal abuse or psychological abuse or when they are physically or sexually abused, it is not surprising that they behave aggressively or violently toward others" (Source) 

  “In this study, DuRant found that several variables may increase the likelihood that a student would participate in a violent act.  In addition to exposure to violence (which had the highest correlation with the use of violence scale), they include: multiple substance usage, interest in a gang, cigarette smoking, male gender and symptoms of depression.”  (Source). 

  So it seems likely that in many cases, Violence is learned and our propensity to choose to do Violence is sometimes impacted by our previous exposure to Violence; or our anger, our stress, our faulty thinking and other possible factors.  This brings up important questions that we should each explore.  

For example -- Think about it:

• What are my Attitudes about DV?

• What have been my Behaviors related to DV?

• What Specific Forms of abuse and control (such as isolation) have been used by me? 

• How were the rationale for these forms of abuse and control formulated?

• Why were these forms of abuse and control used? 

• What beliefs congruent with equality and respect in personal relationships am I now embracing? 

• What attitudes congruent with equality and respect in personal relationships am I now demonstrating?

• What behaviors congruent with equality and respect in personal relationships am I now using? 

• And most important of all: What are some ways we could use to disrupt our patterns of violence?

  Above all, it is important to accept the probability that typically, if we are learning how to be violent or when to use violence and how to use violence; or if we are just exposed to violence; then it is highly probable that at those times, during those precious moments, we are NOT learning how to settle things without violence.

*** Please CLICK HERE to Complete

your PATTERN of POWER & CONTROL WORKSHEET ***

(Originally Posted, 10/5/2020).

Other Sources:

Beverly, 2013 

Applies to Core Competencies I.1.2. & 3. and E.1. & 2.

 (c. 2020, William T. Beverly, Ph.D., LCSW, All information on the Blog (Except where otherwise noted); are the intellectual and/or photographic and/or digital property of Dr. William T. Beverly, L.C.S.W., DVOMB Approved Offender Treatment Provider.).

Dr. Beverly's Domestic Violence Treatment Orientation (Initial Introductory Intake Phase): What Everyone Needs to Know BEFORE Starting DV Treatment

Before you try to Enroll in Dr. Beverly's Domestic Violence Treatment Program; Please Read EVERY WORD Below for Intake and Evaluation Instructions about the necessary Steps and Processes; and also read below about Important Forms to Complete, DV Group Schedules, Fees, and Payment Methods.

  A Word about Texting or Emailing:   

  Given Doctor Beverly's schedule; it is almost ALWAYS better to TEXT or EMAIL him rather than calling him.  And Text is better than Email.  If you are able to TEXT or Email Doctor Beverly, then please always do that rather than calling.  The one exception to this is that if it is time for your appointment and you are scheduled to meet with Doctor Beverly at this time, please call him if he does not call you.

  If you need information about Session Locations, please send Doctor Beverly an email using the Contact Form on the sidebar to your Right.

  Please keep reading this document all the way to the bottom -- until you fully understand it; before doing anything else.  If you read this and you still have questions, please TEXT Doctor Beverly.

 (Important: If you are using a Phone to view this page, you may need to scroll all the way down to the bottom of your screen and press "View Web Version".  Then you will be able to view the Contact Form as well as the Paypal / Debit / Credit Payment Form.)  Otherwise, please text Doctor B at 719-671-7793.

  BUT Please DO NOT go to any of Doctor Beverly's Physical Locations until you have read the rest of this Post, you understand it fully and you have followed all of the Directions below.  If you have any questions about the meaning of anything here; please TEXT Doctor Beverly and ask. Do not CALL unless you are incapable of sending a Text or a Message via the Message Form to the Right.

Before Starting Your Domestic Violence Offender Treatment: 

  YOU, and Everyone else must first complete the Intake / Evaluation Process as described below:  

  The DV Intake/ Evaluation is a 8-step process.  In order to complete your DV Intake/ Eval., you must do all of the following: 

• Step 1. Complete the Group or Individual DV Treatment Consent Form (Click Here to complete the Initial DV Treatment Consent form).

• Step 2. Decide which of the Scheduled Group Sessions is best for you in Your Area (See List of Scheduled Groups Here).  TREATMENT SETTINGS: Please NOTE: (All of Dr. B's DV Treatment Sessions are In-Person at this point in time except for those persons who due to serious Disability or other debilitating circumstances that make it literally impossible for this person to attend In-Person.  In order to conduct any sessions remotely (as of October 1, 2022) both Dr. B and the Client must have special equipment and software.  If any remote sessions are scheduled, this must be by Special Prior Arrangement with Dr. B and they will be billed at the higher Individual Session Rate.)  

• Step 3. Notify Doctor Beverly of your intent to enroll in DV Treatment (by texting Doctor Beverly at 719-671-7793 (preferred) or email him at nepeht@gmail.com.  Or your can use the Email Contact Form on the sidebar here (down this page and to the Right).  
• Be sure to TEXT or EMAIL him an idea of which Days and Times you might be available for an appointment over the next 3 weeks.
• Once you have completed your DV Evaluation; be sure to send Dr. Beverly a TEXT or EMAIL indicating in your message to Doctor Beverly, which Group (date & time) you plan to show up to every week.  But you must complete your Evaluation first.

• Step 4. Be Prepared to Begin Your Evaluation Process.  

•  -- Go to this session prepared to start your DV Evaluation process.  In order to begin this process, you must be on time.  

•  -- Come alone.  Be on time.  Bring your ID, and Insurance Cards if applicable.  (Note: Insurances rarely (if ever) pay for DV Treament.)  Please Click Here for a Schedule of Domestic Violence In-Person Treatment Sessions in Alamosa, Monte Vista, Trinidad and Walsenburg.
  

•  -- FEES: Bring $100 (cash, debit card, Probation voucher) to pay for both the Intake & Evaluation Appointments.  (Please Note that following your Evaluation Sessions, each Group Session after this is $35 and Individual Session Fees are $65.)  All Fees are due at the time of Service.  Before going any further, READ This IMPORTANT NOTICE about the PAY-As-You-Go Rules and complete the worksheet at the bottom.  Then Please CLICK HERE to Complete the Making Payments and Settling Balances Agreement. 

ONLY AFTER COMPLETING The Steps Above may you continue to Step 5.

• Step 5. You will complete your Evaluation Intake Paperwork at this time -- so be prepared to read and to write (bring a pen with black or dark blue ink.  And bring your reading glasses if you need them.)

• Step 6.  Your Interview Appointments will be scheduled following this session and the completion of your paperwork / Intake Packet.  You must complete your Intake Packet and Computer Testing, your Evaluation, and Initial Treatment Planning Session in order to being your DV Treatment.   (QUESTION: Are you able to pick up your Intake Packet at one of Doctor B's Offices (Alamosa, Monte Vista, Trinidad or Walsenburg)?  If so, please text Doctor B and ask him when might be a good time for you to pick this packet up.  

• Step 7.  Based on your Information, Doctor Beverly and the Multidisciplinary Treatment Team (MTT) will determine your Treatment Level.  They will also decide which type of Treatment is best for you at this time (Group or Individual).  Further -- depending on your Treatment Level -- you may be assigned to also participate in a 2nd Clinical Contact Treatment that could include Mental Health Treatment (Therapy), Psychosocial Wellbeing Enhancement Treatment, Substance Abuse Treatment, or MRT.

• Step 8.  You begin your DV Treatment.    

There are numerous rules related to DV Treatment.  Getting Started in DV Treatment requires that you know about these Rules Below as well as others: 

-- Please keep in mind the following regarding DV Treatment in Colorado:

• 1. All fees are due at the time services are rendered.  Fees are easy to pay every week by using the PayPal / Debit / Credit Buttons on the Upper-Right Corner of this Page.

• 2. Group Treatment Sessions generally last 1 hour and 15 minutes to 1 hour and 30 minutes.

• 3. Active Participation in every Session is required of all participants.

• 4. All Participants should conduct themselves with utmost Respect for everyone at all times.  This included Respect for all Facilities.

• 5. There is no set number of Sessions that a person has to complete in order to be Successfully Discharged from DV Treatment.  The average Client with less than 3 absences completes DV Treatment within 6-to-9 months.

• 6. Successful Discharge from DV Treatment depends on Treatment Attendance and Progress as determined by Doctor B and the MTT.  

• 7. During Treatment, ALL Worksheets, Forms and other Assignments must be completed BOTH during Treatment Sessions and at home (when necessary).  All Homework Assignments must be completed on time as well.

• 8. All Participants in DV Treatment are required to maintain a sense of Sobriety.  This means that if a participant has either 1-to-3 Hot UA's (or other substance tests), misses 1-to-3 substance tests (or call-ins), or provides 1-to-3 diluted substance tests, this Participant may be Discharged as Unsuccessful from DV Treatment, or at the very least, put on Leave until Sobriety is again demonstrated.

• 9. If you are assigned a 2nd Clinical Contact, you must consistently attend that Treatment as well, until you are successfully Discharged.  Anyone with more than 2 absences (for any reason) during their course of Treatment may be Discharged as Unsuccessful and will be required to start over again.

• 10. In order to successfully complete DV Treatment, all Fees must be paid in full.  Additionally, in order to be transferred to another Provider; or in order to be Re-admitted to DV Treatment with this Provider, all Fees must be paid in full.  

• 11. In order to Graduate from DV Treatment, consistent attendance and significant progress in terms of Accountability, Empathy is required in order to successfully complete DV Treatment.

• 12. No Call / No Show Fees: The Evaluation Interview fee is included in the $100 Intake/Evaluation fee; however, if a client schedules an Interview session and misses the session without giving Doctor Beverly 24-hr prior notice, the $10 No-Call / No-Show Fee (NC/NS fee) for the missed session must be paid in full prior to continuing.  Following your Evaluation, you will start attending DV Group Treatment Sessions.  

Dr. B's New Schedule of Group Sessions IS CHANGING again. Check it out!

PLEASE NOTE:  This Is the New DV Treatment Group Schedule.  In the future, it may change.  Be Sure To Read This Entire Post and Form Here, Click on all of the Links (below), Complete of the Linked Forms that these Links lead to, and Follow the Instructions Below throughout your DV Treatment. Thank you!

(This NEW Schedule of Groups Begins November 9th, 2022.)

 Please read these Top Ten Essentials:

1. TREATMENT SETTINGS: Please NOTE: (All of Dr. B's DV Treatment Sessions are In-Person at this point in time except for those persons who due to serious Disability or other debilitating circumstances that make it literally impossible for this person to attend In-Person.  In order to conduct any sessions remotely (as of October 1, 2022) both Dr. B and the Client must have special equipment and software.  If any remote sessions are scheduled, this must be by Special Prior Arrangement with Dr. B and they will be billed at the higher Individual Session Rate.)  

2. JUMPING GROUPS: If you are planning to start attending a Group that you have never attended, or if you are planning to attend a Group that you normally do not attend, please try to let Dr. B know about this at least 24 hours in advance of that Group Session.  And please do so via Text message.  

3. IN-PERSON GROUP DISCLOSURE: It is important that if attending an In-person Group that you complete this In-Person Group Session Attendance Disclosure & Consent Form prior to attending).

4. GROUP LOCATIONS: If you plan to attend one of these Groups and you do not know where they are, please TEXT Dr. B. and he will send you the address.

5. COMPLETING WORKSHEETS: Please note that regardless of how a person attends any DV Session, she/he is responsible for completing the Worksheet(s) for that DV Session online on that day.  The link for Worksheets is typically at or near the bottom of the Blog Entry for that week.  So every time you attend a Group, you will be expected to complete the weekly DV Topic Worksheet (typically done online) that will be Linked to the Weekly Topic on the Blog which can be found at this Link here: Dr Bs DV Prevention & Education Blog or  at https://drbsdvpreventionandeducation.blogspot.com/   It is your responsibility to get these done every week.  If you have a challenge that makes it impossible for you to complete your work this way; or if you need help learning how to do this, it is your responsibility to get help from someone you know with this task, or to TEXT Dr. B and get help with this task.  It is important that you understand that if these worksheets are not completed, you cannot complete your DV Treatment. 

6. SESSION FEEDBACK FORMS: Each Time you Attend a DV Treatment Session, you will also be required to complete a Session Feedback Form (typically done online) that can be found on the Blog anywhere you find an American Flag on this Blog, or AT THIS LINK RIGHT HERE.  Or just go the Link listed below: https://drbsdvpreventionandeducation.blogspot.com/2020/04/thank-you-for-visiting-dr-bs-dv.html  Sometimes -- but rarely --  Worksheets and Feedback forms can be completed on paper if provided by Dr. Beverly.  Either way, it is your responsibility to see that your weekly Worksheets and Feedback Forms are completed before you finish your DV Treatment. It is your responsibility to get these done every week.  If these are not completed, you cannot complete your DV Treatment.

7. PAYING FOR YOUR TREATMENT SESSIONS: Please also note that regardless of how a person attends any DV Session, she/he is also responsible for paying the fee for the Group Session online or in-person at the time of the Session.  Every client is required to pay for their DV Treatment Services every week as they attend.  Please CLICK THIS LINK RIGHT HERE to learn about how to pay for your DV Treatment, or just go to this Link listed here. https://drbsdvpreventionandeducation.blogspot.com/2022/01/very-important-notice-about-paying-for.html   If these payments are not made in full, you cannot complete your DV Treatment.

8. ABSENCES: Also, if you miss a week of DV Treatment, you are required to complete an Absence Attestation form which is AT THIS LINK RIGHT HERE, or may also be located by using this Link listed here: https://drbsdvpreventionandeducation.blogspot.com/2020/05/absence-attestation-complete-your.html  If these attestations are not completed, you cannot complete your DV Treatment.  Also Please Note: Once you start attending one of these Groups, it is best if you stick with the same Group throughout your Treatment.  It is also best to NOT miss more than 2 Sessions throughout the course of your treatment.  Anyone with 3 or more absences may be subject to involuntary discharge.

9. YOUR RESPONSIBILITY: You should know about, understand and do every task as described above every week.  This is your responsibility.  If you get behind, it is your responsibility to keep up with where you are.  And it is your responsibility to catch up right away..

10. ALWAYS BE RESPECTFUL: Please keep in mind that this DV Treatment is being provided by skilled professionals with the intent of helping you improve your life, improve your relationships, and complete your Court, Probation, Diversion or Parole requirements.  Please always be respectful to Staff, Fellow Clients, and the Facility.  And please remember that confidentiality about who you see here and what they say here while in Group Sessions is an essential part of showing Respect.  Thank you.

Misc FORM LINKS: Please complete the following forms BEFORE attending any more DV Sessions:  The Top 10 Treatment Essentials Agreement. Group Treatment Consent Form and the Making Payments and Settling Balances Agreement.  <<< DV Session Feedback Form >>>.  All Clients are Required to complete these forms found at these link on this page. As a Reminder: Be prepared to pay for your Treatment when you arrive at the Location (Card or Cash).  If you have any other questions about Paying for Your Treatment Sessions, please CLICK HERE.  Also, please find these links and more at the bottom of this page and at various other places on this BLOG.

Thank you.

NEW Schedule of Dr. B's DV Groups (as of November 9th, 2022):

Mondays:

-- WOMEN's Walsenburg Mon. Afternoon DV Group (In-Person)  [Mondays at 10 a.m. to 11:30 a.m.]

-- MEN's Trinidad Mon. Afternoon DV Group (In-Person)  [Mondays at 1 to 2:30 p.m.]

-- WOMEN's Trinidad Mon. Evening DV Group (In-Person)  [Mondays at 6 to 7:30 p.m.]

Tuesdays:

-- WOMEN's Monte Vista Tues. Afternoon DV Group (In-Person Only)  [Tuesdays at 2 to 3:30 p.m.]

-- MEN's Monte Vista Tues. Early Evening DV Group (In-Person). [Tuesdays at 4 to 5:30 p.m.]

-- MEN's Alamosa Tues. Evening DV Group (In-Person). 

[Tuesdays at 7 to 8:30 p.m.]

Wednesdays: 

-- MEN's Alamosa Weds. Morning DV Group (In Person.) [Wednesdays at 9 am to 10:30 a.m.)]

-- WOMEN's Alamosa Weds. Afternoon DV      

Group (In Person). [Wednesdays 1 to 2:30 p.m.] 

-- MEN's Alamosa Weds. Evening DV Group (In Person).  

[Wednesdays 6 p.m.. to 7:30 p.m.]    

Thursdays:

-- MEN's Walsenburg Thurs. Evening DV Group (In-Person).  [Thurs 7 p.m. to 8:30 p.m.]

Fridays:

-- MEN's Trinidad Fri. Evening DV Group (In-Person).  [Fri. from 7:00 p.m. to 8:30 p.m.]

Feel free to Text Dr. B. if you have any questions after completing each of the forms below:

CLICK HERE TO COMPLETE The Top 10 Treatment Essentials Agreement

  *** Please click on this Link Here in order to Review

and Complete the NEW Group Consent Form. *** 

>>> And ALSO, Please Click Here to Complete the 

Paying for DV Treatment and Paying Balances Form. <<<

<<< DV Session Feedback Form >>>

(Post Revised 11/09/2022; Originally Published Tuesday, September 14, 2021)