Monday, August 25, 2025

Great Partners versus Difficult (or possibly Impossible) Partners: Which Do You Prefer?

DRAFT POST -- 

   PLEASE DO NOT PRINT, COPY or PUBLISH

Great Partners versus Difficult (or possibly Impossible) Partners: Which Do You Prefer?










According to AI: "What makes someone a good partner?

AI Overview
A good partner demonstrates traits like honesty, trustworthiness, respect, and effective communication, fostering a relationship built on mutual support, shared values, and empathy. They provide emotional stability, support your personal growth, show consistent affection, and are open to compromise and vulnerability. Ultimately, a good partner is someone who makes you feel valued, understood, and secure, while also being able to manage conflict and demonstrate independence. 

Key Qualities of a Good Partner
Honesty and Trust:
They are truthful and reliable, providing a stable foundation for the relationship. 

Respect:
They value your opinions, individuality, and boundaries, listening to you and treating you with consideration. 

Effective Communication:
They express their thoughts and feelings openly and clearly, and are also good listeners. 

Empathy and Understanding:
They can put themselves in your shoes and show compassion, helping you feel understood. 

Emotional Stability:
They can handle stress and challenges without becoming overwhelmed, contributing to a secure dynamic. 

Support and Encouragement:
They cheer you on, support your goals, and celebrate your personal growth. 

Shared Values:
While not identical, a partner who shares core values and beliefs creates greater understanding and harmony. 

Independence and Maturity:
They are capable of making their own decisions and handling their responsibilities, while also being open to feedback and personal growth. 

Vulnerability and Openness:
They are willing to be open about their true selves, fears, and dreams, allowing for a deeper connection. 

Affection:
They show you love and affection in a way that resonates with you. 

Signs of a Good Partner in Action 
They make you feel safe and secure .
They make you feel valued and appreciated .
They are consistent: in their words and actions.
They are willing to work through conflict: and make compromises.
They encourage your independence: and don't control you."


The 5 love languages are:

Words of Affirmation: Expressing love through spoken words, praise, or appreciation.

Acts of Service: Showing love by doing helpful things for your partner.

Receiving Gifts: Giving thoughtful gifts that show you were thinking of your partner.

Quality Time: Spending meaningful time together, giving your undivided attention.

Physical Touch: Expressing love through physical affection, such as hugs or holding hands.

Understanding these love languages can help improve communication and connection in relationships. 




12 Types Of Men Who Make Very Bad Partners | YourTango

Excellent partners, regardless of gender, share traits like effective communication, trust, loyalty, mutual respect, empathy, and a shared sense of humor, while also possessing independence, a growth mindset, and the ability to support their partner's personal goals. The most valued partners are those who are emotionally intelligent, honest, and possess a positive outlook, creating a foundation for a healthy and fulfilling relationship. 

This video discusses the qualities men look for in women, such as confidence and support:


Types of Women and Men who make Excellent Partners (FemForward; YouTube · Mar 25, 2025)


Essential Qualities for Any Partner

Effective Communication:  The ability to express oneself clearly and listen actively is crucial for understanding and connection. 

Trustworthiness and Honesty:  A foundation of honesty and reliability fosters a sense of security and a deeper bond. 

Mutual Respect:  Ideal partners respect each other's individuality, boundaries, and perspectives. 

Empathy and Kindness:  Understanding and sharing in each other's feelings, along with demonstrating kindness, builds emotional support. 

Shared Values and Goals:  Having similar core beliefs and aspirations helps create a sense of unity and a shared vision for the future. 

Sense of Humor and Fun:  A shared sense of humor can lighten the mood, foster connection, and make life more enjoyable. 

Support for Personal Growth:  An excellent partner encourages and supports their partner's ambitions and development. 

Emotional Stability and Maturity:  A stable emotional outlook and maturity contribute to a more reliable and resilient partnership. 

Openness and Vulnerability:  Being open to influence and comfortable with vulnerability creates a deeper emotional connection. 

Independence:  A partner who maintains their own identity, interests, and social connections is often a more balanced and fulfilling partner. 

Gratitude and Appreciation:  A partner who shows gratitude and recognizes their partner's efforts fosters a positive dynamic in the relationship. 

This video highlights the importance of mutual respect and equality in a relationship:


While the specific "types" of men and women might differ, the underlying qualities that make an excellent partner are universal. Focus on finding someone who embodies these traits, rather than seeking a specific persona. 

You can watch this video to learn more about the signs of a valuable partner in a relationship:

"A valuable partner demonstrates trust, mutual support, open communication, respect for individuality, shared enjoyment, and consistent effort. They are an equal partner, show commitment to the relationship, are kind, and make decisions together. 

Here are some signs of a valuable partner: 

Trust and Dependability: They are honest and keep their promises, making them someone you can rely on. 

Mutual Support: They encourage your goals and support you in your efforts. 

Open Communication: You can talk about anything with them, sharing your thoughts and feelings openly. 

Respect for Individuality: They allow you to be yourself and respect your independence. 

Equality: They are an equal partner, and there is no imbalance of power in the relationship. 

Shared Enjoyment: You have fun together and enjoy each other's company. 

Commitment: They are committed to the relationship and show it through consistent effort. 

Kindness: They are kind to you and show a general warmth and caring disposition. 

Shared Decisions: They participate in making decisions together, ensuring both partners' needs are considered. 

Emotional Security and Calmness: A valuable partner brings emotional security and a sense of calm to the relationship. "  (You can watch this video to learn more about the signs of a valuable partner in a relationship: - Google Search)

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Monday, August 18, 2025

Females as Perpetrators of DV -- And DV By Men Also: An Emergent Comparison Study

 DRAFT -- Please do not copy, publish or repost.

  "Globally, an estimated 736 million women, or roughly one in three, have experienced physical or sexual violence, primarily from an intimate partner. This includes intimate partner violence, non-partner sexual violence, or both. Femicide, the killing of women by intimate partners or family members, also remains a serious issue, with an estimated 140 women killed daily worldwide" (Source).

  It is important to understand that while the overwhelming majority of reported Domestic Violence involved Men or Males committing domestic violence against Women or Females; there is a portion of Domestic Violence that is committed by Women against Men.  This post relates to the commission of Domestic Violence by Women against Men.  

  According to AI Sources: "Domestic violence is a serious issue in Colorado, and according to available data, it is predominantly perpetrated by males. 

Here's what the data suggests:

In 2023, 89% of domestic violence fatalities in Colorado involved male perpetrators.

A 2024 Domestic Violence Offender Management Board (DVOMB) legislative report analyzing data prior to June 2022, indicated that 75% of a study group of individuals involved in domestic violence cases were male.

While both men and women experience domestic violence, statistics show a higher prevalence of violence committed by men against women. 

It's important to remember that these statistics relate to reported and studied incidents. The actual percentage may be slightly different due to factors such as underreporting, particularly among male victims of domestic violence" (Source.)

  Some examples involving Women committing DV against Men are found in the videos below:

https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/women-as-the-abusers









 A Deeper Dive into Violence Against Men:

"While domestic violence is overwhelmingly perpetrated by men against women, violence by women against men does occur and is a significant issue. Studies show that a substantial number of men experience intimate partner violence, including physical violence, sexual violence, and psychological aggression. Prevalence rates for domestic violence against men vary across studies, with some reporting that a significant percentage of men experience violence from their female partners. 

Here's a more detailed look:
Prevalence of Violence Against Men: 
 
Intimate Partner Violence:
The CDC reports that about one in three men experience contact sexual violence, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime. 
 
Psychological Aggression:
Over 61 million women and 53 million men have experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime.  
 
Specific Studies:
Some studies have found that a substantial percentage of men experience violence from their female partners, with some studies estimating rates between 3.4% to 20.3% for physical violence. 
 
Underreporting:
It is important to note that men may be less likely to report domestic violence, which can lead to underestimation of the issue. 
 
Not a One-Sided Issue:
While women are disproportionately affected by violence, it's crucial to acknowledge that men also experience violence within intimate relationships. 
 
Important Considerations:
Gendered Dynamics:
While male-on-male violence is more common in general crime statistics, domestic violence, including violence against men, is a complex issue with its own unique dynamics.  
 
Severity of Violence:
Some studies suggest that men are more likely to use physical violence, threats, and harassment in domestic violence situations.  
 
Impact of Violence:
Violence against men can have serious physical, psychological, and social consequences, similar to those experienced by women.  
 
Seeking Help:
Men may face challenges in seeking help for domestic violence due to societal stigmas and expectations."  (Source).


  Meanwhile, on the other hand: "Globally, an estimated 736 million women, or roughly one in three, have experienced physical or sexual violence, primarily from an intimate partner. This includes intimate partner violence, non-partner sexual violence, or both. Femicide, the killing of women by intimate partners or family members, also remains a serious issue, with an estimated 140 women killed daily worldwide. 

Key Statistics:

Intimate Partner Violence:
More than 640 million women (26%) have experienced violence from a current or former partner. 
Non-Partner Sexual Violence:
A significant number of women also experience sexual violence from individuals outside of intimate relationships. 

Femicide:
In 2023, approximately 51,100 women and girls were killed by intimate partners or family members. 
Regional Variations:
Prevalence rates of violence against women vary across regions, with some of the highest rates reported in Oceania, Southern Asia, and Sub-Saharan Africa. 

Age:
A significant proportion of young women (15-19) have also experienced intimate partner violence. 

Factors Contributing to Violence:

Intimate Partner Violence:
The majority of violence against women is perpetrated by intimate partners. 

Technology-Facilitated Violence:
Online harassment and abuse are also significant concerns, with high rates of cyber-harassment reported in some regions. 

Gender Inequality:
Widespread gender inequality and harmful social norms contribute to the normalization and perpetuation of violence against women. 

Social and Cultural Factors:
Cultural acceptance of violence, lack of reporting mechanisms, and inadequate legal frameworks can also play a role. 

Consequences of Violence:

Physical Health:
Injuries, chronic pain, and sexually transmitted infections are common consequences. 

Mental Health:
Depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder are also frequently experienced by survivors. 

Social and Economic Impacts:
Violence can lead to social isolation, economic hardship, and reduced opportunities for women. 

Efforts to Address Violence:

Prevention:
Efforts are underway to prevent violence through education, community engagement, and social norm change. 

Protection and Support:
Providing safe spaces, counseling, and legal assistance to survivors is crucial. 

Accountability:
Holding perpetrators accountable through legal and judicial systems is essential to deter future violence." (Source).
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TABLE OF CONTENTS for DV Treatment: Below are The Basic Necessities for Completing Domestic Violence Treatment. These Links Below lead to the Topics and the Worksheets that are part of DV Treatment Requirements. These Worksheets are Required for Successful Completion of DV Treatment.

  There are several things that must be done in order to Successfully Complete DV Treatment.  Before you start, you should read the Treatment Orientation Posting.  Also take a look at the Schedule of Groups.

  The first requirement is that I attend all sessions, take the lessons seriously, and demonstrate positive change change in my thinking.  You definitely should not have missed more than 2 or 3 DV Sessions.  If you missed any sessions, you should have informed Dr B as to why you missed.  Fact of the matter is; if I missed any DV Sessions, I should complete an Absences Attestation for each one.

  Another requirement for successful completion of DV Treatment is that 100% of my Balance is paid off.  Remember, your P.O. is NOT required to give you Vouchers to pay for your DV Treatment.  But if you need a Voucher to pay for your DV Treatment, you must speak with your P.O. (nicely) about this matter if you hope to get any help from them paying for your DV Sessions.  The sooner you do this, the better.  Because they can only give you vouchers or you that will cover DV Sessions starting the day you ask for them.  Finally, it is important that you understand that any amount that is not covered by vouchers is an amount that you will owe for your DV Treatment.

  The third requirement is to understand that any really good DV Treatment Participant is also filling out a Session Feedback Form at the end of each session.

  The fourth requirement is to know that any one who wishes to Successfully Complete Domestic Violence Offender Treatment, must be sure that I All of of their Worksheets are completed and successfully submitted online.  

  Some of the most important DV Topics are those listed below.  Even if you have done these before, they really must be gone over again to make double-sure that you completely understand how you will never again have any more DV in your relationships.

Important:

  Go to each of the Links below and complete the  worksheets that they have links to. 

Dr. B's DV Prevention & Education Blog: Treatment Planning for Success (drbsdvpreventionandeducation.blogspot.com) 

Autobiography of Violence Worksheet

DVOMB Mandatory Core Competencies

    Core Competencies Worksheet

BRIEF CORE COMPETENCIES CHECK-UP: Where Do I Think that I am in my DV Treatment???

Managing Conflict Effectively: And Prevention of Domestic Violence

Learning about Chain Analysis in order Prevent Domestic Violence: A DBT-Type Method

Understanding our Values and Using our Virtues to Prevent Domestic Violence

Understanding Different Types of Domestic Violence - 

        CLICK HERE >>>- Types of DV Worksheet 

The Vagina Monologues -- Decades of Altruistic Efforts to Improve the Lives of Girls, Women, and Yes; the Entire Planet!

Overcoming Denial  -- Being Responsible or Being in Denial Worksheet

    Minimization, Denial & Blame Worksheet

The Role of Anger in Domestic Violence -- Anger and DV Worksheet

Taking Time Outs

Understanding Communication for Healthy Relationships

Getting Ready to Take Full Accountability For My Domestic Violence Offense and Moving Forward: What Is Real-Time Accountability?

DVTPA: Domestic Violence Treatment Progress Assessment

My Domestic Violence Treatment Check-In and Check-Up!

The Effects of Using Children During and After a Relationship

The Duluth Power & Control Wheels

The EFFECTS of Using Power and Control in Relationships

Using Equality for Healthier Relationships

Balancing Our Empathy With Our Own Needs Particularly During Troubled Times

The Fallacy of Control -- Controlling Behaviors

Types of DV Worksheet

What is Love?

Making Better Choices: Poor Choices, versus Mistakes, Accidents and Victimhood

Mindfulness and Prevention of DV: Where was I when my DV Happened?

Mandatory Empathy Panel Presentation at SLVBHG 8/8/2028 

Empathy Panel Week Worksheets for Everyone to Complete even if they did not attend the Empathy Panel.

Cycle of Violence

Potential Risk Factors for DV: Knowing your Risk Factors 

Healthy Boundaries

Codependency, Relationships and Domestic Violence

Cognitive Distortions

The Effects of Domestic Violence on Children -- A Reminder

Building On Individual Values And A Personal Mission Statement For Domestic Violence Prevention


Moving from Being Considered the "Offender" in a Domestic Violence Case, (yet Feeling Like a Victim); Toward Becoming an Accountable Survivor




Personality Disorders, Other Psychiatric Disorders, Substance Use, and Domestic Violence

How Do I Talk About My DV Offense?  What if they won't let it go?

DV and The Holidays and Domestic Violence:  The Holidays can be a Great Time to Move Forward: Planning for a Nourishing and SAFE Holiday

Getting Ready for a NEW YEAR: Planning for A Year without Domestic Violence and A Year with Healthier Relationships 

My Domestic Violence Treatment Check-In & Check-Up

Dr. B's DV Prevention & Education Blog: My Domestic Violence Treatment Check-In & Check-Up (drbsdvpreventionandeducation.blogspot.com) 

The Phenomenon of Jealousy and How it Relates to Domestic Violence

Respect Letter

The Often-Times Challenging Journey from Trauma to Hope and Confidence for People with Domestic Violence Offenses

"Getting Ready to Take Accountability for my DV Offense."  Accountability Practice Letter Worksheet -- 

Valentine's Day and Domestic Violence -- What does Valentine's Day Mean To You?  A Process Approach 

About Relationships: Unhealthy versus Healthy 

Empathy Recognition and It's Potential Role in Preventing Domestic Violence 

Dealing Effectively with Dysfunctional, Destructive, Negative Behaviors and Problems in Relationships



Using Children as a Form of Domestic Violence During a Relationship; and/or Parental Alienation as a Form of DV After the Intimate Relationship is Over



Create Your Emergency Toolkit 

for Prevention of Domestic Violence

>>> Mindfulness and Prevention of DV: 

   Where was I when my DV Happened? <<<



and

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NOW YOU CAN GO BACK TO THE TOP OF THIS LIST AND KEEP ON PROGRESSING!!!

Accountability Letter Worksheet

Aftercare Planning for Success.

Turn in and Read Your Accountability Letter to The Group

Exit Interview Worksheet

Finally:  if your Evaluation and all of your Treatment Sessions have not been paid for, you must pay for them before you can be successfully Discharged. 

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The Helpfulness and the History of the Duluth Model for Understanding Domestic Violence

 History of the Duluth Wheels for Understanding what Domestic Violence Looks Like.

  Understanding Power and Control Wheel 

  Understanding the Idea of Equality in Relationships.  (Please click here for a Blog Post on this Topic).

  Per Free Social Work Tools, "The Equality Wheel describes the qualities involved in healthy relationships. The Equality Wheel shows the changes needed for men who batter to move from being abusive to non-violent partnership (Source)."

  It is also important to try and view Domestic Violence from BOTH how men might view DV; and how Women might view DV.  Consider the following questions in order to try and find some differences (and similarities) between why men might commit DV and why women might commit DV.  For a moment here, let's try to try to understand and differentiate Motives and Outcomes of Men's Violence against Women; versus the Motives and Outcomes of Women's Violence against Men:

  • What are some differences between Men's and Women's Motives for DV-type Thinking and Behaviors?  How are Men and Women Different or the Same in terms of having the following Motives:
    1. One's Purpose of the DV-type Behavior
    2. To achieve Domination
    3. To achieve Submission
    4. To create Injury
    5. To realize one's Demands
    6. To use one's Partner as a Tool
    7. To clear the air and then exercise one's Power to Make-up afterward

  • How are Men and Women Different or the Same in terms of having the following Outcomes of DV-type Thinking and Behaviors:
    1. One's Purpose of the DV-type Behavior
    2. To achieve Domination
    3. To achieve Submission
    4. To create Injury
    5. To realize one's Demands
    6. To use one's Partner as a Tool
    7. To clear the air and then exercise one's Power to Make-up afterward

  Please CLICK HERE to View Videos about the Duluth Power & Control Wheels.

  And how does all of the above look different from a relationship with Equality?  Well The Equality Wheel looks like this...

  In fact, you can click here and see a list of the various other wheels about Domestic Violence that have been created using this same concept.

  So what do you think about the Duluth Model's Contribution to Preventing Domestic Violence?

*** Power and Control Wheel Worksheet ***

*** Equality Wheel Worksheet ***

*** Complete your Session Feedback Form! ***

   So what do you think about the Duluth Model's Contribution to Preventing Domestic Violence?

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You Would Like To Have A Healthy Relationship, Right? Ever Seriously Consider Equality -- In-Depth?

  If you would like to have a healthy relationship, you should probably start from a point of equality -- somehow.  
  Equality may be defined as: “The state or quality of being equal; correspondence in quantity, degree, value, rank, or ability.”   
  When it comes to DV, the concept of Gender Equality may also be pertinent.  Gender Equality may be thought of in terms of: "Equal treatment of women and men in laws and policies, and equal access to resources and services within families, communities and society at large.  
  As well as in terms of Gender Equity," or "Fairness and justice in the distribution of benefits and responsibilities between women and men. Programs and policies that specifically empower women are often needed to achieve this".   

  According to conventional wisdom in Domestic Violence Prevention, healthy relationships should -- at the very least -- exist and/or operate within a context of Equality between partners.
And this sense of Equality is theoretically enabled through the following behaviors and/or attitudes (as highlighted on the Equality Wheel from the Duluth Model): 
  •       Non-threatening Behaviors
  •       Respect
  •       Trust and Support
  •       Honesty and Accountability
  •       Responsible Parenting
  •       Shared Responsibility
  •       Economic Partnership




What NOT TO DO:

  Don't use Power and Control.  When considering these aspects of the Equality Wheel, contrast them with their corresponding aspects of the Power & Control Wheel, such as:

                           Intimidation

Emotional Abuse

Isolation

Minimizing, Denying and Blaming

Using Children

Economic Abuse

Male Privilege

Coercion and Threats



Let's Take A Deeper Look at The Equality Wheel!  

  Think about it: What does Equality Look Like In A Relationship?

    (Do you we this in our relationships?)


 (It's kind of like Doing to Others as you would have them do to You.)

  These attitudes or behaviors can have many different meanings to different people.  For the purpose of this project, we will view them in the following ways: 
  •       Non-threatening Behaviors:  Means talking and acting so that she/he feels safe and comfortable expressing herself and doing things.  Reassuring your partner can be really helpful.
  •       Respect:  Means "Listening to her (or him) non-judgmentally.  Being emotionally affirming and understanding.  Valuing opinions.  Means being open to being wrong. It means accepting people as they are.  It means not dumping on someone because you're having a bad day.  It means being polite and kind always, because being kind to people is not negotiable.  It means not dissing people because they're different to you.  It means not gossiping about people or spreading lies.  This would include "An ability to listen respectfully to the words and ideas of your partner without offering an opinion (good or bad) about what she/he says.  An ability to allow your partner to do what she/he wants with whomever she/he chooses without trying to control it, put a stop to it, or punish for it."
  •       Trust and Support:    Means "Supporting her goals in life.  Respecting her right to her own feelings, friends, activities and opinions."  Trust may also be viewed as "A firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something" (Google Dictionary).  Support is means: "To help maintain your partner by providing her/him with emotional, tangible, and/or instrumental support at times when she/he is willing to accept it.
  •       Honesty and Accountability:   Means  "Accepting responsibility for self.  Acknowledging past use of violence.  Admitting being wrong.  Communicating openly and truthfully."
  •       Responsible Parenting:  Means "Sharing parental responsibilities. Being a positive, nonviolent role model for the children."
  •       Shared Responsibility:   Means "Mutually agreeing on a fair distribution of work. Making family decisions together."
  •       Economic Partnership:    Means "Making money decisions together.  Making sure both partners benefit from financial arrangements."
  •       Negotiation and Fairness:   Means "Seeking mutually satisfying resolutions to conflict. Accepting changes. Being willing to compromise."  Fairness may be defined as: "The state, condition, or quality of being fair, or free from bias or injustice; even handedness.”  Note: A "Fair" solution is not considered complete until both (or all) parties are satisfied. 


>>> But what if I'm not already doing all of these things in my Relationship?  

 >>> But what if my partner (or Ex-) is not already doing all of these things in our Relationship?

>>> So what might be a solution for that?  Might I be strong enough of a partner to go ahead and do these things for my own satisfaction; rather than waiting for my partner to do so first?


   *** Could it be that the best way for me to get my partner to treat me as an Equal; is to Treat her or him as an Equal?  It's that easy, right?  Maby not... but  it can work; if you work it.  One day at time.  If you cannot do it today; then try again tomorrow. It might take some time and effort... and patience and a whole lot of forgiveness... But we can do it!!! Right??? ***


  So What does it look like when a couple is treating each other with the values that are proposed on the Equality Wheel?


and

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Always remember to complete your Session Feedback Form after each Session.  Thank you.  And have a nice day.
      Please click here to complete Dr. B's Session Feedback Form.

And Remember, it is never too early to work on another Treatment Plan.        

         Please note: Several Concepts (above) were described with help from other unnamed sources.

 (c. 2020, William T. Beverly, Ph.D., LCSW, All information on the Blog (Except where otherwise noted); are the intellectual and/or photographic and/or digital property of Dr. William T. Beverly, L.C.S.W., DVOMB Approved Offender Treatment Provider.).





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