Can Domestic Violence (ever) be Right? Can it ever be Virtuous or Righteous? Can Domestic Violence Ever Become the Right Thing To Do?

THIS IS A DRAFT POST -- A WORKING POST -- PLEASE DO NOT QUOTE, PRINT, COPY or Distribute. 

Question: "Domestic Violence" and Right and Righteous and Virtuous and/or Justified?

  ONe person said, "Maby they still just don't care..."  (even if they hurt someone.)

  "Some people just don't have remorse about what they've done."

  Another person said, (Question, could you imaging someone not thinking it's the right thing to do..? 

  Response... "Still trying to put the blame on the other person. Just makes the situation worse.. because they are not holding themselves accountable."

  CAN you imagine any time where it could be justified?  ("No").

  So if it cannot be justified ever?  

(Does having a RIGHT to do something back to them in revenge -- make it the Right things to do?  (No... You just shouldn't hit them even if it is in revenge because they hit your first.)

Two questions:

1. Why not hit them back?   --  What are the possible PROS to NOT hitting them back?

  If I dont hit back, "I don't have the risk of getting into trouble..."  "If you hit them back there is no way to prove you hit them after they hit you... "

  "Not to harm anybody because you shouild not hurt them anyways... not to harm the relationship... or harm anyonephysically."

2. But are there not any exceptions to this rule then?

 "Maby it Could be justified if anotehr person is abuisve toward you and you hit them back...  (for revenge, to protect yourself, get them to stop hurting you.. like if they are choking you.)  So if you are in a situation that is Life or Death.... Or let's in a sitaution where serious bodily harm could happen...   You would be defending yourself... 

Question:  "Could there be a better alternative to striking back?"

   "Getting away.. of course... Like asking for help.  (Embarrassment... Fear of Retaliation... or Fear of loss of the family together as a whole...)" 

  If there are kids around, you definitely need to go a different route: 

1. Leaving the whole relationship so that you don't put your kids in danger..

2. And also again, asking for help.

  Why would anyone say "yes" to this question -- again?  

(Can Domestic Violence (ever) be Right?  Can it ever be Virtuous or Righteous?  Can Domestic Violence Ever Become the Right Thing To Do?)

  Why would anyone say this is the Right thing to do?  

  Maby because -- "Maby becuse it is the only way they can get away from that person."

  Perhaps, because he or she said they were going to hurt a child -- in the other room. And their  their threats were believable.

Alternative Consideration: 

  "Domestic violence is never considered right, righteous, virtuous, or justified in modern society or under the law. 

  Legally, it is a recognized crime, such as under federal laws like the Violence Against Women Act, and is treated as an act of power and control." (Source).

Question: 

  How can something be RIGHTIOUS?

"Something is righteous when it aligns perfectly with moral perfection, justice, and truth. Depending on your framework, it can be defined in a few distinct ways: 

  Moral & Ethical Alignment: An action or concept is righteous if it upholds fairness, honesty, and the greater good without malice (i.e., without a reason to seek revenge) or hidden motives. 

  Through Faith and Grace: In many religious traditions, such as Christianity, humans cannot make themselves perfectly righteous on their own. Instead, righteousness is often viewed as a gift of grace or a restored relationship with the divine. 

  Living an Upright Life: In a practical sense, you pursue righteousness daily by acting justly, showing mercy, and living with integrity (Source)."

 

How can something be VIRTUOUS?  (For example, if I hit someone back, can it be virtuious to do so?")

"Something is virtuous when it demonstrates high moral standards, righteousness, and a disposition to do what is right. In philosophy and psychology, it is typically achieved by consistently practicing positive moral traits, acting from good intentions, and cultivating balance in one's life.    

  Concepts that make something virtuous include:

  The Doctrine of the Mean:  Rooted in Aristotelian philosophy, virtue is often the balance between two extremes.  

  (For example, courage is the virtuous middle ground between cowardice (too little) and rashness (too much).)

  Practical Wisdom: Known as phronesis, this involves navigating complex situations by accurately assessing what needs to be done and adjusting your actions with excellence.

  (Question: "Did I act with practical wisdom on the day/night of my offense.")

  Moral Character: Virtues aren't just one-off actions; they are internal dispositions. Qualities like honesty, compassion, integrity, and self-control become integrated into your daily habits. (Source)".

  (Question: "Did I act with Moral Character on the day/night of my offense.")

  But it is important to know that being morally incorrect does not mean that one is guilty.  However, if one is indeed morally incorrect (or was when the event happened - like being drunk or seeking vengence), then it is EASIER to go ahead and believe are the guilty party.

 Can Domestic Violence (ever) be Right?  Can it ever be Virtuous or Righteous?  Can Domestic Violence Ever Become the Right Think To Do? 

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"Don't Think Twice, It's Alright" -- Heartbreaks and Tragedies

 DRAFT POST -- PLEASE DO NOT COPY, PRINT or Re-POST.

Well, It Ain't no Use to Sit and Wonder Why Babe.... (Source)

Let's Examine the Lyrics:  (Source)

"Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right

Written by: Bob Dylan

It ain’t no use to sit and wonder why, babe

It don’t matter, anyhow

An’ it ain’t no use to sit and wonder why, babe

If you don’t know by now

When your rooster crows at the break of dawn

Look out your window and I’ll be gone

You’re the reason I’m trav’lin’ on

Don’t think twice, it’s all right

It ain’t no use in turnin’ on your light, babe

That light I never knowed

An’ it ain’t no use in turnin’ on your light, babe

I’m on the dark side of the road

Still I wish there was somethin’ you would do or say

To try and make me change my mind and stay

We never did too much talkin’ anyway

So don’t think twice, it’s all right

It ain’t no use in callin’ out my name, gal

Like you never did before

It ain’t no use in callin’ out my name, gal

I can’t hear you anymore

I’m a-thinkin’ and a-wond’rin’ all the way down the road

I once loved a woman, a child I’m told

I give her my heart but she wanted my soul

But don’t think twice, it’s all right

I’m walkin’ down that long, lonesome road, babe

Where I’m bound, I can’t tell

But goodbye’s too good a word, gal

So I’ll just say fare thee well

I ain’t sayin’ you treated me unkind

You could have done better but I don’t mind

You just kinda wasted my precious time

But don’t think twice, it’s all right

Copyright © 1963 by Warner Bros. Inc.; renewed 1991 by Special Rider Music"

"https://www.bobdylan.com/songs/dont-think-twice-its-all-right/"

Bottom Line: Possibly... he had hope in a relationship; and she was not willing.

What happens when a hopeful love is spurned, nicely rejected or simply ignored...?

What happens when a current or previous lover is spurned, nicely rejected or simply ignored...?   Like broken up with.

LOOKING AT THE DATA:

"Leaving an abusive partner is statistically the most dangerous time in a survivor's life. Research indicates that approximately 77% of domestic violence-related homicides occur during separation, and survivors face up to a 75% increase in violence post-separation for at least two years as perpetrators lose control. [1, 2]

General Breakup and Abuse Statistics

• Divorce correlation: In surveys of divorced individuals, roughly \(23-25\%\) cite domestic violence or emotional abuse as a primary factor leading to their divorce. [1]
• Life-time prevalence: Intimate partner violence (IPV) affects millions, with \(1\) in \(3\) women and \(1\) in \(4\) men experiencing some form of physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime. [1, 2]

Post-Separation Dynamics

• Lethality risks: Data indicates that about half of intimate partner homicides by ex-partners occur within \(2\) months following separation. [1]
• Escalation of violence: When victims attempt to leave, abusers often escalate their tactics to maintain power and control, turning emotional or psychological abuse into severe physical harm. [1]
• Post-separation abuse: One widely cited study found that upwards of \(90\%\) of women who leave abusive relationships experience long-term post-separation abuse, including stalking, harassment, and legal or co-parenting coercion. [1, 2]
• First-time violence: For a significant portion of separated couples, the violence actually begins or escalates to life-threatening levels only after the separation occurs (affecting over \(35\%\) of women and \(40\%\) of men who report post-separation victimization). [1]

If you or someone you know is facing domestic violence or trying to leave an abusive relationship, resources are available for immediate and confidential help: [1, 2]

• The National Domestic Violence Hotline: Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text "START" to 88788. Learn more at The Hotline.
• Local Support: To find resources directly in your community in Colorado, visit the Colorado Coalition Against Domestic Violence for shelter and legal advocacy. [1, 2, 3, 4, 5]"  (SOURCE)"
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• Related Commentary from Dr. Beverly (DRAFT):

  This Lyric should be or could be for a domestic violence prevention presentation about somebody who's able to walk away from a quite possibly disappointing situation and the Poetry involved in the belief and the power of things one cannot control and how there is a point where people should probably realize it ain't no use and trying to change what's already there.
  One of the things that this particular lyric gets to is the idea that when it's over it's over however and that's no matter whether it was the deepest love of life or whether it was just a fleeting fantasy, but it also shows that when it's over or when it never started or when it just didn't happen or when it went really hot and heavy but then it ended either way when it's over it is over and one cannot force that to happen in a certain way and furthermore it's important to understand that particularly in this lyric if you listen carefully to what he's saying he's also saying look I'm walking away I'm walking away don't blame don't blame yourself it's okay you didn't do anything wrong it's not that you treated me unkind it's just that it wasn't going to work and furthermore it could be you wanted more for me than I was willing to give so therefore even though you might not have turned on your light the way I wanted you to do when I wanted you to the truth is I'm the one who's walking away now I'm disappearing I'm no longer waiting outside of your door and your front yard for you to see me out there at night I'm gone and you know what it's okay and it's no use to sit and wonder why because it's okay it's done you know you might have wasted my time I might have wasted your time and I wasn't willing to give what you wanted at the same time you weren't given what I thought I wanted at the time nonetheless it's done and it's okay it's just a change in life it's not a big deal in terms of it's not the end of the world it's not the end of my world it's not the end of your world and truly we can still be loving children of God or however you want to look at it when it comes to each other we don't have to hate however right now we do need to separate even if we never were together.
    Finally finally should be no the reason I wrote this piece is because what Dylan is saying is that once that gets to that point once it's done even if it never happened once it's over once I'm giving up and once it appears that you're giving up even if I look back on it and you look back on it too there's no use to trouble with it too much anymore because it's not going to fix it right now maybe someday but not right now and the reason it's important to think about this and talk about this is because so much domestic violence happens or at least is planned out or at least is thwarted or prevented or so many people make mistakes in relationships at this point in time when they try to go back to a situation that's just not working or when they try to hold on to situation that one is pulling away from or that one is just not coming up to when we try to do that what do we end up doing we end up creating a friction that really shouldn't be there and frequently domestic violence happens right before or right after a breakup and this right here is the breakup point at least it sounds like she probably wants it need us too and so it's time for them both to accept it and the good thing about Dylan at this point in his life is he was willing to accept that and he was willing to move on. That's a healthy breakup to some extent even though there are no good and wonderful breakups usually there are healthy breakups where there doesn't have to be resentment and violence and people trying to get revenge instead it's I'm going to walk on down the road now I'm going to do me and you do you and that's cool have a wonderful evening.
  AND FINALLY 

  Finally this finally this incredible classic lyric offers want a great opportunity to grab a nice handkerchief for a Kleenex if you will even roll up some toilet paper like the good people do over in the lockup and Saab cry into that implement of grief cry your tears and move on cuz you can do it I know you can do it you may not know you can do it but you can do it get now! Go on.

  The question becomes how much domestic violence possibly comes out of situations where a person is coming to the realization that there's nothing they can do to fix relationship and therefore some people will go ahead and try and destroy it. Unfortunately when that happens sometimes things get really nasty and that's where people get hurt whether it's emotionally financially physically or even reputationally when in fact they know use I mean there's a time when one has to let go even though it's painful and if anybody can get it across in a popular song from 60 years ago it's definitely Bob Dylan. They know use sometimes it just ain't no use. Sometimes the best thing one can do is walk away and take it on themselves putting on the universe thank God they're still alive they still let

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Is it Possible that Psychological Kinship is a Necessity for a Successful Relationship: AKA, ,How much Psychological Kinship is truly being shared between partners in an Abusive Relationship?

DRAFT POST.  Please do not copy, print or distribute. 

Later I am going to ask -- 

How might one describe the Psychological Kinship between two partners when there is abuse?

How might one describe the Psychological Kinship between two partners when there Love and Closeness and comfort and joy?

"Family-by-Choice: Creating Family in a World of Strangers

"Family-By-Choice: Creating Family in a World of Strangers" by Susan Ahern and Kent G. Bailey explores the concept of kinship and the importance of intentional communities in our modern society. The book discusses how families can be formed through various means, including friendships, work, and social groups, and emphasizes the need for close ties with others, especially when traditional family structures are not possible. The authors argue that the modern family should not conform to outdated models but rather embrace a more flexible and inclusive approach to familyhood. "(Source).

What is a Successful Relationship?  (No DV)

Perhaps a successful relationship is going to have some degree of Psychological Kinship (eg., unconditional positive regard (Rogers).)  

Dr. Kent G. Bailey did us all a big favor not so long ago....  He wrote extensively about and developed the Concept of Psychological Kinship.

What is Psychological Kinship:

  "Psychological kinship is the, often subconscious, tendency to perceive and treat genetically unrelated individuals (friends, mentors, or therapists) as if they were family members. It extends the emotional bonds of nurturing and loyalty beyond bloodlines to provide social support, particularly during times of stress." [1, 2, 3, 4]

   (Per Beverly, who adds: "Therefore, perhaps with more solid Psychological Kin, we have less stress; which might lead to increased and possibly more stable Physical and Mental Health.")

Key Aspects of Psychological Kinship:

• "As If" Relationship: It involves adopting a mental set where close friends, mentors, or pets are categorized similarly to biological kin, fostering deep trust and care. [1, 2, 3, 4]
• Triggered by Stress: The need for psychological kin is heightened by survival stress or emotional upheaval, leading people to "adopt" helpers into their inner circle. [1, 2]
• Common in Helping Professions: Clients often seek or develop a quasi-familial bond with therapists or counselors, which acts as a mechanism for healing and security. [1, 2]
• Evolutionary Basis: Rooted in primate sociality, humans are inclined to form these intimate ties for survival, even when not biologically related. [1, 2]

Psychological kinship often overlaps with concepts of "chosen family" or deep, intimate friendships. [1]"

"A successful relationship is generally defined as one where both partners feel happy, supported, and able to communicate their needs effectively. It involves mutual respect, a shared level of commitment, and the ability to evolve together as individuals. Key characteristics include trust, authentic communication, and unselfish love, which contribute to the overall fulfillment and compatibility of the partners involved"  (Source).

What is Psychological Kinship?

"Psychological kinship is the human tendency to perceive and treat genetically unrelated individuals—such as friends, partners, or mentors—as if they were family members. This phenomenon involves extending feelings of closeness, loyalty, and obligation to non-kin, often "over-perceiving" family bonds based on deep emotional connections. [1, 2, 3]

Key Aspects of Psychological Kinship

• "As-If" Family: It is characterized by feeling and behaving toward others "as family," regardless of actual biological relatedness. [1]
• Role in Relationships: Often seen in close friendships, long-term marriages, and in the "helping professions," where clients may view therapists or counselors in parental or sibling terms. [1, 2]
• Stress-Induced: The tendency to form these bonds increases significantly under survival stress or personal crisis, when people look for close, protective support systems. [1, 2]
• Evolutionary Basis: It is thought to be an extension of our natural, evolutionary inclination to form, trust, and support kin, applied to others to create social cohesion and safety. [1, 2, 3]

Contextual Applications

• Therapy: The Kinship Model of Therapy suggests that, because clients under stress seek emotional safety, they may form strong psychological kinship ties with their helpers. [1]
• Friendship: It explains why close friends can feel more like family than biological relatives, particularly through shared experiences and mutual support. [1, 2, 3]
• Social Groups: It can extend to organizations or communities, where shared characteristics foster a feeling of "familiness" among members. [1]

Note: The concept is often defined as an "as-if" family, distinguished from biological kinship, which is based on consanguinity (blood relations). [1]" (Source.)

"The Psychological Kinship Scale (PKS) is a 20-item, 5-point Likert scale developed by Nava and Bailey (1991) to measure the extent to which individuals perceive non-biological, "as-if" family relationships (e.g., romantic partners, close friends) with the same closeness, obligation, and emotional intensity as biological family members. [1, 2]

Key Aspects of the Psychological Kinship Scale

• Construct Definition: It measures the subjective "family-like" quality of relationships rather than legal or biological ties. [1, 2, 3, 4]
• Structure: The PKS typically features 20 items that are rated, with total scores ranging from 20 to 100. [1]
• Validation: Research indicates the scale is positively correlated with attachment, love, and liking, though sex differences in scoring patterns have been noted. [1, 2]
• Application: It has been used to study romantic attraction, social support, and resilience, indicating that high kinship with non-kin can provide similar support to that of biological kin. [1, 2]
• Alternative Measures: Adaptations, such as the 4-item kin-perceptions scale, are used to measure psychological closeness to larger groups, such as in the context of immigration and host cultures. [1]

The scale, originally designed as a 60-item instrument, was refined to improve its validity in measuring the "psychological family" construct. [1, 2]"  (Source).

  So...  Have you ever had a sense of Psychological Kinship in a Romantic Relationship?

"Psychological kinship scales measure the perceived emotional closeness, shared identity, and sense of family-like connection with others, often focusing on non-biological relationships or assessing the depth of existing family bonds. These tools frequently use Likert-type questions (e.g., 0-10 or strongly disagree to strongly agree) to evaluate intimacy, investment, and emotional attachment. [1, 2, 3]

Common Psychological Kinship Scale Components
Research often uses questions to measure the intensity of bonds: [1]

• Willingness to Invest (Altruism): Measures how much a person is willing to sacrifice for another.
  • "How willing would you be to donate your kidney to [Name] if she/he needed it?"
  • "How willing would you be to give half of one month's salary to [Name]?"
  • "Imagine [Name] being sentenced to jail... how willing would you be to serve the sentence instead?" [1, 2]
• Emotional Closeness:
  • "How emotionally close are you and [Name]?" [1]
• Family-Like Connection (Kinship Scale): Measures perceived "familyness".
  • "I feel a strong sense of family with [Name]."
  • "I would turn to [Name] before anyone else in a crisis."
  • "[Name] is as close to me as a biological sibling/parent." [1, 2]
• Self-Concept/Relational Identity: Assesses how much identity is defined by others.
  • "My close relationships are an important reflection of who I am."
  • "I feel as though I am a part of [Name]." [1]

Context and Usage

• Kinship Scale (Revised): A 20-item measure focusing on affective bonds that often correlates with love, liking, and attachment measures, with the strongest factor being "family love".
• Kinship Center Attachment Questionnaire (KCAQ): A tool to measure child attachment and track changes over time.
• Relational-Interdependent Self-Construal Scale (RISC): Assesses how much self-concept is defined through close relationships. [1, 2, 3]

These scales are used to understand how people define "family" beyond biology, often showing that women, in particular, treat close friends similar to kin. [1]"

(Source)