Jealousy --
"What does jealous mean? To be jealous is to feel resentment, bitterness, or hostility toward someone because they have something that you don't. This feeling or the state of feeling this way is called jealousy." (Source).
"Jealousy is the feeling of anger or bitterness that someone has when they think that another person is trying to take a lover or friend, or a possession, away from them." (Source).
"an unhappy or angry feeling caused by the belief that someone you love (such as your husband or wife) likes or is liked by someone else a marriage ruined by infidelity and jealousy"
"He was driven crazy with jealousy."
"He was unable to control his jealousies." (Source).
How prevalent is Jealousy in Domestic Violence Relationships?
There is some helpful guidance regarding Jealousy in the article: "Lethality Indicators Possessiveness over victim or severe/morbid jealousy"
"In a national study on risk of intimate partner homicide, victims of completed or attempted femicide experienced abuse by a partner who controlled all of their activities in 60 percent of cases (Campbell, 2017). The same study revealed that of abusers in those cases, 79 percent were violently jealous, making statements such as “If I can’t have you, no one can.” Georgia’s Project data supports the national findings that severe possessiveness of the victim and intense jealousy are precursors to potentially lethal abuse. In cases reviewed by the Project, perpetrators who went on to kill the victim were known to express attitudes of ownership over the victim 26 percent of the time." (Source).
"Jealousy is like something that almost always ends up with almost everything feeling bad -- negative, sorrowful, sad, angry, hurt, lost, confused, devastated, and with all that said; it can also -- and often does -- lead to serious tragedy. And the pain is frequently shared on all sides -- albeit by that point, the people on all sides may not even be talking to each other any more.
In other words, Jealousy often causes tremendous pain and in the meantime, it tends to destroy or at least deplete our supply of supports. When someone acts out of jealousy, they are essentially saying, "I don't trust you."
Whereas, their motivation for their jealousy might be as simple as their own insecurity. But it's projected onto you.
And perhaps of all, when people are trying to defend themselves against a jealous "partner", they often say of the alleged "Lover", "Oh, we're just friends." -- As if being is meaningless... worthless... When in fact, many of us probably treasure our friendships more than some of our lovers.
So, What does Jealousy have to do with Domestic Violence?
Is there a link between Jealousy and DV?
Here is an article: "The Green-Eyed Monster"
"Jealousy is a complex and often intense emotion that can manifest in a wide range of relationships. Stemming from a potent mix of fear and insecurity, jealousy can be triggered by anything from a flirtatious co-worker to a new job opportunity.
In romantic relationships, jealousy doesn’t always mean that abuse is coming – but it can be a warning sign of something much more dangerous.
From the green-eyed monster to white-hot rage, this article will explore the link between jealousy and domestic abuse, and how to identify problematic behaviours in your relationship.
How can jealousy lead to violence?
While mild feelings of jealousy are common in relationships, it can become a major red flag in the context of an abusive relationship.
Abusers often use jealousy as a tool for control, monitoring their partner’s every move and isolating them from family and friends. This controlling behaviour can escalate quickly, leading to emotional and physical abuse.
In some cases, jealousy can spiral into violent behaviour, leading to tragic outcomes such as domestic violence, and even homicide. Regrettably, incidents of domestic and family violence are on the rise, as evidenced by the Queensland Police Service responding to 138,871 occurrences of such violence in the community during the 2021/22 Financial Year.
The cycle of violence
Jealousy can play a significant role in perpetuating the cycle of violence in an abusive relationship. In the early stages, an abusive partner may look for any reason to start a fight, often resorting to possessiveness, jealousy and attempts to control the other person’s behaviour.
These actions can intensify tensions and escalate into physical, emotional, or verbal abuse in the next phase. At times, the abuser may express remorse and seek forgiveness, using apologies, gifts, or promises to convince the victim to stay in the relationship.
It’s a vicious cycle that repeats itself, with jealousy and possessiveness present in each phase. Recognising these signs early on and seeking help to break the cycle of violence can be a crucial step towards your safety and well-being.
The red flags of jealousy
Identifying these behaviours in a romantic relationship and noting they are problematic is an incredibly difficult thing to do. However, it is up to all of us to recognise the potential signs of relationship abuse (and support those who are experiencing it). Some of these early warning signs include a partner:
- Monitoring your every move
- Expecting immediate responses to texts and calls
- Isolating you from family and friends
- Belittling or controlling your behaviour
- Blaming you for their actions or emotions
- Using threats or intimidation to control you
Ultimately, if you find yourself changing your behaviour so that the person you’re dating doesn’t become angry, that is a clear sign of an unhealthy relationship.
Case Study: Problematic behaviour in a relationship
While physical abuse is often recognisable, it’s important to note that domestic violence can manifest in many other forms. Emotional abuse, for example, may involve a partner who displays jealous behaviours, disguising them as caring or protective actions.
This case of a young woman who wrote into an Australian newsletter column asking for advice about her controlling and jealous boyfriend, serves as an example of how jealousy can be a form of emotional abuse.
“He gets angry when I speak to any other man, he won’t let me wear certain clothing, and he is extremely opposed to my close friendship with a guy at my work. I have to tell him everything I’m doing, and where I’m going, and it just suffocates me.
It’s so hard because my family loves him and he’s such a lovely person. He loves me so much and does absolutely everything for me. When it’s good, it’s great. I am his whole world, so I have this sense of guilt if I ever were to leave, and I just don’t know what to do.”
The woman recognised that her boyfriend's behaviour was problematic, but felt guilty about leaving him because he loved her. Importantly, she also felt like she couldn't talk to anyone about the situation; this feeling of isolation is a common tactic of abusers, who want to control every aspect of their partner's life.
It’s also important to recognise that an abuser is not necessarily going to be someone who treats other people poorly in front of you. While there are no set characteristics that all abusers share, they are typically skilled at presenting a charming facade to the outside world.
How to deal with jealousy in a relationship
When jealousy becomes pervasive and intense, it has the potential to become harmful.
If you recognise the signs of jealousy and coercive control in a relationship, you can seek help. This could mean reaching out to a trusted friend, family member, or professional, or contacting domestic violence hotlines or other resources for support and guidance.
There are many resources available, such as Relationships Australia at 1300 364 277, DVConnect Womensline at 1800 811 811, DVConnect Mensline at 1800 600 636, and 1800 RESPECT at 1800 737 732.
If you are in immediate danger, contact your local emergency service.
Remember that everyone has the right to feel safe in their home – and help is always available.
From controlling behaviours to something just feeling a bit ‘off’, the red flags of domestic violence and coercive control present themselves in different ways for different people. Learn how to spot the red flags of domestic violence in your own relationship – or someone else’s." (Source.)
What are some of the Motivations of Jealousy?
According to Psychology Today, "Jealousy in relationships can be caused by various factors", Including":
"Low self-esteem
Insecurity
Obsessive overthinking
Paranoia
Fear of abandonment or betrayal
Desire for control
Unrealistic expectations
Past hurtful experiences
Feelings of anxiety, depression, or low self-worth" ()
According to: 3 Prime Reasons Why People Get Jealous
How to tell if your suspicions may be legitimate.
Posted September 23, 2014 | Reviewed by Abigail Fagan
"Key points: While most people experience jealousy on a very occasional and mild basis, others feel it to a pathological degree.
Research finds that men are more jealous about physical infidelity while women are more jealous about emotional infidelity.
One of the three prime reasons people get jealous includes the inability to handle "the unknown."A little jealousy in a romantic relationship is undoubtedly natural. Certainly, each of us has felt an uncomfortable jealous twinge at some point in a relationship. We feel jealous in such moments because of our sense that a cherished connection we have with another person is threatened, and our fear that a loved one may find someone else to replace us.
While most people experience jealousy on a very occasional and mild basis, others feel it to a pathological degree. For such extremely jealous individuals, their jealousy almost always leads to the end of relationships.
Evolutionary psychologists have spent years researching jealousy. In her review of the literature, Harris (2004) writes that evolutionary psychologists suggest that jealousy might have given a “fitness advantage” for men and women. More specifically, Buss (1995) concluded that a specific set of brain circuits determines a jealous reaction, and found that men were more jealous about physical infidelity while women were more jealous about emotional infidelity.
I appreciate researchers' efforts to uncover gender differences in jealousy because gender differences are often—if not always—at work. Yet in my clinical work with men and women, which often focuses on relationship issues, I have found several types of destructive jealousy among both men and women. Take a look below and see if you’ve had experience with someone who presents any of these types:
Insecurity: Hands down, insecurity is the most common source of jealousy. People often throw around the term "inferiority complex," which is not a clinical term, but refers to an underlying impoverished ego or low self-esteem—a jealous man who feels insecure in his romantic relationships, for example, does not feel confident that he is good and valuable enough to keep another person interested in him over time.
It’s important to note that insecurity is usually not absolute in men and women. In other words, a woman may be bright and highly effective at work as a high-powered lawyer, though her psychopathology (getting jealous) comes out in her romantic relationships. Overall, is she an insecure woman? No, but she has the capacity to become deeply jealous in her romantic relationships.
Obsessive Thinking: A recent female client of mine in her late 20s, whom I’ll call Maryanne, finds herself feeling jealous in almost every relationship she has. Clinically, she also meets several criteria for obsessive-compulsive disorder though she doesn’t meet the criteria for the full diagnosis. Maryanne’s brain tends to work on perpetual overtime, always generating new anxieties and worries. Because this is her general thinking style, her tendency to overthink and obsess about things inevitably seeps into every one of her romantic relationships.
For obsessive types, the hardest thing in the world to manage is uncertainty, aka The Unknown. While most people can handle a fair amount of uncertainty, when Maryanne’s boyfriend comes home late, she can’t tolerate the unknown (why he's late, what he’s been doing). When she feels uncertain about where her boyfriend is, her mind fills in the blanks and generates answers, many of which are negative. Very often, she comes up with facts created out of thin air about her boyfriend’s probable infidelity—and then feels extremely anxious and jealous. If she didn’t have an obsessive cognitive style, she would be a lot less jealous.
Paranoid Personality: Many men and women I’ve worked with get jealous, but their jealousy actually stems from an overall paranoid approach to many things in life. While paranoia at the most severe end of the spectrum takes the form of the schizophrenia-paranoid type, the vast majority of paranoid individuals fall toward the milder end of this spectrum. Many men and women have some paranoid characteristics but their paranoia isn’t severe enough to meet the diagnosis of a full-blown paranoid disorder.
Men and women with mild or moderate paranoia have great difficulty trusting others and often infer malicious intent to others’ motives. They frequently have a personality type that leads them to feel victimized and persecuted, frequently feeling that others are out to get them. They often feel that others are trying to sabotage them, their goals, or their career. They also often perceive that others have put them down, rejected them, or patronized them, even when witnesses tell them otherwise. Finally, men and women with a paranoid personality style are often blamers, assigning blame to others as opposed to looking inward and accepting accountability for their own flaws or mistakes. Too often, they get jealous and grasp onto a strong belief that their partner is cheating—and no amount of evidence can convince them otherwise.
Reality: If you ask a jealous person whether he or she was justified in feeling jealous, he would probably cite several examples where jealousy was actually founded in fact. In other words, a partner really was cheating, or truly did betray him! The question becomes: Is there a pattern of jealousy, or is this an isolated incident? A person can accurately be labeled a jealous person if she (or he) has a history of becoming jealous with multiple partners, many or all of whom did not actually do anything to justify it. If you are in a relationship with someone who’s triggering intense feelings of jealousy in you, ask yourself if you have felt jealous with other partners in the past, or if these feelings stem exclusively from your current relationship.
If you don’t have a history of being jealous, odds are that your jealous feelings in your current relationship aren’t actually a problem. In fact, it might be that your instincts are signaling that you are in a relationship with someone you might not be able to trust. In this situation, you aren’t becoming "the jealous type"; you're more concerned and distrustful. Having a partner label you as jealous when you don’t have a history of jealousy is a sign that your feelings are being mislabeled. In such a case, you’re not jealous; you’re justifiably worried.
Conclusion: The next time a partner engages in jealous-type behavior with you, remember to put the behaviors and feelings in context by considering whether the jealousy is new, or whether it reflects a longstanding pattern. If you’re in a relationship with someone who has a history of getting jealous, understand that the root of this type of behavior—insecurity, obsessiveness, or a paranoid personality—is not going away anytime soon. Working through such deeply rooted issues takes a lot of time and frequently requires intensive psychotherapy. If you have a partner who is willing to go to therapy to deal with these issues head-on, the relationship may be worth keeping; if not, you need to be clear about what you can and cannot put up with in the future. Without clear boundaries, men and women who get jealous can be very bad for your mental health." (Source.)
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How to Prevent Jealousy -- To prevent jealousy, consider the following tips -- or How to Stop Being Jealous: 15 Tips according to Choosing Therapy.com:
- "Practice mindfulness meditation to reflect and take things slowly.
- Be honest about your feelings and acknowledge jealousy.
- Determine the cause of your jealousy.
- Seek social support.
- Practice gratitude.
- Address underlying issues.
- Focus on improving your self-esteem and confidence.
- Use thought-stopping techniques to catch yourself when feeling jealous.
- Watch your favorite show or find other distractions.
- Exercise to release tension.
- Put your feelings into words.
- Focus on your strengths."
Other Ideas might include:1. "Be Patient: Sometimes, jealousy stems from feeling out of control in situations. We may envy those who have already achieved similar goals, passing and evolving past us. However, remind yourself that everyone moves at a different pace. Staying present with yourself in the current moment can help you accept your current circumstances and feel hopeful for your future.
2. Reflect on Your Jealousy & Make Changes: Our emotions alert us about inner problems and experiences. For example, your jealousy may indicate where you have unresolved pain or something you greatly desire. Reflecting on what jealousy is trying to tell you may help you heal the issues behind these feelings, make improvements, and find self-acceptance.
3. Practice Self-Love & Compassion: Struggling with jealousy is easy when you cannot see the good things about yourself. Lack of self-love and grace means you will always feel unworthy, which sets the stage for jealousy. Learning to love yourself will help you challenge and balance jealousy when you feel overwhelmed by envy.
4. Identify Your Triggers: Experiencing jealousy without recognizing the cause means missing opportunities to manage jealousy in the future. Reflecting on the events that preceded these feelings can help you work backward through the situations to build awareness. When you know your triggers, you can address the underlying issue and respond differently in the future.
5. Build Emotional Intimacy: Focus on building emotional intimacy in a relationship to reduce your feelings of insecurity. Your sense of safety and stability increases when you feel more connected with a person. You can communicate more directly and clearly about your needs and hopes for the relationship. All of these things can reduce your feelings of jealousy.2
6. Revisit Your Expectations: Sometimes, we get jealous because we set unrealistic expectations for ourselves and our relationships. When we do this, we subconsciously compare the current moment to the ideal expectations we have created within our minds. Revise your standards if you constantly and consistently feel jealous about a specific person or situation. No individual is perfect, and setting yourself up for failure will only exacerbate your envy.
7. Recognize the Impacts of Jealousy: Unchecked jealousy rages and wreaks havoc on our relationships and self-esteem. We have little motivation to tackle uncomfortable emotions and situations if we cannot recognize the impacts of jealousy. When you identify what you may lose if you do not address your jealousy directly, you are much more likely to take active steps toward managing and working through the causes of your envy.
8. Forgive & Let Go: Holding on to past events and insecurities contributing to jealousy will only erode your relationships. Permit yourself to forgive someone and move forward if they have taken the necessary steps to apologize and work on themselves.* Doing so can be invaluable when letting go of jealousy." (Source).
121 Jealousy Quotes to Inspire People in Life and Relationship
Deep Jealousy Quotes in Relationships and Love
“He that is not jealous is not in love.” — Saint Augustine
“Jealousy is the worst enemy of a happy relationship.” — Unknown
“Jealousy is the sister of love, as the devil is the brother of angels.” — Saint Augustine
“Jealousy is always born with love but does not always die with it.” — Francois de La Rochefoucauld
“Jealousy springs more from love of self than from love of another.” — François de La Rochefoucauld
“Jealousy is not so much the love of another as it is the love of ourselves.” — Francois de La Rochefoucauld
“Jealousy, that dragon which slays love under the pretense of keeping it alive.” — Havelock Ellis
“Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other.” — Robert A. Heinlein
“Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savor, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening.” — Maya Angelou
Jealousy is a powerful emotion that can cloud our judgment and strain our relationships, but it also offers valuable insights into our desires and insecurities.
By confronting and understanding jealousy, we can turn it into a force for personal growth and self-reflection.
In this post, we have gathered 121 inspiring quotes about jealousy in life and relationship – some offering wisdom on overcoming it, others shedding light on its complexities.
Let these words encourage you to rise above envy and cultivate a mindset focused on gratitude, self-love, and empowerment.
Inspiring Quotes of Jealousy in Life
“Jealousy is a dog’s bark which attracts thieves.” — Karl Kraus
“Jealousy is the tribute mediocrity pays to genius.” — Fulton J. Sheen
“Jealousy injures us with the dagger of self-doubt.” — Terri Guillemets
“Jealousy is the tie that binds, and binds, and binds.” — Helen Rowland
“Jealousy is the fear of losing something that you value.” — Nurudeen Ushawu
“Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.” — Robert A. Heinlein
“Jealousy, that jumble of secret worship and ostensible aversion.” — Emile M. Cioran
“Jealousy is an awkward homage which inferiority renders to merit.” — Madame de Puysieux
“To cure jealousy is to see it for what it is, a dissatisfaction with self.” — Joan Didion
“The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves.” — William Penn
“Jealousy is, I think, the worst of all faults because it makes a victim of both parties.” — Gene Tierney
Jealousy Bitterness Quotes for Haters
“Let your haters be your motivators.”
“Jealousy is a form of hatred built upon insecurity.”
“The only time I’m not jealous is when I’m winning.”
“Jealousy is a crutch that weak men use to prop themselves up.”
“Jealousy is just someone realizing they want to be you, but it’s too late.”
“It is not that I’m jealous of your success. It’s that I’m annoyed it wasn’t mine first.”
“Don’t hate me because I am fabulous. Hate me because I’m winning and you’re not.”
“Jealousy is just love and hate at the same time… but mostly hate when you’re losing.”
“People only rain on your parade because they’re jealous of your sun and tired of their shade.”
“I don’t get jealous. I just aggressively compare myself to everyone and feel slightly bitter about it.”
“It’s sad how some people are so jealous and intimidated by you that they only have negative things to say when they know absolutely nothing about you.”
“Jealousy is just love and hate at the same time.” — Drake
“Jealousy is a mixture of love, hatred, and insecurity.” — Salvador Dali
“The jealous bring down the curse they fear upon their own heads.” — Dorothy Dix
“Never hate jealous people. They are jealous because they think you are better than them.” — Paulo Coelho
“Jealousy is never satisfied with anything short of an omniscience that would detect the subtlest fold of the heart.” — George Eliot
“Jealousy sees things always with magnifying glasses which make little things large, of dwarfs giants, of suspicions truths.” — Miguel de Cervantes (SOURCE.)
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