Some couples who find themselves in the middle of DV-related messes find that they both contributed to the situation. Other couples fall into the depths of DV-Hell because one partner has a much larger DV-related Challenge than does the other; while this other is simply the Victim.
Some Couples -- whether they stay together or separated are able to expediently get their acts together; figure out what the problems are/were that put them at risk of another DV Offense; Take Steps to solve the problem; and then one or both of them move along their merry ways and never cross DV's doorstep again.
Either way, some couples also find that one or both partners have psychiatric, psychosocial, psychopathic, sociopathic or other related problems that make it very difficult for either one or both of the partners to move on in a healthy way.
At the same time, it is important to note that the primary cause of Domestic Violence Behavior is the choice that one (or both) persons made just before it happened.
Psychiatric Disorders and DV
First and foremost, we each should try to accept that all humans have challenges, and many of us are working on our issues; while others are not. That being said, it is probably a fact that virtually all human beings have parts of psychological disorders (however small or large) in their minds and they manifest in the presentation of their personalities; as well as in their behaviors. Also, it is very important that people understand that the actual diagnosed disorders as briefly summarized below have many more conditions, symptoms and features than are listed herein. One cannot make a sound diagnosis based on the info in this article.
This module is not intended to marginalize people with psychiatric challenges. Because essentially, this applies to all of us in one way or another.
It's important to understand that the field of Psychiatric Disorders includes two basic types of disorders: Major Syndromes (like Depression or Schizophrenia) and Personality Disorders (like Narcissistic or Antisocial). Additionally is is helpful to understand also Personality Disorders used to be called "Characterological Disorders".
Personality Disorders have been believed by many who work in the field of Domestic Violence Prevention to be contributors to -- or Risk Factors for Domestic Violence. These can include: Antisocial, Borderline and Narcissistic Personality Disorders, and others (Source 1).
Keep in mind: Regardless of a Personality Disorder; if a person commits DV against another person, they will probably be held accountable by the Courts and by the Community regardless as if the Disorder does not matter.
It is also very important to understand that just because someone seems to have some sort of personality flavor or flaw as a characteristic in their thinking and behavior; it does not mean that they would qualify for an official diagnosis of that Personality Disorder or other Psychiatric Disorders.
"What are Personality Disorders? Personality is the way of thinking, feeling and behaving that makes a person different from other people. An individual’s personality is influenced by experiences, environment (surroundings, life situations) and inherited characteristics. A person’s personality typically stays the same over time. A personality disorder is a way of thinking, feeling and behaving that deviates from the expectations of the culture, causes distress or problems functioning, and lasts over time.1
There are 10 specific types of personality disorders. Personality disorders are long-term patterns of behavior and inner experiences that differs significantly from what is expected. The pattern of experience and behavior begins by late adolescence or early adulthood and causes distress or problems in functioning. Without treatment, personality disorders can be long-lasting. Personality disorders affect at least two of these areas:
- Way of thinking about oneself and others
- Way of responding emotionally
- Way of relating to other people
- Way of controlling one’s behavior" (Source).
Some DV Advocates have even created a form of a Personality Disorder that they call, "Abusive (or sadistic) Personality Disorder".
"Those with sadistic personality disorder derive pleasure from the distress caused by their aggressive, demeaning, and cruel behavior toward others. They have poor ability to control their reactions and become enraged by minor disturbances, with some sadists being more severely abusive." (Source)
Narcissistic Personality: "Narcissistic personality disorder: a pattern of need for admiration and lack of empathy for others. A person with narcissistic personality disorder may have a grandiose sense of self-importance, a sense of entitlement, take advantage of others or lack empathy." (Source).
Borderline Personality: "Borderline personality disorder: a pattern of instability in personal relationships, intense emotions, poor self-image and impulsivity. A person with borderline personality disorder may go to great lengths to avoid being abandoned, have repeated suicide attempts, display inappropriate intense anger or have ongoing feelings of emptiness." (Source).
Antisocial Personality: "Antisocial personality disorder: a pattern of disregarding or violating the rights of others. A person with antisocial personality disorder may not conform to social norms, may repeatedly lie or deceive others, or may act impulsively." (Source).
It is possible that some DV problems are NOT related to Antisocial, Borderline and Narcissistic Personality Disorders; but rather could be attributed to -- at least in part -- to a Dependent Personality Disorder; or a severe Anxiety Disorder or Depressive Disorder or Bipolar Disorder. And of course, there is also data that supports the idea that Substance Use and Abuse can be a strong contributor to Domestic Violence Thinking, DV Feeling and DV Behavior. These Disorders are commonly defined in the following ways:
Dependent Personality: "Dependent personality disorder: a pattern of needing to be taken care of and submissive and clingy behavior. People with dependent personality disorder may have difficulty making daily decisions without reassurance from others or may feel uncomfortable or helpless when alone because of fear or inability to take care of themselves." (Source).
Anxiety Disorder: "Anxiety is a normal reaction to stress and can be beneficial in some situations. It can alert us to dangers and help us prepare and pay attention. Anxiety disorders differ from normal feelings of nervousness or anxiousness, and involve excessive fear or anxiety. Anxiety disorders are the most common of mental disorders and affect nearly 30 percent of adults at some point in their lives.
But anxiety disorders are treatable and a number of effective treatments are available. Treatment helps most people lead normal productive lives. Anxiety refers to anticipation of a future concern and is more associated with muscle tension and avoidance behavior. Fear is an emotional response to an immediate threat and is more associated with a fight or flight reaction – either staying to fight or leaving to escape danger.
Anxiety disorders can cause people to try to avoid situations that trigger or worsen their symptoms. Job performance, school work and personal relationships can be affected. In general, for a person to be diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, the fear or anxiety must:
- Be out of proportion to the situation or age inappropriate
- Hinder your ability to function normally
There are several types of anxiety disorders, including generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, specific phobias, agoraphobia, social anxiety disorder and separation anxiety disorder." (Source).
Depressive Disorder: "Depression (major depressive disorder) is a common and serious medical illness that negatively affects how you feel, the way you think and how you act. Fortunately, it is also treatable. Depression causes feelings of sadness and/or a loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed. It can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems and can decrease your ability to function at work and at home. Depression symptoms can vary from mild to severe and can include:
- Feeling sad or having a depressed mood
- Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed
- Changes in appetite — weight loss or gain unrelated to dieting
- Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much
- Loss of energy or increased fatigue
- Increase in purposeless physical activity (e.g., inability to sit still, pacing, handwringing) or slowed movements or speech (these actions must be severe enough to be observable by others)
- Feeling worthless or guilty
- Difficulty thinking, concentrating or making decisions
- Thoughts of death or suicide
Symptoms must last at least two weeks and must represent a change in your previous level of functioning for a diagnosis of depression. Also, medical conditions (e.g., thyroid problems, a brain tumor or vitamin deficiency) can mimic symptoms of depression so it is important to rule out general medical causes.
Depression affects an estimated one in 15 adults (6.7%) in any given year. And one in six people (16.6%) will experience depression at some time in their life. Depression can occur at any time, but on average, first appears during the late teens to mid-20's. Women are more likely than men to experience depression. Some studies show that one-third of women will experience a major depressive episode in their lifetime. There is a high degree of heritability (approximately 40%) when first-degree relatives (parents/children/siblings) have depression" (Source).
Bipolar Disorder: "Bipolar disorders are brain disorders that cause changes in a person’s mood, energy and ability to function. Bipolar disorder is a category that includes three different conditions — bipolar 1, bipolar 2 and cyclothymic disorder.
People with bipolar disorders have extreme and intense emotional states that occur at distinct times, called mood episodes. These mood episodes are categorized as manic, hypomanic or depressive. People with bipolar disorders generally have periods of normal mood as well. Bipolar disorders can be treated, and people with these illnesses can lead full and productive lives." (Source).
Substance Use or Abuse Disorder: "What is Addiction: Addiction is a complex condition, a brain disease that is manifested by compulsive substance use despite harmful consequence. People with addiction (severe substance use disorder) have an intense focus on using a certain substance(s), such as alcohol or drugs, to the point that it takes over their life. They keep using alcohol or a drug even when they know it will cause problems. Yet a number of effective treatments are available and people can recover from addiction and lead normal, productive lives."
"People can develop an addiction to:
- Alcohol
- Marijuana
- PCP, LSD and other hallucinogens
- Inhalants, such as, paint thinners and glue
- Opioid pain killers, such as codeine and oxycodone, heroin
- Sedatives, hypnotics and anxiolytics (medicines for anxiety such as tranquilizers)
- Cocaine, methamphetamine and other stimulants
- Tobacco"
"People with a substance use disorder have distorted thinking, behavior and body functions. Changes in the brain’s wiring are what cause people to have intense cravings for the drug and make it hard to stop using the drug. Brain imaging studies show changes in the areas of the brain that relate to judgment, decision making, learning, memory and behavior control.
These substances can cause harmful changes in how the brain functions. These changes can last long after the immediate effects of the drug. Intoxication is the intense pleasure, calm, increased senses or a high caused by the drug. Intoxication symptoms are different for each substance. Over time people with addiction build up a tolerance, meaning they need larger amounts to feel the effects.
According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, people begin taking drugs for a variety of reasons, including:
- to feel good — feeling of pleasure, “high”
- to feel better — e.g., relieve stress
- to do better — improve performance
- curiosity and peer pressure
People with addictive disorders may be aware of their problem, but be unable to stop it even if they want to. The addiction may cause health problems as well as problems at work and with family members and friends. The misuse of drugs and alcohol is the leading cause of preventable illnesses and premature death.
Symptoms of substance use disorder are grouped into four categories:
- Impaired control: a craving or strong urge to use the substance; desire or failed attempts to cut down or control substance use
- Social problems: substance use causes failure to complete major tasks at work, school or home; social, work or leisure activities are given up or cut back because of substance use
- Risky use: substance is used in risky settings; continued use despite known problems
- Drug effects: tolerance (need for larger amounts to get the same effect); withdrawal symptoms (different for each substance)
Many people experience both mental illness and addiction. The mental illness may be present before the addiction. Or the addiction may trigger or make a mental disorder worse." (Source).
Discussion:
Everyone has a personality. Many DV Offenders have some of these Disorders as listed above -- or other disorders. However, no DV Offense can be 100% attributed to such disorders. Why? Because lots of people with such disorders have never had a DV Offense. If nothing else, at least we must have made some choices in order to get into trouble. It is the disorders, however, that often impact our opinions that lead us to such bad choices. But still, it is us making the choices. And too often, one of those choices is to NOT get help for our disorders. Sometimes, we are unaware of our issues until after we start getting help for the symptoms.
And many DV Victims have these problems as well. And it is imperative to accept the fact that even if she or he has serious problems, that does not excuse abusing her or him.
And most everyone has some personality, thinking, feeling of behavior features that might remind them or others of Personality Disorders. Everyone has some anxiety and some depression in their lives. Substance abuse is perhaps the king of them all. Many MANY DV Offenders were using drugs or alcohol when they got into DV Trouble. Everyone finds patterns in their lives. And often their patterns can tell them a lot about their behavior.
Another way to look at this is to consider also that many people commit Domestic Violence while they are trying to help (or make) their partner stop using alcohol or drugs; or when they are trying to get their partner the help that they need for a mental illness. It is important to consider however, that whenever such a situation arises, who ever is trying to help someone stop using drugs or alcohol or trying to help (or make) them start getting help for an untreated mental illness MUST ALWAYS be respectful of that person's privacy and respectful of that person's Rights.
It is important to know about these things... And to know this is not about shame or guilt. It is about awareness, accepting responsibility, getting help if needed, and moving forward in a healthier way.
The first step here is to do some serious soul searching, and then to get help if things like this are Risk Factors for you in your relationships. And effectively addressing such issues truly can improve the quality of your life. So Go For It!!!
*** Please CLICK HERE To Complete your
PSYCHIATRIC DISORDERS & DV Worksheet. ***
References for SA and DV:
“What is the link between violence and alcohol use? Alcohol plays a large role in criminal activities and violence. Excessive drinking has the ability to lower inhibitions, impair a person's judgement and increase the risk of aggressive behaviors. Because of this, alcohol-related violence and crime rates are on the rise throughout the country.” (https://www.alcoholrehabguide.org/alcohol/crimes/#:~:text=Alcohol%20plays%20a%20large%20role,the%20rise%20throughout%20the%20country.)."
Song List for Discouraging Substance Abuse
to Listen to While You Do Your Worksheets
(Originally Published 11/2/2020)
(c. 2020, William T. Beverly, Ph.D., LCSW, All information on the Blog (Except where otherwise noted); are the intellectual and/or photographic and/or digital property of Dr. William T. Beverly, L.C.S.W., DVOMB Approved Offender Treatment Provider.).
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