DV In The News: Recent Stories

  This post is NOT for the feint at heart.  This in educational exercise about some of the Domestic Violence That is happening around the U.S.A. recently.  These are based in Headlines from Popular News Sources.  

  Nonetheless, it is probably good to be aware of what DV looks like in eye of the Mass Media.

“‘Shadow pandemic’ of domestic violence”

“In 2021, the United Nations published the report “Measuring the Shadow Pandemic: Violence Against Women During COVID-19.” It said that since the pandemic, violence against women has increased to unprecedented levels. The American Journal of Emergency Medicine said that domestic violence cases increased by 25 to 33 percent globally. The National Commission on COVID-19 and criminal justice shows an increase in the U.S. by a little over 8 percent, following the imposition of lockdown orders during 2020. I don’t have anything more specific for Massachusetts, but there is no reason to believe that we are any different from the rest. Domestic violence is prevalent everywhere.

According to all statistics I have seen from 2020-2021, domestic violence and intimate partner violence during the pandemic has increased because the risk factors have increased with lockdowns and pandemic restrictions.”

(https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2022/06/shadow-pandemic-of-domestic-violence/#:~:text=According%20to%20all%20statistics%20I,with%20lockdowns%20and%20pandemic%20restrictions.)

Click Here for State-By-State Comparisons of State-by-State Domestic Violence

"WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?

(Definition of DV): Domestic violence is the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior as part of a systematic pattern of power and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another.

It includes physical violence, sexual violence, threats, and emotional abuse. The frequency and severity of domestic violence can vary dramatically."

"DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN COLORADO

• 36.8% of Colorado women and 30.5% of Colorado men experience intimate partner physical violence, intimate partner sexual violence and/or intimate partner stalking in their lives. (1)

• 32 Coloradans were killed by former or current intimate partners in 2018; almost 2/3 of those were killed using firearms.  (2)

• 15% of homicides in Colorado were committed by intimate partners. (3)

• A 2019 survey of 88% of Colorado domestic violence programs found that on the day of the survey, participating programs reported serving 1,221 adults and children; on that same day, 269 needs were unmet due to lack of resources. (4)

• Approximately 233,000 Colorado women are stalked during their lifetimes. (5)

• As of December 31, 2019, Colorado had submitted 419 domestic violence misdemeanor and 330 active protective order records to the NICS Index. (6)

"DID YOU KNOW?

• 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men in the United States have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner.(7)

• On a typical day, local domestic violence hotlines receive approximately 19,159 calls, an average of approximately 13 calls every minute. (8)

• In 2018, domestic violence accounted for 20% of all violent crime.  (9)

• Abusers’ access to firearms increases the risk of intimate partner femicide at least five-fold. When firearms have been used in the most severe abuse incident, the risk increases 41-fold. (10)

• 65% of all murder-suicides involve an intimate partner; 96% of the victims of these crimes are female. (11)"

(For Info on the Sources of this NCADV data as cited above go to, Click Here).

"Video shows Ohio man shoot daughter's ex during break-in"  (Trigger Warning, Video is Graphic).

https://nypost.com/2022/08/29/video-shows-ohio-man-shoot-daughters-ex-during-break-in/

"“In a 911 audio recording from the incident, which has been obtained by WHIO-TV 7, a woman who described the intruder as her ex-boyfriend is heard telling her father that Rayl is trying to break down the door.

“Dad, is he trying to kill me?” the woman could be heard saying.

 After Duckro shoots at Rayl, his daughter is heard telling him, “Dad, there’s nothing you could have done. You saved my life,” according to the station.”" 

(Noted Update: One report today, 8/30/22 reported today that this father will not be charged for shooting his daughter's ex-boyfriend.) 

"Florida deputies shoot, kill man accused of pointing gun at them after threatening girlfriend"

https://www.foxnews.com/us/florida-deputies-shoot-kill-man-accused-pointing-gun-threatening-girlfriend

“An active-duty U.S. Marine accused in the stabbing death of his wife is in custody and facing a second-degree murder charge.

The Honolulu Police Department said Saturday that Bryant Tejeda-Castillo was being held on $1 million bail.

Police say he was captured shortly after the Wednesday killing of 27-year-old Dana Alotaibi along a freeway.  Police say he was taken to the Queen's Medical Center in Honolulu with what one witness said were several self-inflicted wounds.

Alotaibi's friends said she was pregnant, but police said they are awaiting autopsy results.

A police spokesman on Saturday said he didn't know if Tejeda-Castillo remained at the hospital or had been transferred elsewhere. Tejeda-Castillo was arrested on a warrant of second-degree murder.

Alotaibi's mother, Natalia Cespedes, told Hawaii News Now that her daughter faced abuse from her husband and was able to get the military's version of a restraining order against Tejeda-Castillo, who was stationed on the island of Oahu.

Cespedes said she believes her daughter would still be alive if military officials had acted on her daughter's requests for help.

"Probably because she's a woman they don't care, or she looked like crazy, they don't care," Cespedes said.

In a statement, the U.S. Marine Corps said it was aware of the situation.

"We can confirm that the Marine suspect's command was engaged with both him and the victim, and were responsive to those allegations and concerns that the command was made aware of," it said. "Due to the ongoing nature of the criminal investigation, it would be inappropriate to comment further on this topic."

Witnesses who stopped to help after the stabbing described as a horrific scene.

"I ran there and told him to let her go," George Schmidt told Hawaii News Now. "I just seen blood all over her, she was full of blood."

He said he saw the suspect wound himself.”

Courtney Clenney, Only Fans model charged with killing boyfriend, denied bond.

https://nypost.com/2022/08/28/onlyfans-model-courtney-clenney-denied-bond-amid-murder-charges/

“Clenney was arrested while in rehab and therapy in Hawaii four months after the bloody confrontation inside the couple’s luxury residence.

The pair clashed frequently, with their fighting so intense at times that building managers considered pursuing an eviction.

Clenney claims she threw a knife at Obumseli from a distance after he shoved her to the ground.

But Miami prosecutors said the forensic evidence in the case contradicted that claim and that she stabbed him at close range.

In announcing her arrest, prosecutors released surveillance footage from the building elevator that appeared to show Clenney repeatedly hitting Obumseli.”

 

"Mom called ex to show how she'd slit his kids' throats"

https://nypost.com/2022/08/10/mom-called-ex-to-show-how-shed-slit-his-kids-throats/

“Louisiana mom FaceTimed her ex to show how she’d slit his kids’ throats: cops

A disturbed Louisiana mom repeatedly video called her ex after slitting their two young kids’ throats — showing him his daughter “gasping for air” before she died, according to harrowing court documents of the “unspeakable” crime.

Jenee Pedesclaux, 31, first called her ex, Jermaine Roberts, to tell him she’d damaged his vehicle amid their bitter child-custody battle — and that she planned to kill herself and their kids rather than go to jail, according to court documents obtained by NOLA.com.

She then FaceTimed him three times to show how she’d stabbed their 2-year-old son, Jay’Ceon, and daughter, Paris, 4, the report said.

In the last video call, she showed him how she had slit both kids’ throats — with their daughter “gasping for air” on the bed before later being pronounced dead in a local New Orleans hospital, the outlet said.” 

Gabby Petito's family to file wrongful death lawsuit

https://nypost.com/2022/08/08/gabby-petitos-family-to-file-wrongful-death-lawsuit/

“Gabby Petito’s family announced a $50 million wrongful death lawsuit against Utah police on Monday, alleging that cops failed to recognize their daughter was in a life-threatening situation last year when officers investigated a fight between her and her boyfriend.

The notice of claim alleges that officers in the tourist town of Moab missed signs that the 22-year-old was a victim of domestic violence at the hands of her boyfriend, Brian Laundrie, when they encountered the couple on Aug. 12, 2021.

Highly scrutinized body cam footage from that day showed a visibly upset Petito speaking to officers on the side of the road after a 911 caller reported seeing a domestic violence incident between the pair.” 

California dermatologist arrested after husband shared 'compelling' video of her poisoning him, police say

https://www.foxnews.com/us/california-dermatologist-arrested-husband-shared-compelling-video-poisoning-him-police-say

“A California dermatologist has been arrested after her husband shared "compelling" video evidence that she was poisoning him, police tell Fox News Digital.  

Yue Yu, 45, of Irvine, was taken into custody Thursday at the home she has shared with her spouse of 10 years, the Irvine Police Department said in a statement.  

"He became ill and his condition worsened over the past month and as a result of him examining his routine he grew suspicious of his wife and placed a video camera in the home they shared and discovered evidence he believes supports the fact that she was poisoning him," Irvine police Lt. Bill Bingham told Fox News Digital on Monday.

Bingham would not disclose how the husband allegedly was being poisoned, but regarding the footage he brought to police, said "we found it to be compelling.

Irvine police say the victim "sustained significant internal injuries but is expected to recover."

Long Island man Mark Small allegedly killed girlfriend Marivel Estevez in luxury apartment

https://nypost.com/2022/08/04/long-island-man-mark-small-allegedly-killed-girlfriend-marivel-estevez-in-luxury-apartment/

"A Long Island man allegedly shot and killed his girlfriend at her luxury apartment building, cops said.

Mark Small, 55, fatally shot 39-year-old Marivel Estevez in the bedroom of her apartment in Mineola just after 11:15 a.m. July 30, according to the Nassau County Police Department.

Surveillance footage shows Small entered her apartment the night of July 28, Nassau County Police Detective Capt. Stephen Fitzpatrick told reporters on Wednesday, WABC reported.

Once inside, Small opened fire and killed Estevez. He then took off in her car along with her dog and got into an accident on the Long Island Expressway, police said.

“While he was awaiting police arrival, Mark looked to exit the vehicle. As he exited the vehicle, the dog jumped out,” Fitzpatrick said.

“Mark went to get the dog so it didn’t get hit by a car. It didn’t get hit by a car. Mark got hit by a car.”

“Marivel Esteva was allegedly shot dead by her boyfriend, who then took her car and dog.

It’s not clear what happened to the dog.

Small was rushed to an area hospital with bone fractures, where he was arrested by police. He was released from the hospital on Wednesday and arraigned on charges of second-degree murder and criminal possession of a weapon.

Investigators said Estevez’s friends and family described the pair’s two-year relationship as “tumultuous.” Fitzpatrick said she had recently confided to those close to her that she was considering leaving Small and moving back to Florida.”

Orlando family who died in murder-suicide identified

https://nypost.com/2022/08/03/orlando-family-who-died-in-murder-suicide-identified/

Texas man dies after girlfriend stabbed him to death at apartment: police

https://www.foxnews.com/us/texas-man-dies-girlfriend-stabbed-him-death-apartment-police

“A Texas man is dead after his girlfriend allegedly stabbed him on Thursday night at an apartment complex in Houston.

The incident happened around 11 p.m. at an apartment in the 1300 block of Redford Street, according to FOX 26.

Police say that the couple were at a friend's apartment to help with moving when the stabbing happened.

The woman stabbed her boyfriend once in the chest, according to police.

A witness said that the couple was in an argument when the incident happened. When the witness walked into the room where the argument was happening, the woman could be seen holding the wound, according to police.” 

U.S. Marine facing second-degree murder charge in wife's stabbing death - CBS News

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/bryand-tejeda-castillo-us-marine-accused-dana-alotaibi-wife-stabbing-death-hawaii/

"“An active-duty U.S. Marine accused in the stabbing death of his wife is in custody and facing a second-degree murder charge.

The Honolulu Police Department said Saturday that Bryant Tejeda-Castillo was being held on $1 million bail.

Police say he was captured shortly after the Wednesday killing of 27-year-old Dana Alotaibi along a freeway. Police say he was taken to the Queen's Medical Center in Honolulu with what one witness said were several self-inflicted wounds.

Alotaibi's friends said she was pregnant, but police said they are awaiting autopsy results.

A police spokesman on Saturday said he didn't know if Tejeda-Castillo remained at the hospital or had been transferred elsewhere. Tejeda-Castillo was arrested on a warrant of second-degree murder.

Alotaibi's mother, Natalia Cespedes, told Hawaii News Now that her daughter faced abuse from her husband and was able to get the military's version of a restraining order against Tejeda-Castillo, who was stationed on the island of Oahu.

Cespedes said she believes her daughter would still be alive if military officials had acted on her daughter's requests for help.

"Probably because she's a woman they don't care, or she looked like crazy, they don't care," Cespedes said.

In a statement, the U.S. Marine Corps said it was aware of the situation.

"We can confirm that the Marine suspect's command was engaged with both him and the victim, and were responsive to those allegations and concerns that the command was made aware of," it said. "Due to the ongoing nature of the criminal investigation, it would be inappropriate to comment further on this topic."

Witnesses who stopped to help after the stabbing described as a horrific scene.

"I ran there and told him to let her go," George Schmidt told Hawaii News Now. "I just seen blood all over her, she was full of blood."

He said he saw the suspect wound himself.”"

Houston good Samaritans shot after helping domestic violence victim: report

https://www.foxnews.com/us/houston-good-samaritans-shot

“The good Samaritans reportedly intervened in a domestic violence incident when the suspect left and later returned to open fire, Houston authorities said”

“Two good Samaritans were shot Monday while trying to assist a domestic violence victim in Houston, according to reports.

The shooting occurred around 12:40 a.m., Fox Houston reported. The suspected shooter was beating on a woman who was with her child at the time, the report said.

When a group of people intervened, the suspect left the scene. He later returned and opened fire on the Samaritans, police told the news outlet.

Someone else at the scene returned fire, but it was not clear if the shooter was struck or who fired.

When Houston police officers arrived at the scene, they found gunshot victims. A woman was shot in the leg and a man was wounded in the leg and back. Both were taken to nearby hospitals.

The man was reportedly in critical condition.

Authorities are searching for the suspect.”

Georgia Supreme Court overturns prominent Atlanta attorney's murder conviction in wife's killing - CNN

https://www.cnn.com/2022/06/30/us/claud-tex-mciver-wife-murder-conviction-overturned-georgia-supreme-court/index.html

 

Georgia family dispute leaves multiple people stabbed, Savannah police say

https://www.foxnews.com/us/georgia-family-dispute-leaves-multiple-people-stabbed-savannah-police-say

 

A woman's brutal killing shocks the Arab world - CNN

https://www.cnn.com/2022/06/24/middleeast/egypt-woman-killing-mime-intl/index.html

 

FBI hunting for alleged 'master of disguise' for questioning over girlfriend's disappearance, presumed death -- FBI seeking man who entered California from Mexico after he was initially 'uncooperative' with authorities

https://www.foxnews.com/us/fbi-hunting-alleged-master-disguise-questioning-over-girlfriends-disappearance-presumed-death

How to murder your husband' writer sentenced for murdering husband - BBC News

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-61786575

“Murder, she wrote - and for murder, she is going to jail.

An Oregon judge has sentenced Nancy Crampton Brophy, a romance author who apparently foretold of her crime in an essay titled "How to murder your husband", to life in prison for the shooting death of her late spouse.

 “Crampton Brophy was seen driving to and from the Institute at the time of the crime in surveillance footage shown in court.

And although police never found the murder weapon, she was shown to have purchased a gun of the same make and model.

Taking the stand in her own defence, the author claimed she had a "memory hole" from the morning of Brophy's death. She could not however deny it was her driving around the Institute.

A jury of 12 found her guilty of second-degree murder after deliberating for less than two days.

Her life sentence, handed down on Monday, carries the possibility of parole after 25 years. Her lawyers said they plan to appeal.

Ahead of the sentencing, friends and family members of the late chef delivered statements.

"You opted to lie, cheat, steal, defraud and ultimately kill the man that was your biggest fan," said Nathaniel Stillwater, Brophy's son from a previous marriage. "You were - to borrow from your catalogue - the wrong wife." 

Uzbekistan groom slaps wife after losing a game: Video shows groom whacking bride in head after losing game at wedding

https://nypost.com/2022/06/13/uzbekistan-groom-slaps-wife-after-losing-a-game/

 

NYC man Eriberto Grullo punched girlfriend in face over dinner: prosecutors

https://nypost.com/2022/05/29/nyc-man-eriberto-grullo-punched-girlfriend-in-face-over-dinner-prosecutors/

“A drunken Manhattan man was arrested after he allegedly punched his girlfriend in the face for failing to make him dinner, authorities said.

Eriberto Grullon, 46, then trashed the couple’s West Harlem apartment, breaking chairs and dishes, prosecutors said during his Saturday arraignment in Manhattan Criminal Court.

Grullon was charged with two counts of assault, harassment and attempted assault for the Friday beating, which authorities said unfolded just before 10 p.m.

He “became angry at the [the victim] for not having prepared dinner for him. He began breaking and throwing things around their home,” Assistant District Attorney Katelyn Colman said.

The woman’s face was bruised and swollen, and her nose was bleeding after the attack, Colman said.

The accused was released Saturday and is due back in court in July.”

 

Tennessee woman Latroya Lemons shoots boy one day after released on bond

https://nypost.com/2022/05/18/tennessee-woman-latroya-lemons-shoots-boy-one-day-after-released-on-bond/

"A Tennessee woman is back behind bars after allegedly firing a gun into a crowd and striking a 12-year-old boy a day after she was released on bond on separate charges.

Latroya Lemons, 35, was arrested on Tuesday after she allegedly opened fire from a vehicle at a Memphis home where the child had been playing last Wednesday, hitting him in the leg, Fox 13 reported.

Memphis police had taken Lemons into custody earlier in the week for harassment charges after she allegedly threatened to kill her ex-boyfriend. She was locked up and released on bond on those charges the day before the 12-year-old was shot, records show.

Police said she pulled up on the home to find her ex-boyfriend and opened fire. Witnesses identified Lemons as the shooter who fired five shots from a gray Cadillac, according to Fox 13.

She faces numerous new charges, including six counts of aggravated assault, six counts of reckless endangerment with a deadly weapon and four counts of violating bail conditions. Her bond has been set at $500,000, the outlet reported”

Damaris Maravilla's boyfriend Dylan Diaz charged with her murder

https://nypost.com/2022/05/08/damaris-maravillas-boyfriend-dylan-diaz-charged-with-her-murder/

 

Remains in Texas ID'd as those of missing girlfriend of ex-NFL player Kevin Ware

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/remains-found-texas-idd-missing-girlfriend-ex-nfl-player-kevin-ware-rcna26798

 

Tekashi 6ix9ine’s girlfriend arrested for punching him inside Miami nightclub

https://nypost.com/2022/08/29/tekashi69s-girlfriend-arrested-for-punching-him-inside-miami-club/

“The girlfriend of Brooklyn rapper Tekashi 6ix9ine was arrested for allegedly socking him in the face at a Miami nightclub early Monday morning, according to reports.

The rainbow-haired rhymer told police that Rachel Wattley, 25, slugged him and yanked on his chain during an altercation inside Kiki on the River, according to NBC Miami.

Investigating cops noticed marks on the rapper’s face and booked Wattley on a misdemeanor battery rap.

Wattley, known as “Jade” on her social media profiles, has been with the rapper for three years and has 1.7 million followers on Instagram.

She previously hit the headlines in 2018 after brawling with Cardi B inside a Queens nightclub over allegations that she bedded the “Bodak Yellow” emcee’s husband, rapper Offset.”

Husband charged with murder after claim wife died by suicide - ABC News

https://abcnews.go.com/US/husband-charged-murder-claim-wife-died-suicide/story?id=84417438

""

*** PLEASE CLICK HERE TO COMPLETE

YOUR "DV In The NEWS Worksheet"!!! ***

A Slightly Different Look At Risk Factors That Could Help Us Prevent Domestic Violence (A Mandatory Exercise for ALL DV Clients)

   Attached is a slightly different look at Risk Factors for Domestic Violence.  

This could really help you prevent DV in the Future.

Click Here to Complete My Really Getting to know my Risk Factors Mandatory Form!!!

Understanding the Red Flags for Domestic Violence in order to Prevent Domestic Violence Before it Happens

Question: If we can learn about what are considered to be the Red Flags for Domestic Violence -- or the Early Warning Signs of DV, then how can we use this information in order to prevent ourselves from ever again committing Domestic Violence, Being Accused of DV, or getting a DV Charge?

  This is an excellent question.  Surely no one wants to again find his or her self being accused of abuse by a person who he or she really likes being with.  No one wants a DV Charge.  And  it doesn't have to be that way.  However, in order to prevent future DV-related problems, one would be wise to learn more about DV, what it looks like, how it happens, and most importantly, how to prevent it from happening again in their relationships.  

  In some cases we might actually worry that we are doomed to failure -- that we are bound to continue along this lonely path.  And the reality is that if we fail to plan on ways to prevent such tragedies from haunting our lives in the future, we will need to muster the courage to move forward and try to change things that we have a good chance of changing.  One can start this process by examining the evidence and then using a Thinking Model to help create possible Solutions.  

  One way to prevent Domestic Violence could be to learn how to stop it before it starts.  This would be prevention.  This sort of prevention could be a positive for everyone.  

  Try to Look at it this way.  Take a list of Red Flags for Potential Domestic Violence or Warning Signs of a potentially Violent Relationship and give it some serious and sincere thought.  

  Then try to set up a thinking model such as this below, and use it to help figure out how to change behaviors that might show up initially in a Relationship; such that the Red Flag or Warning Sign Behaviors are no longer present.  But in order to do that in a meaningful way we will need to put some thought into it and do the following: 

1.  Identify Red Flags and/or Warning Signs that have shown up in your past Relationships that have become abusive;
2. Identify your thoughts related to generating or contributing to the manifestation of such Red Flags or Warning Signs;
3. Identify your feelings related to generating or contributing to the manifestation of such Red Flags or Warning Signs;
4. Identify your behaviors related to generating or contributing to the manifestation of such Red Flags or Warning Signs;
5. And finally, we have to Plan on ways to prevent us for thinking, feeling or doing any of these types of behaviors that tend to show up as Red Flags or Warning Signs for DV in Relationships.

  And Remember this: Red Flags are not the same as Risk Factors.  Risk Factors are generally things about a person in his past or present that put him at Risk of committing Abuse or Domestic Violence.  Where as Red Flags, are simply things in the present that are Warning Signs that something might be about to happen.  

Take a look at the thinking model below:

• On the Left side of the Page, write down a Red Flag.

• Then on the Right side of the Page, write down things you could do to prevent this Red Flag from happening.

Example: 

Red Flag  

              Possible Preventive Solution

 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

• RED FLAG: "Wants to move too quickly into the relationship." 

• SOLUTION: Go very slowly developing a Relationship.  Take your time.  Be patient.
• Other Solution: Avoid being the one to push the Relationship forward unless your partner indicates that she/he is definitely ready for this.  

Or

• RED FLAG: "Wants you all to him- or herself; insists that you stop spending time with your friends or family."

• SOLUTION: Be extra careful to try and include your new friend's family and friends in activities. 
• Other Solution: Always be ready and willing for your new friend to spend time with her or her family and friends.  

Text Below is in Draft Form -- i.e., is still not completely Edited:

(PLEASE Continue to the Bottom of this Page to Complete Your Worksheet)

Some Questions one might consider to help with the Thought Process:

What are my Red Flags for DV?

What are some ways of Successfully Dealing with Red Flags?

How well do I Recognize my Red Flags?

Am I typically able to Avoid the Blame Game?

What might be a food first step in Successfully Dealing with Red flags?

When facing down the perceived catastrophic impact of a Red Flag Crisis, might it be smart to back off, take a time out, stop, breathe, focus, reflect and choose wisely?

What are some of the key ingredients to dealing with my Red Flags?

Is it not probably a smart thing to ask for help while in the middle of a Red Flag crisis?

What are some ways one might be able to identify a Red Flag crisis?

What are some false signs of a Red Flag crisis?

What do I have the power to change?

What are some things that I probably ought to accept as they are?

If my partner tells me she/he is having a Red Flag crisis, then is he/she really having a Red Flag crisis?

If my partner screams at me then do I have a right to have a Red Frag crisis?

If my partner is having a bad day, develops a bad attitude, then takes it out on me; do I have a right to have a Red Flag crisis?

What are some of the best ways for me to Calm Myself Down?

 

Notes from other Authors who are representing VICTIM ADVOCACY Agencies and Others:

"Red Flags of Abuse

"Domestic violence encompasses a spectrum of behaviors that abusers use to control victims. The following list includes warning signs that someone may be abusive. If you or a friend experience these behaviors from a partner, remember: it is not your fault and there are advocates waiting to help.

“Red flags” include someone who:

         Wants to move too quickly into the relationship.

Early in the relationship flatters you constantly, and seems “too good to be true.”

Wants you all to him- or herself; insists that you stop spending time with your friends or family.

Insists that you stop participating in hobbies or activities, quit school, or quit your job.

Does not honor your boundaries.

Is excessively jealous and accuses you of being unfaithful.

Wants to know where you are all of the time and frequently calls, emails, and texts you throughout the day.

Criticizes or puts you down; says you are crazy, stupid, and/or fat/unattractive, or that no one else would ever want or love you.

Takes no responsibility for his or her behavior and blames others.

Has a history of abusing others.

Blames the entire failure of previous relationships on his or her former partner; for example, “My ex was totally crazy.”

Takes your money or runs up your credit card debt.

Rages out of control with you but can maintain composure around others."  (Source)

 

"Early Warning Signs: Identifying DV Red Flags 

(March 15, 2018, Survivor Spot; By Jenn Rockefeller)

"It’s not always easy to recognize the warning signs of someone’s toxic behavior. These signs, or red flags, can be difficult to detect at times. More often than not, the red flags are thickly veiled behind a carefully crafted façade of charm and wit.

 So how can you be able to better spot the red flags in the future? Below is a list of some of the earliest warning signs of an abusive relationship.

Love-bombing

Gaslighting

Glimpses of anger

Jekyll and Hyde

Condescending and “joking”

Lack of empathy

Lying

Blame shifting" (Source) 

According to Catalyst DV Services: RED FLAGS OF ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS

You fear your partner will hurt you, your pets, or themselves if you leave the relationship

You miss work, classes or meetings because your partner prevents you from attending

You feel confused about the rules of your relationship and responsible for your partner's behavior

You feel nervous around other friends or family about what your partner might say or do to embarrass or humiliate you

You feel like your partner does not respect your sexuality

You feel pressured to share passwords to email accounts, social networking sites, or to show your partner your cell phone

You feel like your partner keeps track of you all the time

You are embarrassed to tell your friends or family how your partner treats you

You feel controlled

Your partner is extremely jealous and uses it as an excuse to control your behavior (who you talk to, what you wear, where you go, etc.)

Your partner pressures you to move the relationship faster than what feels natural (saying “I love you” right away, wanting to move in together, get married, have kids, etc.)

Your partner consistently accuses of you things that you haven’t done (ex. Cheating)

Your partner is very possessive over your time and attention

Your partner isolates you from your friends and/or family

Your partner makes unreasonable demands

Your partner has an explosive temper

Your partner threatens to harm you or has harmed you in the past but promised it wouldn’t happen again

Your partner criticizes you or puts you down; most commonly tells you that you are "crazy," "stupid" and/or "fat," or that no one would ever want or love you."  (Source).

Or Watch out for these Red Flags from "Someone who:

"Wants to move too quickly into the relationship.

Does not honor your boundaries.

Is excessively jealous and accuses you of having affairs.

Wants to know where you are all of the time and frequently calls, emails and texts you throughout the day.

Criticizes you or puts you down; most commonly tells you that you are “crazy,” “stupid” and/or “fat,” or that no one would ever want or love you.

Says one thing and does another.

Takes no responsibility for their behavior and blames others. Has a history of battering.

Blames the entire failure of previous relationships on their partner; for example, “My ex was a total bitch.”

Grew up in an abusive or violent home.

Insists that you stop spending time with your friends or family.

Seems “too good to be true.”

Insists that you stop participating in leisure interests.

Rages out of control and is impulsive.

Pay attention to the “red flags “and trust your instincts. Survivors of domestic violence frequently report that their instincts told them that there was something wrong early on but they disregarded the warning signs and didn’t know that these signs were indicative of an abusive relationship. Always take time to get to know a potential partner and watch for patterns of behavior in a variety of settings. Keeping in touch with your support system and participating in good self-care can lower your risk of being involved in and abusive relationship." ((Source): From the National Network to End Domestic Violence.) 

Some Final Thoughts about Red Flags:

So how does one solve these Red Flags -- if one has ever been accused of being abusive, or has ever been abusive.  How do these Red Flags from becoming Real? 

What Assumptions or Thoughts and Feelings do I have when I am exposed to my Red Flags and/or My Triggers?

When I am exposed to My Red Flags and/or My Triggers for DV, What to I worry about?  And What kinds of Behaviors do I do?

Why do I do what I do when I am exposed to my Red Flags and/or My Triggers?

*** CLICK HERE to Complete Your

Red Flags for DV Worksheet!!!***

 

Risk Factors for DV Re-Offense or DV Recidivism

 Everyone who is participating in this Domestic Violence Offender Treatment has had at least one DV-Related Offense.  Unfortunately, the fact from the Research is that once a person has one DV-Related Offense; they are quite possibly at a higher Risk of Re-Offending than a person who has never had a DV-Related Offense.
 So, What's worse than one DV Offense?  

 Another DV Offense.  This is not a joke!  Right?

  It is the mission of your DV Offender Treatment Provider to try and help make sure that you never Re-Offend.

  We take this mission very seriously. 

  One way to avoid a problem is to fully understand the problem.  Therefore, we are going to talk about some of the problems that the Research indicates are often present when a person with a prior DV Offense, ends up catching another DV Offense.  These are called, "Risk Factors".

  Below are Some possible Risk Factors that are specifically indicated as potentially putting a person who already has a DV Offense at risk of a DV Re-Offense or Recidivism.  If I were you, I would take a long, serious and sincere look at this list and think critically -- "Does this potential Risk Factor relate to me, to my life, to my relationships?"  
  And then I would start thinking about good ways that I can make sure that this Risk Factor can no longer put me at a Higher Risk of having any Domestic Violence -Type Thinking, DV-Type Behaviors, or Re-Offenses.

  These Potential Risk Factors for Re-Offense Include the following: 

•       Dropping out of treatment before treatment is completed,
• 
  
•       Fewer sessions completed,
• 
  
•       Younger in age,
• 
  
•       Unemployed,
• 
  
•       Less education,
• 
  
•       History of More psychological Abuse,
• 
  
•       History of More anger,
• 
  
•       History of More depression,
• 
  
•       Unchanged attitudes about women,
• 
  
•       Lower sense of respect,
• 
  
•       History of Using more discussion (Unable or Unwilling to Take Time Outs or to use Stop, Breathe, and Focus when a conversation is becoming Disrespectful),
• 
  
•       Failure to complete treatment,
• 
  
•       Lower social support (Not enough Emotional, Tangible or Instrumental Social Supports in one's life),
• 
  
•       Lower internal locus of control (Less ability to own my own thoughts and/or actions)
• 
  
•       Higher perceived stress,
• 
  
•       Poor problem solving skills,
• 
  
•       Poor communication skills (Difficulty Communicating Respectfully when Angry, Upset, Insecure or Unhappy),
• 
  
•       Lower feminist awareness (Lower Awareness about Sexism or the Impact of Oppression on Victims),
• 
  
•       Lower awareness of ones psycho-dynamics (Ego, Id, Super-Ego + Social),
• 
  
•       Poor alliance with therapist, (Unable or Unwilling to Trust or Be Genuine with the Therapist)
• 
  
•       Personality disorders including: Borderline, Avoidant, Antisocial, Self-Defeating, Schizoid, Aggressive/Sadistic, and Passive-Aggressive; Increased psychopathic traits or tendencies, or Narcissistic.
• 
  
•       Substance Abuse difficulties,
• 
  
•       Poor family relations,
• 
  
•       Child behavior problems (Having a Child with serious problems; and/or having a History of serious behavior problems as a child),
• 
  
•       Having a child with the victim,
• 
  
•       Lower Social Economic Status in Community,
• 
  
•       Lower Socio-Economic Status,
• 
  
•       Having been abused as a child, and
• 
  
•       History of Trauma.
• 
  

  For each of the Risk Factors Above, one should be able to make a suggestion as to what a person could or should do to help make sure that this Risk Factor will not contribute to them having any more Domestic Violent-type Thinking or Behaviors as well as Re-offending.

  *** Please CLICK HERE to Complete your 

Risk Factors for DV Re-Offense Worksheet ***

  Also!  Be sure to complete your Session Feedback Form (below), as well as an Absence Attestation Form for each one of your Absences.

PLEASE CLICK HERE to Complete

your Session Feedback Form!!!

Sources: 

(Retrieved 1/6/2020 from: https://digitalcommons.unl.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1084&context=psychfacpub

Domestic violence treatment response and recidivism: A review and implications for the study of family violence

Robert M. Sartin; University of Nebraska–Lincoln, rmsartin@syr.edu

David J. Hansen; University of Nebraska-Lincoln, dhansen1@unl.edu

Matthew T. Huss; Creighton University, mhuss@creighton.edu

University of Nebraska – Lincoln; DigitalCommons@University of Nebraska - Lincoln

Faculty Publications, Department of Psychology, Department of Psychology).

 (c. 2020, William T. Beverly, Ph.D., LCSW, All information on the Blog (Except where otherwise noted); are the intellectual and/or photographic and/or digital property of Dr. William T. Beverly, L.C.S.W., DVOMB Approved Offender Treatment Provider.).