STRESS and DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

  First and foremost, it is important to accept the truth that STRESS DOES NOT CAUSE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.  However, it his highly believable that serious stress may contribute to the perceptions, feelings and thoughts that could help one make the bad decisions or poor choices to commit DV.  Another way of looking at it is that when people are Stressed Out, they might also be more likely to forget to do things that might prevent DV Behaviors. 

  "A new study has found that domestic violence tends to occur more often when a couple is experiencing financial stress. And while the findings don’t prove a specific cause-and-effect relationship, they do confirm that extreme stressors such as unstable housing and food insecurity should be addressed more often in health care settings." 
  "What we don’t know yet is whether financial stress makes a violent couple more violent, or is financial stress enough of a disruption in a relationship that violence begins?” (Pedersen, 2018). 

  

Why Should I Care about Stress?  (Or: Ways that High Stress Might Seem to be Related to Ruining Relationships and even Related to Domestic Violence):

  Ways that Stress Might Contribute to Domestic Violence - Types of Feelings, Thinking and Behaviors are numerous.  But before proceeding, one must understand that even if Stress was a major factor in the demise of my Relationship; and may have seemed to contribute to my DV Charge; the responsibility for Reducing my Stress so as to avoid any sort of DV Charges lies solely on me, myself and I.

  Nonetheless, Stress might contribute to DV in that it could possibly do some of the following:

• Stress could make us feel like we do not have time to enjoy good times with each other.
• Stress could contribute to increased Irritability which can sometimes be a part of DV.
• Stress could contribute to increased Desire for Social Isolation which can sometimes be a part of DV.
• Stress could contribute to a decrease in the Mindfulness it sometimes takes to be nicely Respectful toward our partners which can in turn sometimes be a part of DV.  
• Stress increasing our level of Disrespect towards our Partner, essentially facilitates Fighting which often includes DV-type Thinking, Feeling and Behavior.
• Stress could contribute to a decrease in our willingness or our ability to help handle our Partner's Issues, Problems and / or their lack of Temper sometimes; which could sometimes be a part of our rationalization for our own DV Behaviors.
• Stress can make it to where we no longer hear what our Partner is saying to us.  This can cause major problems.
• Stress could even make us feel like we don't have to be accountable.
• Stress could also lead us to a mindset where we have little or no empathy for our partner's struggles.  We might even lack sympathy too.
• Stress can make it to where we no longer feel that anyone is on our side, thus no one including our partner can be trusted.  This can kill the trust in a relationship.
• Stress could make us feel so overwhelmed that we miss important things that we need to do, say or even think about (i.e., Picking up Our Partner's Meds from the Pharmacy, Our Partner's Birthday, or even our Anniversary); and this can cause stress on the Relationship for sure.
• Stress can contribute to us forgetting to, neglecting to, or even refusing to Apologize to our Partner when we really should apologize.

WebMD has something to say about Stress:

"What Are the Symptoms of Stress?

Stress can affect all parts of your life, including your emotions, behaviors, thinking ability, and physical health. No part of the body is immune. But, because people handle stress differently, symptoms of stress can vary. Symptoms can be vague and may be the same as those caused by medical conditions. So it is important to discuss them with your doctor. You may have any of the following symptoms of stress.

Emotional symptoms of stress include:

• Becoming easily agitated, frustrated, and moody
• Feeling overwhelmed, as if you are losing control or need to take control
• Having a hard time relaxing and quieting your mind
• Feeling bad about yourself (low self-esteem), and feeling lonely, worthless, and depressed
• Avoiding others
• Physical symptoms of stress include:
•  
• Low energy
• Headaches
• Upset stomach, including diarrhea, constipation, and nausea
• Aches, pains, and tense muscles
• Chest pain and rapid heartbeat
• Insomnia
• Frequent colds and infections
• Loss of sexual desire and/or ability
• Nervousness and shaking, ringing in the ears, and cold or sweaty hands and feet
• Dry mouth and a hard time swallowing
• Clenched jaw and grinding teeth
• Cognitive symptoms of stress include:
•  
• Constant worrying
• Racing thoughts
• Forgetfulness and disorganization
• Inability to focus
• Poor judgment
• Being pessimistic or seeing only the negative side
• Behavioral symptoms of stress include:
•  
• Changes in appetite -- either not eating or eating too much
• Procrastinating and avoiding responsibilities
• More use of alcohol, drugs, or cigarettes
• Having more nervous behaviors, such as nail biting, fidgeting, and pacing

 

"What Are the Consequences of Long-Term Stress?

A little stress every now and then is not something to be concerned about. But ongoing, chronic stress can cause or worsen many serious health problems, including: 

• Mental health problems, such as depression, anxiety, and personality disorders
• Cardiovascular disease, including heart disease, high blood pressure, abnormal heart rhythms, heart attacks, and strokes
• Obesity and other eating disorders
• Menstrual problems
• Sexual dysfunction, such as impotence and premature ejaculation in men and loss of sexual desire in men and women
• Skin and hair problems, such as acne, psoriasis, and eczema, and permanent hair loss
• Gastrointestinal problems, such as GERD, gastritis, ulcerative colitis, and irritable colon"

(WebMD: Stress Symptoms: Physical Effects of Stress on the Body (webmd.com))

These are Indeed Stressful Times:

  In stressful times, people who have experienced stress, tension, anxiety, fear heightened Anxiety or Anxiety-type Disorders might find themselves being more on-guard... or more hyper-vigilant.  In some cases, one might be more likely to have panic attacks.. in other cases, more likely to get really emotionally numb, and disconnected and more likely to start feeling all alone -- even in a crowd or even with family or loved ones.  
  For some people, this can be devastating.  For others, this can be just another way of life.  Many people do this and have no idea that they are doing this.
  High Stress is often caused by significant events such as general chaos, pandemics, pressure such as at work or school, War, relationship issues, trauma of any kind, and reminders of trauma. 
  Many people get triggered and they become aware of being triggered as the symptoms of Re-Traumatization and/or High Anxiety start to re-appear.
  For many people, the inability to control stressful triggers is the worst thing of all.
  And others are just generally anxious.  They do not identify a specific trigger.  But they are anxious frequently regardless of whether or not they have been triggered.
  Some stressed people might find that they experience thinking and/or behavioral changes during stressful times.  Others might find that today's stressors might impact their perceptions.  And these changes might contribute to them falling behind on their obligations, becoming less able to take accountability, more hopeless, more helpless, more depressed, or a general feeling that they are losing ground on previous accomplishments, wanting to hurry things up, having unrealistic expectations, and sometimes being unable to concentrate as well.

 The Center for Disease Control (CDC, 2020) recently published some information that may explain a part of this.  Per the CDC, reactions to an infectious disease outbreak (such as COVID-19) can be exacerbated by the expected high stress and in some cases, fear that come along with such events.  The "Stress (response) during an infectious disease outbreak can include:

• Fear and worry about your own health and the health of your loved ones.  Changes in sleep or eating patterns.  Difficulty sleeping or concentrating.  Worsening of chronic health problems.  Worsening of mental health conditions.  Or increased use of alcohol, tobacco, or other drugs."

  Although one cannot blame Stress for choices related to Domestic Violence, or the Behavior itself, Stress is quite possibly a contributor. 

How Can We Help Keep Stress from Making Our Lives Worse?
  Well, we already know that some of the worst coping mechanisms that typically do not work include, Substance abuse, and Rage in the Presence of others, whether it is Accidental, Spontaneous or Intentional.  Sitting around feeling sorry for one's self also does not necessarily work.  So we probably should not do any of these.
  Possible Solutions to Stress or Stress Reducers are Numerous and Mostly Free.  

Possible Solutions -- Things one can do to Help Relieve Stress:

• Realizing what we can change and what we cannot change.  Make that difference.  And accept that difference.
• Finding Serenity can be helpful.  Find the strength to accept the things one cannot change, The Courage to Change the things that one can, as well as the Wisdom to know that difference.
• Consider making a First Aide Kit for When One Is Stressed Out.  This Kit could include a list of things to do when Stressed.  It should be in a box or a place where you can get to it.  And it might also include Positive Affirmations, Crafts, Coloring Tools, Ideas that help you reduce your stress, Art Supplies, Inspirational Texts, such as the Bible or other helpful text, A Journal for Writing, and Helpful information about symptoms to recognize and combat.  As well as a Harmonica...

  

Other things that can help reduce Stress include: 

• Grounding Exercises to Ground One's Self
• Find ways to Nourish One's Need to Feel Safe.
• Work on Self-Esteem, and Confidence Building Exercises.
• Physical Exercise.  Doing light exercises can be really helpful.    Even just walking.
• Drive a different route to work or to the store one day.
• Be creative -- Make things that help.  (Like during COVID-19, make cool masks).
• Think about and/or maybe visit or write to or call people that you love. 
• Get Park Passes or go Fishing.  
• Get out in Nature.
• Get a Therapist.
• Go to a Church, Synagogue, Mosque, or other place where Communities Gather to share fellowship.
• Look up these 101 Stress Relievers 
• for more Ideas in List or Graphic Forms.
• Google "Youtube and Stress Relief".

  What ever you do, do not hand your heart and soul and behavior over to the Stress.  And definitely, do not let your Stress get in the way of you Being Accountable for Your Feelings, Your Thoughts and Your Behaviors.  

  What ever you do, do not give up.

  Please Click Here to Complete My Stressed Out Strategy Worksheet. 

  Please Click Here to Complete Your Session Feedback Form.

(Previously posted August 16, 2021.)

 (c. 2020, William T. Beverly, Ph.D., LCSW, All information on the Blog (Except where otherwise noted); are the intellectual and/or photographic and/or digital property of Dr. William T. Beverly, L.C.S.W., DVOMB Approved Offender Treatment Provider.).

  Originally published 6/1/2020.