Is it Possible that Psychological Kinship is a Necessity for a Successful Relationship: AKA, ,How much Psychological Kinship is truly being shared between partners in an Abusive Relationship?

DRAFT POST.  

Please do not copy, print or distribute. 

Question:  What are some of easiest ways to essentially kill a relationship?

  Lie, cheat, no trust, accuse, abuse, drug and alcohol, certain types of actions that antagonize, irritate, agitate, repition such as never changing or being unwilling to participate and whatever, actions that impede flourishing... no Eudomonia (Meaning actions that go against one's values system), a lack of humanistic communication... meaning -- No empathy, Narcicism, Being Inconsiderate or other things such getting too deep too fast.  A lack of compatibility.  Jealousy and accusing or cheating...  Or cheating.

How might one manage to get through times where the relationship is challenged by a lack of consideration for each other?

  

  NOW.. HOW COULD ONE PREVENT THE TRAGEDY OF BEHAVING IN SUCH WAYS?

  People need to stop and think with a sober mind -- Don't reacct too quicking.  Breath, Relax, Use Positive Affect, and Positive Statements along with Good Listening.

  When relationship go that way.. in that negative direction; what are some things that are probably missing?

  Love is non there any more, lacking compassion, empathy, lacking love for the other partner... and probably a number of other things.  

Psychological Kinship

  In many cases, wher there is closeness and affinity; a sense of collaborate Psychological Kinship Could Help"

  "Family-by-Choice : Creating Family in a World of Strangers by Susan Ahern and Kent G. Bailey (1997,"

  In many ways.... An Emotional Bond (Experienced by BOTH people) needs to be there in order to have a healthy relationship relationship.   

  In addition to feelings -- one also need values/ethics/morals/virtues.  

  One also needs the ability to have fun together; to play together.

  Both also need to be able to handle and stay strong during the good times and the bad times.

Some steps to imagine:

You meet

You greet, talk, share who you are.

You learn about them.

You accept them and they accept you.

And then perhaps you BOTH try to stay together.

 But then all the challenges come up in many cases -- not all.

    What can help us get past the challenges?  

Talking, listening, empathy, understanding, bringing love to the relationship, Bring positive attitudes, Confidence, and humility, faith, courage, respect and the ability to try again.  (Or the ability to take a time out... a stop, breath, and focus...)  

  Take your time.... and pick yourself back up.

  And try to move with a moving forward attitude.

  Put the past behind you if you can.

  Forgiveness and a Positive Attitude help also.

 Be willing to drink of the Water Again.  Do things that help you both build the relationship together.

  And keep on taking care of yourself as you go on.

Moving Forward:

  Is it Possible that Psychological Kinship is a Necessity for a Successful Relationship: AKA, ,How much Psychological Kinship is truly being shared between partners in an Abusive Relationship?

Later I am going to ask -- 

How might one describe the Psychological Kinship between two partners when there is abuse?

How might one describe the Psychological Kinship between two partners when there Love and Closeness and comfort and joy?

In what distinct ways might Psychological Kinship help a Couple Prevent Domestic Violence?

"Family-by-Choice: Creating Family in a World of Strangers

"Family-By-Choice: Creating Family in a World of Strangers" by Susan Ahern and Kent G. Bailey explores the concept of kinship and the importance of intentional communities in our modern society. The book discusses how families can be formed through various means, including friendships, work, and social groups, and emphasizes the need for close ties with others, especially when traditional family structures are not possible. The authors argue that the modern family should not conform to outdated models but rather embrace a more flexible and inclusive approach to familyhood. "(Source).

What is a Successful Relationship?  (No DV)

Perhaps a successful relationship is going to have some degree of Psychological Kinship (eg., unconditional positive regard (Rogers).)  

Dr. Kent G. Bailey did us all a big favor not so long ago....  He wrote extensively about and developed the Concept of Psychological Kinship.

What is Psychological Kinship:

  "Psychological kinship is the, often subconscious, tendency to perceive and treat genetically unrelated individuals (friends, mentors, or therapists) as if they were family members. It extends the emotional bonds of nurturing and loyalty beyond bloodlines to provide social support, particularly during times of stress." [1, 2, 3, 4]

   (Per Beverly, who adds: "Therefore, perhaps with more solid Psychological Kin, we have less stress; which might lead to increased and possibly more stable Physical and Mental Health.")

Key Aspects of Psychological Kinship:

• "As If" Relationship: It involves adopting a mental set where close friends, mentors, or pets are categorized similarly to biological kin, fostering deep trust and care. [1, 2, 3, 4]
• Triggered by Stress: The need for psychological kin is heightened by survival stress or emotional upheaval, leading people to "adopt" helpers into their inner circle. [1, 2]
• Common in Helping Professions: Clients often seek or develop a quasi-familial bond with therapists or counselors, which acts as a mechanism for healing and security. [1, 2]
• Evolutionary Basis: Rooted in primate sociality, humans are inclined to form these intimate ties for survival, even when not biologically related. [1, 2]

Psychological kinship often overlaps with concepts of "chosen family" or deep, intimate friendships. [1]"

"A successful relationship is generally defined as one where both partners feel happy, supported, and able to communicate their needs effectively. It involves mutual respect, a shared level of commitment, and the ability to evolve together as individuals. Key characteristics include trust, authentic communication, and unselfish love, which contribute to the overall fulfillment and compatibility of the partners involved"  (Source).

What is Psychological Kinship?

"Psychological kinship is the human tendency to perceive and treat genetically unrelated individuals—such as friends, partners, or mentors—as if they were family members. This phenomenon involves extending feelings of closeness, loyalty, and obligation to non-kin, often "over-perceiving" family bonds based on deep emotional connections. [1, 2, 3]

Key Aspects of Psychological Kinship

• "As-If" Family: It is characterized by feeling and behaving toward others "as family," regardless of actual biological relatedness. [1]
• Role in Relationships: Often seen in close friendships, long-term marriages, and in the "helping professions," where clients may view therapists or counselors in parental or sibling terms. [1, 2]
• Stress-Induced: The tendency to form these bonds increases significantly under survival stress or personal crisis, when people look for close, protective support systems. [1, 2]
• Evolutionary Basis: It is thought to be an extension of our natural, evolutionary inclination to form, trust, and support kin, applied to others to create social cohesion and safety. [1, 2, 3]
• 
  

Another way to view it is:

"In the evolutionary kinship model developed by psychologist Kent G. Bailey, psychological kinship is defined as the human tendency to feel and behave toward a genetically unrelated person "as if" they were family. [1]

According to Bailey's framework and the validation of his Kinship Scale, the core elements and dynamics of psychological kinship include:

1. "As-If" Family Classification

The defining baseline element is the cognitive and emotional classification of a non-kin individual into one's primary in-group. This replication of real family bonds carries similar unwritten expectations, benefits, and felt obligations. [1, 2]

2. Affective Proximity and Intimacy

Psychological kinship relies heavily on an interpersonal appraisal of affective proximity. Individuals evaluate and rank certain non-biologically related people as their most intimate "insiders," heavily blending individual identities with group identities. [1]

3. Factor Dimensions (The Kinship Scale)

When validating the Revised Kinship Scale to measure this construct, factor analysis by Nava and Bailey (1991) identified four unique structural factors. The primary and most powerful element is: [1]

"Family Love": This element accounts for the vast majority of the variance (37.7%) and captures the core feelings of deep attachment, unconditional support, and mutual belonging. [1]
Affiliative Needs: The remaining factors are tied to kinship need fulfillment, strongly correlating with independent psychological measures of attachment, love, and liking. [1]

4. Stress and Survival Proximity as Catalysts

A vital systemic element in Bailey’s model is that the formation of psychological kinship is greatly augmented by stress, particularly survival stress. Under intense hardship, humans are biologically primed to seek out "kin and tribe" for safety. When actual biological kin are unavailable, individuals will rapidly project a psychological kinship status onto helpers, therapists, or companions who provide a secure base. [1, 2]

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If you are exploring this topic for a specific application, let me know if you would like to look closer at:

How psychological kinship behaves specifically in the client-therapist relationship
The evolutionary backing of human paleopsychology
The specific metrics used in the Nava & Bailey Kinship Scale [1, 2]"  (Source.)

Contextual Applications

• Therapy: The Kinship Model of Therapy suggests that, because clients under stress seek emotional safety, they may form strong psychological kinship ties with their helpers. [1]
• Friendship: It explains why close friends can feel more like family than biological relatives, particularly through shared experiences and mutual support. [1, 2, 3]
• Social Groups: It can extend to organizations or communities, where shared characteristics foster a feeling of "familiness" among members. [1]

Note: The concept is often defined as an "as-if" family, distinguished from biological kinship, which is based on consanguinity (blood relations). [1]" (Source.)

"The Psychological Kinship Scale (PKS) is a 20-item, 5-point Likert scale developed by Nava and Bailey (1991) to measure the extent to which individuals perceive non-biological, "as-if" family relationships (e.g., romantic partners, close friends) with the same closeness, obligation, and emotional intensity as biological family members. [1, 2]

Key Aspects of the Psychological Kinship Scale

• Construct Definition: It measures the subjective "family-like" quality of relationships rather than legal or biological ties. [1, 2, 3, 4]
• Structure: The PKS typically features 20 items that are rated, with total scores ranging from 20 to 100. [1]
• Validation: Research indicates the scale is positively correlated with attachment, love, and liking, though sex differences in scoring patterns have been noted. [1, 2]
• Application: It has been used to study romantic attraction, social support, and resilience, indicating that high kinship with non-kin can provide similar support to that of biological kin. [1, 2]
• Alternative Measures: Adaptations, such as the 4-item kin-perceptions scale, are used to measure psychological closeness to larger groups, such as in the context of immigration and host cultures. [1]

The scale, originally designed as a 60-item instrument, was refined to improve its validity in measuring the "psychological family" construct. [1, 2]"  (Source).

  So...  Have you ever had a sense of Psychological Kinship in a Romantic Relationship?

"Psychological kinship scales measure the perceived emotional closeness, shared identity, and sense of family-like connection with others, often focusing on non-biological relationships or assessing the depth of existing family bonds. These tools frequently use Likert-type questions (e.g., 0-10 or strongly disagree to strongly agree) to evaluate intimacy, investment, and emotional attachment. [1, 2, 3]

Common Psychological Kinship Scale Components
Research often uses questions to measure the intensity of bonds: [1]

• Willingness to Invest (Altruism): Measures how much a person is willing to sacrifice for another.
  • "How willing would you be to donate your kidney to [Name] if she/he needed it?"
  • "How willing would you be to give half of one month's salary to [Name]?"
  • "Imagine [Name] being sentenced to jail... how willing would you be to serve the sentence instead?" [1, 2]
• Emotional Closeness:
  • "How emotionally close are you and [Name]?" [1]
• Family-Like Connection (Kinship Scale): Measures perceived "familyness".
  • "I feel a strong sense of family with [Name]."
  • "I would turn to [Name] before anyone else in a crisis."
  • "[Name] is as close to me as a biological sibling/parent." [1, 2]
• Self-Concept/Relational Identity: Assesses how much identity is defined by others.
  • "My close relationships are an important reflection of who I am."
  • "I feel as though I am a part of [Name]." [1]

Context and Usage

• Kinship Scale (Revised): A 20-item measure focusing on affective bonds that often correlates with love, liking, and attachment measures, with the strongest factor being "family love".
• Kinship Center Attachment Questionnaire (KCAQ): A tool to measure child attachment and track changes over time.
• Relational-Interdependent Self-Construal Scale (RISC): Assesses how much self-concept is defined through close relationships. [1, 2, 3]

These scales are used to understand how people define "family" beyond biology, often showing that women, in particular, treat close friends similar to kin. [1]"

(Source)

What does it take to have a Psychological Kinship?  

And how might that help a Relationship?

Discussion:

  In your relationships; do you tend to treat Romantic Partners like you treat family?

  Do they treat you like you are family?

  A lot of families have knock down drag outs.  Can you have such a fight or argument with your partner and still love each other?

  If one really has a true Kinship,. wouiild that kinship be able to nurture unhealtlhy habits/