Is it Possible that Psychological Kinship is a Necessity for a Successful Relationship: AKA, ,How much Psychological Kinship is truly being shared between partners in an Abusive Relationship?

DRAFT POST.  

Please do not copy, print or distribute. 

    According to Bailey's Psychlogical Kinship Theory, "Psychological kinship is the, often subconscious, tendency to perceive and treat genetically unrelated individuals (friends, mentors, or therapists) as if they were family members. It extends the emotional bonds of nurturing and loyalty beyond bloodlines to provide social support, particularly during times of stress." [1, 2, 3, 4] 

  Naturally, this also includes some Romantic Relationships.  Some Romantic Relationships are simply physical.  Others are about Status, or about just trying to prevent being lonely. 

   (Per Beverly, who adds: "Therefore, perhaps with more solid Psychological Kinships, we have less stress; which might lead to increased and possibly more stable Physical and Mental Health.  Which in-turn might help prevent abuse of any kind.")

Question:  What are some of the easiest ways to essentially kill a relationship?

  Lie, cheat, steal, Free-load, no trust, accuse, abuse, drug and alcohol use or abuse or dependency, certain types of actions that antagonize, irritate, agitate, and/or repition of negative behaviors, such as never changing or being unwilling to participate in whatever, actions that promote flourishing.  (Essentially your partner to live according to her or his values).

  Question -- Have you ever been in a relationshp with someone who did not support your value system?

  What was that like for you?  

  "A bad time, right...  Like walking eggshells all the time.  Not quite a healthy relationship... correct."

  At the end one might feel exhausted, confused and totally frustrated.

     To impede flourishing... means.... you will not have any Eudomonia (Meaning actions that go against one's values system), Meaning you are not going moments that jive with your values... like hey I am doing a good thing...

  You might even find a lack of humanistic communication... meaning -- No empathy, Narcicism, Being Inconsiderate.

  And a lot of this can come from getting into relationship too fast.  Or other things such getting too deep too fast.  A lack of compatibility might surface eventually.  Jealousy and accusing or cheating...  Or cheating itself... or even just kind of a nasty relationship where nobody really care... .It's like "do your worst."

 How might one manage to get through times where the relationship is challenged by a lack of consideration for each other?

  NOW.. HOW COULD ONE PREVENT THE TRAGEDY OF BEHAVING IN SUCH WAYS?  Or getting caught in such traps?

  So perhaps, people really need to stop and think with a sober mind -- Don't react too quickly.  Breath, Relax, Use Positive thinking, and Positive Statements along with Good Listening -- and try to move along to greener pastures... ASAP.

  When relationships go that way.. in that negative direction; what are some things that are probably missing?

  Good communication is missing.

  Love is not there any more, it is lacking compassion, empathy, lacking love for one's self maybe, perhaps even a little shame...  and probably a number of other things.  

Psychological Kinship:

  In many cases, where there is closeness and affinity; a sense of collaborate Psychological Kinship Could Help"

  "Family-by-Choice : Creating Family in a World of Strangers by Susan Ahern and Kent G. Bailey (1997),"

  In many ways.... An Emotional Bond (Experienced by BOTH people) needs to be there in order to have a healthy relationship.   

  In addition to feelings -- one also needs values / ethics / morals / virtues.  

  Both people in a couple also need the ability to have fun together; and to play together.

  Both also need to be able to handle difficult times together and stay strong during the good times and the bad times.  Even if each of them needs a little break from each other from time to time.

  In a Psychological Kinship, you can still be family -- even if you do not see each other 100% of the time.

  Because in a Kinship, there is an emotional bond, a sense of belonging to each other, as well a committment to having unconditional positive regard for each other -- no matter what.

  Even if your partner does mess up, you still love them.

  If it is a psychological kinship, you can weather stormy seas, either together or aprt.

Some steps to imagine -- Just think this for a second:

• You meet
• You greet, talk, share who you are etc...
• Then You learn about them.
• You accept them and they accept you for who each of you think each other is.
• And then perhaps you BOTH try to stay together. 

 But then all the challenges come up in many cases -- not all hopefully... but a lot of challenges.

 What can help us get past those challenges?  

 Communicating -- but what if you have a restraining order?

 You could stay faithful... -- but what is they are not faithful?

 Or you can break the restraining order and start Talking, listening, sharing empathy, understanding each other, bringing love to the relationship, Bring positive attitudes, buidling Confidence again, and even sharing a sense of humility, faith, courage, respect and the ability to try again.  (Or sharing (separately) the ability to take a time out... a stop, breath, and focus... -- or just stay away from each  while the R.O. is in effect.)  

  But, what if  you have already built a psychological kinship:

You can take your time.... and pick yourself back up -- on your own.  Learning how to be strong.  Learning how to be you alone in the world....   But what's the difference.  Even if you are alone today; you know there is someone out there who considers you to be part of their family.

  And eventually, you can try to move with a moving-forward attitude.  Put the past behind you if you can.  Use some Forgiveness and a Positive Attitude helps also.

  And then bfe willing to drink of the water again together.  Do things that help you both build the relationship together.

  And then keep on taking care of yourself and your partner as you go on.

  So how might a Psychological Kinship function or help in such a situation?

• You already have an established bond with them.
• It starts feeling like a healthy relationship.
• You begin to feel safe?
• But Why?  Because you have Trust, a sense of love, a sense of belonging, a sense of liking each other, a sense of respect for each other, and a sense of altruism towars each other.

Moving Forward:

  Is it Possible that Psychological Kinship is a Necessity for a Successful Relationship?  

  "Yeah... Kind of" -- "It depends on if you already have kinship... but like how far that kinship can go like in your relationship, like with trust...  and being able to forgive.

  For example; what about blood-siblings --  genetically related?  Sometimes, they hate each other with a passion.    But at the same time they still admit they are brothers or sisters.

  In psychological kinship, a very passionate relationship can break up  -- like even forever -- but they can still behave like family.

  Hence at the end of it, my partner says she loves me and wishes me the best.. .rather than hating me and alienating me.

  But enough of that.

  How might one describe the Psychological Kinship between two partners when there is abuse?

  Think about this then: How much Psychological Kinship is truly being shared between partners in an Abusive Relationship?

  On first look, it seems that there is no psychological kinship in that relationship.  

  Have you never seen a for-ever type couple who has a psychological kinship, however, they also have abuse going on between them.

Later I am going to ask -- 

How might one describe the Psychological Kinship between two partners when there Love and Closeness and comfort and joy?

  Interesting.  Hence the Title/Question: "Is it Possible that Psychological Kinship is a Necessity for a Successful Relationship: AKA, ,How much Psychological Kinship is truly being shared between partners in an Abusive Relationship?"

  Probably so.

  On the other hand; In what distinct ways might Psychological Kinship help a Couple Prevent Domestic Violence?

"Family-by-Choice: Creating Family in a World of Strangers

"Family-By-Choice: Creating Family in a World of Strangers" by Susan Ahern and Kent G. Bailey explores the concept of kinship and the importance of intentional communities in our modern society. The book discusses how families can be formed through various means, including friendships, work, and social groups, and emphasizes the need for close ties with others, especially when traditional family structures are not possible. The authors argue that the modern family should not conform to outdated models but rather embrace a more flexible and inclusive approach to familyhood. "(Source).

  It is important to note that this Book goes back over 2 decades.  

  But the question remains... say in a marriage; can there be abuse; and yet both the victim and the perpetrator each have their own unique sense of love for each other?

  If love is the willingness and abilitiy to accept a person for who they are;

  Then, does that mean that abuse proves that there no love?  Can someone abuse someone that they love?  (Quite possibly).

  In other words, if there is abuse; does that prove that there is no Psychological Kinship bond between the two people?  (Possibly not.  It does not prove that in all cases).

  So perhaps a Psychological Kinship Bond is strong enough  on different important levels (like psychological, emotional, cognitive and social) that it can help keep two people together even if there is abuse.

  And that is not always a good thing.

  However, the benefit here could be in the possibility that some of the traits of psychological kinship can basically prevent abuse -- if not now; later.

  Perhaps some people can put the pain in the past?

  Perhaps some people can realize how their abusive behaivors really do hurt the ones they say they love?

  What is a Successful Relationship?  Perhaps it is a relationship where is No DV.  Agreed.

  And Perhaps a successful relationship is going to have some degree of Psychological Kinship (eg., unconditional positive regard (Rogers).)  

  At the same time, even a relationship with a deep sense of kinship can be abusive at times, quite possibly based on a lack of healthy thinking and behavior on the part of the abuser; followed by a somewhat depedent type of thinking on the part of the victim.

  Unless of course it is all driven by Psychological kinship... i.e. Deep affinity for each other, Unconditional Positive Relation / Unconditional love

  Dr. Kent G. Bailey did us all a big favor not so long ago....  He wrote extensively about and developed the Concept of Psychological Kinship.

  "A successful relationship is generally defined as one where both partners feel happy, supported, and able to communicate their needs effectively. It involves mutual respect, a shared level of commitment, and the ability to evolve together as individuals. Key characteristics include trust, authentic communication, and unselfish love, which contribute to the overall fulfillment and compatibility of the partners involved"  (Source).

  Hence, one conclusion could be that there is no room for abuse in a psychological kinship -- just like modern humans feel about families -- no place for abuse.

  Hence, the answer  to the original question seems to be that where there is Abuse in a relationship; the level of psychological kinship compromised by definitiion.  

  Therefore, in following this example, it is concluded that in order have a successful relationship there should be a psychological kinship; but there must not be abuse.

  There may be abuse at time in the past;  But if the relationship is to continue and thrive -- as would also be the psychological kinship; the abuse must stop. 

THEN END:

NOTES:

What is Psychological Kinship:

  According to Bailey's Psychlogical Kinship Theory, "Psychological kinship is the, often subconscious, tendency to perceive and treat genetically unrelated individuals (friends, mentors, or therapists) as if they were family members. It extends the emotional bonds of nurturing and loyalty beyond bloodlines to provide social support, particularly during times of stress." [1, 2, 3, 4]

   (Per Beverly, who adds: "Therefore, perhaps with more solid Psychological Kinships, we have less stress; which might lead to increased and possibly more stable Physical and Mental Health.")

Key Aspects of Psychological Kinship:

• "As If" Relationship: It involves adopting a mental set where close friends, mentors, or pets are categorized similarly to biological kin, fostering deep trust and care. [1, 2, 3, 4]
• Triggered by Stress: The need for psychological kin is heightened by survival stress or emotional upheaval, leading people to "adopt" helpers into their inner circle. [1, 2]
• Common in Helping Professions: Clients often seek or develop a quasi-familial bond with therapists or counselors, which acts as a mechanism for healing and security. [1, 2]
• Evolutionary Basis: Rooted in primate sociality, humans are inclined to form these intimate ties for survival, even when not biologically related. [1, 2]

  Psychological kinship often overlaps with concepts of "chosen family" or deep, intimate friendships. [1]"

  "A successful relationship is generally defined as one where both partners feel happy, supported, and able to communicate their needs effectively. It involves mutual respect, a shared level of commitment, and the ability to evolve together as individuals. Key characteristics include trust, authentic communication, and unselfish love, which contribute to the overall fulfillment and compatibility of the partners involved"  (Source).

What is Psychological Kinship?

"Psychological kinship is the human tendency to perceive and treat genetically unrelated individuals—such as friends, partners, or mentors—as if they were family members. This phenomenon involves extending feelings of closeness, loyalty, and obligation to non-kin, often "over-perceiving" family bonds based on deep emotional connections. [1, 2, 3]

Key Aspects of Psychological Kinship

• "As-If" Family: It is characterized by feeling and behaving toward others "as family," regardless of actual biological relatedness. [1]
• Role in Relationships: Often seen in close friendships, long-term marriages, and in the "helping professions," where clients may view therapists or counselors in parental or sibling terms. [1, 2]
• Stress-Induced: The tendency to form these bonds increases significantly under survival stress or personal crisis, when people look for close, protective support systems. [1, 2]
• Evolutionary Basis: It is thought to be an extension of our natural, evolutionary inclination to form, trust, and support kin, applied to others to create social cohesion and safety. [1, 2, 3]
• 
  

Another way to view it is:

"In the evolutionary kinship model developed by psychologist Kent G. Bailey, psychological kinship is defined as the human tendency to feel and behave toward a genetically unrelated person "as if" they were family. [1]

According to Bailey's framework and the validation of his Kinship Scale, the core elements and dynamics of psychological kinship include:

1. "As-If" Family Classification

The defining baseline element is the cognitive and emotional classification of a non-kin individual into one's primary in-group. This replication of real family bonds carries similar unwritten expectations, benefits, and felt obligations. [1, 2]

2. Affective Proximity and Intimacy

Psychological kinship relies heavily on an interpersonal appraisal of affective proximity. Individuals evaluate and rank certain non-biologically related people as their most intimate "insiders," heavily blending individual identities with group identities. [1]

3. Factor Dimensions (The Kinship Scale)

When validating the Revised Kinship Scale to measure this construct, factor analysis by Nava and Bailey (1991) identified four unique structural factors. The primary and most powerful element is: [1]

"Family Love": This element accounts for the vast majority of the variance (37.7%) and captures the core feelings of deep attachment, unconditional support, and mutual belonging. [1]
Affiliative Needs: The remaining factors are tied to kinship need fulfillment, strongly correlating with independent psychological measures of attachment, love, and liking. [1]

4. Stress and Survival Proximity as Catalysts

A vital systemic element in Bailey’s model is that the formation of psychological kinship is greatly augmented by stress, particularly survival stress. Under intense hardship, humans are biologically primed to seek out "kin and tribe" for safety. When actual biological kin are unavailable, individuals will rapidly project a psychological kinship status onto helpers, therapists, or companions who provide a secure base. [1, 2]

---

If you are exploring this topic for a specific application, let me know if you would like to look closer at:

How psychological kinship behaves specifically in the client-therapist relationship
The evolutionary backing of human paleopsychology
The specific metrics used in the Nava & Bailey Kinship Scale [1, 2]"  (Source.)

Contextual Applications

• Therapy: The Kinship Model of Therapy suggests that, because clients under stress seek emotional safety, they may form strong psychological kinship ties with their helpers. [1]
• Friendship: It explains why close friends can feel more like family than biological relatives, particularly through shared experiences and mutual support. [1, 2, 3]
• Social Groups: It can extend to organizations or communities, where shared characteristics foster a feeling of "familiness" among members. [1]

Note: The concept is often defined as an "as-if" family, distinguished from biological kinship, which is based on consanguinity (blood relations). [1]" (Source.)

"The Psychological Kinship Scale (PKS) is a 20-item, 5-point Likert scale developed by Nava and Bailey (1991) to measure the extent to which individuals perceive non-biological, "as-if" family relationships (e.g., romantic partners, close friends) with the same closeness, obligation, and emotional intensity as biological family members. [1, 2]

Key Aspects of the Psychological Kinship Scale

• Construct Definition: It measures the subjective "family-like" quality of relationships rather than legal or biological ties. [1, 2, 3, 4]
• Structure: The PKS typically features 20 items that are rated, with total scores ranging from 20 to 100. [1]
• Validation: Research indicates the scale is positively correlated with attachment, love, and liking, though sex differences in scoring patterns have been noted. [1, 2]
• Application: It has been used to study romantic attraction, social support, and resilience, indicating that high kinship with non-kin can provide similar support to that of biological kin. [1, 2]
• Alternative Measures: Adaptations, such as the 4-item kin-perceptions scale, are used to measure psychological closeness to larger groups, such as in the context of immigration and host cultures. [1]

The scale, originally designed as a 60-item instrument, was refined to improve its validity in measuring the "psychological family" construct. [1, 2]"  (Source).

  So...  Have you ever had a sense of Psychological Kinship in a Romantic Relationship?

"Psychological kinship scales measure the perceived emotional closeness, shared identity, and sense of family-like connection with others, often focusing on non-biological relationships or assessing the depth of existing family bonds. These tools frequently use Likert-type questions (e.g., 0-10 or strongly disagree to strongly agree) to evaluate intimacy, investment, and emotional attachment. [1, 2, 3]

Common Psychological Kinship Scale Components
Research often uses questions to measure the intensity of bonds: [1]

• Willingness to Invest (Altruism): Measures how much a person is willing to sacrifice for another.
  • "How willing would you be to donate your kidney to [Name] if she/he needed it?"
  • "How willing would you be to give half of one month's salary to [Name]?"
  • "Imagine [Name] being sentenced to jail... how willing would you be to serve the sentence instead?" [1, 2]
• Emotional Closeness:
  • "How emotionally close are you and [Name]?" [1]
• Family-Like Connection (Kinship Scale): Measures perceived "familyness".
  • "I feel a strong sense of family with [Name]."
  • "I would turn to [Name] before anyone else in a crisis."
  • "[Name] is as close to me as a biological sibling/parent." [1, 2]
• Self-Concept/Relational Identity: Assesses how much identity is defined by others.
  • "My close relationships are an important reflection of who I am."
  • "I feel as though I am a part of [Name]." [1]

Context and Usage

• Kinship Scale (Revised): A 20-item measure focusing on affective bonds that often correlates with love, liking, and attachment measures, with the strongest factor being "family love".
• Kinship Center Attachment Questionnaire (KCAQ): A tool to measure child attachment and track changes over time.
• Relational-Interdependent Self-Construal Scale (RISC): Assesses how much self-concept is defined through close relationships. [1, 2, 3]

These scales are used to understand how people define "family" beyond biology, often showing that women, in particular, treat close friends similar to kin. [1]"

(Source)

What does it take to have a Psychological Kinship?  

And how might that help a Relationship?

Discussion:

  In your relationships; do you tend to treat Romantic Partners like you treat family?

  Do they treat you like you are family?

  A lot of families have knock down drag outs.  Can you have such a fight or argument with your partner and still love each other?

  If one really has a true Kinship,. wouiild that kinship be able to nurture unhealtlhy habits/