The Value of Support Systems in Prevention of Domestic Violence

Think About It:  How might Social Supports (and other Supports) Help Prevent Domestic Violence?

  Think about this for a second with an open mind... on the day I got my DV Offense; might the outcome have been different if I had gone to visit a trusted friend and shared my frustrations with them; rather that doing what I did that got me into trouble?  In other words, could Support have helped prevent my DV Offense?

Support:

  One thing that is often missing in relationships where there is Domestic Violence is Support.  Support can come in many different ways and it is often very helpful; at the same time, it is not always helpful.  

  Nonetheless, There is no telling how many lives have improved by Supportive others; however, it is surely a tremendous number.

  The DVOMB Core Competencies -- under Item T -- say:  "T) Offender identification of pro-social and/or community support and demonstration of the ability to utilize the support in an appropriate manner (sponsor, support person, etc. (but not the victim))."

Why is Support So Necessary for us to Understand?

Video:  Unmasking Control: Isolation Tactics Revealed

  What is Support?  In this sense, support is that which flows between two (or more) people when we give and/or receive help.  Support can be physical, instrumental or emotional.

  When we need Support, we are sometimes fortunate enough to be on the receiving end of Support.  Support often helps hold us up and helps us get what we need -- (although not completely and not all the time).

  As givers, it also helps us feel more whole and more capable.  How do you feel after you help someone?  It kind of feels like a good energy of sorts that feeds both the recipient and the giver.

  Many of us are taught to believe that if we give support wisely, it can often-times come back to us when we need it.... a simple term for this could "Karma"; and/or "The Golden Rule".

  It is good either way.  So it's usually good to give; and usually good to receive as well.

VIDEOS:

Video: Social Support | Definition, Theory & Examples

Why Social Health Is Key to Happiness and Longevity | Kasley Killam | TED

How Might Social Support Help Your Relationship?

"Social support strengthens relationships by fostering trust, lowering stress, and improving emotional health, while YouTube facilitates this by offering digital communities, shared experiences, and peer support. These connections—whether in-person or online—buffer against loneliness, boost longevity, and provide practical or emotional support that promotes overall well-being" (Source).

"How Social Support Strengthens RelationshipsTrust and Safety: 

Relationships that allow individuals to be their authentic selves without judgment build stronger, more secure bonds.  

Buffer Against Stress: Shared laughter and conversations trigger oxytocin, decreasing stress and improving mental health.  

Validation and Community: A supportive community, including peer groups, reduces isolation and strengthens relationships by providing a network that understands shared challenges.  

Active Engagement: Building these networks requires active listening, being present, and regular communication to cultivate long-term companionship."

"Social support maintains romantic relationships by providing emotional comfort, reducing stress, and validating partners, which boosts relationship satisfaction and resilience. A strong network (friends, family) helps couples manage challenges, encourages positive communication, fosters shared identity, and can even reduce cortisol levels during stressful times, enhancing stability.

Key ways social support maintains relationships:

Stress Management: Knowing support is available provides emotional stability and reduces the impact of external stressors on the relationship.

Validation and Belonging: Supportive networks help partners feel understood and valued, which strengthens their bond.

Improved Communication: Social support encourages open, direct, and honest communication between partners, fostering intimacy

Relationship Approval: Research shows that when a couple's friends and family support their relationship, it is more likely to survive, especially if the woman’s network approves.

Shared Identity: Participating in activities with friends and family creates a sense of belonging and community around the couple.

Buffering Against Conflict: External support can reduce conflict between partners and prevent emotional withdrawal."  (Source).

Support comes in different types: 

  Prosocial: These supports help us do the Right thing.

                vs 

  Antisocial: Sometimes encourage us to do the Wrong thing.

and,

  Formal -- Counselors

               vs 

  Informal -- Friends

  

Community Support Basics:

    Taxpayers (The overwhelming; but often invisible supports)  (Through Paychecks, but also through County/State/City Fees and Taxes & Sales Taxes).

    Those who do not get Tax Refunds, but instead pay thousands into the system to help you.

    

Benefactors (donors) vs Beneficiary   

Foundations (Endowments) vs (for example) Scholarship Awardees

    

  Multi-Generation or Legacy-type Community wealth entities (i.e., Existing Structures; or Multigenerational Use Assets): City Parks, State Parks, National Parks, Schools, Various Services, Police, Fire, Health, Mail, Higher Education, Public Safety, Armed Services, Museums.

  Instrumental Community Wealth helps you maintain and make good changes (Job Corps, Vocational Training, FHA Loans, GI Bill, La Puente, AA, NA)

  Institutional Community Wealth (Medical Centers, Research Institutes, Big Charities (i.e., The Red Cross, and others).

  Cultural Community Wealth: Associations, Clubs or Organizations of Identified Cultural Groups including, Cultural Dance or Music Groups, Churches, Historic Venues or Displays -- such as Local History / Exhibits, Local Legacy Educational entities like Community Theatres.

  It is important to note that many of the above entities would not survive or exist without Volunteers.

On A More Personal Level, Types of Social Support include:

 Tangible Support: A Car, Help with Rent

 Instrumental Support: A Good Job Reference; or a Good Rental Reference; or Introductions to people that can help you.

 Emotional Support: People helping people cope with troubles and helping people feel better.

Support As A Need:

  Support is a NEED for many Humans.  It just is.  And Social Support is a type of support that quite possibly could make a difference when it comes to preventing DV.  

  Our Support Networks are often under-used.  Furthermore, in abusive relationships; one or both partners, sometimes even discourages the use of such networks.  Unfortunately, Social Support (and other types of Support) are frequently precisely what is needed; and should never be discouraged.  But then without them, in some cases, the DV might be more likely to happen.

  The Mayo Clinic wrote: “ A social support network is made up of friends, family and peers. Social support is different from a support group, which is generally a structured meeting run by a lay leader or mental health professional.

  Although both support groups and support networks can play an important role in times of stress, a social support network is something you can develop when you're not under stress. It provides the comfort of knowing that your friends are there for you if you need them.

  You don't need to formalize your support network. A coffee break with a friend at work, a quick chat with a neighbor, a phone call to your sibling, a visit to a house of worship or volunteer work are all ways to develop and foster lasting relationships with others” (Source).

 

  More Regarding Social Support, The Mayo Clinic also writes about “Risks of isolation and benefits of social support”.  They say, “Studies have demonstrated that social isolation and loneliness are associated with a greater risk of poor mental health and poor cardiovascular health, as well as other health problems. Other studies have shown the benefit of a network of social support, including the following:

• Improving the ability to cope with stressful situations
• Alleviating the effects of emotional distress
• Promoting lifelong good mental health
• Enhancing self-esteem
• Lowering cardiovascular risks, such as lowering blood pressure
• Promoting healthy lifestyle behaviors
• Encouraging adherence to a treatment plan
• Cultivating your social support network

  If you want to improve your mental health and your ability to combat stress, surround yourself with at least a few good friends and confidants. Here are some ideas for building your social network:

  Volunteer. Pick a cause that's important to you and get involved. You're sure to meet others who share similar interests and values.

  Join a gym or fitness group. Incorporating physical fitness into your day is an important part of a healthy lifestyle. You can make friends while you exercise. Look at gyms in your area or check a local community center.

  Take a class. A local college or community education course puts you in contact with others who share similar hobbies or pursuits.

  Look online. Social networking sites can help you stay connected with friends and family. Many good sites exist for people going through stressful times, such as chronic illness, loss of a loved one, a new baby, divorce and other life changes. Be sure to stick to reputable sites, and be cautious about arranging in-person meetings.

 Give and take: The foundation of social networks

  A successful relationship is a two-way street that requires your active participation. Here are some suggestions for nurturing your relationships:

Stay in touch. Answering phone calls, returning emails and reciprocating invitations let people know you care.

• Don't compete. Be happy instead of jealous when your friends succeed.
• Be a good listener. Listen when your friends are speaking. Find out what's important to them.
• Don't overdo it. Be careful not to overwhelm friends and family with phone calls and emails. Save those high-demand times for when you really need them.
• Appreciate your friends and family. Take time to say thank you and express how important they are to you.
• Give back. Be available for family and friends when they need support." (Source).

More about the Properties of Support:

The Values of Kinships: (Kinship gives us a sense of belonging).

    Familial Kinship -- Bio Family or Legal Family.

    Psychological Kinship -- Often a product of mutual support.

    Belonging to -- Organizations / Associations / Municipal Groups / Churches / Study Groups etc...

 

  It's important that we recognize our ability to utilize support in an appropriate manner (sponsor, support person, etc. not the victim).

Remember: Support is often a Give and take.

  How Helpful Have Supports Been for me in my Lifetime?  

  Am I Willing and Able to Accept Support when I need it?

  Am I Willing and Able to Give Support when it is needed?

  Do I give Back?

Think About It:  How might Social Supports (and other Supports) Help Prevent Domestic Violence?

• -- Gives me an outlet to share viewpoints with (a different opinion might be helpful).
• -- Give me a possible friendly critic - who can constructively help me redirect my mind or my efforts.
• -- They say that letting the Sun shine in helps to chase away the shadows.  In other words, quite frequently, having more eyes on a situation helps keep the situation healthy and safe.  
• -- Having more support might help one or both partners to get the help that they might need (i.e., Mental Health Care, Crisis intervention, Medication Mgmnt).
• -- Sometimes Support helps me get through the rough spots, such as if I need $100 to help pay the rent this month.
• -- Perhaps someone in the Network knows of a good job opening and also knows that I need a job. Then they could hook me up with a good job referral.  Wouldn't that be great?

*** CLICK HERE to Complete your Support: Give and Take Worksheet. ***

Always remember to complete your Session Feedback Form after each Session.  Thank you.  And have a nice day.

      Please click here to complete Dr. B's Session Feedback Form.

Sources: 

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/social-support/art-20044445

(c. 2021, All information on the Blog (Except where otherwise noted); are the intellectual and/or photographic     and/or digital property of Dr. William T. Beverly, L.C.S.W., DVOMB Approved Offender Treatment Provider.)

The Stoics' Approach to Domestic Violence Prevention

DRAFT POST.  

PLEASE DO NOT COPY, PRINT or DISTRIBUTE.

  There are many different philosophies that may be applied to efforts to try and prevent Domestic Violence.  Few seem to be as potentially effective as Stoicism.

Check out this video, "the origins of stoicism shipwreck zeno" https://share.google/kA533XGowQHhx6bbZ

Check out this video, "the origins of stoicism shipwreck" https://share.google/EuCpQp1hmVsyPClPL

 STOICISM Explained in 3 Minutes

Stoicism is based in Virtues to use in life such as Courage, Temperance, Justice (Fairness) and Wisdom

What's Up to Us, versus What's Not Up to Us

How are these applicable to DV. 

Serenity...  How does a LACK of Serenity...  help motivate DV?

  "I am not accepting something I cannot change..."  

Stoicism is ABOUT WHAT SOMEONE DOES.

"The obstacle is the way..."    "What stands in the way becomes the way"

"It's about what one does...."

"Waste no more time talking about what a good man is like;  But instead...BE A GOOD MAN."

It's not what happens...  IT's how you respond to what happens."

YOu can always respond with Courage, Justice, Temperance an WIsdom.

https://share.google/aimode/h7WIjLcUw5px6tiDQ 

Stoic's Rules For Life https://youtu.be/EkPUOMeeQeY?si=TOqr9o2hxjlzSq-2 

Check out this video, "stoics youtu.be" https://share.google/YYATVh9AmdLJQhybE 

12 Stoic Rules:

"You have to own the morning"

".Serenity"

"Be Present."

"Just to one thing every day."."

"Do one good turn every day."  Justice as a VERB; not a noun.

"Is this essential?  Ask ourselves.  Do only the essential things."

"Speak with the Dead -- Reading is a way to have conversations with the dead....   read classics... read the master thinkers...."

".We are tough on ourselves, but tolerant for others.  Self-Discipline..."

"We make beautiful choices."

".Listen more than you speak."

"Remember that everything is an opportunity... ".  (Most important rule)"

"Remember you're dying every day. As time passes,.. it is dead to you and gone.  We can't worry about what has already happened.  Focus on what is in front of you.. not what is behind you.    Every day is a second chance.  make the most of it.  be the person that philosophy tried to make us.  Become what you are capable of being.."

Discussion Questions:

How Might Stoicism Help A Person Prevent DV types of Thinking?

How Might Stoicism Help A Person Prevent DV types of Feeling?

How Might Stoicism Help A Person Prevent DV types of Behavior or Acting?

Making Choices About Relationships -- How Important is it to Make a SMART Choice Regarding Our Relationships?

  When you make an important choice in your life, what do you go through... ?    What's it like for you?

  Some folks think that Relationships just happen automatically -- or even magically.  Like I'm just walking along one day and BOOM!!! Cupid done hit me with an Arrow.... and I'm in love.  

  Ain't no stopping me now!  

  Other times, we feel comfortable; or even obligated due to having a shared history or something like that.

  What is this about relationships that a person will pretty much risk their livelihood -- if not her or his life -- in order to be in one?  Why are relationships sometimes so difficult and/or so impactful?  

  Sometimes or Somewhere among the ponderings that we go through while crying through the shambles of a broken relationship we start making choices, don't we?  Even in the Break-Up Zone we are making choices.  But then a lot of folks don't think about it this way; so what comes next seems like it could be nothing, a make up, a break up, or a new relationship -- or even just a distraction.

  So, How about Relationships -- Do our troubles just come to us automatically; or do we help create them?  So this gets us to thinking doesn't it...

  Do I make SMART Choices regarding Relationships?  Sometimes, yes.  But No, Not always.  Right?

  Can we agree that it is time to start Making Smarter Choices regarding our Relationships -- So what is a SMART Choice anyway?

  

What is A Real S M A R T choice?  Well it starts with the following tools here            (Spell it out -- SMART):

BEFORE YOU GET INVOLVED IN A NEW RELATIONSHIP or 

BEFORE YOU MAKE THE NEXT BIG DECISION IN YOUR EXISTING RELATIONSHIP consider the following:

S -- Be Sort of Selfish.  -- Think about your own needs first... (Wants and Desires come later). What are my needs?  Don't ever get into a relationship just because THEY want you to.  What if I make a bad choice?  

  NEVER be so afraid to make a change that you are stubbornly stuck with a poor choice.  Realize, you are there by CHOICE.

M  -- MAKE sure you go for a Healthy Relationship -- NOT just a fling -- Unless of course a fling is all you really want.  But be sure to protect yourself.  Either way, always try to choose the Healthier Road.  Before you make a choice; be sure it is a choice you can live with (and hopefully thrive with).

A   -- Remember, to make A smart choice.  Assess the Potential Pros and Cons first -- before you act.  -- Always do a Cost-Benefit Analysis (Hint: Always Analyze the potential costs first).  Look at the Risks first.

R  -- Always Respect Yourself and Respect your potential partners -- no matter what happens.  Respect is the name of the game in healthy relationships.  Remember: Whenever DV Happens, someone is probably disrespecting someone.  And it might be the other person or themselves or both.

  And then finally...

T  -- Trust your Instincts, and your Desires, and your Attractions -- but NEVER do so, prior to conducting a thorough empirical analysis.  (Empirical means that you separate what you KNOW from what you THINK you KNOW).  Get REAL.  DO NOT go against Reality.  Know as much as you possibly can about what you are getting into before you get into it.

               Finally, Slow Down!  Don't go so fast... We have all day.

  Sometimes the person who we are when we first meet someone else is a good bit different from the person who we become while in the relationship.  

  Sometimes this might be good.  

  But other times -- all too many times -- this can be tragic.

For example: 

  Did you ever wish you could stop and really examine how YOU are in long-term Relationships?  Like who do I become when I get involved?

    Or 

  Have you ever even really looked at how your prospective partners might be in a long-term Relationship -- before you get into the relationship with them?  

  If you answer is "No", then realize that this is a pretty natural thing.  It is natural for humans to want to find mates.  And sometimes we feel so awful after losing one mate that we are not as selective or choosy as we should be in selecting the next potential mate.  Why?  Because we are in such a hurry.

  Hence, we end up in trouble again -- sometimes BIG Trouble!  

  If you don't like getting into trouble, then perhaps it could be beneficial to develop some good insights into why your relationships sometimes turn out the way they do -- whether good or bad?

  And it seems logical to assume that one of the greatest influences on how we behave in relationships could have something to do with the kind of person we are in relationships.  Or with the type of person we are with -- if there is a difference.

  So whether I am already in a Relationship; or I am not currently in a Relationship but I want- or don't want to be in that Relationship; questions around the idea of What Type of Person I am; and What Type of Person I might like to have in my life can be very important.  Exploring this might help us for a number of reasons.  It could definitely give us some useful insights.

  So, Did I ever really stop to think: What Type of Person am I?  

  When I am in a Relationship, do I tend to feel, think, react or act in certain ways that either encourage the relationship to last; or even destroy the relationship before it's time?  

  A very honest look at this can quite possibly bring a bounty of wisdom.

  But then we really must remember that it takes two to have a relationship.  

  So it's not only about me and how I think, feel and behave.  But it's also about my partner and how they think, feel and behave.

  All of this begs the question(s): 

-- What Type of Person am I? 

-- What Type of Person Would I Like to Have in my Life? 

-- And what exactly do I want and need in a Relationship?

  Like am I the type of person that brings out the furious anger in a mate?  -- Not that it's my fault if they are abusive though.  

  Or ...  Do I just have a tendency to push a few too many buttons sometimes?

  Or ...  am I a person who is easy to love on a daily basis?

  

Think about it:  

What kind of person are you? 

Are you easy to live with? 

Are you an easy lover? 

Or Are you difficult to handle? 

If so, do you want to change that?  

The first step to changing anything is to have a good understanding of what is going on with you.

Or, Look at it This Way:  Another related set of important questions could be:   

  What kind of person would you like to have in your life?  

One who is easy to live with? 

One who is an easy lover? 

Charming? 

Or one who is difficult to handle .... and challenging... or perhaps a little drama here and there?

  Then Maybe One Should Ask -- What are some of the characteristics of a person (self or other) who is Easy to live with for you?  

  Or Ask -- what are some of the characteristics of a person who is NOT Easy to live with for you?

  In other words: What do I really want a person to be like that I would want to get involved with? 

  And then ask, What would that person want me to be like if we were in a relationship?

 After this, one can even go on to think about what exactly do I feel like I need in a Relationship?  And other things like that as well.

  And Thinking about these things before diving deeper into an existing relationship can be pretty wise; or before striking up a new relationship as well.  This might help us to avoid pitfalls as well as help us to have better relationships in the future.

This is a good time for a TOOL (No, not that kind of tool!):

Relationship-Related Qualities (Good and Bad) That Some People tend to have:

  Try considering this Partial List of Relationship-Related Qualities (good and bad) that some people tend to have in Relationships.  Then for each quality ask yourself a couple of questions: 

•   Does this quality describe me and how I am in a Relationship?  And/Or...

•   Does this quality describe the kind of person I would like to be with in a Relationship?

•   OR... is this the kind of person who I would LOVE to be like in a relationship; OR in a relationship with... but it just never seems to happen that way?

Here's THE LIST:   Ready???

Industrious

Creative

A Follower

The Leader

A Good Lover

A Hater

Kinda Freaky

A Straight Edge

The Worker

A Good Parent

An Adult Child who has not yet worked through it.

Brutally Honest

A Nice Person

The Helper 

The Martyr (Always the Victim)

Very Serious (But NOT Stalker Status)

A Jokester

Really Smart

Somewhat Destructive

The Neat-Freak

A Slob

A Collector (But not a Hoarder)

The Hippie (how about the Old Hippie)

Delicate

Durable

Jealous

A Dancer

Somewhat Courageous

Narrowly-Focused

Broad-Minded

Sex-Appeal

Passive

Aggressive

Passive- Aggressive

Submissive

Straight Up

Laid Back

Religious / Spiritual

Daddy's Little Girl / Mama's Little Boy

Relatively Independent

Talented

Easy-Going

Futuristic

Frugal

Cheap

Wasteful

Dwells on the Past

Forgiving

Humble

Fretful

Confident

Generous

Stingy

Always Punctual

Lackadaisical

Motivated

Waiting to be told what to do

A Real Go-Getter

A Gaming Addict

A Disappointment

The Cheater

El Borracho / La Borracha

Attractive or Cute

Loyal

Very Political

Single-Minded

Foolish

Wise

Prideful

Lazy or

Modest

  -- So First, we go through this list (or another list -- you can add to it if you like) and we figure out some good information about who we are.  Am I any of these things?

  -- And then next, we go through and think about who we really want in our life?

  This is probably a useful exercise because some people can be extremely easy to get along with at first.  But once they get into the relationship, they can be really hard to deal with.  And it truly does not have to be that way.

  In other words, it can be heartbreaking when one learns that the person they got involved with is nothing like the person who they thought they were in the beginning.  

So Again: Think About It.  What type of person are you in a relationship?  

And what type of person would you like to be with in a relationship?

*** Click Here to Complete Your 

Qualities of Self and Partners 

in Relationships Worksheet ***

What is it like loving and/or living with a person who is violent? What is it like for Adults? What is it like for Children?

 *** THIS IS A DRAFT POST.  PLEASE DO NOT PRINT, COPY or DUPLICATE               IN ANY WAY. ***

"Loving and living with a violent person is frequently described as a traumatizing, isolating, and confusing experience, characterized by a "cycle of abuse" where violent outbursts are interspersed with periods of calm or kindness. Victims often feel as though they are walking on eggshells, constantly adjusting their behavior to avoid triggering their partner's temper. 

DomesticShelters.org

Key Aspects of the Experience

The Cycle of Abuse: Living with a violent partner usually involves a repeating pattern: tension building, the violent act (physical, verbal, or emotional), followed by a "honeymoon phase" of apologies and promises of change.

Constant Fear and Anxiety: The threat of violence can create a permanent state of fear, causing anxiety, depression, and long-term PTSD.

Isolation and Control: Abusers often limit their partner’s contact with friends and family, control their finances, and monitor their activities to create dependency.

Gaslighting and Confusion: Victims may be manipulated into questioning their own reality, memory, or sanity, with the abuser often blaming the victim for triggering the violence.

Trauma Bonding: Despite the harm, victims may feel a deep, intense attachment to their partner—known as trauma bonding—which can make leaving feel incredibly difficult. 

Behavioral Hospital of Bellaire"

"Emotional and Psychological Impact

Loss of Self-Esteem: Constant criticism and degradation can erode a person's sense of worth, making them feel they deserve the abuse or cannot survive without the partner.

Shame and Secrecy: Many survivors feel embarrassed or ashamed, leading them to hide the abuse from others, which further empowers the abuser.

Feeling Trapped: Victims often feel trapped due to fear of retaliation, lack of money, or a desire to keep the family together for children.

Physical Symptoms: The stress of living in a violent home often leads to chronic health issues, such as insomnia, headaches, and physical injuries." 

Psychiatry.org

"Why People Stay

Leaving a violent relationship is often the most dangerous time, and partners often stay because the fear of leaving is greater than the fear of staying. Reasons for staying include:" 

Florida State University

Hope for Change: Believing the partner's promises that the violence will never happen again.

Financial Dependence: Lacking the resources to live independently.

Fear of Retaliation: The threat of severe harm or death if they leave."

PubMed Central (PMC) (.gov)

Finding Help

Violence in relationships is never the victim's fault and rarely changes without intervention. 

American Psychological Association (APA)

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (7233) or text "START" to 88788.

Seek Support: Contact a counselor, doctor, or a trusted friend to help create a safety plan. 

American Psychological Association (APA)

If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or local emergency services."

VIDEO: "How Domestic Violence Impacts Children"

VIDEO: "How childhood trauma affects health across a lifetime | Nadine Burke Harris | TED"

VIDEO: "Long term effects of domestic violence"

VIDEO: "Abusive Relationships Don't Always Look Like What You Think"

VIDEO: "8 Ways Emotional Abuse Traumatizes You"

VIDEO: "Finding the Light: Breaking the Cycle of Domestic Violence"

VIDEO: "5 Stages of Abuse, 3 Is The Most Dangerous"

VIDEO: "Male Victims of Domestic Violence"

VIDEO: "Central Valley advocates speak up for teen domestic violence victims"

VIDEO: "What Are the 4 Phases of Emotional Abuse & How Does the Cycle Work? | Dr. David Hawkins"

VIDEO: "How can an advocate help if I’m experiencing abuse?"""

VIDEO: "How childhood trauma affects health across a lifetime | Nadine Burke Harris | TED"

Just a simple Google Search of: "hormonal impact of children impacted by domestic violence"; yielded the following result:

"Children exposed to domestic violence often experience "toxic stress," leading to elevated, chronic levels of cortisol, adrenaline, and noradrenaline due to a sustained fight-or-flight response. This hormonal imbalance can permanently alter brain development, cause immune system dysfunction, and result in long-term mental health issues (anxiety, depression) and poor stress management. 

PubMed Central (PMC) (.gov)

Key Hormonal and Physiological Impacts:

Chronic Cortisol Elevation: Repeated exposure to trauma keeps cortisol (the primary stress hormone) constantly high, which can damage the hippocampus, affecting memory and emotion regulation.

Adrenaline Overload: Elevated adrenaline and noradrenaline increase heart rate and agitation, while reducing attention span.

Dysregulated Stress Response: Over time, the body may attempt to adapt by decreasing arousal receptors, leading to an impaired or dysfunctional stress response system.

Prenatal/Infant Impact: Maternal stress from intimate partner violence (IPV) can reduce the enzyme (11beta-hydroxysteroid dehydrogenase type 2) that protects the fetus, resulting in higher fetal cortisol exposure and a larger, slower-to-recover cortisol response in infants.

Physiological Changes: These alterations are linked to higher rates of physical health problems in adulthood, including poor immune function. 

PubMed Central (PMC) (.gov)

Long-Term Behavioral/Physical Consequences:

Developmental Disruptions: Children may experience regression, such as loss of toilet training, sleep disturbances, and nightmares.

Behavioral Issues: Chronic stress presents as irritability, withdrawal, over-compliance, or aggression.

Cognitive Delays: Executive functioning, self-regulation, and language development may be impaired. 

PubMed Central (PMC) (.gov)

Need for Support:

Early intervention and a supportive, stable environment are crucial to mitigating these biological changes and fostering resilience. 

YouTube" (Source).

Aristotle's EUDAIMONIA for Prevention of Domestic Violence!

THIS IS A DRAFT POST.  PLEASE DO NOT COPY, PRINT or DISTRIBUTE.

What Is (or Was) Aristotle's Eudaimonia?

  "Eudaimonia is the Aristotelian concept of human flourishing, a life lived in accordance with virtue and reason, representing the highest human good."

  "Eudaimonia, often translated as "happiness," is more accurately understood as human flourishing or living well, rather than a temporary state of pleasure or contentment (Britannica),. In Aristotle’s philosophy, it is the ultimate goal of human life, desirable for its own sake, and achieved through the good performance of the characteristic function of humans, which is rational activity in accordance with virtue (Britannica),. This involves cultivating moral and intellectual virtues, making ethical choices, and striving for excellence in all aspects of life" (Berkeley Wellbeing) (Britannica) (Source).

  "Eudaimonia is not merely subjective happiness or pleasure; it is the objective result of living a life in accordance with virtue and reason."  (Source.) 

https://youtu.be/Pn-x_cv55_Y?si=llrghd6GMgZJgc_X

  So, How do we get there??? -- To Eudaimonia...

 "Aristotle’s rules for an ethical life (eudaimonia) focus on virtue, habituation, and acting as a rational agent to achieve human flourishing. He emphasizes finding the "Golden Mean" between extremes of deficiency and excess in actions, cultivating intellectual/moral virtues, maintaining meaningful relationships, and exercising reason to guide choices."  (Source).

"Core Rules for Ethical Living

The Golden Mean: Act ethically by finding the balance between excess and deficiency. For instance, courage is the mean between cowardice (deficiency) and rashness (excess).

Habituation of Virtue: Virtue is not innate; it is developed through practice. One becomes virtuous by performing virtuous actions repeatedly until they become a habit, forming a strong character.

Acting with Reason: Ethical behavior requires deliberation and intentional choices rather than acting solely on passion or emotion.

Purposeful Action (Telos): Every act should aim at a "good," ultimately aimed at eudaimonia, which is defined as flourishing, or living and doing well.

Cultivating Relationships: Friendship and social engagement are vital components of a fulfilling, ethical life." (The Philosophy Teaching Library) (Source).

https://youtu.be/AACj96mvSbo?si=g97JCNzgyzDZrUrZ

"Applying Aristotle to a Virtual Life 

Digital Mean: Practice moderation in online habits. Avoid the extreme of digital addiction (excess) and social media avoidance (deficiency), finding a balance that supports personal growth.

Virtuous Digital Character: Ensure online actions reflect real-world virtues like honesty and courage rather than acting recklessly or cowardly due to digital anonymity.

Purposeful Engagement: Use virtual tools to pursue knowledge, meaningful connections, and personal development rather than merely for trivial consumption or idle distractions.

Ethical Moderation: Control digital impulses and emotions (anger, craving for validation) to maintain mental stability and rational decision-making."  (Philosophy Break) (Source).

VIDEO -- EUDAIMONIA

https://youtu.be/1ol6i1BotkM?si=uOpjsPmo1sX5Hfat

"Maintaining Eudaimonia (Flourishing) 

Lifelong Practice: Eudaimonia is not a temporary state but a lifelong pursuit, requiring continuous, habitual engagement in virtuous activities.

Rational Reflection: Regularly evaluate one’s actions and motivations through reflection to ensure they align with high ethical standards and one's ultimate goals.

Balance of Goods: While virtue is paramount, acknowledge that a good life also requires sufficient resources and external goods (health, friends).  (Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy)."  (https://share.google/aimode/VzAMr81oBck2jp7qJ ). 

Discussion Questions: 

  So when looking at The Concept of ETHICAL LIVING How might ETHICAL LIVING help us have relationships without Domestic Violence?

  So when looking at the idea of Living an Ethical Virtual Life; How might LIVING An ETHICAL VIRTUAL LIFE help us have relationships without Domestic Violence?

  So when looking at the concept of EUDAIMONIA How might Eudaimonia help us have relationships without Domestic Violence?

  How might EUDAIMONIA help us have healthier relationships?

Character Flaws, Personality Disorders, and Domestic Violence

DRAFT POST -- PLEASE DO NOT COPY, PRINT OR QUOTE

 Some Say that Domestic Violence can be a result of Character Flaws.

First Step -- What is Character?

What is Character? 

"1. the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual

2. "

"What is the meaning of character?

A character is a person or being in a narrative (such as a novel, play or film). The character may be entirely fictional or based on a real-life person, in which case the distinction of a "fictional" versus "real" character may be made.

Character (arts) - Wikipedia

Wikipedia -- https://en.wikipedia.org › wiki › Character_(arts)

What is the meaning of flawed character?

AI Overview

"A flawed character is a fictional person with specific imperfections, weaknesses, or internal conflicts that make them relatable, realistic, and prone to mistakes. These defects—ranging from minor quirks to tragic flaws like pride or jealousy—drive the plot, hinder the character’s goals, and create meaningful character arcs."  Reedsy

Usage Examples in Fiction

Tragic Flaw: Achilles' immense pride and anger (hamartia), which lead to his downfall.

Synonyms and Related Terms

Hamartia: A fatal flaw leading to downfall.

Foible: A minor weakness or eccentricity.

Vice: A immoral or wicked behavior.

Imperfection/Weakness/Deficiency: General terms for shortcomings.

Blind Spot: A lack of insight into one's own faults. 

Key Characteristics

Types: Can be minor (habits), major (anger issues), or fatal (destructive pride).

Purpose: Essential for building empathy and engagement, as perfect characters are unbelievable and dull.

Result: They cause internal conflict, hinder success, or damage relationships. 

What does this have to do with Domestic Violence?

 (FYI: Whay does DV Happen?  Situation got out of hand, Jealousy, Character, Not being able to control one's anger, Parental Alienation, Intoxication (alcohol and drugs), An unexpected or unwanted or feared Break-up). 

What is a Character Flaw and What does it have to do with DV?"

  "Is it possible that some DV happens as a result (at least in part) of a Character Flaw (or Flaws) on the part of one or both parties?"

"Domestic violence is frequently linked to specific, deeply ingrained personality flaws and distorted cognitive schemas in abusers, rather than just anger issues. Common traits include a high need for control, extreme jealousy, low self-esteem masked by arrogance, inability to accept responsibility, and poor empathy. These characteristics, often combined with a belief in rigid gender roles, lead to coercive, abusive, and manipulative behaviors designed to establish power over a partner. 

(Examples of Personality Flaws: Control Issues, Trust Issues, Lies A Lot, Extremely Insecure, Afraid, Lack of Confidence, Too Much Confidence, Selfish, Boastful (always bragging but nothing to show for it.)

 

Connections for Abused Women and their Children

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Core Character Traits of Abusers

Need for Control & Power: An intense desire to control the partner's actions, clothing, money, and social life.

Extreme Jealousy and Possessiveness: Frequent, unfounded accusations of infidelity and monitoring of communication.

Low Self-Esteem & Insecurity: Often masked by an arrogant, demanding, or narcissistic demeanor.

Lack of Responsibility/Blame-Shifting: Refusal to accept accountability for their actions, often blaming the victim or external factors (e.g., alcohol, stress).

Poor Empathy & Manipulation: Using manipulative tactics, guilt, and the silent treatment to get their way.

Rigid Belief Systems: Adherence to myths about domestic violence and traditional gender roles.

"Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" Personality: Often charming or kind in public, but abusive behind closed doors. 

Connections for Abused Women and their Children

Connections for Abused Women and their Children

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Common Behavioral Warning Signs

Rapid Relationship Pacing: Rushing into commitment (e.g., "love bombing").

Isolation: Attempting to cut the victim off from friends, family, and support systems.

Verbal Abuse & Demeaning Behavior: Name-calling, insults, and belittling, especially in private.

Explosive Temper: Sudden rages, throwing objects, or violence against objects (e.g., kicking furniture).

Cruelty: Abuse toward pets or other household members. 

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention | CDC (.gov)

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention | CDC (.gov)

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Underlying Causes & Contributing Factors

History of Abuse: Many perpetrators were victims of child abuse or witnessed domestic violence in their childhood.

Personality Disorders: Traits associated with borderline or antisocial personality disorders are common in abusers.

Substance Abuse: While not a cause of abuse, addiction often acts as a trigger or excuse for violent behavior. 

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention | CDC (.gov)."  (GOOGLE AI: SOURCE)

(First of all -- Disclaimer -- It is important to note that we ALL have Personalityies.  And we probably ALL have flaws.  This is not really abotu anyone in this room, it is about a phenomenon.)

"Domestic violence is frequently linked to specific, deeply ingrained personality flaws and distorted cognitive schemas in abusers, rather than just anger issues. Common traits include a high need for control, extreme jealousy, low self-esteem masked by arrogance, inability to accept responsibility, and poor empathy. These characteristics, often combined with a belief in rigid gender roles, lead to coercive, abusive, and manipulative behaviors designed to establish power over a partner. 

(Connections for Abused Women and their Children).

Core Character Traits of Abusers

Need for Control & Power: An intense desire to control the partner's actions, clothing, money, and social life.

Extreme Jealousy and Possessiveness: Frequent, unfounded accusations of infidelity and monitoring of communication.

Low Self-Esteem & Insecurity: Often masked by an arrogant, demanding, or narcissistic demeanor.

Lack of Responsibility/Blame-Shifting: Refusal to accept accountability for their actions, often blaming the victim or external factors (e.g., alcohol, stress).

Poor Empathy & Manipulation: Using manipulative tactics, guilt, and the silent treatment to get their way.

Rigid Belief Systems: Adherence to myths about domestic violence and traditional gender roles.

"Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" Personality: Often charming or kind in public, but abusive behind closed doors. 

 

Common Behavioral Warning Signs

Rapid Relationship Pacing: Rushing into commitment (e.g., "love bombing").

Isolation: Attempting to cut the victim off from friends, family, and support systems.

Verbal Abuse & Demeaning Behavior: Name-calling, insults, and belittling, especially in private.

Explosive Temper: Sudden rages, throwing objects, or violence against objects (e.g., kicking furniture).

Cruelty: Abuse toward pets or other household members. 

                                              (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention | CDC (.gov))

"Underlying Causes & Contributing Factors

History of Abuse: Many perpetrators were victims of child abuse or witnessed domestic violence in their childhood.

Personality Disorders: Traits associated with borderline or antisocial personality disorders are common in abusers.

Substance Abuse: While not a cause of abuse, addiction often acts as a trigger or excuse for violent behavior. " (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention | CDC (.gov))

If you or someone you know is in an unsafe relationship, resources are available. You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233) or visit their website for confidential support.  *(https://www.google.com/search?  Source)."

What about Personality Traits and Domestic Violence:

"Negative personality traits often hinder personal growth, damage relationships, and create toxic environments. Key negative traits include manipulation, arrogance, selfishness, dishonesty, and apathy. These traits can lead to poor communication, lack of accountability, and constant, unproductive criticism of others. 

Manipulative: Using deceitful or subtle tactics to control others for personal gain.

Arrogant: Acting overconfident, superior, or dismissive toward others.

Selfish: Lacking empathy and focusing only on one's own needs and interests.

Dishonest: Lacking integrity, frequently lying, or misleading people.

Apathetic/Cynical: Lacking care, passion, or assuming the worst about people and situations. 

Other common, detrimental traits include impulsiveness, constant complaining, insecurity, and defensiveness." (Source).

Good Character and Prevention of Domestic Violence:

"The Six Pillars of Character is a framework for teaching good character and is composed of six ethical values (characteristics) everyone can agree upon: Trustworthiness; Respect; Responsibility; Fairness; Caring; and Citizenship." ()

"Good character shapes a relationship by establishing a foundation of trust, respect, and emotional safety, which are essential for long-term success. It drives positive interactions through empathy, intentional communication, and accountability, allowing couples to navigate challenges effectively. Good character fosters harmony by prioritizing mutual needs and fostering personal growth. 

From the Chicago Psychoanalytic Institute: 

"Key Ways Good Character Shapes Relationships:

Builds Trust and Stability: Integrity, honesty, and loyalty are core character traits that make a partner reliable, creating a secure environment for intimacy to flourish.

Fosters Effective Communication: Individuals with good character practice active listening, are intentional about communication, and handle disagreements constructively without resorting to abuse or contempt.

Promotes Resilience and Growth: Strong character enables partners to take responsibility for their mistakes, show humility, and support each other's personal growth, which keeps the relationship evolving.

Encourages Empathy and Support: Compassion and kindness ensure that partners feel supported, understood, and validated, reducing the impact of conflict.

Ensures Equality and Respect: Good character means treating a partner as an equal, respecting boundaries, and valuing their perspective, rather than attempting to control or change them. 

 

Chicago Psychoanalytic Institute

Character acts as the foundation that determines the "destiny" of a marriage, often proving more vital to long-term fulfillment than love alone. " (Source)

What is a Personality Disorder?

So what is wrong with a Personality Disorder?

"Personality disorders can severely strain relationships through chronic conflict, intense emotional volatility, fear of abandonment, and manipulative or controlling behaviors. Partners often experience an "emotional roller coaster" characterized by rapid shifts between idolization and devaluation (splitting), creating an unpredictable, exhausting, and often abusive environment that erodes trust and mental health. 

Mental Health Center of America

Key ways a personality disorder can damage a relationship include:

Emotional Volatility & Conflict: Rapid, intense mood swings can lead to explosive anger, unpredictable arguments, and constant stress, leaving partners feeling trapped or emotionally exhausted.

Fear of Abandonment & Clinging: Intense anxiety regarding abandonment can cause desperate, controlling, or insecure behaviors, such as constant reassurance seeking or sabotaging the relationship first to avoid being left.

Splitting & Idealization-Devaluation: The partner may be viewed as either perfect or terrible (black-and-white thinking), leading to sudden, confusing shifts in treatment from loving to intensely critical.

Manipulative or Distrustful Behavior: Some personality disorders, like paranoid or antisocial, can cause severe mistrust, leading to unfounded accusations of infidelity or malicious intent. This can result in manipulation, gaslighting, or emotional abuse.

Impulsive and Self-Destructive Actions: Risky behaviors, such as substance abuse, financial irresponsibility, or threats of self-harm, can devastate a couple's stability.

Isolation: Individuals may isolate their partners from friends and family or become intensely codependent, destroying the partner's support systems. 

Mayo Clinic

While these behaviors are not typically a conscious choice, they stem from ingrained patterns that often require professional intervention and therapy (like DBT) to manage."  (Source)

How Might These Contribute to Domestic Violence?

Does this make DV Okay?

What are Character Flaws?

What do a Person's Perception, Sense of Feeling or Emotional Reaction, Thinking, Behavior and  Conscience look like when they have a Character Flaw?

What if the Flaw is in both (would-be) partners?

What is a Personality Disorder?

List of Personality Disorders?

Some people say that people with Personality Disorders have Character Flaws.

Can a person have a Character Flaw and NOT have a Personality Disorder?

What do Character Flaws and Personality Disorders sometimes lead to -- DV - Wise?

How can one prevent being