- "The imparting or exchanging of information or news."
Some of the primary issues linking Communications to DV include the fact that Listening and Paying Attention are some of the most important parts of Communication. And DV quite frequently occurs when one or both partners are not listening very well; or are not paying attention; or when one or both parties are sending the wrong signals to each other -- as in miscommunication.
Another important part of Communication that seems to often be missing in DV Situations is Patience. In order to maintain healthy relationships; it is often important to ask for, or to give clarification of a message. Some people lack the patience to ask for or to give clarification. This can lead to misunderstandings.
Question: I wonder how many DV Situations happen due to misunderstandings or miscommunications.
Freedom of Speech & Responsible Communications: Communication can be unbelievably important. Think about this: A long time ago, the people who formed the United States of America knew that in order for the U.S.A. and the American People to succeed as a Free Country, everyone needed to be free to think what they wanted to think, to believe what they want believe, and to Communicate what they wanted Communicate -- even if it is unpopular, immoral or incorrect.
Hence the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution reads: "Congress shall make no law respecting establishment of religion or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."
Among other things, the above-stated Amendment, grants everyone in the U.S.A., Freedom of Speech. So remember, you have the Right to say anything that you want to say.
At the same time, you might want to think first. Why? Because you are responsible for what ever you say. Hence, one asks one's self: What is Acceptable Communication? Just because I have a Right to say something nasty or offensive, does not mean that it would be smart or helpful or effective for me to do so.
Please see attached Link to Example of Freedom of Speech.
Effective Communication is the ability to communicate what you need and/or wish to communicate in the way that you mean to communicate it; and to be able to achieve the results that you need or desire.
When considering a communication to someone, the question for one to ask and answer for one's self might be: "If I communicate this message this way, to this person or to these people, in that place, at this time, will it yield a positive or a negative difference in my life or anyone else's life? or will it yield any difference at all in my life? And also, will it yield any difference in the lives of others?
First and foremost, it is important to almost any type of Communication to be willing and able to Listen or to try your best to comprehend the communication that is being sent to you. And it is important to monitor reactions to your communications.
Always remember: Listening and Paying Attention can be the most important part of Communication. It's not always what one says that matters; sometimes it is what you hear and how you hear it and/or what you think it means. In other words, two different people can listen to the same message and come away with multiple meanings.
Different Ways to Communicate Include: Verbal, Non-Verbal (Facial Expressions), Oral (but non-verbal), Hand Signals, Social Media, GIFs, Dance Steps, Text Messaging, Face-to-Face, Written (Letter / Memo, Note), Singing, Chanting, Sign-Language, Icons, Other Messaging, Email, Faxing, Smoke Signals or Bon-Fires along the Coast or on Mountain Tops, Light-Houses, Drawing Pictures, Gestures, non-verbal (but oral) Sounds, Tea-Leaves, Tones-, Vibrations-, or Relative-Volume of Sounds, Switching of Tones, Eye-to-Eye (only) Communication, Flag Signals, Banners, Trophies, Street Signs, Sale Signs, Statues, Codes, Tapping, A Series of Touches, and probably many others.
What are some of the ways that you feel most comfortable with when you communicate?
Meta-Messages / Vibes / The Spirit of the Message:
What is Meta-Data -- What are Meta-Messages? "Metadata is "data that provides information about other data". In other words, it is "data about data." Many distinct types of metadata exist, including descriptive metadata, structural metadata, administrative metadata, reference metadata and statistical metadata. Wikipedia" Meta-Messages about Messages about a Message?
Another important part of Communication is It is also important to keep in mind, Meta-Messages / Vibes / or The Spirit of a Message -- like putting together the person's words, the sounds, with their expression, with their posture, with their affect (emotional expression), with their behavior, with the situation, with any known history about them, with any awareness about your own history, and with the history that they and you share, and with your own baggage, with what it means to you, and with everyone's take on it
For example, what does the picture above communicate to you?
Communication includes the words or meanings that we are trying to convey. But it also includes how we convey it on different levels: Including our perceived attitude, our posture, our perceived intent, our expressions (facial or otherwise), our dialect, our command of the language, our style of a given language etc.. etc... and one should always probably wonder: Am I being perceived as Aggressive, Assertive or Passive (or a combination)?
Important Terms to Define and Differentiate: The following Terms, Words or Phrases are often helpful when one is trying to learn how to Prevent Domestic Violence Behavior. Can you Differentiate the following terms from each other?
- Communication
- Perception
- Listening
- Interpreting
- Argument
- Debating
- Inference
- Agreeing
- Assumptions
- Silent Support
- Truth
- Commitment
- Opinions
- Imply
- Fighting
- Facts
- Aggressive
- Assertive
- Passive
- Patience
- Ignoring
(Originally published 6/29/2020)
(c. 2020, William T. Beverly, Ph.D., LCSW, All information on the Blog (Except where otherwise noted); are the intellectual and/or photographic and/or digital property of Dr. William T. Beverly, L.C.S.W., DVOMB Approved Offender Treatment Provider.).
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