Topic: Understanding The Effects of Using Power and Control in Relationships: Ab Exercise in Empathy
If the Power and Control Wheel essentially outlines many of the various forms that Domestic Violence can take when present in a relationship; then it would be appropriate for us to take a good look at The Effects of Using Power and Control in Relationships.
So first, let's says that you are going along.. getting along... in love..... and everything you ever wanted was blossoming... Wonderful!!! Like cool beans!!!
HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF... the person who you now say that you love Tried to Intimidate You?
For Example: "You are at your sisters Baby Shower, and they text you saying:
"If you don't come home right now, all you sh-t is going to get thrown out into the front yard.... and your keys to the house ain't gonna work any more either!""
Take a minute. Think to yourself:
How might you feel about this being done to you?
What would you think?
How would this sudden news impact you?
How might it impact others in the home?
Now, lets put the shoe onto the other foot: What if you woke up tomorrow and you after carefully considering the situation, you realized that you were the one doing this to your partner -- you know... the one that you said you loved so much???
How might you stop thinking this way or doing such things to the partner that you said you loved so much?
Or what if -- Just lets say for now -- it was them... and not you doing it?
-- Or they Emotionally Abuse you
For Example: "You have a polite disagreement at the food court in the shopping mall and they get so mad that they tell you loudly in front of everybody, that you are ugly and they never liked you anyway.."
Take a minute. Think to yourself:
How might you feel about this being done to you?
What would you think?
How would this impact you?
How might it impact others in the home?
Now, lets put the shoe onto the other foot: What if you woke up tomorrow and after carefully considering the situation, you realized that you were the one doing this to your partner -- you know... the one that you said you loved so much???
How might you stop thinking this way or doing such things to the partner that you said you loved so much?
-- Because they are so insecure and jealous, they try to Isolate You from everyone that you care about
For Example: "If they ever again hear of you talking to that person at work (who happens to be your boss) they will go up there and kill someone."
Take a minute. Think to yourself:
How might you feel about this being done to you?
What would you think?
How would this impact you?
How might it impact others in the home?
Now, let puts the shoe onto the other foot: What if you woke up tomorrow and after carefully considering the situation, you realized that you were the one doing this to your partner -- you know... the one that you said you loved so much???
How might you stop thinking this way or doing such things to the partner that you said you loved so much?
or -- They decide to NOT take any more accountability for the things that they think, feel, do and say...
For Example: They say, "It's all your fault!!! They claim that they only act this way because you make them do it...???>>>>..."
Take a minute. Think to yourself:
How might you feel about this being done to you?
What would you think?
How would this impact you?
How might it impact others in the home?
(Like they start telling you it's all your fault.).
Now, lets put the shoe onto the other foot: What if you woke up tomorrow and after carefully considering the situation, you realized that you were the one doing this to your partner -- you know... the one that you said you loved so much???
How might you stop thinking this way or doing such things to this partner that you said you loved so much?
- Or like: What if they start using the kids against you? -- They tell the kids to tell you that you are a bad parent...
For Example: "Johnny (age 4) walks up to you and says, "MOM, Please don't leave my daddy.... He says you are mad at him and you have a new boyfriend."
Take a minute. Think to yourself:
How might you feel about this being done to you?
What would you think?
How would this impact you?
How might it impact others in the home?
Now, lets put the shoe onto the other foot: What if you woke up tomorrow and after carefully considering the situation, you realized that you were the one doing this to your partner -- you know... the one that you said you loved so much???
How might you stop thinking this way or doing such things to this partner that you said you loved so much?
or -- They try to say because they are a man or because they are a woman, they have certain privileges. (And that you will never see your kid(s) again)....
For Example: "I am the woman, so I will do the driving.... Men don't know how to drive without their little Road-Rage BS......."
Take a minute. Think to yourself:
How might you feel about this being done to you?
What would you think?
How would this impact you?
How might it impact others in the home?
Now, lets put the shoe onto the other foot: What if you woke up tomorrow and after carefully considering the situation, you realized that you were the one doing this to your partner -- you know... the one that you said you loved so much???
How might you stop thinking this way or doing such things to this partner that you said you loved so much?
-- They start hiding all the money and spending it all without even talking to you
For Example: He says to you, "I am the man... so I control all the money..... because women don't know how to handle money."
Take a minute. Think to yourself:
How might you feel about this being done to you?
What would you think?
How would this impact you?
How might it impact others in the home?
Now, lets put the shoe onto the other foot: What if you woke up tomorrow and after carefully considering the situation, you realized that you were the one doing this to your partner -- you know... the one that you said you loved so much???
How might you stop thinking this way or doing such things to this partner that you said you loved so much?
-- Then they try to Coerce you or Threaten you into staying with them forever...
For Example: "If you leave me, you will never see your children again."
Take a minute. Think to yourself:
How might you feel about this being done to you?
What would you think?
How would this impact you?
How might it impact others in the home?
Now, lets put the shoe onto the other foot: What if you woke up tomorrow and after carefully considering the situation, you realized that you were the one doing this to your partner -- you know... the one that you said you loved so much???
How might you stop thinking this way or doing such things to this partner that you said you loved so much?
-- Now you know how it might make you feel when someone is using power and control over you?
For Example: "I'm calling the cops because they will believe me... they know you are crazy and violent too."
Take a minute. Think to yourself:
How might you feel about this being done to you?
What would you think?
How would this impact you?
How might it impact others in the home?
Now, lets put the shoe onto the other foot: What if you woke up tomorrow and after carefully considering the situation, you realized that you were the one doing this to your partner -- you know... the one that you said you loved so much???
How might you stop thinking this way or doing such things to this partner that you said you loved so much?
How might you feel about any of this happening to you? What if they were doing an assortment of these things -- all these things as listed above.. and they were doing it to you?
For Example: "You wake up --- it's a beautiful morning -- you got the day off. And your partner said to you: "I just don't love you any more... I know you have been cheating... Besides, you are not my type... You are just not real smart. And I'm tired of you anyway.... It's all your fault... I told you you needed to change.... but you didn't."
Take a minute. Think to yourself:
How might you feel about this being done to you?
What would you think?
How would this impact you?
How might it impact others in the home?
Now, lets put the shoe onto the other foot: What if you woke up tomorrow and after carefully considering the situation, you realized that after carefully considering the situation, you realized that you were the one doing this to your partner -- you know... the one that you said you loved so much???
How might you stop thinking this way or doing such things to this partner that you said you loved so much?
QUESTIONS:
When you think about the various behaviors on the Power and Control Wheels as listed above and if you consider the possibility that might some day have a partner who does all those things listed above to you:
Question: How would this make you feel??? What would you do???
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Question: How Can we prevent this kind of thing from happening at all???
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Question: What if you found out that in fact, you were the one doing these things to your partner -- instead of the other way around. How might you stop this sort of thinking or behavior:
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For additional info regarding this Group Session and about this Client's Overall Progress, please see additional Hand-Written or Typed Notes and Worksheets.
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