Is it Possible that Psychological Kinship is a Necessity for a Successful Relationship: AKA, ,How much Psychological Kinship is truly being shared between partners in an Abusive Relationship?

DRAFT POST.  Please do not copy, print or distribute. 

Later I am going to ask -- 

How might one describe the Psychological Kinship between two partners when there is abuse?

How might one describe the Psychological Kinship between two partners when there Love and Closeness and comfort and joy?

What is a Successful Relationship?  (No DV)

Dr. Kent G. Bailey did us all a big favor not so long ago....  He wrote extensively about and developed the Concept of Psychological Kinship.

What is Psychological Kinship:

  "Psychological kinship is the, often subconscious, tendency to perceive and treat genetically unrelated individuals (friends, mentors, or therapists) as if they were family members. It extends the emotional bonds of nurturing and loyalty beyond bloodlines to provide social support, particularly during times of stress. [1, 2, 3, 4]

Key Aspects of Psychological Kinship:

• "As If" Relationship: It involves adopting a mental set where close friends, mentors, or pets are categorized similarly to biological kin, fostering deep trust and care. [1, 2, 3, 4]
• Triggered by Stress: The need for psychological kin is heightened by survival stress or emotional upheaval, leading people to "adopt" helpers into their inner circle. [1, 2]
• Common in Helping Professions: Clients often seek or develop a quasi-familial bond with therapists or counselors, which acts as a mechanism for healing and security. [1, 2]
• Evolutionary Basis: Rooted in primate sociality, humans are inclined to form these intimate ties for survival, even when not biologically related. [1, 2]

Psychological kinship often overlaps with concepts of "chosen family" or deep, intimate friendships. [1]"

"A successful relationship is generally defined as one where both partners feel happy, supported, and able to communicate their needs effectively. It involves mutual respect, a shared level of commitment, and the ability to evolve together as individuals. Key characteristics include trust, authentic communication, and unselfish love, which contribute to the overall fulfillment and compatibility of the partners involved"  (Source).

What is Psychological Kinship?

"Psychological kinship is the human tendency to perceive and treat genetically unrelated individuals—such as friends, partners, or mentors—as if they were family members. This phenomenon involves extending feelings of closeness, loyalty, and obligation to non-kin, often "over-perceiving" family bonds based on deep emotional connections. [1, 2, 3]

Key Aspects of Psychological Kinship

• "As-If" Family: It is characterized by feeling and behaving toward others "as family," regardless of actual biological relatedness. [1]
• Role in Relationships: Often seen in close friendships, long-term marriages, and in the "helping professions," where clients may view therapists or counselors in parental or sibling terms. [1, 2]
• Stress-Induced: The tendency to form these bonds increases significantly under survival stress or personal crisis, when people look for close, protective support systems. [1, 2]
• Evolutionary Basis: It is thought to be an extension of our natural, evolutionary inclination to form, trust, and support kin, applied to others to create social cohesion and safety. [1, 2, 3]

Contextual Applications

• Therapy: The Kinship Model of Therapy suggests that, because clients under stress seek emotional safety, they may form strong psychological kinship ties with their helpers. [1]
• Friendship: It explains why close friends can feel more like family than biological relatives, particularly through shared experiences and mutual support. [1, 2, 3]
• Social Groups: It can extend to organizations or communities, where shared characteristics foster a feeling of "familiness" among members. [1]

Note: The concept is often defined as an "as-if" family, distinguished from biological kinship, which is based on consanguinity (blood relations). [1]" (Source.)

"The Psychological Kinship Scale (PKS) is a 20-item, 5-point Likert scale developed by Nava and Bailey (1991) to measure the extent to which individuals perceive non-biological, "as-if" family relationships (e.g., romantic partners, close friends) with the same closeness, obligation, and emotional intensity as biological family members. [1, 2]

Key Aspects of the Psychological Kinship Scale

• Construct Definition: It measures the subjective "family-like" quality of relationships rather than legal or biological ties. [1, 2, 3, 4]
• Structure: The PKS typically features 20 items that are rated, with total scores ranging from 20 to 100. [1]
• Validation: Research indicates the scale is positively correlated with attachment, love, and liking, though sex differences in scoring patterns have been noted. [1, 2]
• Application: It has been used to study romantic attraction, social support, and resilience, indicating that high kinship with non-kin can provide similar support to that of biological kin. [1, 2]
• Alternative Measures: Adaptations, such as the 4-item kin-perceptions scale, are used to measure psychological closeness to larger groups, such as in the context of immigration and host cultures. [1]

The scale, originally designed as a 60-item instrument, was refined to improve its validity in measuring the "psychological family" construct. [1, 2]"  (Source).

  So...  Have you ever had a sense of Psychological Kinship in a Romantic Relationship?

"Psychological kinship scales measure the perceived emotional closeness, shared identity, and sense of family-like connection with others, often focusing on non-biological relationships or assessing the depth of existing family bonds. These tools frequently use Likert-type questions (e.g., 0-10 or strongly disagree to strongly agree) to evaluate intimacy, investment, and emotional attachment. [1, 2, 3]

Common Psychological Kinship Scale Components
Research often uses questions to measure the intensity of bonds: [1]

• Willingness to Invest (Altruism): Measures how much a person is willing to sacrifice for another.
  • "How willing would you be to donate your kidney to [Name] if she/he needed it?"
  • "How willing would you be to give half of one month's salary to [Name]?"
  • "Imagine [Name] being sentenced to jail... how willing would you be to serve the sentence instead?" [1, 2]
• Emotional Closeness:
  • "How emotionally close are you and [Name]?" [1]
• Family-Like Connection (Kinship Scale): Measures perceived "familyness".
  • "I feel a strong sense of family with [Name]."
  • "I would turn to [Name] before anyone else in a crisis."
  • "[Name] is as close to me as a biological sibling/parent." [1, 2]
• Self-Concept/Relational Identity: Assesses how much identity is defined by others.
  • "My close relationships are an important reflection of who I am."
  • "I feel as though I am a part of [Name]." [1]

Context and Usage

• Kinship Scale (Revised): A 20-item measure focusing on affective bonds that often correlates with love, liking, and attachment measures, with the strongest factor being "family love".
• Kinship Center Attachment Questionnaire (KCAQ): A tool to measure child attachment and track changes over time.
• Relational-Interdependent Self-Construal Scale (RISC): Assesses how much self-concept is defined through close relationships. [1, 2, 3]

These scales are used to understand how people define "family" beyond biology, often showing that women, in particular, treat close friends similar to kin. [1]"

(Source)

The Value of Support Systems in Prevention of Domestic Violence

Think About It:  How might Social Supports (and other Supports) Help Prevent Domestic Violence?

  Think about this for a second with an open mind... on the day I got my DV Offense; might the outcome have been different if I had gone to visit a trusted friend and shared my frustrations with them; rather that doing what I did that got me into trouble?  In other words, could Support have helped prevent my DV Offense?

Support:

  One thing that is often missing in relationships where there is Domestic Violence is Support.  Support can come in many different ways and it is often very helpful; at the same time, it is not always helpful.  

  Nonetheless, There is no telling how many lives have improved by Supportive others; however, it is surely a tremendous number.

  The DVOMB Core Competencies -- under Item T -- say:  "T) Offender identification of pro-social and/or community support and demonstration of the ability to utilize the support in an appropriate manner (sponsor, support person, etc. (but not the victim))."

Why is Support So Necessary for us to Understand?

Video:  Unmasking Control: Isolation Tactics Revealed

  What is Support?  In this sense, support is that which flows between two (or more) people when we give and/or receive help.  Support can be physical, instrumental or emotional.

  When we need Support, we are sometimes fortunate enough to be on the receiving end of Support.  Support often helps hold us up and helps us get what we need -- (although not completely and not all the time).

  As givers, it also helps us feel more whole and more capable.  How do you feel after you help someone?  It kind of feels like a good energy of sorts that feeds both the recipient and the giver.

  Many of us are taught to believe that if we give support wisely, it can often-times come back to us when we need it.... a simple term for this could "Karma"; and/or "The Golden Rule".

  It is good either way.  So it's usually good to give; and usually good to receive as well.

VIDEOS:

Video: Social Support | Definition, Theory & Examples

Why Social Health Is Key to Happiness and Longevity | Kasley Killam | TED

How Might Social Support Help Your Relationship?

"Social support strengthens relationships by fostering trust, lowering stress, and improving emotional health, while YouTube facilitates this by offering digital communities, shared experiences, and peer support. These connections—whether in-person or online—buffer against loneliness, boost longevity, and provide practical or emotional support that promotes overall well-being" (Source).

"How Social Support Strengthens RelationshipsTrust and Safety: 

Relationships that allow individuals to be their authentic selves without judgment build stronger, more secure bonds.  

Buffer Against Stress: Shared laughter and conversations trigger oxytocin, decreasing stress and improving mental health.  

Validation and Community: A supportive community, including peer groups, reduces isolation and strengthens relationships by providing a network that understands shared challenges.  

Active Engagement: Building these networks requires active listening, being present, and regular communication to cultivate long-term companionship."

"Social support maintains romantic relationships by providing emotional comfort, reducing stress, and validating partners, which boosts relationship satisfaction and resilience. A strong network (friends, family) helps couples manage challenges, encourages positive communication, fosters shared identity, and can even reduce cortisol levels during stressful times, enhancing stability.

Key ways social support maintains relationships:

Stress Management: Knowing support is available provides emotional stability and reduces the impact of external stressors on the relationship.

Validation and Belonging: Supportive networks help partners feel understood and valued, which strengthens their bond.

Improved Communication: Social support encourages open, direct, and honest communication between partners, fostering intimacy

Relationship Approval: Research shows that when a couple's friends and family support their relationship, it is more likely to survive, especially if the woman’s network approves.

Shared Identity: Participating in activities with friends and family creates a sense of belonging and community around the couple.

Buffering Against Conflict: External support can reduce conflict between partners and prevent emotional withdrawal."  (Source).

Support comes in different types: 

  Prosocial: These supports help us do the Right thing.

                vs 

  Antisocial: Sometimes encourage us to do the Wrong thing.

and,

  Formal -- Counselors

               vs 

  Informal -- Friends

  

Community Support Basics:

    Taxpayers (The overwhelming; but often invisible supports)  (Through Paychecks, but also through County/State/City Fees and Taxes & Sales Taxes).

    Those who do not get Tax Refunds, but instead pay thousands into the system to help you.

    

Benefactors (donors) vs Beneficiary   

Foundations (Endowments) vs (for example) Scholarship Awardees

    

  Multi-Generation or Legacy-type Community wealth entities (i.e., Existing Structures; or Multigenerational Use Assets): City Parks, State Parks, National Parks, Schools, Various Services, Police, Fire, Health, Mail, Higher Education, Public Safety, Armed Services, Museums.

  Instrumental Community Wealth helps you maintain and make good changes (Job Corps, Vocational Training, FHA Loans, GI Bill, La Puente, AA, NA)

  Institutional Community Wealth (Medical Centers, Research Institutes, Big Charities (i.e., The Red Cross, and others).

  Cultural Community Wealth: Associations, Clubs or Organizations of Identified Cultural Groups including, Cultural Dance or Music Groups, Churches, Historic Venues or Displays -- such as Local History / Exhibits, Local Legacy Educational entities like Community Theatres.

  It is important to note that many of the above entities would not survive or exist without Volunteers.

On A More Personal Level, Types of Social Support include:

 Tangible Support: A Car, Help with Rent

 Instrumental Support: A Good Job Reference; or a Good Rental Reference; or Introductions to people that can help you.

 Emotional Support: People helping people cope with troubles and helping people feel better.

Support As A Need:

  Support is a NEED for many Humans.  It just is.  And Social Support is a type of support that quite possibly could make a difference when it comes to preventing DV.  

  Our Support Networks are often under-used.  Furthermore, in abusive relationships; one or both partners, sometimes even discourages the use of such networks.  Unfortunately, Social Support (and other types of Support) are frequently precisely what is needed; and should never be discouraged.  But then without them, in some cases, the DV might be more likely to happen.

  The Mayo Clinic wrote: “ A social support network is made up of friends, family and peers. Social support is different from a support group, which is generally a structured meeting run by a lay leader or mental health professional.

  Although both support groups and support networks can play an important role in times of stress, a social support network is something you can develop when you're not under stress. It provides the comfort of knowing that your friends are there for you if you need them.

  You don't need to formalize your support network. A coffee break with a friend at work, a quick chat with a neighbor, a phone call to your sibling, a visit to a house of worship or volunteer work are all ways to develop and foster lasting relationships with others” (Source).

 

  More Regarding Social Support, The Mayo Clinic also writes about “Risks of isolation and benefits of social support”.  They say, “Studies have demonstrated that social isolation and loneliness are associated with a greater risk of poor mental health and poor cardiovascular health, as well as other health problems. Other studies have shown the benefit of a network of social support, including the following:

• Improving the ability to cope with stressful situations
• Alleviating the effects of emotional distress
• Promoting lifelong good mental health
• Enhancing self-esteem
• Lowering cardiovascular risks, such as lowering blood pressure
• Promoting healthy lifestyle behaviors
• Encouraging adherence to a treatment plan
• Cultivating your social support network

  If you want to improve your mental health and your ability to combat stress, surround yourself with at least a few good friends and confidants. Here are some ideas for building your social network:

  Volunteer. Pick a cause that's important to you and get involved. You're sure to meet others who share similar interests and values.

  Join a gym or fitness group. Incorporating physical fitness into your day is an important part of a healthy lifestyle. You can make friends while you exercise. Look at gyms in your area or check a local community center.

  Take a class. A local college or community education course puts you in contact with others who share similar hobbies or pursuits.

  Look online. Social networking sites can help you stay connected with friends and family. Many good sites exist for people going through stressful times, such as chronic illness, loss of a loved one, a new baby, divorce and other life changes. Be sure to stick to reputable sites, and be cautious about arranging in-person meetings.

 Give and take: The foundation of social networks

  A successful relationship is a two-way street that requires your active participation. Here are some suggestions for nurturing your relationships:

Stay in touch. Answering phone calls, returning emails and reciprocating invitations let people know you care.

• Don't compete. Be happy instead of jealous when your friends succeed.
• Be a good listener. Listen when your friends are speaking. Find out what's important to them.
• Don't overdo it. Be careful not to overwhelm friends and family with phone calls and emails. Save those high-demand times for when you really need them.
• Appreciate your friends and family. Take time to say thank you and express how important they are to you.
• Give back. Be available for family and friends when they need support." (Source).

More about the Properties of Support:

The Values of Kinships: (Kinship gives us a sense of belonging).

    Familial Kinship -- Bio Family or Legal Family.

    Psychological Kinship -- Often a product of mutual support.

    Belonging to -- Organizations / Associations / Municipal Groups / Churches / Study Groups etc...

 

  It's important that we recognize our ability to utilize support in an appropriate manner (sponsor, support person, etc. not the victim).

Remember: Support is often a Give and take.

  How Helpful Have Supports Been for me in my Lifetime?  

  Am I Willing and Able to Accept Support when I need it?

  Am I Willing and Able to Give Support when it is needed?

  Do I give Back?

Think About It:  How might Social Supports (and other Supports) Help Prevent Domestic Violence?

• -- Gives me an outlet to share viewpoints with (a different opinion might be helpful).
• -- Give me a possible friendly critic - who can constructively help me redirect my mind or my efforts.
• -- They say that letting the Sun shine in helps to chase away the shadows.  In other words, quite frequently, having more eyes on a situation helps keep the situation healthy and safe.  
• -- Having more support might help one or both partners to get the help that they might need (i.e., Mental Health Care, Crisis intervention, Medication Mgmnt).
• -- Sometimes Support helps me get through the rough spots, such as if I need $100 to help pay the rent this month.
• -- Perhaps someone in the Network knows of a good job opening and also knows that I need a job. Then they could hook me up with a good job referral.  Wouldn't that be great?

*** CLICK HERE to Complete your Support: Give and Take Worksheet. ***

Always remember to complete your Session Feedback Form after each Session.  Thank you.  And have a nice day.

      Please click here to complete Dr. B's Session Feedback Form.

Sources: 

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/social-support/art-20044445

(c. 2021, All information on the Blog (Except where otherwise noted); are the intellectual and/or photographic     and/or digital property of Dr. William T. Beverly, L.C.S.W., DVOMB Approved Offender Treatment Provider.)