Using Our Virtues to Prevent Domestic Violence

   This week we are going to discuss how our Virtues can help prevent Domestic Violence Type Thinking, DV Type Feeling, and DV Type Behaviors.  

   Virtues are that which we do in order to see that our values are realized.  We do Virtues in order to maintain our Values.  This begs the question: What is a Virtuous Person?  A Virtuous Person is a person who tends to think and behave in ways that help maintain his or her personal Value System.

What are Virtues? 

Virtue can also be defined as: 

• “The quality or practice of moral excellence or righteousness.
• A particular moral excellence: the virtue of tolerance” (Dictionary.com)

  Virtues tend to come in sets.  For example: Some "Christian" Virtues include: Prudence (or wisdom), Justice (or fairness), Temperance (meaning restriction or restraint of self), Courage (or fortitude), Faith, Hope, Charity (or Love).   Other virtues might include: Patience, Honor, Accountability, Humility, Curiosity, Cooperation, Respect & Honesty.  

  Other sets of Virtues might be found in various other Religions, as well as in certain cultures, and certain professions, as well as in other grouping categories.

A Deeper Look at Virtues:

"Virtue (Latin: virtus) is moral excellence. A virtue is a trait or quality that is deemed to be morally good and thus is valued as a foundation of principle and good moral being. Personal virtues are characteristics valued as promoting collective and individual greatness. In other words, it is a behavior that shows high moral standards. Doing what is right and avoiding what is wrong. The opposite of virtue is vice, another example of this notion is merit.

The four classic cardinal virtues in Christianity are temperance, prudence, courage (or fortitude), and justice. Christianity derives the three theological virtues of faith, hope and love (charity) from 1 Corinthians 13. Together these make up the seven virtues" (Source).

Hence, the seven Christian Virtues are Temperance, Prudence, Courage, Justice/Fairness, Faith, Hope, and Love (Charity).   Any given set of beliefs quite possibly has its own values and virtues.

 "The development of virtue has a historical association as an alchemical process, wherein the internal virtues that we associate with the mind are integratively understood as the minerals that give us also the healthy biological structure of our bodies and externally the planet as a whole" (Source).

  In other words, if we have Values that believe in Good things; and if we hold true to our Values and we exercise our Values through our Virtues, then our physical beings and even our World might theoretically benefit.  Look at it this way: If I act in a Virtuous way, then it is likely, that I will have less negative stress.  Hence, I might be healthier.  And furthermore, it is possible that a healthier me could somehow encourage or facilitate a healthier Planet.

Virtues and Values

  Keep In Mind: Our Virtues are the Attitudes, Ways of Thinking and our Behaviors that help keep our Values in tact.  In other words, "Values are the guiding principles of our lives. They are essential for positive human behavior and actions in our daily lives. They are formed on the basis of interests, choices, needs, desires and preferences. They have played an important role not only in sociology, but also in psychology, anthropology and other related disciplines." (Source.)  

  Our Values are also possibly influenced by our Religious Beliefs and Experiences, our Education, our Career Paths, and our Social Groups, our Socio-Economic Status, our Teachers, our Mentors, our Cultures, our Subcultures, our Peers, our Friends, our Neighbors, our Minds, and our Families.  (And possibly even influenced by our Enemies, as well).  

  Also, it is worth noting for example, how these concepts meet the road.  One example can be found on this "Families of Character" website, which states that instilling certain Virtues into ourselves and into our children helps enable families to thrive.  You can view their list at this link (Families of Character.com). 

  We are only discussing a few of the many virtues here and/or the numerous groupings of virtues -- as they apply to Domestic Violence; and more so, how they apply to prevention of Domestic Violence.  In other words: Which Virtues could best help prevent Domestic Violence?

Virtues and Domestic Violence Theory: 

  It is widely believed and practiced in Domestic Violence Offender Intervention that the object of Treatment is to help a person learn how to live a lifestyle that is more in-line with the properties on the Equality Wheel; rather than in-line with the properties on the Power and Control Wheel.  

  The Properties on the Equality Wheel -- In Contrast with the Properties of the Power and Control Wheel -- include the following as contrasted with, or followed by its Power and Control Wheel Counterpart: 

• Non-Threatening Behavior; rather than using Intimidation
• Respect; rather than using Emotional Abuse
• Trust & Support; rather than using Isolation, Insecurity and Jealousy
• Honesty & Accountability; rather than using Minimization, Denial and Blame
• Responsible Parenting; rather than Using Children (as weapons against the other)
• Shared Responsibility; rather than using Male (or Female) Privilege
• Economic Partnership; rather than using Economic Abuse
• Negotiation & Fairness; rather than using Coercion and Threats

Think about It: What does each Virtue look like in the Practice of Preventing DV?

  What's say we look at a list of hand-picked Virtues that are perhaps more reflective of Prevention of Domestic Violence Feeling, Thinking and Behavior and try to Imagine ways that each Virtue could help us prevent Domestic Violence - Type Thinking, Feeling or Behavior:

• Prudence (or wisdom)
• Justice (or fairness)
• Temperance (Ability to Stop one's self)
• Courage (or fortitude)
• Faith 
• Hope 
• Charity / Altruism 
• Love of Humanity / Realizing Nobody's Perfect; and Everybody's Perfect
• Patience 
• Honor 
• Accountability
• Humility
• Curiosity / Being willing to Learn and to Change for the Better.
• Cooperation / Teamwork / One for all and all for one.
• Forgiveness / Letting go of resentment / Moving forward.
• Respect (Respect of Other and of Self).
• Creativity / Flexibility / Spontaneity 
• Honesty / Truthfulness
• Resilience
• Compassion
• Industriousness / Hard Work
• Stick-to-it-iveness
• Clear-Mindedness / Clear Thinking / Critical Thinking (Ability to think and recognize my own biases at the same time.  And to make decisions in an objective manner)
• Sobriety

  For a moment now, consider the possibility, that our Virtues may not be very effective if we don't practice them.  

  Not practicing our Virtues, yet claiming we do, might be called --  "Virtue Signaling".

  On the other hand, if we are fully practicing our Virtues, hopefully in time, we will be better able to prioritize them and much better able to use them in the service of maintaining our Values, which in turn could make us better citizens of the Earth.  

  Whereas for each person, the priority of their Virtues can be different.  In other words, a person could be batting 1000 on a certain virtue; while striking out on a number of other Virtues.  In other words, a person could be really good at the Virtue of Stick-to-it-iveness, hence they stick around forever, even when they are not wanted.  Yet they might be poor at the Virtues of Flexibility or Compassion or Humility, which might have enabled them to leave when it was time to leave.

  Consider the possibility of a sense of Homeostasis of Virtues.  "Homeostasis is a healthy state maintained by constant adjustment."  Homeostasis is also about the idea that there is a natural balance to things.  Or basically the idea that sometimes, things seem to be self-healing.  

   Think about it, if one falls drastically short on one Virtue, their use of other virtues might possibly make up for the short-fall.  Or if one goes way too far out on a limb with a certain Virtue that she or he feels is really important; they might eventually find that they have been neglecting other important Virtues in the meantime.  

  Remember: In some cases; Knowing, Understanding, and Appreciating a Virtue; does not necessarily yield as Precious of a result as does Practicing a Virtue.  And it could also be the other way around at times.

  In other words, in some ways, the overall weight of one's Virtues might serve to outweigh the sum of the parts of all of one's Virtues as a Whole.  For example, the WHOLE of a given person's Virtues might impress everyone to the point of being beyond falling short due to lacking in one or some of their other Virtues.  So a person might be a really hard-worker and provider; but lack humility when it comes to admitting his or her faults.  

  Further, it is important to consider the probability that any given Virtue could manifest as a double-edged sword.  And so mishaps are always possible.  In other words, too much of one thing... even a good thing, can be dangerous at times.  

  Meanwhile, the diverse inventory and eventual total mass of a given person's sum of Virtues might well be an accurate indicator of her or his Character.  

  And a person's Character could possibly impact a person's ability to function in a healthy way, non-violently, and with Respect in Relationships.

  Always remember: Never get caught while looking for a reward for being virtuous.  Why?  Because Virtues pay for themselves in the long run.

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Want to Learn More about Virtues and Character Strengths?

  Go here: https://www.viacharacter.org/

(Originally Posted, 12/14/2020).

Sources:  

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virtue

https://www.gktoday.in/gk/human-values-in-ethics/

https://www.familiesofcharacter.com/devblog10809/2018/3/21/what-are-the-40-virtues-full-list

Charatacter Strengths are also important.