Another consideration is that Managing Conflict Effectively, can lead to Prevention of Domestic Violence ... which can in turn help prevent trauma and arrests. The first thing to manage is myself.
What might be some Skills and Tactics?
Some really simple Conflict Management tactics might include: Practicing Self-Control, Having Patience, Regulating your own Emotions, Stopping yourself and thinking before you speak or act, Practicing Mindfulness, Doing some Self-Talk, Nicely Walking Away, Running Away if necessary, Looking for something Positive, Respect each other's Boundaries when in conflict, Pulling out your old Emergency DV Toolkit, Using your resources, and/or Having a fair witness present so things don't get out of hand.
What can a Conflict Gone Wrong Lead To?
Jail, Fighting, Separation and Divorce, Alienation, Hurting your Kids, Getting Hurt, Legal Issues, Traumatizing your pets or others, Destruction of Valuable Property, Eviction, and lots of other costs and liabilities.
What are Some Risk Factors that can Influence Conflict?
Someone's Emotions are a little out of control.
Certain Substances -- Alcohol, Meth, Pills, Marijuana
Jealousy, When People don't really listen.
Certain Mental Disorders, Paranoia, Hypervigilance, Anger Problems.
Selective Hearing / NOT Listening, Sudden Negative or Positive Surprises, Invading Someone's Space, Intimidation, Arguments that are OUT OF CONTROL or Playing Power and Control Games and Trust Issues, past trauma,
Anatomy of Conflict and Conflict Management
“Conflict is the disagreement or difference of opinions
between or among individuals that can be potentially harmful to any (person or) organization. In the workplace setting, it often involves personal agendas,
insights, or goals versus the agendas, insights, or goals of the group or team. Conflict management seeks to resolve the disagreement or conflict with positive
outcomes that satisfy all individuals involved or is beneficial to the group.
However, the perception of conflict is often negative" (Source).
Whereas: Conflict Management is: A plan or course of action that is planned ahead of time -- and determined to lead into a positive direction (away from the Conflict).
"Conflict can, in fact, be positive if it is managed
properly. Conflict can promote team-building skills, critical thinking, new
ideas, and alternative resolutions. Conflict management is a crucial competency
that leaders must possess, for the success of the team, group, unit, or
employees they lead.[1][2][3][4]” (Source). And this goes for family too. Families can benefit from effective conflict management.
What Might Be Some Possible Parts of Conflict Management
Understanding your Triggers and the Triggers of others --
Understanding Anger Types / Situational Anger vs. Deeply Held Anger,
Understanding Argument Styles,
Understanding Conflict Management,
Understanding Conflict Styles,
Understanding Violence Prevention,
Understanding Crisis management,
Understanding Solution Manifestation,
Understanding Debriefing. and finally,
Understanding Forgiveness.
For example: A lot of Conflict in Relationships simply boils down to a Disagreement and an Inability to Argue in a Healthy Way;
“What Kind of an Arguer are you in a Relationship?
There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship in which
neither party picks a fight, ever. If that is the case, chances are both
parties are avoiding the hard stuff, or not getting deep and vulnerable with
one another to express how they really feel about a situation, a moment, or
something that was said. We can tell a lot about ourselves and our romantic
partners by the way we respond to inevitable conflict, so it’s a good idea to
detect what your argument style is, and consider your partner’s, too.
First of all, we don’t mean to point a finger at anyone for
any particular argument style. These tactical responses are typically formed in
childhood, either through how our parents treated us or how we witnessed them
treat each other. However, being aware of your argument style can help you
choose and evolve better tactics for dealing with conflict in the future. Here
are the main styles to consider.
Avoidant
If you tend to shut down, become quiet, or withdraw
completely, you’re an Avoidant Arguer. The conflict itself makes you feel
uneasy, so instead of working on solutions, you choose to exit the situation as
much as possible. It’s OK to need space after someone has brought something
less than glowing about you or their experience of you to light, but pulling
away completely can make them feel like you don’t care. Try calmly (and
lovingly, if you can muster it) asking them for some time to think before responding,
so that you can withdraw in the heat of the moment and provide solutions for
them later.
Defender
If you feel constantly criticized every time your partner
has an issue, you might be a Defender. You may feel like things are only OK
when they are going perfectly smooth, and anytime someone has an issue, it
makes you feel rejected, wrong about everything, stupid, or like a failure.
It’s a default mode that only succeeds in making the other person feel unheard,
unseen, and like their feelings are invalidated. Instead of making the moment
about you and how you’re being made to feel like a failure, consider the hurt
they are expressing to you and how you can see it from their side, explain how
you don’t mean it to come off that way, and find a solution together.
Attacker
You come in hot. You don’t passively beat around the bush,
which is great at saving time and the headache of a guessing game, but it can
also feel like a lot all at once, and immediately set your partner on the
defensive. It often involves blatant blaming, a lot of “you” statements, and
superlatives that don’t give much space for the other party; think words like
“you always…” or “you never…” These phrases can feel really definitive and
hopeless, while only relaying anger instead of the hurt you’re feeling. It’s an
ineffective way to receive comfort or understanding from the party being
attacked.
Persistent
If you’re the one who can’t drop a subject, won’t give it a
necessary pause, or continues to bring it up at the most inopportune moments,
you may be a Persistent Arguer. When your partner or loved one needs some
space, you call them repeatedly, drown them in text messages, or show up at
their doorstep. You get anxious about leaving anything open for thought and
have trouble leaving things on the table for a while to think. This ultimately
makes the other person feel suffocated and attacked, and oftentimes uncared for
as it may ignore their need for space. Take a moment to pause and do a calming
activity that takes your mind off of the conflict so that you don’t become
consumed by anxiety while the other person gets the space they need.
Accommodator
If you’re someone who prefers to take the fall for something
so that the argument can be over quicker, you are likely an Accommodator.
You’re happy to agree with everything the other person says so that you can
apologize and conclude the conflict. The issue here is that you may not be
taking the time to really understand the issues, and are just shutting things
down with feigned understanding. It may also give the other person too much
power, believing that they are always right in every argument, and finding more
reasons to be upset, enabling a cycle and unhealthy power dynamic. It’s great
if you like to apologize and own your struggles, but take time to fully hear
things, and don’t be afraid to share your perspective.” (Source.)
Argument Types: 8
Types of Arguments and their purpose (Source.)
“Types of arguments: The following are the primary types of arguments used in
daily life:
1. Causal argument
A causal argument is a type of argument used to persuade
someone or a group of people that one thing has caused something else. This
type of argument focuses on how something occurred and how a problem arose as a
result of that occurrence.
This argument type is important because it helps people
determine the reasons why certain things happen and to make clear the cause to
ensure it doesn't happen again. For example, arguing why climate change is
occurring allows individuals to explore potential causes and come to an
agreement on those causes.
Related: The Parts of an Argument (With Definition and
Examples)
2. Rebuttal argument
A rebuttal argument is centered on refuting an idea or
belief that has been present up until this point in time. This type of argument
often involves including why a particular idea or belief is flawed and how you
feel it can be fixed or changed. Most rebuttal arguments include a statement of
the counterargument, a statement regarding your position and how it's different
from the counterargument and evidence to support your position.
Related: How To Craft Your Own Unfair Performance Review
Rebuttal
3. Proposal argument
A proposal argument is one in which a person proposes a
particular solution to a specific issue. This argument should include the
establishment of a problem, the details of the proposal and reasons why the
proposal is a good idea. For example, an employee may make a proposal argument
that proposes a new way to increase customer retention rates.
Related: 26 Logical Fallacies and How To Spot Them
4. Evaluation argument
An evaluation argument is an argument that is used to
evaluate whether a particular element is "good" or "bad."
For this argument to work, those participating in the argument must first come
to an agreement as to the criteria of "good" and "bad." For
example, you may make a list of the most widely recognized standards or
protocols for judging a particular issue.
5. Narrative argument
A narrative argument is an argument in which an individual
states their case by telling a story that illustrates a point directly related
to the argument. Unlike other arguments which rely solely on figures and facts,
narrative arguments allow individuals to use a narrative to express their
stance on a particular issue. For example, an employee may describe their
experience with another company's customer service representatives to make a
stance on a change the employee wants to make in their own company's customer
service approach.
6. Toulmin argument
The Toulmin argument was developed by Stephen E. Toulmin and
is an argument that is composed of six different parts: claim, grounds,
warrant, qualifier, rebuttal and backing. In this argument, the claim is what
the arguer wishes to prove; the grounds of the argument are the facts and
evidence that support the claim; the warrant is what links the grounds to the
claim; the backing is additional warrant support; the qualifier is used to show
that the claim does not always apply to all situations and the rebuttal is
acknowledging that there are other valid viewpoints for the claim.
7. Rogerian argument
A Rogerian argument is an argument used to determine the
best possible solution to a particular issue based on the interests and needs
of all parties involved. This type of argument is used to help those with
opposing viewpoints reach a common ground by allowing them to look at a
situation from a different perspective. In a Rogerian argument, both parties
acknowledge the opposition and build trust by identifying each others' merit.
Related: What's the Importance of Critical Thinking in the
Workplace?
8. Classical Western argument
A classical Western argument is used to persuade a group of
people of the validity of an argument and/or reveal the truths that define or
affect the argument. This is a basic type of persuasive argument and typically
includes five different components: an introduction, narration, confirmation,
refutation, and a conclusion.
Classical arguments are often used when an individual or
group wants to be more aggressive or direct, or when someone wants to establish
power with another individual or group. Many people who use the classical
argument wrap up their conclusion by incorporating appeals to the audience's
motivations, values and feelings to help them identify with the argument.” (Source)
So, How do we settle Our Conflicts?
When is a Conflict Settled?
Is it once one party WINS?
or
Is it when we just agree to Disagree?
or
Is it when one party just gives up and walks away?
or
Is it once both parties are Satisfied?
Revisiting Various Possible Parts of Conflict Management
Understanding Triggers --
Understanding Anger Types / Situational Anger vs. Deeply Held Anger,
Understanding Argument Styles and Techniques,
Understanding how I would define -- Conflict Management,
Understanding My Conflict Styles,
Understanding Violence Prevention,
Understanding Crisis management,
Understanding Solution Manifestation,
Understanding Debriefing, and finally,
Understanding Forgiveness.
