Regardless of how we each feel about our particular Domestic Violence Offense; the facts are that we each have been ordered by a Court to successfully complete DV Treatment. We are each unique as Human Beings. And we each come to this Domestic Violence Treatment Program out of different backgrounds, different types of Relationships, and with different thoughts and feelings about the process itself.
Certainly, we all come from diverse backgrounds, and our reasons for being in this session today are different as well. And Diversity most certainly seems to be extremely important to the survival of the Human Species.
Still in all there are common threads that pull us together. As it was affirmed by President
John Fitzgerald Kennedy, who during a Commencement Address at the American
University in Washington, DC on June 10, 1963 -- just months before his
assassination – said to the hopeful Graduates and Faculty:
“So, let us not be blind to our
differences--but let us also direct attention to our common interests and to
the means by which those differences can be resolved. And if we cannot end now
our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity. For, in the final analysis, our most basic
common link is that we all inhabit this small planet. We all breathe the same air. We all cherish
our children's future. And we are all mortal” (Source).
The Purpose(s) of Domestic Violence Treatment:
The primary purpose of Domestic Violence Offender Treatment is to help prevent the harms done by Domestic Violence to everyone who is directly or indirectly involved in Domestic Violence behavior -- either as a victim, a perpetrator, or as a witness.
The secondary purpose of Domestic Violence Offender Treatment is to help Domestic Violence Offenders to NEVER AGAIN commit Domestic Violence through helping them eliminate, or substantially reduce their Risk Factors and by showing them how to make positive changes to their Perceptions, Thinking, Feeling and Behavior that relates to Domestic Violence.
Another important part of Domestic Violence Offender Treatment is helping Domestic Violence Offenders to have Healthier Relationships with more positive outcomes.
And finally, yet another crucial part of this Treatment is to help Domestic Violence Offenders to develop more positive images of themselves through Support, Treatment and Education.
A byproduct of this treatment is to help DV Offenders to never again be accused of, arrested for, or charged with a Domestic Violence - related Offense.
Admitting To The Problem Is Often The First Step
By definition the word, PROBLEM, can be defined as: “a matter or situation
regarded as unwelcome or harmful and needing to be dealt with and overcome”
(Source).
And just as with Alcoholism, Substance Dependency or other behavioral problems and diseases, in order to begin learning how to prevent this problem; we first must first admit that we have a problem.
If no one was harmed by what we were accused of doing in terms of Domestic Violence, and if we did not at all mind getting arrested, the handcuffs, sitting in jail, the jail food, those filthy showers, Jailhouse B.S., Court, all the costs associated, the Lawyer, the forms, getting printed, the fees we have to pay, the hopelessness and the fear, the shame and the guilt, the drug tests, probation or diversion officer meetings and eventually coming to see Dr. B.; then perhaps we do not really have "a Problem".
Of course, one would also have to consider whether or not one's DV-related Offense caused anyone else any sort of harm before being able to truly determine whether or not we have a problem.
If no harm or inconvenience to anyone involved can be identified -- I think it is safe to say that there is not necessarily an identified Problem here. But still, given the Court Order, we need to work on it so that it can never happen again.
Realistic Change:
It is important that we do not have Expectations that are either too High or too Low. Positive Change can take a short time; or a very long time. It's a step-by-step process -- or sometimes, it just kind of materializes. However, once a person puts his or her foot down and says, "I need to make a change and I am ready to make this change -- Today!"; it is likely that their change is already happening. And still -- more than likely -- there is a long way yet to go.
Making Changes for the Better:
The first part of making changes is knowing that a change needs to be made. If a DV Offender truly believes that he or she has no changes that need to be made in their life, then a reasonable person might start to get curious as to why they feel that way. How could a person get a DV-related charge and believe that all is well and there is no need for change? In such cases, it might be that this person is what we could call "STUCK".
Or perhaps she or he feels like a Victim of the offense still and is not ready to become Accountable for the things he or she did; and then hopefully move toward making the changes needed to become a Survivor.
Becoming a Survivor requires being honest and accountable about one's self after taking a really good look at one's thinking, feeling and behaviors and how this DV Offense either involved or impacted one's self and others.
A good look into one's life requires that one be assessed in terms of the following:
- One's Biological Issues / Physical Issues / Health Issues that may have contributed to their Offense in the Long-Term or in the Short-Term; (e.g.: Certain Disabilities that might contribute to the over-dependency on the other person; or increase the possibility of DV-related Behavior; or Chronic Illnesses that impact their lives, or even Brain Injuries that change they way we think and act);
- One's Psychological / Emotional / Perceptual or Thinking Issues that may have contributed to their Offense in the Long-Term or in the Short-Term; (e.g.: Paranoia, Learning Disabilities / Perceptual Disabilities (Hallucinations), PTSD, High Stress, Delusions, High Anxiety, Low Self-Esteem, Poor Anger Management skills, Major Depression, Bipolar Disorder (Mania or Extreme Depression), History of being abused or neglected as a child etc..);
- One's Substance Abuse or other Addiction-Related Issues that may have contributed to their Offense in the Long-Term or in the Short-Term; (e.g.: Spending all the money on drugs; Gets violent when they drink; or Ongoing Legal Problems, Antisocial Associates etc...);
- One's Social Issues that may have contributed to their Offense in the Long-Term or in the Short-Term; (e.g.: Explosive Temper; Rage, Extremely Isolative -- doesn't want partner to go out; Never Accountable, Doesn't keep commitments; Isolating partner from family; Unable to give partner space; Stalking partner; Dependent Personality; Unaware of one's own impact on others; Co-Dependency; Impatience, Too Controlling; Dishonesty);
- One's Spiritual Issues that may have contributed to their Offense in the Long-Term or in the Short-Term; (e.g.: Lacking a feeling of purpose in life; Extremely pessimistic / negative thinking all the time, Mis-Uses Faith to control partner, Over-estimates their own power, etc.. );
- One's Criminogenic Needs-related and Risk Factor-related Issues that may have contributed to their Offense in the Long-Term or in the Short-Term; (e.g.: Various issues including Previous DV or other Violence-related Charges; Lack of productivity or work; Antisocial Attitude (doesn't care who they hurt); Extremely negative influences; Habitual run-ins with Police; Theft; Uses others to get what they want, Disrespectful of the Rights of others, etc...); and/or
- One's Behavioral Issues that may have contributed to their Offense in the Long-Term or in the Short-Term: (e.g.: Acts without thinking; Very impulsive; Inattentive, Hyperactive, Intimidating, Difficulty Communicating, Unable to control behavior when upset).
One should take a thorough inventory of these features (and/or others) in order to discover what changes need to be made so that they can prevent DV in the future.
Planning for Positive Change -- Where the Rubber Meets the ROAD!!!.
In Planning for Positive Change, it is helpful if one considers how the issues discussed above might look when they meet one's day-to-day reality. Think about the following questions in terms of how they might have contributed to your DV-Related Offense:
- What are some people, thoughts, feelings, behaviors, circumstances or things in my life that contributed to me getting this DV Offense?
- What are the people, thoughts, feelings, behaviors, circumstances or things that put me most at risk of having another DV-Type offense?
- What are some changes I could make that could help prevent DV Offenses in the future?
- What could my life look like if I made all of the right changes? Different in a good way, Right?
Problem Solving -- Some possible Stages to Solving Our Problems could be:
- Admit there is a Problem -- Take Accountability for what already happened.
- Critically Assess the Problem -- Take Accountability for how it happened.
- Try to determine Risk Factors and/or Causes related to the Problem -- Take Accountability for negative influences that you keep your life.
- Brainstorm or Propose Options that could make the Problem much better -- Take Accountability for moving forward.
- Inventory the available and/or needed Resources for solving the Problem.
- Make a Plan of Attack for Solving the Problem. Outline the steps to success.
- Carry it out / Solve the Problem.
- Assess the Progress Made. Don't be afraid to be brutally honest with yourself about things that need to change.
- Re-Address the Problem over time as Needed.
- Set up ways to Prevent the Problem from ever occurring again. -- Take Accountability for never letting it happen again. Prevention.
In Closing:
Do not let yourself be frightened by the Morphing Process -- or Change itself. Because, if there is one thing that is always happening in our lives, it is Change. If you have Anxiety or Fear about making positive changes that could help prevent Domestic Violence; then try to relax and just know that the overall Goal here is for us to improve the quality of our Lives and our Relationships; and to decrease the likelihood of ever again having DV-type Feelings, DV-Type Thinking, or DV-Type Behaviors; much less a DV-related Charge. This really can't be that bad; can it?
Normally, we only do one Worksheet and one Session Feedback Form per session. However, this week, we need to do a little more. Please complete each of the three Worksheets below and the Session Feedback Form. Thank you.
*** Please Click Here to Complete The What is My Problem Worksheet. ***
*** Please Click Here to Complete Your PERSONAL CHANGE PLAN Worksheet. ***
*** Please Click Here to Complete Your Treatment Planning Worksheet. ***
*** Please click here to complete Dr. B's Session Feedback Form. ***
(Originally published, Jan. 18, 2021).
Music that helps convey the message of this Presentation could be:
Ch Cha Cha Changes!!! (David Bowie)
Amy (Pure Prairie League)
Chain Gang (The Pretenders)
Don't let me Down (Beatles)
Sources:
https://www.jfklibrary.org/archives/other-resources/john-f-kennedy-speeches/american-university-19630610
https://www.google.com/search?q=define+problem+definition&rlz=1C1GGRV_enUS751US751&oq=define+problem&aqs=chrome.3.69i57j0l3j0i395l4.7280j1j15&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8
(c. 2021, William T. Beverly, Ph.D., LCSW, All information on the Blog (Except where otherwise noted); are the intellectual and/or photographic and/or digital property of Dr. William T. Beverly, L.C.S.W., DVOMB Approved Offender Treatment Provider.).
