Why are we Talking About Financial Responsibility, Financial Abuse, Economic Abuse and Domestic Violence Right Here and Now?
Well, it's complicated. Perhaps the first question to be answered here could be: What does the Domestic Violence Offender Management Board (D.V.O.M.B.) say about Financial Abuse and Economic Abuse? The D.V.O.M.B. requires that this type of Abuse be included in the Treatment of people who have committed Domestic Violence Offenses. This is probably because some Research has reported that among couples where Domestic Violence has occurred; about 98% have also included Economic Abuse.
- "The
Colorado Domestic Violence Offender Management Board's Standards and
Guidelines for Domestic Violence Offenders states the following: - "Section 5.04, 2, B, Item 9, says: "The offender paying for his/her own evaluation and treatment is an indicator of responsibility and shall be incorporated in the treatment plan..."
This means that in keeping with the D.V.O.M.B. Standards, if a DV Client does not have a Voucher from Probation; she or he must pay their Domestic Violence Treatment Provider for the services provided. This also means that a DV Treatment Provider cannot and will not successfully discharge any DV Client who has an outstanding Balance.
Hence, this week's session is about respecting Financial and Economic boundaries in all kinds of relationships from personal Intimate Relationships, to friendships to professional relationships and yes even in treatment relationships.
Why is Financial Responsibility important in Domestic Violence Offender Treatment?
Clearly, The Domestic Violence Offender
Management Board of Colorado feels that Paying for Treatment is somehow germane
to, or related to positive Treatment Outcomes.
If nothing else, paying for Treatment indicates that a client has a really good
attitude about their treatment. It also indicates that a client values what he
or she is learning in treatment. Finally, paying for Treatment is a good indication of positive change.
This is also important because Domestic
Violence offenses are largely about people not respecting their partner and or
not respecting themselves. And in many cases both of the partners are not
respecting each other or themselves either. Without Respect, Relationships typically break apart. Relationships need a lot of Respect in order to Survive and Thrive.
What do Boundaries Have to do with Domestic Violence; Much Less Economic or Financial Abuse?
One of the most important parts of learning
how to have more respect in relationships is that of recognizing all the
different ways that boundaries were being disrespected during a relationship.
And then also recognizing ways one can start respecting boundaries in a
relationship.
What are some of the boundary types that are sometimes disrespected -- either openly or even covertly -- in abusive relationships?
- Social / Reputational Boundaries,
- Emotional Boundaries,
- Intellectual Boundaries,
- Spiritual Boundaries,
- Privacy Boundaries,
- Sexual Boundaries,
- Familial Boundaries,
- Procreational Boundaries,
- Friendship Boundaries,
- Educational Boundaries,
- Vocational Boundaries,
- Digital Boundaries, and
- Financial or Economic Boundaries.
What Does It
Mean To Be Financially Responsible?
Being financially responsible means you have
a process for managing your money that is productive and in your best interest
overall. A cornerstone of financial responsibility is saving to protect
yourself and the things you have. Here’s a look at a few other behaviors of a
financially responsible person:
- Understands their costs and income, budgeting to ensure all their expenses are covered
- Saves money for the unexpected costs that will pop up sooner or later along with future items and experiences
- Has a healthy attitude toward money, taking a long-term view and living within their means
- Pay bills on time
- Manages credit responsibly and looks for ways to cut costs
- Shops around when making any financial decision to ensure they are getting the most value on expenses
- Pursues proactive financial education, both understanding basic financial concepts and financial products
- Has a written strategy, often created by working with a financial professional"(Source.)
What is
domestic violence? / What is domestic abuse?
“We define domestic abuse as an incident or
pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive, threatening, degrading and
violent behaviour, including sexual violence, in the majority of cases by a
partner or ex-partner, but also by a family member or carer. It is very common.
In the vast majority of cases it is experienced by women and is perpetrated by
men.
Domestic abuse
can include, but is not limited to, the following:
- Coercive control (a pattern of intimidation, degradation, isolation and control with the use or threat of physical or sexual violence)
- Psychological and/or emotional abuse [2]
- Physical or sexual abuse
- Financial or economic abuse
- Harassment and stalking
- Online or digital abuse" (Source.)
- Others might include:
- Property Abuse
- Child Abuse
- Pet or Animal Abuse
- Emotional Abuse
How are
Finances and Domestic Violence Sometimes Connected?
"When domestic violence becomes a national conversation, it’s often only after the curtain is pulled back on an otherwise respected, high-profile celebrity. The ensuing uproar makes headlines for a few days, maybe weeks, and then fades back into news-cycle obscurity. But for the millions of victims of domestic abuse—more than one in four women in the U.S., according to the Department of Justice—these headlines ignore a less-visible, longer-lasting damage wrought by their abusers: financial abuse.
By blocking or controlling access to financial assets, abusers can coerce their victims into staying with them or coming back if they try to leave, locking them into a cycle of abuse. In fact, “lacking financial knowledge or resources is the number one indicator of whether a domestic violence victim will stay, leave, or return to an abusive relationship,” according to the Allstate Foundation’s Purple Purse, a fundraising and public awareness campaign.”
“Financial abuse, whether you’re talking about ruining her credit, getting her fired or hiding the money, is just as effective in controlling an abuse victim as a lock and key,” Kim Gandy, president of the National Network to End Domestic Violence, told The Huffington Post.
Financial abuse is insidious: It can first appear as a considerate offer to take care of the bills, or a casual request to borrow money. But it escalates until the abuser has full control of every bank account, credit card, and paycheck, which means that even if victims escape, they could have no way to rent a new apartment, find a job, or care for their children.
Unfortunately, it seems that while the majority of abusers have discovered that truth, the rest of society has yet to catch up. A 2014 survey commissioned by the Allstate Foundation found that while 98 percent of domestic-violence victims also experienced financial abuse, 78 percent of Americans had not heard about financial abuse as it relates to domestic violence." (Source.)
What is Financial Abuse?
"Research indicates that financial abuse occurs in 99% of domestic violence cases. Surveys of survivors reflect that concerns over their ability to provide financially for themselves and their children was one of the top reasons for staying in or returning to an abusive partner." (Source.)
"Financial abuse is an aspect of ‘coercive control’ – a pattern of controlling, threatening and degrading behaviour that restricts a victims’ freedom.
It’s important to understand that financial abuse seldom happens in isolation: in most cases perpetrators use other abusive behaviours to threaten and reinforce the financial abuse.
Financial abuse involves a perpetrator using or misusing money which limits and controls their partner’s current and future actions and their freedom of choice. It can include using credit cards without permission, putting contractual obligations in their partner’s name, and gambling with family assets. [1]
Financial abuse can leave women with no money for basic essentials such as food and clothing. It can leave them without access to their own bank accounts, with no access to any independent income and with debts that have been built up by abusive partners set against their names. Even when a survivor has left the home, financial control can still be exerted by the abuser with regard to child maintenance.
Sadly the vast majority of survivors experience financial abuse at some point."(Source.)
Financial abuse might come in different forms including:
"These are some common forms of
financial abuse—and resources to help protect or recover from it.
- The Abuser “Takes Care” of the Finances. ...
- Employment Sabotage. ...
- Economic Exploitation. (Source.)
What is economic abuse?
"Economic abuse is a situation in which someone harms another person in a close relationship using money or property, for example by controlling how they are able to get or spend money, or preventing them being able to buy things that they need:
With economic abuse, money becomes a way to control the victim.
Economic abuse can also include restricting access to essential resources such as food, clothing, or transport." (Source.)
How might economic abuse impact the victim of domestic violence?
- Would the victim of domestic violence have their own car?
- If a person doesn't have their own car are they able to get away from an abuser?
- What a victim of domestic violence have their own lease or their own property?
- If a person doesn't have their own property,
- How would they get away from an abuser?
- What happens to the children when a victim of domestic violence is trying to take care of the children but it has zero Financial Resources?
Ways One Might Overcome Financial Abuse or Economic Abuse in a Relationship: What is shared responsibility?
From "Stop Playing the Blame Game and
Take Responsibility in Your Relationship, by Katie Christy, Wtiters'
Corps" we find some wise words about Why Taking Responsibility is
Important?
"Taking ownership and responsibility for your actions is an important part of healthy relationships. Doing so is an empowering reminder that you have control over the role you play in your relationship. Taking responsibility creates trust and dependability. When you take responsibility for your behaviors, you demonstrate to your partner your willingness to be honest and vulnerable, which in turns encourages your partner to be open and authentic with you."
"For you, taking responsibility looks like practicing self-awareness. Another way is being able to apologize and accept that what you do affects your partner. For your partner, taking responsibility looks like having open communication with you about their feelings and being willing to admit they can grow from the hard parts of the relationship. Your partner learns to take responsibility when they own their behaviors and hold themselves accountable to their actions." (Source.)
Economic partnership, Shared Responsibility and Negotiation and fairness.
The Equality Wheel from Duluth suggests that
healthier relationships often have properties such as partners who practice:
- Shared Responsibility
- Economic Partnership
- Negotiation and Fairness
- Responsible Parenting
- Respect
- Accountability and Trust
- Equality
Some Ideas on Improving Your Partnership-Ability in your Relationship:
"Certain behaviors make a difference in relationship happiness. These maintenance behaviors often come naturally, but intentional efforts to engage in them could benefit relationships. Research (Stafford, 2010) underscores the power of these seven behaviors in particular in predicting relationship satisfaction, liking, love, and commitment:
- Positivity. Express happiness and pleasure when spending time together.
- Understanding. Listen, forgive, apologize, and refrain from judgment.
- Giving assurance. Talk about the future; remind your partner what he/she means to you.
- Self-disclosing. Share feelings and encourage your partner to do the same.
- Openness. Share what you need or want in the relationship.
- Sharing tasks. Equitably share responsibilities (e.g., family, household, relationship).
- Involve networks. Spend time with your partner’s friends and family."(Source.)
Seriously consider the following Questions and you should be able to come up with some answers:
- Why does the domestic violence offender management Board of Colorado require that clients and domestic violence offender treatment be responsible for paying for their own treatment?
- What are some of the reasons why a client in domestic violence treatment wouldn't want to pay for their treatment?
- If a client in domestic violence offender treatment does not pay for his or her own treatment, what does that say about that person's emotional investment and putting domestic violence type Thinking, Feeling Behavior behind him or her?
If you have any questions about how to pay for DV Sessions, please Text Dr. B. at 719-671-7793 or email him at nepeht@gmail.com. Thank you.
>>> Always Keep In Mind: It's a whole
lot easier on everyone if you just pay as you go.<<<
Sources:
https://www.usafrancefinancials.com/resource-center/money/money-matters-why-it-pays-to-be-financially-responsible
https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/
https://www.theatlantic.com/sponsored/allstate/how-money-traps-victims-of-domestic-violence/750/
https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/
https://nnedv.org/content/about-financial-abuse/#:~:text=Research%20indicates%20that%20financial%20abuse,returning%20to%20an%20abusive%20partner.
https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/financial-abuse/
https://www.forbes.com/2010/09/02/women-money-domestic-violence-forbes-woman-net-worth-personal-finance.html?sh=6fbf0c0e1047
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/abuse
https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/stop-playing-the-blame-game-take-responsibility-in-your-relationship/#:~:text=Stop%20Playing%20the%20Blame%20Game%3A%20Take%20Responsibility%20in%20Your%20Relationship&text=Taking%20responsibility%20in%20your%20relationship%20is%20the%20acknowledgment%20and%20ownership,word%20you%20say%20and%20do.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201501/7-simple-ways-you-can-become-better-partner
https://drbsdvpreventionandeducation.blogspot.com/2022/01/very-important-notice-about-paying-for.html?m=1
https://drbsdvpreventionandeducation.blogspot.com/2022/01/very-important-notice-about-paying-for.html?m=1
