And this sense of Equality is theoretically enabled through the following behaviors and/or attitudes (as highlighted on the Equality Wheel from the Duluth Model):
- Non-threatening Behaviors
- Respect
- Trust and Support
- Honesty and Accountability
- Responsible Parenting
- Shared Responsibility
- Economic Partnership
- Negotiation and Fairness (see Duluth Equality Wheel)
Emotional Abuse
Isolation
Minimizing, Denying and Blaming
Using Children
Economic Abuse
Male Privilege
Coercion and Threats
- Non-threatening Behaviors: Means talking and acting so that she/he feels safe and comfortable expressing herself and doing things. Reassuring your partner can be really helpful.
- Respect: Means "Listening to her (or him) non-judgmentally. Being emotionally affirming and understanding. Valuing opinions. Means being open to being wrong. It means accepting people as they are. It means not dumping on someone because you're having a bad day. It means being polite and kind always, because being kind to people is not negotiable. It means not dissing people because they're different to you. It means not gossiping about people or spreading lies. This would include "An ability to listen respectfully to the words and ideas of your partner without offering an opinion (good or bad) about what she/he says. An ability to allow your partner to do what she/he wants with whomever she/he chooses without trying to control it, put a stop to it, or punish for it."
- Trust and Support: Means "Supporting her goals in life. Respecting her right to her own feelings, friends, activities and opinions." Trust may also be viewed as "A firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something" (Google Dictionary). Support is means: "To help maintain your partner by providing her/him with emotional, tangible, and/or instrumental support at times when she/he is willing to accept it.
- Honesty and Accountability: Means "Accepting responsibility for self. Acknowledging past use of violence. Admitting being wrong. Communicating openly and truthfully."
- Responsible Parenting: Means "Sharing parental responsibilities. Being a positive, nonviolent role model for the children."
- Shared Responsibility: Means "Mutually agreeing on a fair distribution of work. Making family decisions together."
- Economic Partnership: Means "Making money decisions together. Making sure both partners benefit from financial arrangements."
- Negotiation and Fairness: Means "Seeking mutually satisfying resolutions to conflict. Accepting changes. Being willing to compromise." Fairness may be defined as: "The state, condition, or quality of being fair, or free from bias or injustice; even handedness.” Note: A "Fair" solution is not considered complete until both (or all) parties are satisfied.
>>> But what if I'm not already doing all of these things in my Relationship?
>>> But what if my partner (or Ex-) is not already doing all of these things in our Relationship?
>>> So what might be a solution for that? Might I be strong enough of a partner to go ahead and do these things for my own satisfaction; rather than waiting for my partner to do so first?
*** Could it be that the best way for me to get my partner to treat me as an Equal; is to Treat her or him as an Equal? It's that easy, right? Maby not... but it can work; if you work it. One day at time. If you cannot do it today; then try again tomorrow. It might take some time and effort... and patience and a whole lot of forgiveness... But we can do it!!! Right??? ***
So What does it look like when a couple is treating each other with the values that are proposed on the Equality Wheel?
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