Happy New Year!

 

Try Gratitude For Prevention of Domestic Violence

Think about it:

  It is probably impossible for a partner to be BOTH Violent and Grateful at the same time.

Agreed?  

  A wise Teacher drawing inspiration from the story of Joseph in the Old Testament once said: 

"While Gratitude is the Mother of 

Goodness and happiness;

InGratitude is the Mother of 

Meanness and Misery"   (Dennis Prager).

  Therefore, it stands to reason that If I am UnGrateful, my heart, mind, thoughts, attitudes and behaviors are quite possibly going to be filled with Meanness and Misery;

  Whereas, If I am Grateful, it is quite possible that my heart, mind, thoughts, attitudes and behaviors are going to be filled with Goodness and happiness.

  Hence, which person is More likely to be abusive?  

The one filled with Meanness and Misery;

 or the one filled with Goodness and happiness? 

 The one filled with Meanness and Misery. 

 Right?

  And finally  which person is More likely to be a healthier, patient, loving, responsible and non-abusive partner?  

The one filled with Meanness and Misery; 

 or the one filled with Goodness and happiness?

 The one filled with Goodness and happiness. 

 Right!

  Therefore, it seems logical to assume that a partner with a heart filled with Gratitude,  Goodness and happiness is going to be a much healthier and less abusive partner than a partner with a heart filled with Ingratitude, Meanness and Misery.

  So then I ask myself: What would it look like -- or better still, What would I be like if my Heart was filled with Gratitude, Goodness and Happiness?

  I think I will try to be More Grateful and I will see...

Critically Creative: What's Actually Going On?

What do you really see here?

Many of us have a hard time separating what we actually see in a given situation; from What we want to see.

We are Creative Beings by Nature. That's what makes us exciting to one another.

But are we always able to Think Critically when we truly need to?

So think about it -- have you ever been convinced that you saw something in a relationship that turned out NOT to be there?

For example, have you ever thought she or he was cheating on you; only to later find that they were very loyal....  Or even the other way around.

What is it that often keeps the smartest among us from seeing what really is?

Could it be that the problem is that we spend way too much time thinking we are looking at what we want it to be instead?

We fool ourselves.

Then worst of all; we end up blaming the other person for our own rose-colited glasses.

Then We fool ourselves again.

Serenity as a Powerful Tool forPrevention of Domestic Violence

  Perhaps one of the most Effective and.  Efficient Tools for Prevention of Domestic Violence is being able to readily figure out the difference between things about my partner that I can change and/or control; and things about my partner that I cannot change and/or control.

 This proposition applies not only to ourselves, relationships, and other people; but also to the World around us.

  For example, take a look at this photograph above; and tell me what parts of the photo that one could change; and one things in the photo one probably could not change.

Positive Psychology and Prevention of Domestic Violence: Knowing our Social, Emotional, Behavioral and Personality Strengths That Might Help Us Have Healthier Relationships

  Like an old Actor or Actress, you picture yourself after a make-believe Domestic Violence Situation; where you were the one who got arrested.  And then, all that comes with it starts raining down like a mountain of rocks....  But This is a Real-Life situation. -- I mean...   A    S I T U A T I O N !!!  It is Shocking !!! ...  Who knows what really happened; but we know that somehow, what was a beautiful turn of events that had been the wonderful relationship that you once had with your partner; has now evolved (or even devolved) into a Serious MESS !!!

  What are you gonna do now?  -- 

Like Right Now -- What would you do???

  

  Picture Your Self Now -- moving forward: You are at a Railroad Crossing ready to go; but which way are you gonna choose this time?  

  Obviously, you only have two safe choices: Your best choice would either be to turn around and go back from whence you came; or you could try to just stop right here for a moment and start thinking about what happened that got you into this mess in the first place.

  Like anyone else, you're getting tired of waiting for trains to go by.  But you can't move forward safely right now.  So you have to sit there and think...  right... just think..

  This would be an excellent time to choose the right move -- no doubt.  Nobody wants to make the wrong move -- twice?  

  And only you can say which is right and which is wrong for you right now.

  So how do we know which of the two to choose?  Perhaps some thinking is in order...?

Think about this: How Did I Get Into This Mess In The First Place?

  Regardless of our feelings of innocence or guilt about our DV Offenses; we can admit that there were some things about Our Social Interactions, or Our Emotions, or Our Behaviors, or Our Personalities, or even Our Strengths that somehow contributed to our DV Offense.  

  Surely, we all know that some combination of all these qualities is there with us every day -- 24/7 -- for better or for worse.

  So for a moment, let's imagine that our Strengths as a: “family of positive characteristics … each of which exists in degrees” (Park & Peterson, 2009, p. 3) are laying out before us... just waiting for us to pick them up and put them on and then use them to the best of our ability.  Our Strengths. 

  And so we probably should remember that it's a no-brainer that some combination of Our Social Interactions, Emotions, Behaviors, Personalities and even Our Strengths helped shape our Perceptions, Feelings, Thinking, and Our Behaviors that in some form or another combined with the rest of the elements on that day to make Our DV Offenses possible. 

  So perhaps we didn't intend for things to turn out that way.  But regardless of our intent; we each ended up with a DV-Related Charge and all the unfortunate and even painful baggage that comes with it.  

  But there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

  Today's Lesson is about getting to know ourselves better so as to Prevent DV from ever happening again in our lives.  And we will be doing this from a Strengths Perspective.  “The Strengths Perspective is an approach to social work that puts the strengths and resources of people, communities, and their environments, -- rather than their problems and pathologies, -- at the center of the helping process” (Source.).  Now that could be good, right?

So What Gives???  How Does All This Come Together?

  Theoretically, we are each informed by Our Previous Behaviors, Our Memories, Our Wants and Our Needs, Our Perceptions, Our Feelings, Our Thinking, the Reactions of Others, as well as our assessments of our most Recent Behaviors.  It is also important to admit that unfortunately, some of our Strengths also overpower us at times in the wrong way sometimes...  even to a point where we make choices that are not good for us, or for anyone else.  So this is about honing our Strengths and learning how to use them for "The GOOD".

  Hence, it might be smart to start building on our Strengths so that we can prevent this in the future.  But first, we need to figure out exactly what our Strengths are.  We also need to really focus today on our Relationship-Building Strengths.  And then we can Learn how to Use Them to Make Our Relationships Better.

  Below is a list of possible Relationship-Building Strengths that could probably help most people to have much more enjoyable Relationships.  

  What does it mean to be someone who displays and/or Exemplifies one of the Relationship-Building Strengths as listed below.  Well think about it for a minute.  It could mean that we are more successful at building healthier relationships in the future.  Would that be a good thing for you?  Probably...

  So what are these theoretically-proposed Relationship-Building Strengths???  -- 

  And which ones speak to you the loudest?

• Altruistic (Giving without expecting something in return):  Or do I keep score in a Relationship?  Am I able to give without expecting something in return?  How might this help a relationship?
• 
  
• Brilliance: How might a combination of being creative, smart, witty, and energetic help my relationships?  Can I be this way?  Can I begin to recognize and develop my own Brilliance?
• 
  
• Caring: Am I consistently caring about my partner and showing compassion for this person and for our Relationship --  and caring about myself too?
• 
  
• Committed and Reliable: How might showing commitment or being reliable help this Relationship?  Am I being Reliable?  Am I truly Committed to this Relationship?  How do I feel when someone who I love is committed to a relationship with me?  Do I take that for granted?
• 
  
• A Communicator: Do I communicate clearly and in a meaningful way with my partner?  How well do I listen to my partner?  Have I accepted that listening is probably the most important part of communication?  Do I have Empathy for my partner?
• 
  
• Courageous or Brave: Does my partner know that I will stand up for what I feel is right and that I am Courageous enough to do it the correct way?
• 
  
• A Critical Thinker (Am I able to think clearly with or without my emotions?): Can I think beyond my Biases in order to get to the FACTS -- before I think I know something?
• 
  
• Diligent: Am I conscientious in the ways that I interact with my Partner in this Relationship?  Do I do my best?  And Does my partner see that?  Do I care about the impact of things that I am doing with my Partner?
• 
  
• Easy Going: Can I go about the time in this Relationship without sweating the small stuff?  Do I practice relaxation exercises?  Am I able to not let my own Anxiety become my partner's problem?
• 
  
• Committed to Equality: Do I view my partner as being a person of equal worth and equal value?  Am I committed to manifesting a sense of Equality and/or Equity in our Relationship?
• 
  
• Fair / Fairness: Am I able to make decisions with my partner, while being willing to hold off until we find solutions that suit both of us?  
• 
  
• Faithful: Am I Faithful to my partner?  Can I withstand temptation?  
• 
  
• Flexible: Am I Flexible with my Partner and Flexible within this Relationship as well.  Am I able to bend with the Wind like a blade of grass; instead of breaking like a tree in a windstorm?  
• 
  
• Forgiving: Can I Forgive on an ongoing basis?  Am I willing to NOT have any Regrets that I could otherwise blame on my Partner?  Can I just let it go?  Can I truly forget the wrongs done to me?  (Now that's a hard one!)
• 
  
• Grateful / Thankful: Do I truly feel and show my appreciation, and my gratitude, and my thankfulness for the blessings, challenges, and gifts that each day brings with my partner?  
• 
  
• Honorable: Do I carry myself with Honor?  And do I consistently hold my Partner in the light of Honor?  Do I treat my Partner with reverence, respect, and trust?  Or am I always trying to catch my Partner in a lie or something?  
• 
  
• Humble / Humility: Do I present myself as a Humble spirit?  Especially regarding our Relationship?  Or do I delude myself into thinking that I am ALWAYS Right?  And / Or do I truly think that I am always in total control of my partner as well as this relationship and the World around it?
• 
  
• Independent: Am I willing and able to function with or without my partner for a day, or a or a week, a month, or even a year........  and still be in Love?  
• 
  
• Understands and Values Intimacy: Do I understand and practice Emotional Intimacy on a regular basis with my partner?  Do I consistently treat my partner with Trust, Respect, Humility, Altruism, Spontaneity, and Equality etc... ?  Can I be a part of such closeness?  (Note: Sexual Intimacy is a whole different thing...)
• 
  
• Jovial / Good Sense of Humor: Am I am able to laugh at something funny  -- even if it's the 15th time I have heard it?  Or myself -- Can I laugh at myself?  Can I just laugh?  Also, can I admit when I make a mistake?  And can I laugh off a costly blunder that I might otherwise blame on my partner?  Can I let my partner mess up and not blame her or him for it?
• 
  
• Kind / Kindness: Do I give in terms of both physical and social graces?  Am I a kind person?  Do I allow my partner to mess up without making her or him feel worse about it?  Can I offer my Partner a strong shoulder of Grace to cry on?  Can I be humble with my partner 100% of the time -- even when I think I know better?
• 
  
• Expresses Love: Do I understand what Love is?  And am I willing to, and capable of Accepting my partner for who she/he is right now, and as the times rolls forward?  Can I tell my partner that I love her or him, even when I am furious?
• 
  
• Mature: Can I step up to the plate when necessary, and act like an adult?  Am I committed to operating above the Drama?  Can I look the other way when it's appropriate?  Or do I have to win every time?
• 
  
• Mindful, Paying Attention: Am I willing and able to be in the moment with my Partner on a regular basis?  Can we connect on that level?  Do I Pay Attention to My Partner?
• 
  
• Nice: Can I carry myself with Grace -- meaning ongoing forgiveness, humility and charity for my Partner.  And can I smile with Faith -- even when I feel like crap?
• 
  
• Open to Change, Forward Thinking, Constantly Moving Forward: Am I willing to continue to grow; or have I stopped growing already?   Am I able to grow along with my partner; rather than competing against my partner?  Can I even admit that I still have some growing to do?  Or am I deluded into thinking that I am all GROW-ed Up already?
• 
  
• Patient: Am I able to have Patience with my partner?  Am I capable of waiting for the right moment?  Am I committed to never judging My Partner or My Self too quickly?
• 
  
• Peaceful: Am I committed and able to settle differences without any sort of violence?  Am I committed to learning how to appreciate, value and even treasure our differences?
• 
  
• Prudent / Wise: Do I tend to make the right decisions at the right time when it comes to our relationship?  Can I hold my tongue until I have a better response than what I had before?
• 
  
• Respectful: Am I committed to consistently treating my partner the way she or he would like to be treated?  Am I always able to show Respect to my partner; no matter how angry I am or how insecure I feel?
• 
  
• Responsible: Can I hold myself Responsible to the point where my partner never has to hold me responsible? - No blame, and No shame or guilt either.  But am I willing to own my own blemishes as well as my own beauty marks?  Do I admit that I messed up, when I messed up?  And do I gracefully look the other way when my partner messes up?
• 
  
• Sincere: Am I typically willing and able to express exactly what I feel and think to my partner?  Am I able to hear what my partner is communicating to me on the deeper levels (as well as the meta-messages.  (Note: Meta-messages are: "inner messages that could be inferred or implied from a message” (Source.))).
  
• 
  
• Supportive: Am I there for my partner when ever she or he needs me?  Will I stand at my partner's side with love and admirability even at times that I do not agree with what she or he is thinking, saying or doing?
• 
  
• Thoughtful: Do I think about what my partner and I need or want on a regular basis?  Am I able to think outside of the box of my past to a newer and broader and deeper level of thoughts regarding our relationship that make it to where the previous relationships cannot compare?
• 
  
• Timely / Punctual: Am I willing and able to wait for the right time to do things or say things that I need to say to my Partner?  Can I be right on time for my partner, almost every time -- even if I'm late?
• 
  
• Virtuous / Lives by his or her Values: Do I understand the Principles and Values that I live by to the point where I can act with Virtue on a regular basis; particularly when it comes to this relationship?  Does my partner know who I really am?
• 
  
• Willing to Learn: Do I think I already know it all?  Or am I willing to keep Learning -- especially when it comes to my partner?  Could we both become Lifelong Learners Together?
• 
  
• Young at Heart: Am I willing and able to try and think and feel like a child at times with or without my partner?  Or must I always insist on being the adult in the room?  Do we play enough?

  Surely, there are more strengths available for us to identify, develop and use over time.  But for now, how could each of these Relationship Strengths (i.e., these Social strengths, Emotional strengths, Behavioral strengths and Personality strengths (Above)) help us to better navigate our relationships?  Think about it?  

           Our Strengths Can Be Like Our Tools For Life

  I am thinking that the more of these tools (above) that I can learn how to use effectively; the more satisfying my Relationships are gonna be.  And even if I only learn how to do 1 or 2 of those Strengths above; my Relationships will quite possibly improve to some degree.

Retrospective Strengths-Based Summary:

  How did each of the following -- including Our Perceptions, Feelings,  Thinking, Experiences and Previous Behaviors help shape Our Social Interactions, Emotions, Recent Behaviors, Personalities, or even Our Strengths to help contribute to Our DV Offenses?

  The idea here is about getting to know ourselves a little better.  It's about making good changes to the way we do things. Then we can possibly begin to allow Our Social Interactions, Emotions, Personalities, even Our Strengths, Our Feelings, Our Thinking, and Our Behaviors to be informed more so by, and driven by, and even colored by more of our Positive Social, Emotional, Behavioral and Personality Strengths.  This could possibly lead to healthier relationships.  Right?

  But first, we have to accept that all that negative stuff just doesn't work and it leads to the poor choices that helped get us into this mess in the first place.  So we have to let go of all that Hurt, Pain, Blame, Shame, Guilt, Resentment and HATE -- Let go of all that negative stuff....  

  And then we need to start focusing on our Strengths -- Our Positive Strengths.  Our Positive Relationship Strengths.

  And so remember, the idea here is not as much about what we are lacking; It is more about our strengths.  It's more about what we have, but maybe do not use enough of.   

  And so remember, our strengths are things that we each have, and we each can improve upon them..... together; or separately if we want to.

*** Please Click Here to Complete Your:

Social, Emotional, Behavioral & Personality Strengths Worksheet. ***  

>>> Always remember -- PLEASE CLICK BELOW to complete your Session Feedback Form after each Session.  Thank you.  And have a nice day.

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Music:  "I love to Laugh" (Mary Poppins)

A Note About Positive Psychology:

“Positive psychology has been described in many ways and with many words, but the commonly accepted definition of the field is this:

“Positive psychology is the scientific study of what makes life most worth living” (Peterson, 2008).”

“To push this brief description a bit further, positive psychology is a scientific approach to studying human thoughts, feelings, and behavior, with a focus on strengths instead of weaknesses, building the good in life instead of repairing the bad, and taking the lives of average people up to “great” instead of focusing solely on moving those who are struggling up to “normal” (Peterson, 2008).

What Positive Psychology Focuses on in a Nutshell:

Positive psychology focuses on the positive events and influences in life, including:

1.    Positive experiences (like happiness, joy, inspiration, and love).

2.    Positive states and traits (like gratitude, resilience, and compassion).

3.    Positive institutions (applying positive principles within entire organizations and institutions).

As a field, positive psychology spends much of its time thinking about topics like character strengths, optimism, life satisfaction, happiness, wellbeing, gratitude, compassion (as well as self-compassion), self-esteem and self-confidence, hope, and elevation.

These topics are studied in order to learn how to help people flourish and live their best lives” (Ackerman, Courtney, 2020: https://positivepsychology.com/what-is-positive-psychology-definition/).

Sources:

https://www.oxfordhandbooks.com/view/10.1093/oxfordhb/9780199935291.001.0001/oxfordhb-9780199935291-e-77#:~:text=Researchers%20have%20defined%20character%20strengths,3).

https://socwel.ku.edu/strengths-perspective#:~:text=The%20Strengths%20Perspective%20is%20an,center%20of%20the%20helping%20process.

https://positivepsychology.com/what-is-positive-psychology-definition/

(Originally Published March 29, 2021, c. William T. Beverly.)

Can Old Proverbs from Around the World help Prevent Domestic Violence; Or Preventing DV Through Adherence to Worldly Proverbs

This is a DRAFT Post. Do not Copy, Share, Print or Distribute.

  Is it possible that Old Proverbs from Around the World could help us have healthier relationships?  Could understanding a Proverb help Prevent Domestic Violence?    If so,  Which Proverbs Below could be applied to Suggestive statements aimed at Prevention of Domestic violence?

  According to AI, A Proverb is: "a short pithy saying in general use, stating a general truth or piece of advice."  Or "a brief popular epigram or maxim".

Proverbs from around the World; Throughout History:   Think about it; How do any of the following proverbs apply preventing DV or having healthier, happier relationships?

1. "He who shakes his neighbor's house will have his own house shaken." (Swiss Proverb)

  {Response: What one does to shake up their partner could come back to them.}

2. "If a person eats his fill, he cannot taste the bread." (Scottish Proverb)

  {Response: If one simply takes all the attention they can get from anyone who gives it; then one might not understand the quality of the attention they get from their partner.}

3. "If you don't know how to smile, don't open a shop." (Chinese Proverb)

  {Response: If you don't know how to love then don't get into a relationship.}

4. "Good looks are the strongest recommendation." (English Proverb)

  {Response: If he or she is good-looking, they might be very abusive.}

5. "Doing good deeds without expectation of reward is like pouring perfume into the sea." (Polish Proverb)

  {Response: .}

6. "To know the progress of a nation, look at its women." (French Proverb)

  {Response: .}

7. "We often see things differently because we only read the title." (American Proverb)

  {Response: Looks, reputation and social status can be deceiving.}

8. "Other people's mistakes are always clearer than our own." (Russian Proverb)

  {Response: We often blame our partners for our own bad steps.}

9. "Contentment is half of happiness." (Italian Proverb)  [Content is "in a state of peaceful happiness."]

  {Response: The couple is not necessarily going to be content unless both are happy.}

10. "Every man creates his own destiny." (English Proverb)

  {Response: The relationship's are created by the participants.  If a relationship is going to be successful, both partners need to work to create it that way..}

11. "Adorn your mind with knowledge, not your body with jewels." (Chinese Proverb)

  {Response: Knowledge in a relationship is more important than materialistic gifts..}

12. "Self-love is the child of ignorance." (Spanish Proverb)

  {Response: Some people are so full of themselves, that they are not very intelligent.}

13. "Love that depends on gifts is always hungry." (English Proverb)

  {Response: Just because someone gives you expensive gifts does not mean they love you.}

14. "Beware of the woman who talks about her virtues and the man who talks about his honesty." (French Proverb)

  {Response: Actions speak louder than words.}

15. "Love your wife and confide in your mother." (Irish Proverb)

  {Response: Tell your mother things that are super secret; but love your partner.}

16. "Make your child a prince for five years, a slave for ten years, and a friend thereafter." (Hindi Proverb)

  {Response: Show them love and adoration, then show them how nasty the world can be; and then be there for them whenever they need you.}

17. "Being human is easy; being a man is difficult." (Russian Proverb)

  {Response: Men have to think that they have it harder; but that really depends on the man and what they do and how long they were enslaved.}

18. "My family taught me to speak, and people taught me to be silent." (Czechoslovak Proverb)

  {Response: Speak your mind in your home; but be conscious of  your surroundings when you are outside.}

19. "He who looks at people with knowledge hates them; he who looks at them with reality forgives them." (Italian Proverb)

  {Response: Partners with real Experience are more forgiving than know-it-alls.}

20. "Anger is a strong wind that blows out the lamp of reason." (American Proverb)

  {Response: When we are angry, he don't make the most reasonable decisions.}

21. "Those who give should not speak of their giving; those who receive should." (Portuguese Proverb)

  {Response: Be humble and always be grateful.}

22. "A large tree gives more shade but fewer fruits." (Italian Proverb)

  {Response: Less can be more.}

23. "Put your worries in a torn pocket." (Chinese Proverb)

  {Response: Don't hang on to your worries so hard that you destroy the relationship.}

24. "Eating too much is more harmful than hunger." (German Proverb)

  {Response: Taking more than what you need is more harmful that giving away more than what you should.}

25. "Plow every day, eat every day." (Egyptian Proverb)

  {Response: Work hard, Play hard.}

26. "O man, do not forget death, for it will not forget you." (Turkish Proverb)

  {Response: Don't take anything for granted.}

27. "The pleasure of revenge lasts a moment; the comfort of forgiveness lasts forever." (Spanish Proverb)

  {Response: Don't think of ways to get even; Think of ways to forgive.}

28. "Love and fragrance cannot be hidden." (Chinese Proverb)

  {Response: Love permeates like a fragrance.}

29. "He whose pocket is empty should make his tongue sweet." (Malaysian Proverb)

  {Response: If I have no money; I speak very nicely.}

30. "Small drops of water can also make a river." (Japanese Proverb)

  {Response: The little things add up / the little things matter.}

31. "God feeds the birds, but they must fly to find food." (Dutch Proverb)

  {Response: You should not depend 100% on your partner.}

32. "Love lasts as long as there is money." (French Proverb)

  {Response: NO ONE COULD AGREE ON THIS ONE.}

33. "He who lends money to a friend loses both." (French Proverb)

  {Response: Never let money come between friends.}

34. "He who marries a beautiful woman needs more than two eyes." (English Proverb)

  {Response: The more attractive your partner; the more jealous you will be.}

35. "He who has a thorn in his back always fears the fire." (French Proverb)

  {Response:   THIS IS TOO TRAUMATIC... .}

36. "He who resolves to reach his goal considers every obstacle insignificant." (French Proverb)

  {Response: If I am determined nothing will get in my way.}

37. "He who thinks himself a sheep will be eaten by the wolf." (French Proverb)

  {Response: You are what you think you are.}

38." Don't be a frog in a well"( indian proverb)

  {Response: Don't get yourself out of a situation that you cannot get out of.}

39."Ajmal al-ashya' ma la yu'rafu qimatuha illa ba'da zuhuriha."

Translation: "The most beautiful things are those whose value is not known until they are lost."(Arab proverb)

  {Response: After your partner dumps you, you will realize how beautiful they were..}

40." When life gives you lemons' make lemonade"( American proverb)

  {Response: Your relationship is what make it no matter who you get stuck with.}

41." (Khet ke har poday ko paani ki zaroorat nahi hoti)Translation: "Not every plant in the field needs water."(Pakistani proverb)

  {Response: Everybody doesn't need your love.  You can't give your love to everybody.  Love the one you're with. Because everybody does not need your love today.  My water is not fit for everybody.  Some need more care than others.}

42."Bagai aur dengan tebing."

Translation: "Like a bamboo and its riverbank."

Meaning: This proverb highlights the importance of mutual support and interdependence. Just as a bamboo tree relies on the riverbank for stability, and the riverbank relies on the bamboo for protection from erosion, people in a community rely on each other for support and strength.

  {Response: Each person in a relationship relies on support and strength from the other.  Two people should compliment each other.  Each encounter is a new encounter to each.}

43.: "He who eats from the flour of his own soul, dies before he dies."(Egypt proverb)

Meaning: This proverb warns against selfishness and greed. It suggests that when you prioritize your own interests at the expense of others, you ultimately harm yourself and lose your sense of purpose.

  {Response: "Don't be too consumed with yourself....  Don't be such a cheese-head.}

44.""When elephants fight, it is the grass that suffers."(African proverb)

  {Response: "When mom and dad fight, the kids suffer."}

45."A fair dinkum effort will get you a fair dinkum result."(Australian proverb)

  {Response: "Dinkum = (of an article or person) genuine, honest, true.".  If I can put genuine, honest, true into a relationship, that may be what comes out.}  

46."Ang hindi marunong lumingon sa pinanggalingan, hindi makakarating sa paroroonan."( Phillipine proverb)

Translation: "He who does not know how to look back at where he came from, will never reach his destination.

  {Response: If you don't learn from your past, you will same mistakes again.  ("Don't keep going after the same kind of woman/man.").

47. "Actions speak louder than words."  

{Response:  "Sometimes you have to prove your words.  Or Lead by example."}

. "All's fair in love and war." 

{Response:  "It's how you interpret it."}

. "Blood is thicker than water." 

{Response:  "."}

. "Don't count your chickens before they hatch." 

{Response:  "."}

. "Don't cry over spilt milk." 

{Response:  "."}

. "Give someone an inch and they'll take a mile." 

{Response:  "."}

. "Practice what you preach." 

{Response:  "."}

. "The pot calling the kettle black." 

{Response:  "."}

. "When in Rome, do as the Romans do. 

{Response:  "."}

(British proverb)

  {Response: .}

48. Here's a Somali proverb: “Afkaaga waa afkayga".

Translated, it means: “Your words are your mirror.”

  {Response: .}

49."कहिले पनि नखाऊने, कहिले पनि टाउको चाट्ने"

Translated, it means:

"Don't scratch when there's no itch, and don't lick your head when there's no oil."(Nipali proverb).

  {Response: .}

.

.

#sunshinesfactworld

Name Some Things That Had You Already Known About; You Would Not Have Gotten A DV Charge

This is a DRAFT Post. Do not Copy, Share, Print or Distribute.

 What are Some Things That Had I Already Known,  Understood and Employed... 

I Would Not Have Had Any DV In My Relationship?

 > Taking time-outs.

 > Knowing your  partner's needs.

 > Better communication skills.

 > To be Open-Minded / when Listening to my partner.

 > Prioritizing my relationship above other things.

 > Boundaries about how you I want to be treated (from the start).

I Would Not Have Gotten A DV Charge?

> Every we make is gonna have consequences (or rewards).

> That my actions effect other people; not just the two in the relationship.  Our child is effected from it too.

> Had I know just to walk away...

> If I had known the Red Flags and paid attention to the Red Flags.

What Did I Allegedly Do?

> Violated the other person's Rights.

What Did I Actually Do?

> Violated the other person's Rights.

> or I Violated the other person's Rights while standing up for myself.

(Violations of Rights in DV, typically include: Harassment, Assault, False Imprisonment, Menacing, Trespassing, Murder or Attempted Murder, or Child Abuse.)

How can I prevent DV from happening in the future?  

> Take Time Outs

> Walking Away

> Not Showing Up / Don't Go Back.

> Look for Potential Red Flags before you get too involved.

> Better Communication.

> Listening More.

> Knowing when the quit.  (Know when to Hold them, Know when to Fold them, Know when to walk away (nicely), and Know when to run.)

> Study the Pros and Cons of the situation.

> Consider your kids needs before you get involved.

> Be very careful who you let into your life.  (Stay away from dishonest, violent psychopaths!)

> Pay attention to your radar, your vibes, or their aura.

What could I learn about that would help me prevent DV moving forward? 

> Control my Anger / Chanel it more wisely.

> Knowing when and how to take a Time Out.

> Knowing how to Stop, Breathe and Focus, Relax, Refocus and Choose Wisely.

> Be more careful about the people I allow in my life.

> Consider the Consequences.

> Use my Support System Appropriately and Effectively.

> Avoid Over-Reacting and / or Making Mountains Out of Mole Hills.

> Learning When and How to leave.

 

What could I do or not do that would help me with this whole, over-arching task?

> Just educate yourself more.

> Learn how to keep your emotions from making such decisions.

> Knowing your Rights and Knowing their Rights and what to do or not do.

Final Words???

> Read the Instructions.

> Make sure they come with their own Return Label.

Balancing the Humors

The Four Humors of Physical Life:   

  In ancient times one Philosopher came up with the Four Humors.  Hippocrates postulated the idea that: "Greek physician Hippocrates (ca. 460 BCE–370 BCE) is often credited with developing the theory of the four humors—blood, yellow bile, black bile, and phlegm—and their influence on the body and its emotions."  (SOURCE.)

"What are the 4 personality humors?

Four Temperament - an overview | ScienceDirect Topics

According to Galen, the imbalance of pairs resulted in one of the four temperament categories (or personality types): 

  sanguine (being optimistic and social),

  choleric (being short-tempered and irritable), 

  melancholic (being analytical and quiet), 

  and phlegmatic (being relaxed and peaceful)."  (SOURCE.)

Theologically speaking, the colors:

"Colors of the Holy Spirit in the liturgical year

The color red is associated with the Holy Spirit in the liturgical year. It is used during Passion, Pentecost, Confirmation, and to represent the Holy Spirit. The color red is associated with the Holy Spirit because of the tongues of flame that are said to have appeared over the heads of people on the day of Pentecost. 

Other colors and their associated meanings include:

Purple -- Associated with spirituality, the imagination, and the unknown. 

White -- Associated with purity, spirit, cleanliness, and order. 

Green -- Associated with nature, harmony, new beginnings, good health, and life. 

Yellow -- Associated with optimism, endless possibilities, and lifting the spirits. 

Blue -- Associated with peace, trustworthiness, calm, stability, and serenity. 

Orange -- Associated with enthusiasm, energy, and creativity. "  (SOURCE).

"Here are some colors and their associations with relationships:

Red -- A universal color that represents eternal love, passion, and strong emotions.  It can also signify power, courage, and strength. 

Green -- Can help keep marriages and other unions together.  It can also indicate that there is a need for growth and transformation in a relationship. 

Violet -- Can represent loyalty, devotion, and faithfulness. 

White -- Can represent peace, politeness, purity of heart, innocence, balance, harmony, and courage. Brides often wear white to convey their spirituality. 

Black -- Can represent luxury and appear more substantial and expensive. 

Blue -- Can symbolize depth, trust, faith, and honest communication. It can also help facilitate communication and open us up to others. 

Orange -- Can signify friendship and togetherness. It can also show confidence, excitement, and a willingness to take the lead in relationships. 

Pink -- Can symbolize romance, playfulness, tenderness, and cuteness. It can also be associated with optimism and delight." 

The Colors Associate with Emotions:

"What colors represent what feelings?

Color Theory for Designers, Part 1: The Meaning of Color ...

In Brief #

Red: Passion, Love, Anger.

Orange: Energy, Happiness, Vitality.

Yellow: Happiness, Hope, Deceit.

Green: New Beginnings, Abundance, Nature.

Blue: Calm, Responsible, Sadness.

Purple: Creativity, Royalty, Wealth.

Black: Mystery, Elegance, Evil.

Gray: Moody, Conservative, Formality."

The point of this is the for a very long 

 "If my spiritual, emotional and psychological self doesn't outweigh my romantic, social and political self when it comes to the Judgment of others in their relationships with me; then perhaps my spiritual, emotional and psychological self." 

Let's break it down -- What do these concepts mean in relation so each other:

If my spiritual, emotional and psychological self doesn't outweigh my romantic, social and political self when it comes to the Judgment of others in their relationships with me; then perhaps my spiritual, emotional and psychological self need some work." 

If my ,,,

My spiritual self -- "Spiritual means relating to the spirit or soul, or to sacred or religious matters. It can also mean relating to deep feelings and beliefs, or being joined in spirit. For example, you might describe someone's poetry as having a spiritual dimension, or describe your own life as a spiritual journey."

My emotional self -- "There are many faces of emotional love. If you want to hold someone close to you, take all their fears away, and protect them at any cost, this means you are emotionally attracted to them. You want to share every moment of your life with the person you are emotionally attracted to."

My psychological self -- "The psychological self is the study of how a person's identity is represented cognitively, affectively, or conatively. It's a complex, unique, and enduring combination of activities that involve knowing and wanting. The psychological self can be thought of as an agent that organizes activities into personality patterns, and then evaluates those patterns based on environmental demands."

My romantic self -- "The Romantic self is a concept that emerged during the Romantic period and is characterized by a privileged interiority and a focus on the individual: 

Self-expression -- The Romantic self is a "core" plus an expression of that core. 

Nature -- Romantics believed in nature and felt a connection to it, seeing it as a reflection of the human spirit. 

Individualism -- Romanticism celebrated the individual, especially those living in isolation or in nature. 

Free will -- Romantics believed in the power of free will and exercised it in their lives. "

My social self -- "The social self is how people perceive themselves in relation to others, and how they present themselves to others. It can also refer to the different versions of a person's self that they adopt depending on the situation. The social self is fluid and can change depending on the context or the situation."

My political self -- "Political identity is a form of social identity marking membership of certain groups that share a common struggle for a certain form of power. This can include identification with a political party, but also positions on specific political issues, nationalism, inter-ethnic relations or more abstract ideological themes."

Let's revisit this one more time -- What do these concepts mean in relation so each other:

If my spiritual, emotional and psychological self doesn't outweigh my romantic, social and political self when it comes to the Judgment of others in their relationships with me; then perhaps my spiritual, emotional and psychological self need some work." 

Change Happens: Grieving As A Natural Part Of Life / And How Grief sometimes relates to DV

DRAFT:  PLEASE DO NOT COPY, DUPLICATE, or REPOST.

People Pass On, Couples Break Up, and/or Relationships Change

As Humans, we endure a lot of losses.    Elizabeth Kubler-Ross came up with some Stages of grieving.  They included:

  It is natural and normal when grieving to be crying, and telling everyone everything about the situation, and to angry and cussing, and even hating some... It is normal to have some feelings of despair, hopelessness, anger, sadness, loss, feeling lost, confused, exhausted, sleeping, don't want to go on, anxious, nervous, 

The 5 Stages of Grieving:

• Denial
• Anger 
• Bargaining
• Depression 
• Acceptance.

DO we really move PAST our Grief?

OR

DO we really move THROUGH our Grief?

DABDA Graphic

About Relationship Grief, AI Says:

"The five stages of grief that can occur after a relationship ends are:

Denial: A state of disbelief where you might think you'll get your partner back 

Anger: A natural emotion that can involve feelings of betrayal, resentment, or injustice. Anger can be directed at your ex or yourself. 

Bargaining: A phase where you might try to make the relationship work by negotiating, threatening, or promising to change. 

Depression: A state of sadness where you realize the relationship is over 

Acceptance: The ideal place to get to, but the stages are non-linear and you might move back and forth between them 

While these stages are a framework to help rationalize the grieving process, everyone grieves differently and in their own time. You might not experience all the stages, or the order in which you experience them might be different. If you're still having trouble functioning after six months, therapy can help. 

To cope with grief, you can:

Allow yourself to transition through the stages with self-compassion 

Express your emotions through journaling, exercise, or talking to a trusted confidant 

Connect with others and your support networks "  (Source.)

Stages of Grief After A Break-Up:

"Stages ofGrief After a Breakup Breaking up is not easy. Whether it's a breakup from a boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, life partner or even a best friend, it takes time for wounds to heal. Even ifyou were the one who initiated the split, there are five stages ofgrief that you will go through. They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, according to Mental-Health-Matters. These are the natural ways for your heart to heal. 

Denial Denial is your brain's automatic response to unwanted news, according to "How to Survive the Five Steps ofGrief after a Breakup. " Denial gives your heart time to adjust to the new situation. In the denial phase you may think that your significant other is coming back to you. Everybody spends different amounts of time in the denial phase. It is wise to turn to your friends and family for support. 

Anger It is normal to be angry at your former partner, claims the website Mental-Health-Matters. You may resent her for causing you pain or for breaking up your family. It is important in this phase not to make any rash decisions that you may later regret. Wait until you are less emotional suggests the website, Healt~ Guide. Allow yourself to work through your anger, perhaps by exercising or drawing. Expressing your feelings in a journal is a way to release your emotions. 

Bargaining In the bargaining phase you will try to restore your relationship or perhaps rebuild it as a friendship. This can be disastrous advises the life guide website, Relationship Life Tips. The site reminds those in pain that romantic relationships involve qualities that don't disappear immediately. Trying to befriend an ex, especially soon after the breakup, will only keep the pain ofheartbreak fresh. You can salvage your pride by starting anew without your ex. 

Depression It's normal to be sad. At this point in your grieving, you come to terms with the fact that the situation is not going to change, claims Mental-Health-Matters. This is a time for reflection. You may want to be alone. Realize the kindness ofothers is not intended to upset you. Instead, rely on your support system to keep you distracted from your grief, recommends Articles Base. Help Guide reminds those in pain to resist the temptation to turn to drugs, alcohol or food. Those habits can be destructive. Rather, eat well, sleep well and exercise advises Help Guide. 

Acceptance It's natural to harbor a place in your heart for loved ones. Special relationships make you who you are. However, in the final stage ofgrief after a breakup, you will begin to piece together what happened, accept the breakup and acknowledge the part you played in it, advises Help Guide. The site suggests using this as an opportunity to learn from mistakes from the past and carry those lessons into the future. This is the healthiest way to fully accept a breakup and grow as an individual. The pain may not be gone completely yet, but time will heal those wounds. "  (Source.)

Then There are the Seven Stages of Grief Following A Relationship Break-Up (According to AI):

"The seven stages of grief are a template for how people may grieve the loss of a relationship, but not everyone experiences them in the same order or at the same pace: 

Shock and disbelief: A state of numbness where you might behave normally or as if nothing has happened 

Denial: Your brain's way of spacing out your feelings so you can only acknowledge what you can handle at the moment 

Anger and resentment: You might lash out or feel confused or embarrassed by your anger 

Bargaining and negotiation: You might make promises to yourself or a higher power, or feel guilty or to blame 

Depression and sadness: You might feel isolated and lonely while processing the loss 

Acceptance and healing: You might start to accept the breakup and see it as a lesson 

Growth and moving on: You might start dating again or feel ready to move on 

Grief symptoms usually lessen after 1–2 years, but they can reappear later in response to triggers. If you're still having trouble functioning after 6 months, you can consider talking with a therapist. A mental health professional can offer support and teach coping mechanisms. "  (Source.)

SO WHAT DOES the PROCESS of Grieving DO TO YOUR LIFE OR  TO A RELATIONSHIP in the Future or the Past???

1. It can help you understand for your future relationsihps.....  
1. (Like how to go about them).
2. How bob and weave better.
3. Weave the story of your recent relationship into the stofy of your life.
2. Allows you to eventually see a brighter future, a better path.
3. Helps you understand your emotions and your behaviors.
4. Encourages you to accept WHAT IS.
5. Inspires you to make better life choices in the future.
6. Helps you understand your emotions adn how to control them.