Monday, August 25, 2025

Great Partners versus Difficult (or possibly Impossible) Partners: Which Do You Prefer?

DRAFT POST -- 

   PLEASE DO NOT PRINT, COPY or PUBLISH

Great Partners versus Difficult (or possibly Impossible) Partners: Which Do You Prefer?










According to AI: "What makes someone a good partner?

AI Overview
A good partner demonstrates traits like honesty, trustworthiness, respect, and effective communication, fostering a relationship built on mutual support, shared values, and empathy. They provide emotional stability, support your personal growth, show consistent affection, and are open to compromise and vulnerability. Ultimately, a good partner is someone who makes you feel valued, understood, and secure, while also being able to manage conflict and demonstrate independence. 

Key Qualities of a Good Partner
Honesty and Trust:
They are truthful and reliable, providing a stable foundation for the relationship. 

Respect:
They value your opinions, individuality, and boundaries, listening to you and treating you with consideration. 

Effective Communication:
They express their thoughts and feelings openly and clearly, and are also good listeners. 

Empathy and Understanding:
They can put themselves in your shoes and show compassion, helping you feel understood. 

Emotional Stability:
They can handle stress and challenges without becoming overwhelmed, contributing to a secure dynamic. 

Support and Encouragement:
They cheer you on, support your goals, and celebrate your personal growth. 

Shared Values:
While not identical, a partner who shares core values and beliefs creates greater understanding and harmony. 

Independence and Maturity:
They are capable of making their own decisions and handling their responsibilities, while also being open to feedback and personal growth. 

Vulnerability and Openness:
They are willing to be open about their true selves, fears, and dreams, allowing for a deeper connection. 

Affection:
They show you love and affection in a way that resonates with you. 

Signs of a Good Partner in Action 
They make you feel safe and secure .
They make you feel valued and appreciated .
They are consistent: in their words and actions.
They are willing to work through conflict: and make compromises.
They encourage your independence: and don't control you."


The 5 love languages are:

Words of Affirmation: Expressing love through spoken words, praise, or appreciation.

Acts of Service: Showing love by doing helpful things for your partner.

Receiving Gifts: Giving thoughtful gifts that show you were thinking of your partner.

Quality Time: Spending meaningful time together, giving your undivided attention.

Physical Touch: Expressing love through physical affection, such as hugs or holding hands.

Understanding these love languages can help improve communication and connection in relationships. 




12 Types Of Men Who Make Very Bad Partners | YourTango

Excellent partners, regardless of gender, share traits like effective communication, trust, loyalty, mutual respect, empathy, and a shared sense of humor, while also possessing independence, a growth mindset, and the ability to support their partner's personal goals. The most valued partners are those who are emotionally intelligent, honest, and possess a positive outlook, creating a foundation for a healthy and fulfilling relationship. 

This video discusses the qualities men look for in women, such as confidence and support:


Types of Women and Men who make Excellent Partners (FemForward; YouTube · Mar 25, 2025)


Essential Qualities for Any Partner

Effective Communication:  The ability to express oneself clearly and listen actively is crucial for understanding and connection. 

Trustworthiness and Honesty:  A foundation of honesty and reliability fosters a sense of security and a deeper bond. 

Mutual Respect:  Ideal partners respect each other's individuality, boundaries, and perspectives. 

Empathy and Kindness:  Understanding and sharing in each other's feelings, along with demonstrating kindness, builds emotional support. 

Shared Values and Goals:  Having similar core beliefs and aspirations helps create a sense of unity and a shared vision for the future. 

Sense of Humor and Fun:  A shared sense of humor can lighten the mood, foster connection, and make life more enjoyable. 

Support for Personal Growth:  An excellent partner encourages and supports their partner's ambitions and development. 

Emotional Stability and Maturity:  A stable emotional outlook and maturity contribute to a more reliable and resilient partnership. 

Openness and Vulnerability:  Being open to influence and comfortable with vulnerability creates a deeper emotional connection. 

Independence:  A partner who maintains their own identity, interests, and social connections is often a more balanced and fulfilling partner. 

Gratitude and Appreciation:  A partner who shows gratitude and recognizes their partner's efforts fosters a positive dynamic in the relationship. 

This video highlights the importance of mutual respect and equality in a relationship:


While the specific "types" of men and women might differ, the underlying qualities that make an excellent partner are universal. Focus on finding someone who embodies these traits, rather than seeking a specific persona. 

You can watch this video to learn more about the signs of a valuable partner in a relationship:

"A valuable partner demonstrates trust, mutual support, open communication, respect for individuality, shared enjoyment, and consistent effort. They are an equal partner, show commitment to the relationship, are kind, and make decisions together. 

Here are some signs of a valuable partner: 

Trust and Dependability: They are honest and keep their promises, making them someone you can rely on. 

Mutual Support: They encourage your goals and support you in your efforts. 

Open Communication: You can talk about anything with them, sharing your thoughts and feelings openly. 

Respect for Individuality: They allow you to be yourself and respect your independence. 

Equality: They are an equal partner, and there is no imbalance of power in the relationship. 

Shared Enjoyment: You have fun together and enjoy each other's company. 

Commitment: They are committed to the relationship and show it through consistent effort. 

Kindness: They are kind to you and show a general warmth and caring disposition. 

Shared Decisions: They participate in making decisions together, ensuring both partners' needs are considered. 

Emotional Security and Calmness: A valuable partner brings emotional security and a sense of calm to the relationship. "  (You can watch this video to learn more about the signs of a valuable partner in a relationship: - Google Search)

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Monday, August 18, 2025

Females as Perpetrators of DV -- And DV By Men Also: An Emergent Comparison Study

 DRAFT -- Please do not copy, publish or repost.

  "Globally, an estimated 736 million women, or roughly one in three, have experienced physical or sexual violence, primarily from an intimate partner. This includes intimate partner violence, non-partner sexual violence, or both. Femicide, the killing of women by intimate partners or family members, also remains a serious issue, with an estimated 140 women killed daily worldwide" (Source).

  It is important to understand that while the overwhelming majority of reported Domestic Violence involved Men or Males committing domestic violence against Women or Females; there is a portion of Domestic Violence that is committed by Women against Men.  This post relates to the commission of Domestic Violence by Women against Men.  

  According to AI Sources: "Domestic violence is a serious issue in Colorado, and according to available data, it is predominantly perpetrated by males. 

Here's what the data suggests:

In 2023, 89% of domestic violence fatalities in Colorado involved male perpetrators.

A 2024 Domestic Violence Offender Management Board (DVOMB) legislative report analyzing data prior to June 2022, indicated that 75% of a study group of individuals involved in domestic violence cases were male.

While both men and women experience domestic violence, statistics show a higher prevalence of violence committed by men against women. 

It's important to remember that these statistics relate to reported and studied incidents. The actual percentage may be slightly different due to factors such as underreporting, particularly among male victims of domestic violence" (Source.)

  Some examples involving Women committing DV against Men are found in the videos below:

https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/women-as-the-abusers









 A Deeper Dive into Violence Against Men:

"While domestic violence is overwhelmingly perpetrated by men against women, violence by women against men does occur and is a significant issue. Studies show that a substantial number of men experience intimate partner violence, including physical violence, sexual violence, and psychological aggression. Prevalence rates for domestic violence against men vary across studies, with some reporting that a significant percentage of men experience violence from their female partners. 

Here's a more detailed look:
Prevalence of Violence Against Men: 
 
Intimate Partner Violence:
The CDC reports that about one in three men experience contact sexual violence, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime. 
 
Psychological Aggression:
Over 61 million women and 53 million men have experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime.  
 
Specific Studies:
Some studies have found that a substantial percentage of men experience violence from their female partners, with some studies estimating rates between 3.4% to 20.3% for physical violence. 
 
Underreporting:
It is important to note that men may be less likely to report domestic violence, which can lead to underestimation of the issue. 
 
Not a One-Sided Issue:
While women are disproportionately affected by violence, it's crucial to acknowledge that men also experience violence within intimate relationships. 
 
Important Considerations:
Gendered Dynamics:
While male-on-male violence is more common in general crime statistics, domestic violence, including violence against men, is a complex issue with its own unique dynamics.  
 
Severity of Violence:
Some studies suggest that men are more likely to use physical violence, threats, and harassment in domestic violence situations.  
 
Impact of Violence:
Violence against men can have serious physical, psychological, and social consequences, similar to those experienced by women.  
 
Seeking Help:
Men may face challenges in seeking help for domestic violence due to societal stigmas and expectations."  (Source).


  Meanwhile, on the other hand: "Globally, an estimated 736 million women, or roughly one in three, have experienced physical or sexual violence, primarily from an intimate partner. This includes intimate partner violence, non-partner sexual violence, or both. Femicide, the killing of women by intimate partners or family members, also remains a serious issue, with an estimated 140 women killed daily worldwide. 

Key Statistics:

Intimate Partner Violence:
More than 640 million women (26%) have experienced violence from a current or former partner. 
Non-Partner Sexual Violence:
A significant number of women also experience sexual violence from individuals outside of intimate relationships. 

Femicide:
In 2023, approximately 51,100 women and girls were killed by intimate partners or family members. 
Regional Variations:
Prevalence rates of violence against women vary across regions, with some of the highest rates reported in Oceania, Southern Asia, and Sub-Saharan Africa. 

Age:
A significant proportion of young women (15-19) have also experienced intimate partner violence. 

Factors Contributing to Violence:

Intimate Partner Violence:
The majority of violence against women is perpetrated by intimate partners. 

Technology-Facilitated Violence:
Online harassment and abuse are also significant concerns, with high rates of cyber-harassment reported in some regions. 

Gender Inequality:
Widespread gender inequality and harmful social norms contribute to the normalization and perpetuation of violence against women. 

Social and Cultural Factors:
Cultural acceptance of violence, lack of reporting mechanisms, and inadequate legal frameworks can also play a role. 

Consequences of Violence:

Physical Health:
Injuries, chronic pain, and sexually transmitted infections are common consequences. 

Mental Health:
Depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder are also frequently experienced by survivors. 

Social and Economic Impacts:
Violence can lead to social isolation, economic hardship, and reduced opportunities for women. 

Efforts to Address Violence:

Prevention:
Efforts are underway to prevent violence through education, community engagement, and social norm change. 

Protection and Support:
Providing safe spaces, counseling, and legal assistance to survivors is crucial. 

Accountability:
Holding perpetrators accountable through legal and judicial systems is essential to deter future violence." (Source).
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TABLE OF CONTENTS for DV Treatment: Below are The Basic Necessities for Completing Domestic Violence Treatment. These Links Below lead to the Topics and the Worksheets that are part of DV Treatment Requirements. These Worksheets are Required for Successful Completion of DV Treatment.

  There are several things that must be done in order to Successfully Complete DV Treatment.  Before you start, you should read the Treatment Orientation Posting.  Also take a look at the Schedule of Groups.

  The first requirement is that I attend all sessions, take the lessons seriously, and demonstrate positive change change in my thinking.  You definitely should not have missed more than 2 or 3 DV Sessions.  If you missed any sessions, you should have informed Dr B as to why you missed.  Fact of the matter is; if I missed any DV Sessions, I should complete an Absences Attestation for each one.

  Another requirement for successful completion of DV Treatment is that 100% of my Balance is paid off.  Remember, your P.O. is NOT required to give you Vouchers to pay for your DV Treatment.  But if you need a Voucher to pay for your DV Treatment, you must speak with your P.O. (nicely) about this matter if you hope to get any help from them paying for your DV Sessions.  The sooner you do this, the better.  Because they can only give you vouchers or you that will cover DV Sessions starting the day you ask for them.  Finally, it is important that you understand that any amount that is not covered by vouchers is an amount that you will owe for your DV Treatment.

  The third requirement is to understand that any really good DV Treatment Participant is also filling out a Session Feedback Form at the end of each session.

  The fourth requirement is to know that any one who wishes to Successfully Complete Domestic Violence Offender Treatment, must be sure that I All of of their Worksheets are completed and successfully submitted online.  

  Some of the most important DV Topics are those listed below.  Even if you have done these before, they really must be gone over again to make double-sure that you completely understand how you will never again have any more DV in your relationships.

Important:

  Go to each of the Links below and complete the  worksheets that they have links to. 

Dr. B's DV Prevention & Education Blog: Treatment Planning for Success (drbsdvpreventionandeducation.blogspot.com) 

Autobiography of Violence Worksheet

DVOMB Mandatory Core Competencies

    Core Competencies Worksheet

BRIEF CORE COMPETENCIES CHECK-UP: Where Do I Think that I am in my DV Treatment???

Managing Conflict Effectively: And Prevention of Domestic Violence

Learning about Chain Analysis in order Prevent Domestic Violence: A DBT-Type Method

Understanding our Values and Using our Virtues to Prevent Domestic Violence

Understanding Different Types of Domestic Violence - 

        CLICK HERE >>>- Types of DV Worksheet 

The Vagina Monologues -- Decades of Altruistic Efforts to Improve the Lives of Girls, Women, and Yes; the Entire Planet!

Overcoming Denial  -- Being Responsible or Being in Denial Worksheet

    Minimization, Denial & Blame Worksheet

The Role of Anger in Domestic Violence -- Anger and DV Worksheet

Taking Time Outs

Understanding Communication for Healthy Relationships

Getting Ready to Take Full Accountability For My Domestic Violence Offense and Moving Forward: What Is Real-Time Accountability?

DVTPA: Domestic Violence Treatment Progress Assessment

My Domestic Violence Treatment Check-In and Check-Up!

The Effects of Using Children During and After a Relationship

The Duluth Power & Control Wheels

The EFFECTS of Using Power and Control in Relationships

Using Equality for Healthier Relationships

Balancing Our Empathy With Our Own Needs Particularly During Troubled Times

The Fallacy of Control -- Controlling Behaviors

Types of DV Worksheet

What is Love?

Making Better Choices: Poor Choices, versus Mistakes, Accidents and Victimhood

Mindfulness and Prevention of DV: Where was I when my DV Happened?

Mandatory Empathy Panel Presentation at SLVBHG 8/8/2028 

Empathy Panel Week Worksheets for Everyone to Complete even if they did not attend the Empathy Panel.

Cycle of Violence

Potential Risk Factors for DV: Knowing your Risk Factors 

Healthy Boundaries

Codependency, Relationships and Domestic Violence

Cognitive Distortions

The Effects of Domestic Violence on Children -- A Reminder

Building On Individual Values And A Personal Mission Statement For Domestic Violence Prevention


Moving from Being Considered the "Offender" in a Domestic Violence Case, (yet Feeling Like a Victim); Toward Becoming an Accountable Survivor




Personality Disorders, Other Psychiatric Disorders, Substance Use, and Domestic Violence

How Do I Talk About My DV Offense?  What if they won't let it go?

DV and The Holidays and Domestic Violence:  The Holidays can be a Great Time to Move Forward: Planning for a Nourishing and SAFE Holiday

Getting Ready for a NEW YEAR: Planning for A Year without Domestic Violence and A Year with Healthier Relationships 

My Domestic Violence Treatment Check-In & Check-Up

Dr. B's DV Prevention & Education Blog: My Domestic Violence Treatment Check-In & Check-Up (drbsdvpreventionandeducation.blogspot.com) 

The Phenomenon of Jealousy and How it Relates to Domestic Violence

Respect Letter

The Often-Times Challenging Journey from Trauma to Hope and Confidence for People with Domestic Violence Offenses

"Getting Ready to Take Accountability for my DV Offense."  Accountability Practice Letter Worksheet -- 

Valentine's Day and Domestic Violence -- What does Valentine's Day Mean To You?  A Process Approach 

About Relationships: Unhealthy versus Healthy 

Empathy Recognition and It's Potential Role in Preventing Domestic Violence 

Dealing Effectively with Dysfunctional, Destructive, Negative Behaviors and Problems in Relationships



Using Children as a Form of Domestic Violence During a Relationship; and/or Parental Alienation as a Form of DV After the Intimate Relationship is Over



Create Your Emergency Toolkit 

for Prevention of Domestic Violence

>>> Mindfulness and Prevention of DV: 

   Where was I when my DV Happened? <<<



and

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NOW YOU CAN GO BACK TO THE TOP OF THIS LIST AND KEEP ON PROGRESSING!!!

Accountability Letter Worksheet

Aftercare Planning for Success.

Turn in and Read Your Accountability Letter to The Group

Exit Interview Worksheet

Finally:  if your Evaluation and all of your Treatment Sessions have not been paid for, you must pay for them before you can be successfully Discharged. 

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You Would Like To Have A Healthy Relationship, Right? Ever Seriously Consider Equality -- In-Depth?

  If you would like to have a healthy relationship, you should probably start from a point of equality -- somehow.  
  Equality may be defined as: “The state or quality of being equal; correspondence in quantity, degree, value, rank, or ability.”   
  When it comes to DV, the concept of Gender Equality may also be pertinent.  Gender Equality may be thought of in terms of: "Equal treatment of women and men in laws and policies, and equal access to resources and services within families, communities and society at large.  
  As well as in terms of Gender Equity," or "Fairness and justice in the distribution of benefits and responsibilities between women and men. Programs and policies that specifically empower women are often needed to achieve this".   

  According to conventional wisdom in Domestic Violence Prevention, healthy relationships should -- at the very least -- exist and/or operate within a context of Equality between partners.
And this sense of Equality is theoretically enabled through the following behaviors and/or attitudes (as highlighted on the Equality Wheel from the Duluth Model): 
  •       Non-threatening Behaviors
  •       Respect
  •       Trust and Support
  •       Honesty and Accountability
  •       Responsible Parenting
  •       Shared Responsibility
  •       Economic Partnership




What NOT TO DO:

  Don't use Power and Control.  When considering these aspects of the Equality Wheel, contrast them with their corresponding aspects of the Power & Control Wheel, such as:

                           Intimidation

Emotional Abuse

Isolation

Minimizing, Denying and Blaming

Using Children

Economic Abuse

Male Privilege

Coercion and Threats



Let's Take A Deeper Look at The Equality Wheel!  

  Think about it: What does Equality Look Like In A Relationship?

    (Do you we this in our relationships?)


 (It's kind of like Doing to Others as you would have them do to You.)

  These attitudes or behaviors can have many different meanings to different people.  For the purpose of this project, we will view them in the following ways: 
  •       Non-threatening Behaviors:  Means talking and acting so that she/he feels safe and comfortable expressing herself and doing things.  Reassuring your partner can be really helpful.
  •       Respect:  Means "Listening to her (or him) non-judgmentally.  Being emotionally affirming and understanding.  Valuing opinions.  Means being open to being wrong. It means accepting people as they are.  It means not dumping on someone because you're having a bad day.  It means being polite and kind always, because being kind to people is not negotiable.  It means not dissing people because they're different to you.  It means not gossiping about people or spreading lies.  This would include "An ability to listen respectfully to the words and ideas of your partner without offering an opinion (good or bad) about what she/he says.  An ability to allow your partner to do what she/he wants with whomever she/he chooses without trying to control it, put a stop to it, or punish for it."
  •       Trust and Support:    Means "Supporting her goals in life.  Respecting her right to her own feelings, friends, activities and opinions."  Trust may also be viewed as "A firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something" (Google Dictionary).  Support is means: "To help maintain your partner by providing her/him with emotional, tangible, and/or instrumental support at times when she/he is willing to accept it.
  •       Honesty and Accountability:   Means  "Accepting responsibility for self.  Acknowledging past use of violence.  Admitting being wrong.  Communicating openly and truthfully."
  •       Responsible Parenting:  Means "Sharing parental responsibilities. Being a positive, nonviolent role model for the children."
  •       Shared Responsibility:   Means "Mutually agreeing on a fair distribution of work. Making family decisions together."
  •       Economic Partnership:    Means "Making money decisions together.  Making sure both partners benefit from financial arrangements."
  •       Negotiation and Fairness:   Means "Seeking mutually satisfying resolutions to conflict. Accepting changes. Being willing to compromise."  Fairness may be defined as: "The state, condition, or quality of being fair, or free from bias or injustice; even handedness.”  Note: A "Fair" solution is not considered complete until both (or all) parties are satisfied. 


>>> But what if I'm not already doing all of these things in my Relationship?  

 >>> But what if my partner (or Ex-) is not already doing all of these things in our Relationship?

>>> So what might be a solution for that?  Might I be strong enough of a partner to go ahead and do these things for my own satisfaction; rather than waiting for my partner to do so first?


   *** Could it be that the best way for me to get my partner to treat me as an Equal; is to Treat her or him as an Equal?  It's that easy, right?  Maby not... but  it can work; if you work it.  One day at time.  If you cannot do it today; then try again tomorrow. It might take some time and effort... and patience and a whole lot of forgiveness... But we can do it!!! Right??? ***


  So What does it look like when a couple is treating each other with the values that are proposed on the Equality Wheel?


and

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Always remember to complete your Session Feedback Form after each Session.  Thank you.  And have a nice day.
      Please click here to complete Dr. B's Session Feedback Form.

And Remember, it is never too early to work on another Treatment Plan.        

         Please note: Several Concepts (above) were described with help from other unnamed sources.

 (c. 2020, William T. Beverly, Ph.D., LCSW, All information on the Blog (Except where otherwise noted); are the intellectual and/or photographic and/or digital property of Dr. William T. Beverly, L.C.S.W., DVOMB Approved Offender Treatment Provider.).





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Balancing Our Empathy for a Partner WITH Our Own Needs -- Particularly During Troubling Times: The Value of Collaboration Through Negotiation and Fairness

Balancing Our Empathy for a Partner as well as Our Awareness of Our Own Needs:  Learning how to Negotiate and Being Fair-Minded About Important Issues During Difficult Times 

What is Empathy: Having some idea about what another person is experiencing, and what they are thinking and feeling, so as to understand why they are saying or doing -- or even NOT saying or doing -- what they are saying or doing.  Without Empathy it probably won't seem fair.

What is Equality: When both people have at least an equal say in the matter.  This requires Respect and Patience among other things.

What is Fairness: When both parties feel that a decision, an arrangement, or an outcome is Fair.

What is Collaboration: When both parties work together to try and make something good happen, and/or to resolve a difference, or to solve a problem together.

What is Negotiation: Trying to come to an agreement about something important to both parties.  Negotiation often required communication, compromise, patience and respect.

  There are lots of words here, like: Empathy, Equality, Fairness, Collaboration, Negotiation, Respect, Patience, Communication and Compromise. 

The Duluth Power and Control Wheel Versus the Equality Wheel Pertains to this Topic in a Big Way:

  Warning: There are several things that we should not do.  And Empathy helps us know what NOT to do.  Empathy is here so that we hopefully will know better than to do things that are harmful or disturbing to anyone else. 

  And empathy helps us maintain a feeling of the pulse of the person or people we are trying to relate to.

So.....

One of the biggest things to NOT do is you want a positive result is Power and Control -- Do not use Power and Control.

   Like Power and Control in the Form of Coercion and Threats:

Making and/or carrying out Threats to do something to hurt your partner

Threatening to leave your partner -- just because you are angry.

Or Threatening to report them to welfare 

Or even threatening to commit suicide

Or Making them drop the charges

Or Making them do illegal things

  Remember... No Manipulation, No Blame, Shame or Guilt.  They simply do not work. 

 

  Or Even using Power and Control in the form of Using Intimidation:

Like making your partner afraid by using looks, actions or gestures  

Smashing things / Breaking Things

Or Displaying Weapons 

Destroying her or his Property -- or Destroying our own Property

Abusing Pets

Displaying Weapons.


And these things above are just a few of the things NOT To Do.


Instead, One Should Do Things That Might Work A Whole Lot Better 

  Such as -- we need to learn to try and communicate as Equals:

   Or think of this way:  We can do better by Using Healthy Communication that includes Empathy, Equality, Respect, Patience, Negotiation and Fairness:

What is Negotiation?  What is Fairness?  How do you know if something is Fair?  Well, if both sides are happy (or at least satisfied) with the outcome.

Like Seeking mutually satisfying resolutions to conflict

This often requires Accepting Change and/or Being Willing to Compromise

Ultimately, the best outcome is quite possibly where both people might give up something in the compromise; yet both people might also feel like winners once the negotiation is over. 

       (Ye old Win-Win Situation -- Wouldn't that be great?) 

Other ideas could be:

> Using Non-Threatening Words and Non-Threatening Behaviors:

Talking and acting so that she or he feels safe and comfortable expressing herself or himself and doing things that she or he feels that she wants to do or needs to do.  

> And ALWAYS Using Respect too:

Listening to her or him non-judgmentally

Being emotionally affirming and understanding

Valuing her or his opinions.

Being patient.

And basically being nice -- even when you don't feel like it. 


Ask Yourself: Have you ever felt like you won an argument with your partner only to realize later that you did not really win at all? 

Perhaps it was because one used Power and Control; rather than Empathy, Equality, Negotiation and Fairness?

This is why it is important to keep you finger on their pulse.  It helps you know how your message is getting across and what to do next. 


> And Healthy Communication -- What is that?:

  Where does Communication Come Into the Picture?  Well, it's all over the place... We need to be able to talk about it and listen to others in order to be able to Negotiate and Collaborate...

  Healthy communication involves a lot of listening, a lot patience, respect, acceptance, understanding, assertiveness and stick-to-it-iv-ness.

  And the secret ingredient to Negotiation.... is Communicating with Empathy in real time...

  Because then you know what they really want.  And you know whether or not your communication or your message is working.  Is it being understood?  This is important.


The Value of Collaboration -- Yet another form of communication -- 

Think about it: If we truly are Partners; Do we really have to be on Opposite Sides?

After all, if we are partners, even if I am thinking that I am finally winning because my partner is disheartened; am I really winning?  NO!!!

What might be an example of Collaboration then?  Perhaps it's when BOTH people are happy, and both people feel like they won.  


Getting things to Balance:

What is True Balance going to be in this Situation? (Are things ever Perfect or truly Equal or truly Equitable)?  Probably not. 

Or could it be that things right now Are good enough at this point to try and move forward together toward more a perfectly balanced relationship?

   If not; then what seems to be Balanced; and what seems to be NOT Balanced in this situation?  Is it fixable -- or not?  Probably.  But it may take patience, respect, communication, acceptance and many other virtues.

 

  So if you remember, Today's lesson was in part about Balancing Our Empathy for a Partner with Our Own Needs -- Particularly During Troubled Times.  Questions to think about:

Is somebody going for Power; rather than Cooperation here?

Am I really trying to fix this for the better?  Or am I just trying to win? 

Either way, Empathy is a great tool?  Because then we know what is going on with our partner.


  Or, think about this:  Am I really doing my best here?  Can I do my best without taking at least one minute or more to Empathize with my partner?


For Example, when two people are splitting up it could look like this:

One Situation:

Am I really getting what I am thinking that I really want here?

Am I fully understanding what I am actually feeling in this situation?

Do I really comprehend what I am needing right now -- or am I just trying to win a fight? 


  So Yes, Humans can be Selfish at times.  And we can be downright stupid or foolish at times too.  But we should consider whether or not these things really serve me (or my partner) in such situations?
  Have I conceptualized and/or decided for myself what I am able and willing to settle for in this situation?  Or am I just rushing into, or out of something.  
  What is it about this situation Can I Control; versus what can I not control?
Is it any wonder that I feel so crazy when we fight? 


 Ask Yourself This: Why wouldn't I want to be nice or at least respectful when I am dealing with my Partner or with my Ex-Partner?  Even if I am angry.  


Have I Considered My Partner's / Or My Ex Partner's Situation:  

(Okay, we are including the Ex-relationship here as well.  Why are we doing that?  Can we include our Ex's among those whom we consider to be people?  Why is this important?  Perhaps we are following that same old destructive pattern again???   

Because even if you are Ex's, you are BOTH still people.  And you might have kids depending on you as well.  (Separate, but still together -- United the wellbeing of your child.)

You both still have thoughts, feelings, needs and desires.  Besides, if you really want to accomplish a constructive goal related to your shared property or your shared kids; you will probably get through it much more easily if you communicate, respect, collaborate and try your best to get it done without hard feelings.)

 

 So if you are in a situation with your partner or your ex-, ask yourself: 

Do I fully understand what my Partner (or Ex) is actually saying or communicating to me right now?

Do I really get what my Partner (or Ex) is indicating that she/he wants?

Do I have some sort of an idea about what my Partner (or Ex) is thinking?

Do I really comprehend what my Partner (or Ex) is needing?

Do I have a clue about what (or how) my Partner (or my Ex) is feeling right now?

Do I even care about how my Partner (or my Ex) is feeling today -- after all that has happened?


So.. If you can answer yes to the above questions, then perhaps you have Empathy? 


  ------------------------------------------------------


 
  One of the best things about Empathy is that is truly can enable the process of Negotiation and Fairness -- which can be a major key to success in a relationship:

Potential Poison Pills for Negotiation and Fairness: 

Unrealistic Expectations.

A lack of Empathy for my Partner (or my Ex).

Inability to Forgive or Let go of a need to beat the other person. 

Trying to Control EVERYTHING going on between us. 

Pride: A failure to Keep my pride in check.

Or just being too darn Defensive. 

On the other hand: 

Things that might really help with Negotiation and Fairness include:

          Having a good sense of Empathy for my partner.

        Having an idea going in of what you really want here.

Having an idea going in of what you really need here.

Having an idea going in of what you are willing to accept.

Having an idea going in of what you are willing to give up.

Having a good sense of your own Strengths.  (As well as your partner's or your Ex's Strengths)

Having a good sense of your own Weaknesses.  (As well as your partner's or your Ex's Weaknesses)

Showing Compassion for your partner -- or your Ex.


Achieving Resolution in light of Empathy for your Partner or your Ex.:


Is there Room for Compromise in this situation?

Are there points that could possibly be negotiated?

Ask Yourself: Does Negotiation and Fairness really have to be different when two people are splitting up; versus when they are together and trying to remain together?

Finally:  Can I muster a sense of winning or at least wellbeing; even in cases where I think I just lost?  Or did I blow it again by letting my pride get in the way...?  And trying to win; instead of trying to collaborate, negotiate, compromise and achieve peace through Empathy.

Bottom Line: Empathy is an essential part of participating successfully in a relationship. 


*** PLEASE CLICK HERE 

To COMPLETE THE Negotiation

and Fairness WORKSHEET! ***


(First posted August 15, 2022); Edited, June 20, 2023.)  (C. 2022, William T. Beverly).

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