About Relationships: Unhealthy versus Healthy

What is a Relationship?   What is an UnHealthy Relationship?   What is a Healthy Relationship?   Have you Ever stopped to Think About The Differences?

  Have you ever stopped to think that one of the reasons why we get DV Charges is because we might be lacking in our understanding of how Relationships really work?  What are some of the differences between Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships?

  Perhaps the first and most important factor to consider about having a relationship is whether or not I am emotionally, socially, financially, professionally and/or in the right mind and in the right place to have a Healthy Relationship?

  Relationships can be BOTH complex and simple.  So it can really help if we first get educated about Relationships before we go any further.  

But first, we need to ask: What is a Relationship?   

  According to Oxford Languages, A Relationship is: "the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected."

  Or a Relationship can be viewed as: "the state of being connected by blood or marriage."  "they can trace their relationship to a common ancestor"

  Or "the way in which two or more people or groups regard and behave toward each other..  "the landlord–tenant relationship"  (Source.)

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  So then, a Relationship is about a CONNECTION.  What TYPE of Connection?  

  In Psychology, the American Psychological Association, states that a Relationship might be viewed as: “A continuing and often committed association between two or more people, as in a family, friendship, marriage, partnership, or other interpersonal link in which the participants have some degree of influence on each other's thoughts, feelings, and actions.” (Source.).

What Types of Relationships are there?

  "According to Very Well Mind regarding Basic Types of Interpersonal and/or Informal (no legal contract) Relationships, they write: “Relationships typically fall into one of several different categories (although these can sometimes overlap):

Family relationships

Friendships

Acquaintances

Romantic relationships

Exclusive relationships

Sexual relationships

Work relationships

Situational relationships (sometimes called "situationships")"  (SOURCE.)

And add to those, at least two more:

            "Professional Relationship"

            A "Relationship based on a Psychological Kinship" (This would be a Relationship where you feel like Family; and you are treated like family; but you are neither biologically or legally related to each other (Bailey, K. G., 1987)). 

  Further, any of these relationships (above) can be different in intensity, length, depth, consistency, and can also last different lengths of time and even have different sets of rules or parameters.  The one consistent part is that they all usually up to the two (or more) people involved.

  Additionally, "Very Well Mind also says there are different FORMS of Relationships (Healthy Ones and Unhealthy Relationships) including:

Platonic Relationships

Romantic Relationships

Exclusive Relationships

Codependent Relationships

Casual Relationships

Open Relationships

Long-Distance Relationships

and finally, Toxic Relationships" (SOURCE.)

Below are Descriptions of these different types of Relationships: 

"Platonic Relationships

  A platonic relationship is a type of friendship that involves a close, intimate bond without sex or romance. These relationships tend to be characterized by:

Closeness

Fondness

Understanding

Respect

Care

Support

Honesty

Acceptance

  Platonic relationships can occur in a wide range of settings and can involve same-sex or opposite-sex friendships. You might form a platonic relationship with a classmate or co-worker, or you might make a connection with a person in another setting such as a club, athletic activity, or volunteer organization you are involved in.

  This type of relationship can play an essential role in providing social support, which is essential for your health and well-being. Research suggests that platonic friendships can help reduce your risk for disease, lower your risk for depression or anxiety, and boost your immunity.1

  Platonic relationships are those that involve closeness and friendship without sex. Sometimes platonic relationships can change over time and shift into a romantic or sexual relationship."  (SOURCE.)

 

"Romantic Relationships

Romantic relationships are those characterized by feelings of love and attraction for another person. While romantic love can vary, it often involves feelings of infatuation, intimacy, and commitment.

Experts have come up with a variety of different ways to describe how people experience and express love. For example, "psychologist Robert Sternberg suggests three main components of love: passion, intimacy, and decision/commitment. Romantic love, he explains, is a combination of passion and intimacy."2

Romantic relationships tend to change over time. At the start of a relationship, people typically experience stronger feelings of passion. During this initial infatuation period, the brain releases specific neurotransmitters (dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin) that cause people to feel euphoric and "in love."

Over time, these feelings start to lessen in their intensity. As the relationship matures, people develop deeper levels of emotional intimacy and understanding. 

Romantic relationships often burn hot at the beginning. While the initial feelings of passion usually lessen in strength over time, feelings of trust, emotional intimacy, and commitment grow stronger."  (SOURCE.)

 

"Codependent Relationships: 

A codependent relationship is an imbalanced, dysfunctional type of relationship in which a partner has an emotional, physical, or mental reliance on the other person.

It is also common for both partners to be mutually co-dependent on each other. Both may take turns enacting the caretaker role, alternating between the caretaker and the receiver of care.

Characteristics of a codependent relationship include:

Acting as a giver while the other person acts as a taker

Going to great lengths to avoid conflict with the other person

Feeling like you have to ask permission to do things

Having to save or rescue the other person from their own actions

Doing things to make someone happy, even if they make you uncomfortable

Feeling like you don't know who you are in the relationship

Elevating the other person even if they've done nothing to earn your goodwill and admiration

Not all codependent relationships are the same, however. They can vary in terms of severity. Codependency can impact all different types of relationships including relationships between romantic partners, parents and children, friendship, other family members, and even coworkers.

Codependent relationships are co-constructed. While one partner might seem more "needy," the other partner might feel more comfortable being needed.

Someone who feels more comfortable being needed, for instance, may avoid focusing on their own needs by choosing a partner who constantly needs them." (SOURCE.)

 

"Casual Relationships

Casual relationships often involve dating relationships that may include sex without expectations of monogamy or commitment. However, experts suggest that the term is vague and can mean different things to different people.

According to the authors of one study published in the Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, "casual relationships can encompass situations such as:3

One-night stands

Booty calls

"Sex" buddies

Friends with benefits

Such relationships often exist on a continuum that varies in the levels of frequency of contact, type of contact, amount of personal disclosure, discussion of the relationship, and degree of friendship. The study found that people with more sexual experience were better able to identify the definitions of these labels compared to people with less sexual experience.

Casual relationships are often common among young adults. As long as casual relationships are marked by communication and consent, they can have several sex-positive benefits. They can satisfy the need for sex, intimacy, connection, and companionship without the emotional demand and energy commitment of a more serious relationship.4

Casual relationships tend to be more common among younger adults, but people of any age can engage in this type of relationship. Consent and communication are key." (SOURCE.)

 

"Open Relationships

An open relationship is a type of consensually non-monogamous relationship in which one or more partners have sex or relationships with other people. Both people agree to have sex with other people in an open relationship but may have certain conditions or limitations.

Open relationships can take place in any type of romantic relationship, whether casual, dating, or married.

There tends to be a stigma surrounding non-monogamous relationships. Still, research suggests that around 21% to 22% of adults will be involved in some type of open relationship at some point in their life.5

The likelihood of engaging in an open relationship also depends on gender and sexual orientation. Men reported having higher numbers of open relationships compared to women; people who identify as gay, lesbian, and bisexual relative to those who identify as heterosexual were more likely to report previous engagement in open relationships.

Such relationships can have benefits, including increased sexual freedom and pitfalls such as jealousy and emotional pain. Open relationships are more successful when couples establish personal, emotional, and sexual boundaries and clearly communicate their feelings and needs with one another.

Open relationships are a form of consensual non-monogamy. While there is a primary emotional and often physical connection between the two people in the relationship, they mutually agree to intimacy with other people outside of the relationship."  (SOURCE.)

 

  Oh Wait!!!  This is about Preventing Domestic Violence, Right???  Many DV-related events occur in Unhealthy Relationships.

   What about UNHEALTHY (Romantic) RELATIONSHIPS?  What does an Unhealthy Relationship Look Like?

  While some of above types of Relationships can result in DV; the Toxic Relationship best describes a Relationship where Violence is most likely.

"Toxic Relationships

A toxic relationship is any type of interpersonal relationship where your emotional, physical, or psychological well-being is undermined or threatened in some way. Such relationships often leave you feeling ashamed, humiliated, misunderstood, or unsupported.

Any type of relationship can be toxic including friendships, family relationships, romantic relationships, or workplace relationships.

Toxic relationships are characterized by:

A lack of support

Blaming

Competitiveness

Controlling behaviors

Disrespect

Dishonesty

Gaslighting

Hostility

Jealousy

Passive-aggressive behaviors

Poor communication

Stress

  Sometimes all people in a relationship play a role in creating this toxicity. For example, you may be contributing to toxicity if you are all consistently unkind, critical, insecure, and negative”  (SOURCE.)

What about HEALTHY ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS?

What is a Healthy Relationship  -- What does a Healthy Relationship Include the following.  Better Help suggests that "All relationships are different, but most healthy ones have the following characteristics:   

  Respect

  Intimacy

  Trust

  Effective Communication

  Friendship

  Connection

  Commitment

  Healthy Conflict

  Flexibility

  Enjoyment"

  

  They add: "If you feel that your relationship is lacking in one or more of these areas, it doesn’t necessarily mean that your relationship is unhealthy. Instead, it indicates that you and your significant other may have an opportunity to grow and improve together. Online couples therapy is one way to cultivate your relationship health."  (SOURCE.) 

  Okay.... so what?  What do I do now???  Well, perhaps a FIX is in order???

How Can You Fix A Relationship that is Having Problems:

  According to Meaghan Rice PsyD., LPC writing for TALKSPACE, some of the Most Common Relationship Problem Areas can be:

Communication

Arguments

Staying Close

Sex and Intimacy

Infidelity

Money

Trauma

Showing Gratitude

Children

Keep Things Exciting

Battling over Chores

Trust and Safety

Change in Life Goals

Same Fight Different Day”

 

Remembering to implement any or all of the following can be beneficial in any relationship:

Say please and thank you

Express dissatisfaction without using profanity or name-calling

Schedule regular date nights, even if they’re during the day or at home

Be proactive about pleasing your partner sexually

Spend time asking questions about each other’s wants and needs

Take time outs from debates that seem to be turning into arguments

If you want to solve your relationship issues, remember what it was that first attracted you to your partner. Ask yourself where the relationship problem is stemming from, and then take action to improve the situation. Be honest with your partner and enjoy rediscovering the excitement of your love.” (SOURCE.)

   Finally, One could also consider Couple’s Therapy.  However, one cannot do Couples Therapy until AFTER they have successfully completed DV Treatment.   

  

How About Some DBT-STYLE Informational VIDEOS To Help Improve Your Relationship(s)?

The GIVE Method Video.  CLICK HERE!

DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness #7: Trust in Relationships  CLICK HERE!

DEARMAN: How to Communicate Assertively.  CLICK HERE!

DBT Emotion Regulation #10: Coping Ahead.  CLICK HERE!

DBT Emotion Regulation #1: Recognizing Your Emotions.  CLICK HERE!

DBT Emotion Regulation #2: Being Effective.  CLICK HERE!

DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness #5: Listening & Validation VIdeo.. CLICK HERE!

DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness #1: Communication Styles.  CLICK HERE!

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