How Can We Prevent Domestic Violence?

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How Can We Prevent Domestic Violence?  -- Group Focus Results:

  One Googles the question: "What is the most effective way to prevent domestic violence?"

Google sources it's AI mechanism, and it responds:  "The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) outlines a four-step public health approach to preventing violence : 

1. Define the problem through systematic data collection to identify who is affected, where it happens, and the scope of the violence.
2. Identify causes and risk factors to understand why violence occurs and what traits increase or decrease the likelihood of someone becoming a victim or perpetrator. 
3. Design and test interventions by creating and evaluating targeted programs based on collected data and research. 
4. Implement and scale up effective interventions by integrating proven programs into communities on a broader level. "  (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention | CDC (.gov)).

 

Questions to Answer:  

Who is affected by Domestic Violence? 

Women's Group Responses Include: 

"Everybody...like your paretns, you kids, your signifiant other, your job, you comminity.  School, your pets, even your infant... or your toddler.... (Yelling hurts thier ears, given them trauma, then they think it's normal..  Post trauma stress mode. Your self... " 

Men's Group Responses Include: 

"Both people.  The female becuase she is female.  The male because he's male.  We are all hurt.  The judge, probation, piss-test guy are all effected.  The surroundings of everything.  If effects you, teh person who does it becuase it makes you feel depressed, it effects life,  Effects the cops who have to go there, the neighbors, The is assaulted by DV because so many LIES COME OUT, Your best friend gets hurt, Pets, Kids, DV Tx Providers."

 

Where does Domestic Violence tend to happen?

Women's Group Responses Include Include: 

"Home, in the bars, trap house, in the car, kitchen, store, outside the house -- front yard, Walmart, on the street, car dealership, other public places, the park, at work, liqiuor store, ... .hotels, everywhere."

 

Men's Group Responses Include: 

"It can happen anywhere, Bedroom, car, Anywhere that someone does not get along... at a wedding, a church, Grocery Store, Pizza Place, Restaurant Parking Lots, Down a county road, Santa Fe Trail Days."

What is the scope of the violence involved in Domestic Violence?

Women's Group Responses Include: 

"Slapping, punching, slamming down to the grown, kicking, stomping, kicking in the face, pulling hair, choking, spitting, raping, lraping in front o fyour kid, holding guns to your head, breaking your phone, bear-mace, destroying property, special property, burning your kids' pickture, blosing your car up, dumping your favorite things around in the corner.  Using a belt to strangle your, breaking doors, funiture, wall, choking, strangulation, threatenin to kill your kid, you family, babydaddy everybody...  Threaten to stab you, hold a knife to your throat, pinching hard, scratching.... blaming.  Blaming you for "needing" to be punished, Drivinng like they are going to crash teh car.  Or sabotaging your car, making you lose a job, Isolating you, Acusing you are cheating.  Kicking you in the chest or stomach, really rough sex. -- Non-consentual ... Emotional Abuse."

Men's Group Responses Include:  

"A push or a shove, or even just an insult, Words, push, It starts even with your first girlfriend... calls her a bitch or something... then you get marrid, then it gets worse, then they leave you and you find another.  ...  Threats to leave... threats to burn down the f-ing hosue, threats to jump ourt the vehicle, pulling the wheel to wreck the car, Cutting themselves, Suicide by teh victim, or suicide by the perpetrator, Suicide by cop, Sometimes we say things we can't take back.  Using what says against them, nasty texts, revenge, proof, trying to change someone, always trying to prove things, Correcting each other, judging each other, Degrading them, Neglecting their needs, being a narcicist, arguments (if it is abusive), lying, Financial abuse, destroying valuable things, breaking things, Driving way to fast to scare the hell out of them, taking the kids, or threatening to take the kids away, trespassing, Lying to the police, Hitting themselves to make it look like you are beating them up, Kicking them out when they have no place to go.  Neglecting the family and household needs.  Spending all my paycheck on Cocaine, Not being accountable, Making threatening moves, Always walking away, Not being grateful, Treating stepchildren different from your own children, Breaking promises, Flirting with others, Cheating, Lying, Criticizing, Being Selfish, Always putting them down, Judging, Embarassing them in front of others, nagging, Just being passive aggressive, The Silent treatment, gossiping about them to others, Failing to share the bounty.  Not working together on bills and stuff.  Not being responsible, Being a team, Being stingy, Hogging all the money, " 

 

What are the causes of Domestic Violence?

Women's Group Responses Include: 

"Drinking, Drugs, Fighting, Insecurity, Jealousy, Morbid Jealousy, Poverty, Untreated Mental Illness, Physical Illness with Pain, Emotional Abuse, Bunt-out-Love, Lack of trust, Being raised in a violent home, A lack of solutions, Poor communication skills -- very poor listening skills, Poor Anger Management Skills, Lack of Attention (Feeling one is being cheated on or not wanted because there is no attention.  A lack of attention can also be abusive.  Mismatch, Lack of Empathy, Being OVER Emotional, Being Overly Sensitive or Not Sensitive Enough, Impatience, Backtalk."

Men's Group Responses Include:  

"Jealousy, cheating, money, booze, drugs, flirting, bad acusations, how we think things should be, a clash of traditions, a clash of values, Failing to listen, failing to communicate, Too much control, Too much freedom if it's misunderstood, disrespect, neglecting the other person's needs, physical or emtional, not listening, telling including the other person, appreciate / being grateful, Too much drama, being respectful, Listening, Ignoring them, Other people's gossip of you, No sense of purpose of the relationship, Not having Joint Goals, and Individual Goals, Lacking morals, Failure to be accountable, Drinking..." 

 

What are the Risk Factors for Domestic Violence?

Women's Group Responses Include: 

"Substance abuse, Abusive childhood, Poor Commuincation, Poor Prbblem Solving, Toxic fmaily members, Toxic Childhood.. Unprocess  Grief, Poor Anger Management SKills, Inability to be alone, Financial irresponsibility, Sexism, Lazyness, Impatience, Explosive Temper, Destructive Habits, Manipulativeness, Bad Influence, Immoral Thinking and Behavior,"

 

Men's Group Responses Include:  

"Disrespect, Previous DV Charges, Unemployment, Jealousy, Stress, Financial Issues, Different sides of the Track, Bad choices, Not being compatible, Lack of trust, Infidelity, Inability to listen or speak effectively, Lack of accountability, Lack of Empathy, Lack of Compassion, Lack of Listening Skills, ." 

 

If we want to prevent Domestic Violence, which traits need to be Increased?

Women's Group Responses Include: 

"Patience, Anger Managment, Sharing, Giving Space to other, Taking Time outs, Being responsible, Listening Skills, Being able to walk away nicely, Communication Skills, Manners, Being Helpful, Patience, Being more trusting, Giving freedom and space to the other, More sharing, More trust."

 

Men's Group Responses Include:  

"Empathy, Kindness, Respect, Generosity, Honesty, Accountability, Sobriety, Loyalty, Fairness, Humility, Fidelity, Being Alive -- Wanting to live a good life, Compatability.  Respect for diversity within the couple... balance." 

 

If we want to prevent Domestic Violence, which traits need to be Decreased?

Women's Group Responses Include: 

"Lessing drinking, Fewer drugs, No Yelling, No Attitude, Less out of control behaivor or irratic behaivor, Less Selfishness, less distrust."

 

Men's Group Responses Include:  

"Drinking, Drugging, Anger, Sport-fucking, Cheating, Lying, Criticising, Degrading her, Cutting her out, Dependency, Comparing her to others, Criticizing her." 

 

Which Traits increase or decrease the likelihood of someone becoming a victim of Domestic Violence?

 

Women's Group Responses Include: 

"Increase ability to be understanding (unless they are abusive).

Increase Empathy

."Increase healthy supports.  Increase self-respect, 

Increase patience when it comes to getting into relationships. 

Decrease provocations. 

Men's Group Responses Include:  

"." 

 

Which Traits increase or decrease the likelihood of someone becoming a perpetrator of Domestic Violence?

 

Women's Group Responses Include: 

"."

 

Men's Group Responses Include:  

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Which Interventions are most Effective for Prevention of Domestic Violence?

 

Women's Group Responses Include: 

"."

Men's Group Responses Include:  

"." 

 

When asked: What is the first step towards preventing domestic violence?  The Virginia Department of Criminal Justice responds:  

"Awareness is the first step towards preventing and reducing family violence. The next is to get help to the families who need it."

On their "Children's Blog, the Nationwide Children's Hospital says: "Recognize, Respond and Refer"

"We all likely know or will know someone who is directly impacted by abuse. We all play a role in breaking the cycle of family violence and abuse. This begins by following the three Rs – Recognize, Respond and Refer.Sep 14, 2023"

From The Mayo Clinic Staff -- "Domestic violence against women: Recognize patterns, seek help" -- "Domestic violence is a serious threat for many women. Know the signs of an abusive relationship and how to leave a dangerous situation."

"Know the signs of domestic violence

  You might be experiencing domestic violence if your partner:

Calls you names, insults you or puts you down.

Often acts jealous or possessive.

Tries to control how you spend money or your access to money.

Tracks where you go, what you do online or who you talk to on the phone.

Prevents you from going to work or school.

Stops you from seeing family members or friends.

Threatens to keep you from seeing your children.

Gets angry or abusive when drinking alcohol or using drugs.

Tries to control whether you can see a healthcare professional.

Threatens you, your children or your pets with violence or a weapon.

Hits, kicks, shoves, slaps, chokes or otherwise hurts you, your children or your pets.

Forces you to have sex or engage in sexual acts against your will.

Controls your birth control or demands that you get pregnant.

Blames you for problems in the relationship or violent behavior, or tells you that you deserve it.

If you're gay, bisexual, transgender or gender diverse, you also may be experiencing domestic violence if your partner:

Threatens to tell friends, family, colleagues or community members about your sexual orientation or gender identity without your consent.

Tells you that leaving the relationship means you're admitting that gay, bisexual or transgender relationships are wrong.

Justifies abuse by telling you that your gender identity or sexual orientation isn't "real."

Tells you that law enforcement won't help a gay, bisexual, transgender or gender-diverse person." 

"Understand the cycle

  An abusive pattern may include the following:

• An abuser threatens violence.
• An abuser harms a partner. The harm may be emotional, sexual or physical.
• An abuser apologizes and promises to change. Gifts or favors may be part of the apology.
• Tension builds in the relationship, and the cycle repeats itself. 

• Over time, the violence may get worse and happen more often.

Although this is a common way for domestic violence to happen, your situation may be different."   (MAYO Clinic).

Click Here for: A Talking Points Handout, from PreventionIPV.org

Why Do We NOT Report DV?

This is a DRAFT Post:  Please do not re-Post, Copy, or Print or Distribute.

  What would you do if your 20 year old daughter told you that her boyfriend hit her last night.

  According to GOOGLE AI, when asked what percentage of domestic violence actually gets in the USA, it replied, 

"Approximately 40% to 50% of domestic violence or intimate partner violence (IPV) incidents in the U.S. go unreported to law enforcement. This means only about half of all cases are actually reported. [1, 2]

  The reasons for this significant reporting gap vary widely. Many victims choose not to contact authorities due to fear of retaliation, stigma, lack of safe housing, or financial dependence on their abuser. Furthermore, victims often rely on informal support networks, like friends, family, or domestic violence advocacy groups, instead of the criminal justice system." [1, 2, 3, 4, 5] (Google AI).

"Why don't people report domestic violence?

Shame, guilt, fear of the process, fear of not being believed, shock, cultural context, embarrassment, language barriers and fear of reprisal from their communities are just some of the hurdles that victims might need to overcome to report an incident to the police and go on to support a prosecution.  Domestic abuse: Context and challenges (The Crown Prosecution Service)."

Why Should People Report Domestic Violence to the Police?

What do Police Do in Domestic Violecne SItuations?

"What do police do in domestic violence cases?  (AI Overview)

  "How Maryland Police Decide to Arrest in Domestic Violence ...Police responding to domestic violence calls are primarily required to secure the scene, ensure victim safety, and enforce the law. Officers must separate the involved parties to conduct interviews, document injuries, and make mandatory or discretionary arrests if they determine probable cause of abuse or a protective order violation. 

The Maryland People's Law Library

 Beyond the immediate crisis response, standard police procedures generally include:

Medical and Emergency Assistance: Officers are trained to assess the extent of injuries and must arrange for immediate medical attention or an ambulance if required. (Iowa Legal Aid)

Evidence Collection: Law enforcement will document the scene by taking photographs of injuries, property damage, and the overall environment. They will also collect physical evidence and take statements from the victim, suspect, and any witnesses, including children. (www.njrestrainingorderlawyers.com).

Enforcing Protective Orders: They will check databases to see if a restraining order or no-contact order is active and arrest the suspect if that order has been violated. (Iowa Legal Aid)

Resource Referral: Police are required to inform victims of their rights and provide written notices containing information on local domestic abuse shelters, legal assistance, and victim advocacy agencies. (The Maryland People's Law Library)

Firearm Seizure: Depending on local jurisdiction and specific threat indicators, officers may seek the voluntary surrender of firearms or seize them for safety. (The Maryland People's Law Library)

Follow-Up Investigations: Patrol officers prepare a detailed incident report. In many cities, these are forwarded to a specialized domestic violence unit or detective squad to determine if further felony or misdemeanor charges will be filed.  (www.njrestrainingorderlawyers.com)

Because specific protocols, such as mandatory arrest laws, vary significantly, you can consult resources like the Maryland People's Law Library or contact your local law enforcement department's victim services division for location-specific guidance. (The Maryland People's Law Library).

What Percent of DV-related Calls to Police are made by children?  

"Studies indicate that youth and children make up roughly 11% of the calls placed to police during domestic violence incidents.This statistic, highlighted in research on children exposed to family violence, reflects instances where children directly intervene to get help during an altercation. However, experts note that children are often present at the scene of the majority of domestic violence calls, leaving them deeply impacted even when they are not the ones dialing for help.To learn more about how police respond to youth involved in these incidents and view the data breakdown, you can read the full report via the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention."  (SOURCE).

  PSYCHOLOGY TODAY Article about "Guess How Many Domestic Violence Offenders Actually Go To Jail."

  Why Do We frequently NOT Report Domestic Violence Events?  

• Fear of retaliation by the perpetrator.
• Fear that the cops are not gonna do their job correctly.
• Blinded by love.  ("I love him so I can't call the cops on him.")
• Scared... "if she's getting beat up...  ... she might not want to report it and risk more problems."
  
• Police might get CPS involved.
• Maby the perpetrator threatens to kill himself (or herself ) if they get arrested.
• Money / Costs.  
• Fear of negative judgment from all the Haters.
• Fear of getting called a cop caller.
•   Because we don't want them to get into trouble....   
• Because I still love him.
• "Because she wasn't really trying to hurt... She couldn't hurt me anyway."
• I didn't think he would call; so I didn't call.
• I wouldn't want to be around the Law...  (I don't want them in my business?
• Like if you have a house and kids together; it makes you separate.  And that could bring abotu a change that you are not ready for.  (You could suddenly lose your house, your cats etc...).
• Maby we think it's just not that serious.
• Or maby we are convinced nobody's going to care if they hear about it.
• If I call the cops, who will do the laundry?
• He can't help it; he has mental problems.
• Not calling the cops because the perpetrator is "a little crazy and just can't help it."
  

• Why should a person report DV to Police?
• Especially If it is dangerous.
• To help set a boundary.
• To help convince ourselves to leave.

• What could happen if one does not call Police after a situation where there is DV?
• The Victim (and / or the Perpetrator) they could die... get seriously hurt... the kids could get involved and get seriously hurt...
• Plenty of trauma to go around.
• They might hurt themselves.
• Fear of secondary problems becoming the focus of law enforcement -- Like if a search yields serious drugs.

• Fear of the unknown.

• Not wanting the child to be involved or to witness DV-type events: (btw, How old does a child have to be to remember DV?)
• Possibly age 5 or so...  but at 3, a child can remember the spirit of the trauma.

• Some adults have a tendency to Minimize potential harms to Victims and/or to their Children or to themselves....  Like a mother might say, "I'll quit smoking by the time Junior is two."

"What is a reason some people do not report abuse?  (AI Overview)

  "People often do not report abuse due to intense fear of retaliation from the abuser, feelings of shame or self-blame, and a lack of trust in legal or protective systems. Additionally, survivors may fear not being believed or worry about the financial and emotional fallout of leaving. (KPU Pressbooks).

 

Understanding these barriers highlights why stepping forward is so difficult. Common factors influencing this decision include:

1. Fear and Safety

Retaliation: Victims frequently fear the abuser will escalate the violence or harm them, their children, or their pets if they report it. (Psych Central)

 

Immigration Status: Fear of deportation or involvement with authorities can prevent victims from seeking help.  (womenfamilies.org)

Financial Dependence: If the abuser controls the finances or the victim depends on them for housing, the fear of homelessness and instability can trap them. 

(Psych Central).

2. Psychological and Emotional Barriers

Shame and Guilt: Society can unfortunately victim-blame, leading survivors to feel embarrassed or responsible for the abuse.  (National Domestic Violence Hotline).

Trauma Bonding: Victims often still care for their abusers and may hope the abuse will stop, creating a complex emotional tie that delays reporting.  (YouTube

·Now Owned and Operated by Child Health BC (Formerly KidCareCanada)

 

Minimizing the Behavior: Victims may downplay the severity of the abuse, convincing themselves it wasn't "bad enough" to warrant reporting. 

(womenfamilies.org)

 

3. Systemic and Social Barriers -- Lack of Belief: Fear of not being believed or being judged by family, friends, or law enforcement prevents many from speaking out.  (Pathways to Healing Counseling)

 

Complex Legal Processes: The process of reporting and navigating the justice system can be intimidating, exhausting, and re-traumatizing.  (National Institutes of Health (NIH) | (.gov))

 

Cultural or Religious Stigma: Some cultures or religious communities strongly discourage airing "family business," pressuring victims to stay silent to keep the family unit intact.  (KPU Pressbooks)

• What might be the benefits of Reporting a DV Offense that you are the Victim of?

• Might not be getting abused any more.
• Like to get away.
• the childen are no longer exposed to it.
• You could lose 
• Making them leave.
• 
  

What might be the Costs and / or benefits of Reporting a DV Offense that you are not the Victim or the Perpetrator of?

Losing your job. 

•  Maby you are the last chance for the kids before they get really traumatized.

 

 "How many domestic violence type events typically occur in a couple before someone calls the poliice?"

"There is no single specific number of events that trigger a call, but research indicates victims often endure 35 to 40 incidents of abuse before contacting the police.

Because domestic violence is notoriously underreported, experts and victim advocates emphasize the following dynamics:Reporting Rates: According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, only about 45% to 50% of intimate partner physical violence is reported to law enforcement.Escalation:

Abusive behaviors often start with emotional or verbal abuse, escalating to physical altercations over time, which delays the initial call for help. 

Barriers to Calling: Victims often face barriers like fear of retaliation, financial dependence, and lack of safe alternatives, which prolong the time before they reach out. 

If you are experiencing domestic violence or want to help someone who is, you can connect with advocates 24/7. 

National Domestic Violence Hotline: Call 800-799-SAFE (7233) or text "START" to 88788. 

You can find more resources on The Hotline.Local Colorado Resources: For confidential advocacy, emergency shelter, and support services near Walsenburg, visit the Colorado Coalition Against Domestic Violence. 

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911.Would you like help locating local shelters or finding legal advocacy programs in the Walsenburg, CO area?"  (Source)

"Why should a person who knows about a domestic violence incident call the police?"  

Like, if it's life threatening.  (If.g., if there is a deadly weapon involved.)

If the kids are witnissing it or being drawn into it. 

 "At what point during conflict should you call the police?"

    If it gets physically violent, perhaps one should call police -- unless it stops right away and the perpetrator leaves and/or apologizes and promises it won't happen again.

Epilogue / Notes:

"At what point during conflict should you call the police?

AI Overview

Call the police immediately if a conflict involves physical violence, the use of weapons, or explicit threats of harm. You should also dial emergency services if the situation escalates rapidly, you feel trapped or in imminent danger, or if a mental health crisis is causing severe, uncontrollable distress. 

Kelly & Kelly, P.C.

 +3

Knowing exactly when to involve law enforcement depends on how quickly a verbal argument is escalating. Consider these guidelines:

When to Call Immediately (Dial 911)

Physical Altercations: If anyone shoves, hits, strikes, or physically restrains another person, it has crossed into assault.

Weapons are Present: If a weapon is brandished, or if someone threatens to get one.

Imminent Danger: If you feel unsafe, trapped, or believe the situation will inevitably turn violent.

Severe Mental Health Crises: If an individual's behavior poses a danger to themselves or others, especially if they are completely detached from reality or acting highly erratically. 

Kelly & Kelly, P.C.

 +4

When to Wait or Exercise Caution

Mere Disagreements: Experts advise against calling the police purely to "scare" someone, settle trivial civil matters, or resolve a tense conversation that remains entirely verbal and non-threatening. 

Runco Law

Mandatory Arrest Laws: Be aware that in many jurisdictions, police responding to domestic disputes are legally required to make an arrest if they establish probable cause of a crime (such as an assault or credible threat), regardless of whether the victim wants them to or not. "

(SOURCE).

Possible Solutions: 

Start with yourself.  Fix yourself.

Look for Red Flags.  

Know what you really want (and/or need).

The Stronger we are; the better partner we will find (possibly).

 Prevention of the situation -- Walk away if you can before it is too late.

Please Note:  If you or someone you know is currently in an unsafe situation, please know that immediate, confidential help is available:

• The National Domestic Violence Hotline provides 24/7 support. You can call them at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text "START" to 88788.
• For more information on finding a local shelter or support program, you can search for resources directly through The National Domestic Violence Hotline.

Would you like more information on the laws and restraining orders available, or are you looking for prevention resources in your specific area?"  (Google AI).

"Can a 2 year old remember trauma?

AI Overview

Yes, a 2-year-old can experience and be deeply affected by trauma, but they will not remember it the same way older children or adults do. 

Better Health Channel

 +3

At age two, the brain's hippocampus (which stores conscious, story-like memories) is still developing. Therefore, a toddler usually cannot recall the exact details, dates, or narrative of what happened. However, they do store what is known as implicit memory. 

Reddit

 +4

Implicit memory encodes emotions, bodily sensations (like muscle tension or a racing heart), and physical behaviors. Even if they cannot articulate the event, a toddler's body and nervous system can remember the feeling of fear or lack of safety. This can manifest as: 

Centerstone

 +2

Physiological reactions: Clenched jaws, changes in breathing, or startled responses when exposed to sensory reminders (sights, sounds, or smells) associated with the trauma.

Behavioral changes: Clinginess, regression in potty training or speech, sleep disturbances, or intense separation anxiety. 

Better Health Channel

 +3

Because young children rely heavily on sensory and emotional cues rather than cognitive processing, they are highly attuned to the distress of their caregivers. Ensuring a safe, stable, and predictable environment is key to helping a toddler process and heal from distressing experiences. If you suspect a 2-year-old has experienced trauma, consulting with a pediatric mental health specialist who specializes in early childhood trauma is highly recommended. 

Reddit

 +4"

CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFO ABOUT COMMUNICATING ABOUT DV

https://nnedv.org/content/10-tips-informed-conversation/

Having Compassion for the Effects of Domestic Violence

*** DRAFT POST -- 

PLEASE DO NOT COPY or PRINT THIS POST ***

  Let's talk about Compassion and Domestic Violence.

One could speculate that When Domestic Violence happens, there is probably at least a temporary lack of Compassion somewhere in the relationship between the two people.

  The Core Competency D, which is about "Empathy" states the following: 

 D. Empathy

   1. Recognize & verbalize effects (of the offense) on victim.   

   2. Recognize & verbalize effects (of the offense) kids & family.

   3. Offers compassion w/out turning attention on self.

In What Ways are Victims Sometimes Impacted by Domestic Violence"

• Feelings hurt.
• Might make them start feeling insecure.
• Might make them Depressed or Anxious -- or Traumatized.
• Might make them Homeless.
• Cause Physical Injury.  (And many other things).
• The victim might lose their job due to absences.

In What Ways are the Kids and the Family Sometimes Impacted by Domestic Violence"

• Might have to move away from home and their friends too.
• It could traumatize them.
• They might have to change schools and school friends too.
• Kids might end up with related Mental Health Issues like Depression and Anxiety.
• Kids might not get to see one (or both) of their parents for a long time.
• Kids might have to go without their old possessions, toys, books and their old assets, like favorite teachers or neighbors.

In What Ways are Extended Family and Third Parties Sometimes Impacted by Domestic Violence"

• The family members or Friends might be embarrassed.
• Family members and Friends might get involved and get injured too.
• Family members might and Friends might have to help clean up the mess... like physically, financially, or even by just having to take care of the kids for a couple of weeks. 
• Family members and Friends might have to deal with the HATE.

  In some cases, one can help prevent DV from happening.  And if so, many of the problems listed above would never happen...

  But in other cases, nobody can prevent it.  Because the abuser keeps on abusing, and the victim just keeps going back.

  And every time the victim goes back to the abuser; there is a chance that there will be more abuse.

  And as the abuse continues; there are greater possibilities of more serious and more physical injuries to the victim and to the family.

  Sometimes, it's just too late to prevent the abuse.  The abuse has already happened, and one can only have Compassion.

 So What is Compassion?  

  "Compassion may be defined as: “Sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.” (Oxford).

 “Compassion literally means “to suffer together.” Among emotion researchers, it is defined as the feeling that arises when you are confronted with another's suffering and feel motivated to relieve that suffering. Compassion is not the same as empathy or altruism, though the concepts are related” (Greater Good Magazine).

“While empathy refers more generally to our ability to take the perspective of and feel the emotions of another person, compassion is when those feelings and thoughts include the desire to help. Altruism, in turn, is the kind of selfless behavior often prompted by feelings of compassion, though one can feel compassion without acting on it, and altruism isn’t always motivated by compassion” (Greater Good Magazine).

Another Source writes: “While there is no single all-encompassing definition of compassion, it is generally understood to be a response to the suffering of another person."

"The kind of suffering we're responding to could be a variety of things ranging from physical, emotional or mental pain brought on by anything from disease to injury to a general dissatisfaction with life. The cause of the discomfort may come from external or interpersonal events, real or imagined. In any case, it is our care or concern for the person suffering that is considered compassion.”  (Paul Ekman Group).

What are the Different Types of Compassion:

“Compassionate Responses

As mentioned, there are many interpretations of compassion, focusing on different aspects of our response to suffering. One way to categorize different types of compassion is by the varying focus of our response, including our feelings, actions, concerns, and intentions:

empathic compassion: focusing on feeling the emotions experienced by the person who is suffering.

action compassion: focusing on actions that attempt to relieve physical and emotional pain.

concerned compassion: concern for the person who is suffering, emphasizing the compassionate person’s motivation (a desire, urge, or feeling) to alleviate suffering.

aspirational compassion: Buddhists describe something somewhat different, a compassion that is more cognitive than emotional, an aspiration or intention.”  (Paul Ekman Group).

 

“Immediacy of Compassion

Compassion can also be distinguished by the immediacy of response: responding to the current or future anticipated suffering of someone.

 Proximal compassion: compassion to alleviate suffering felt right now. Proximal compassion is often closely tied with our current emotional state.

Example: listening empathically to a friend in distress.

Distal compassion: compassion to avoid suffering in the future.

Distal compassion often involves more cognition as it involves 2 components:

1. Recognizing the problem that lies ahead

2. Being willing to engage in actions necessary to avoid future suffering, even if it requires some sacrifices now

Example: telling your child to wear their helmet when riding their bicycle to avoid injury.”  (Paul Ekman Group).

"What are the benefits of compassion?

 The conversations between Dr. Ekman and the Dalai Lama have highlighted some philosophical questions regarding the nature of compassion and our motivations and intentions behind acting compassionately.

The Dalai Lama believes that unbiased compassion must be carried out in a manner that is detached from selfish motivation, however he has also acknowledged how compassionate actions can benefit ourselves as well.

Whether or not an action may be considered truly compassionate if it is also in some way self-serving, Dr. Ekman takes the stand that it is helpful to hold a perspective of enlightened self-interest, in which we consider the ways that helping others can also help ourselves. In that light, Dr. Ekman outlines three benefits of compassion:

1. It generates an intrinsically good feeling (compassion joy).
2. It can increase our self-regard; it supports a positive view of oneself, as well as a sense of well-being and purpose.
3. It can elicit the approval of others: when other people learn about the compassionate action, accidentally or by design, their regard for the compassionate person may be increased. In turn this acknowledgment and approval may elicit further enjoyment in the compassionate actor." (Paul Ekman Group, Source.)

Discussion Questions: 

What Is My Level of Compassion for My Victim (Then and Now)?

0-10 (0 = No Compassion at all); (10 = Tons of Compassion)?

What Is My Level of Compassion for The Other's Involved (Then and Now)?

0-10 (0 = No Compassion at all); (10 = Tons of Compassion)?

How would I describe my sense of Compassion related to all of the Victims in my offense?

Originally Published 7/15/2024