The Consumer’s Domestic Violence Treatment Plan Review Proposal

 The Consumer’s Domestic Violence Treatment Plan Review Proposal

   As a Domestic Violence Treatment Participant, you are being asked to respond to the following prompts: 

You will be asked to answer all three of the items under Questions A, B and C (below) to the best of your ability.  

And you will be asked to write or print legibly. 

The questions are as follows: 

A. Up until now during my Domestic Violence Treatment Sessions, I have been working on the following 3 changes that I have been making in whole or in part that can help me prevent Domestic Violence from happening in my life:  

1.

2.

3.

B. At this point in my Domestic Violence Treatment, in order to prevent Domestic Violence from happening again in my future, I need to be working on these new changes that I can make, that could help me, as well as some of the older changes from the above list.  This combination of changes includes:

1.

2.

3.

C. For now and in the near future, these are positive changes that I plan to make in the future in my life and in Treatment that will help me to prevent Domestic Violence from ever again happening in my life:

1.

2.

3.

BELOW ARE SOME SUGGESTIONS, HINTS or IDEAS about How to Answer the Questions Above.  These include lists of Potential Risk Factors for DV, Risk Factors for DV Re-Offense, and Criminogenic Needs.  All three of these lists contain personal characteristics, thinking styles, attitudes, behavioral histories, and other circumstances that have been shown by Research to contribute to Domestic Violence type Thinking and Behavior.  Please follow each of these links and read each one very carefully as it could safe you a whole lot of trouble in the future.

  For a list of Ideas, it is suggested that you look at the various lists of Risk Factors and Possible Solutions below at the Following Links:

*** #1 Click Here to Study RISK FACTORS for DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.***

*** #2 Click Here to Study RISK FACTORS for DV Re-Offense.***

*** #3 Click Here to Study CRIMINOGENIC NEEDS for DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.***

*** #4 Click Here to Study WAYS TO POSSIBLY PREVENT DV-Related 

THINKING FEELINGS and BEHAVIORS FROM HAPPENING.***

*** #5 Click Here to Study USING OUR VIRTUES to 

      HELP PREVENT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.***

  +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

NOW: Complete Your Session Feedback Forms Here

          -- Always look for the American Flag!

Always remember to complete your Session Feedback Form after each Session.  Thank you.  And have a nice day.
      Please click here to complete Dr. B's Session Feedback Form.

And Remember, it is never too early to work on another Treatment Plan -- especially if you have not completed on in the past 10 weeks.        

* Please Click Here to Work on Another Treatment Plan. *

(c. 2021-2024, All information on the Blog (Except where otherwise noted); are the intellectual and/or photographic and/or digital property of Dr. William T. Beverly, L.C.S.W., DVOMB Approved Offender Treatment Provider.)

What are My Criminogenic Needs???

 What are your Criminogenic Needs?  Do any of the items on this list seem to relate to you:  (If I have one of these, these are things to work on in my Treatment Plan.)

“Criminogenic Needs are factors in a [justice-involved individual's] life that are directly related to recidivism. 

Research has identified six factors that are directly related to crime: low self-control, anti-social personality, anti-social values, criminal peers, substance abuse and dysfunctional family” (Source).

• Criminal History; History of Low Self Control:
• Education (truancy, Low IQ, Learning Disorders, Suspensions/Expulsions) – Poor Grades.  Dropped out.
• Employment Issues: Typically does not have a job.
• Financial Issues / Irresponsibility:
• Dysfunctional Family / Marital: Family of Origin History.
• Accommodation: Are you lacking a place to live?  (For an Alternative View: Do you tend to just go along with the crowd no matter what they do?)
• Leisure /Recreation: Not enough vacation time or rest time. 
• Anti-Social Companions:
• Alcohol / Drug Problems:
• Emotional / Personal / Psychological Challenges:
• Anti-Social Attitude / Orientation:
• Anti-Social Personality Pattern:

  +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

NOW: Complete Your Session Feedback Forms Here

          -- Always look for the American Flag!

Always remember to complete your Session Feedback Form after each Session.  Thank you.  And have a nice day.
      Please click here to complete Dr. B's Session Feedback Form.

And Remember, it is never too early to work on another Treatment Plan -- especially if you have not completed on in the past 10 weeks.        

* Please Click Here to Work on Another Treatment Plan. *

(c. 2021-2024, All information on the Blog (Except where otherwise noted); are the intellectual and/or photographic and/or digital property of Dr. William T. Beverly, L.C.S.W., DVOMB Approved Offender Treatment Provider.)

Ways to Possibly Prevent Domestic Violence-related Thinking, Feelings and Behaviors

  Are you tired to Domestic Violence Treatment Yet?  Are you tired of losing otherwise promising relationships?  Are you tired to going to Court, Probation, and paying, fees, fines and paying for Domestic Violence - related Treatment?

  If so, Please see the below list for some ideas about Ways to Prevent Domestic Violence-related Thinking, Feelings and Behaviors.

  In case you have not yet realized it, this is up to you -- 100% -- This is on you.  Nobody else can do this for you.

  So get to it!!!  What are you waiting for???

Think about it!  What are some Ways to Make it STOP?  

What are some ways to Prevent Domestic Violence in our Futures?

Think about it some more!  

Well, Some Suggestions for getting domestic Violence Thinking, Feeling and Behaviors to STOP, might Include:

• Learning how to Take Our time in Starting Up Relationships.

• Learning how to Recognize when a Situation is Escalating in a negative way. 

• Learning about Our Own Strengths and Weaknesses; rather than focusing on the other person's Strengths and Weaknesses.

• Learning about the Rights that we have; versus the Rights that the other person has.

• Learning how to Recognize Our Triggers for Domestic Violence.

• Learning how to identify my DV Cues (the sensations within me that tell me that Imay be about to do DV or something worse).

• Learning when and how to Take Time Outs.

• Learning how to Build our own Confidence enough to where we make sound judgements in difficult situations -- and even judgements about what is best for us as Individuals; rather than always deciding what we think is best for us as a Couple.

• Learning how to Recognize, Respect and Set Healthy Boundaries.

• Learning how to Assess a relationship with a potential Costs / Benefit Analysis.

• Learning how to Communicate for Healthy Relationships -- during a Crisis.

• Learning how to use Stop, Breathe and Focus.

• Learning how to make an Effective Safety Plan for DV Prevention.

• Learning how to recognize when a Relationship is Dangerously Out of Control.

• Learning how to make an Emergency Toolkit for Prevention of DV.

• Learning how to either Stay Sober or how to Get Help for Staying Sober.

• Learning how to Stop trying to Control our Partners; and focus on simply Trying To Control Ourselves.

• Learning how to use our Healthy Support Systems in order to get away from the Danger of either being Victim of DV or becoming a Perpetrator of DV.

• Learning how to Manage Our Own Emotions; instead of Trying to Manage the other person's Emotions.

• Learning how to do Grounding Exercises.

• Learning how to Recognize Deep-Seated or Mental Health Problems and Get Help.

• Learning how to Stop the Cycle of Violence once it has started.

• Learning how to Identify Our Patterns that lead to DV -- including patterns that lead up to becoming Victims of DV; or becoming Perpetrators of DV.

• Learning how to Problem-Solve and how to Think More Clearly without Cognitive Distortions that tend to get us into Trouble.

• Learning how to Recognize Our Anger, and how to Manage Our Anger.

• Learning how to Respect Ourselves and Learning how to Respect Our Partners too.

• Learning when and how to Walk Away in a Peaceful and Respectful Manner.

• Learning about how to Love Ourselves more thoroughly before we again try to Love someone else.

  +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

NOW: Complete Your Session Feedback Forms Here

          -- Always look for the American Flag!

Always remember to complete your Session Feedback Form after each Session.  Thank you.  And have a nice day.
      Please click here to complete Dr. B's Session Feedback Form.

And Remember, it is never too early to work on another Treatment Plan -- especially if you have not completed on in the past 10 weeks.        

* Please Click Here to Work on Another Treatment Plan. *

(c. 2021-2024, All information on the Blog (Except where otherwise noted); are the intellectual and/or photographic and/or digital property of Dr. William T. Beverly, L.C.S.W., DVOMB Approved Offender Treatment Provider.)

Learning How To Be By Myself

*** THIS IS A DRAFT POST *** PLEASE DO NOT COPY OR DISTRIBUTE ***

Learning how to be by myself is an essential part of being happy in life.

Even if I have always had people around me, there is still that possibility that one day -- even if it is only for a moment -- I will find myself alone again.  All by myself.  

And I could look at that like a victim and with tremendous sadness.  Or I could look at it as one more paving stone heading back to my garden -- a garden where everything that is growing is a part of me.

Sometimes -- many of us -- do even better by ourselves.  

Some say -- the best thing about being in-between relationships is that we have the opportunity to get to know ourselves again.  

I had to be alone in order to finally hear my own voice again.

I had to spend some time by myself in order to feel myself again. 

Sometimes, we have to think for ourselves -- alone -- JUST for ourselves -- before we can really get our head and our heart back into line.

I have to figure out: "What do I really want?"  

DV AND BEING ALONE:

BY THE WAY -- When it comes to DV -- Many of us are MUCH MUCH Better being able to readily adjust to being on our own.  Why?

  Because some of us are in abusive relationships and we will do better mentally, physically, socially, spiritually and possibly even financially if we are no longer subjected to that abuse.

  "“The most dangerous time for a victim is after she leaves her abuser. Leaving an abusive relationship isn't a matter of courage, but it's a matter of not wanting to die.  According to the Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness, 75 percent of homicides related to domestic violence occur after separation.”" (Source.)

  “"Research has shown the risk of domestic homicide becomes highest during the period of separation," said Betty Jo Barrett, an intimate-partner violence researcher and an associate professor in the women's and gender studies program at the University of Windsor.

  "And the intensity of domestic violence escalates when the abused person decides to leave the relationship."

  Many researchers believe it's about power and control, she added.

  When a woman finally says she's leaving the relationship, Barrett explained, abusers may try to escalate their power and control tactics to force the woman to stay.”” (Source.)

THE BENEFITS OF LEARNING TO BE ALONE:

  Learning to be alone has many benefits.

  For example, according to Very Well Mind: "“Spending time alone gives you time to focus on your interests. It's an important part of self-development and allows you to get to know yourself. When you are surrounded by others, you might set your own ideas and passions aside to appease the wants and needs of friends and family.”  “Taking time on your own gives you the opportunity to make creative choices and focus your attention without worrying about what other people are thinking.”  (Source.)

  Very Well mind goes on to say that being alone can help one:

  Boost their creativity

  Develop more Empathy

  Improve Relationships

  

  Very Well Mind even goes far as to suggest that if one is trying to learn how to be alone, the following can be helpful:

  Make a Plan.

  Eliminate Distractions.

  Learn to Value Solitude.  (Source.)

  +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

NOW: Complete Your Session Feedback Forms Here

          -- Always look for the American Flag!

Always remember to complete your Session Feedback Form after each Session.  Thank you.  And have a nice day.
      Please click here to complete Dr. B's Session Feedback Form.

And Remember, it is never too early to work on another Treatment Plan -- especially if you have not completed on in the past 10 weeks.        

* Please Click Here to Work on Another Treatment Plan. *

(c. 2021-2024, All information on the Blog (Except where otherwise noted); are the intellectual and/or photographic and/or digital property of Dr. William T. Beverly, L.C.S.W., DVOMB Approved Offender Treatment Provider.)

Accepting the Repercussions and/or our Consequences for DV-related Thinking and Behavior

THIS IS A DRAFT -- PLEASE DO NOT DUPLICATE OR COPY

Recognizing and Accepting the Repercussions and/or our Consequences for things that we have to do, or may experience due to our DV-Type Thinking and / or our DV-Type Behavior.

According to The DVOMB Core Competencies: 

H. Acceptance --

  Behavior has / should have consequences  

1. Identify the consequences of our thinking 
2. Identify the consequences of our behavior, and
3. Recognize that abusive behavior is or was a choice, it is or was intentional & and it is or was goal oriented

Consequences:  

  Consequences can be good or bad.  

  Our Thinking can bring consequences.  

  And Our behaviors can bring consequences.

 Are basically things that happen (we think) in relation to what we think, or what we don't think.

 Are basically things that happen (we think) in relation to how we think, or how we don't think.

 Are basically things that happen (we think) in relation to what we do, or what we don't do.

For example: 

If I do all my homework, I might get a good Grade.

If I do not do all my homework, I might not get a good Grade.

Some view Consequences as a Form of Punishment.

Others view Consequences as an opportunity to make changes that will help you.

Consequences can also be viewed as a deterrent... to keep you from doing things that you should not do.

One of the challenges with DV -related consequences these days is that many persons with DV Offenses, had no idea at the time that they could end up with the consequences that they got for their DV Offense.

Consequences for Men and Women are not always equal (albeit they they might be equitable).

For example, a 16 year old an d10 year old are hangin out on a Fridy ngiht.  

They start drinking,, adn throwing rocks at cars.

The connsequences may be very different, but still equitable.

BACK TO THE COMPETENCY:

The DVOMB Suggests the following:

We must accept that behavior has / should have consequences

We must Identify the consequences of our thinking,

We must Identify the consequences of our behavior, 

Recognize that our behavior was abusive (It was a form of abuse, no doubt: Physical, Emotional, Psychological, Economic, Social, Digital, Sexual, Using Children, Spiritual, Isolation / Jealousy and Control, Intimidation, Coercion and Threats).

Recognize that our abusive behavior is or was a choice,

Recognize that our abusive behavior is or was intentional,

Recognize that our Abusive behavior is or was goal oriented.  

*** UPCOMING TRINIDAD & WALSENBURG SURVIVOR EMPATHY PANEL *** IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT for ALL TRINIDAD & WALSENBURG DV Treatment Participants !!!

 *** UPCOMING Trinidad & Walsenburg SURVIVOR EMPATHY PANEL for ALL Walsenburg & Trinidad DV Treatment Participants !!!

*** Important Information REQUIRED for ALL Walsenburg & Trinidad DV Tx Participants *** 

(For Wednesday, July 24th, 2024 and 5:30p.m. -- Save the DATE!!!)

DV SURVIVOR EMPATHY PANEL REFERRAL 

  IMPORTANT INFORMATION FOR ATTENDEES 

Schedule available online at Intervention - SAVE (int-cjs.org) or call 303-902-8344. 

• Probation/Parole/Diversion Department referred clients will receive verification of attendance.  

• The fee is $50.00 payable upon entrance to the panel. MONEY ORDER ONLY! 

• Photo ID and your probation officer’s business card are required to attend.  

• Case Number:     

    Probation/Parole/Diversion Officer:      

• Space is limited due to fire codes, and it is a first come first served policy. 

• There is absolutely no late admittance.  

    Registration begins at 5:30pm and the panel starts at 6:00pm.  

    Program is approximately 60-90 minutes long. 

• Alcohol or illegal drug use is prohibited.  If use or possession is suspected you will not be allowed to attend, and your probation/parole/diversion officer will be notified. 

• No children or guests of attendees are allowed.  No tobacco use is allowed.  

• Attendees must sign a confidentiality agreement.  No recording is allowed. 

• Security may be present during the program.  Any disruptions will result in immediate expulsion and your probation/parole/diversion officer/treatment provider will be notified. 

• There is a fee of $25.00 for a replacement attendance verification form. 

• Please bring this form with you to the panel. 

• PANEL DATE and LOCATION: 

  Wednesday, July 24th at 5:30 

TRINIDAD COMMUNITY CENTER CONFERENCE ROOM

1309 BESHOAR AVENUE, Trinidad, CO 81082, Colorado

Exploring Our Motivations For Violence

* THIS IS A DRAFT.  PLEASE DO NOT PRINT, COPY OR DISTRIBUTE WITHPUT PERMISSION. *

Violence comes in many forms: Physical, Verbal, Psychological, Emotional, Biological, Digital, Economic, Social, Emotional, Psychological, Indirect or Direct.

What Motivates a Person to act Violently: 

  Triggers, Fear, Anger, Pride, Ego, Our Surroundings or Circumstances, Jealousy, Envy, Bad Manners, Gangs, Revenge, To Build Confidence, and even Curiosity, Paranoia, Intoxication, To Further one's cause, Intimidation (Using violence to intimidate), Arguing in bad faith, or shutting the Internet Off / aka/ When one one's communication ability is cut off.

Two of the DVOMB's Core Competencies Related to This are:

F. Reduce patterns of control and power behaviors, beliefs and attitudes of entitlement

1. Recognize core beliefs

2. Identify specific forms of abuse and control

3. Demonstrate equality and respect in personal relationships

What are My Core Beliefs:

"“Core beliefs are the underlying ideas we hold about ourselves, others and the world. These ideas develop during childhood as you begin to use your relationships with caregivers and your own experience to interpret the world around you. From this learning and interpretation, you develop specific thoughts and rules that allow you to get your needs met.

 While in many cases these beliefs can be helpful, there are times when they can cause negative emotions. For example, it is has been suggested that those individuals who experience  symptoms of depression are more likely to have core beliefs that tell them that they are helpless and/or unlovable (McQuaid & Carmona, 2004). Those with anxiety are more likely to have beliefs that suggest that the world is an unsafe place. If you find that you are suffering from symptoms of depression and/or anxiety then it can be very helpful to examine what your core beliefs may be.

Identifying Core Beliefs

The first step in identifying problematic core beliefs is to first learn to identify those thoughts that are bouncing around in your head every day. We refer to these thoughts as automatic thoughts because they simply arise and pop into our heads without conscious thought.  (Source, Rowan Center).”"

So What are my Automatic Thoughts -- given a certain situation: 

  You get dropped off all the sudden in "Boys Town" .. out side of Nuevo Progresso, Tamaulipas, Mexico.. 

    What's you first thought / Automatic Thought: 

        Fearful, Not to get out of hand, Keep Calm... be respectful and have fun....  

  What are your automatic thoughts if you are at home on a Saturday night... and your wife is not home yet.. she said she was going out with friends.. and it's 3 a.m. at this point:

  What are your automatic thoughts:

       She's hiding something....   She's with someone else.. Going out and seeing somebody.. 

       Why do we automatically think this....???

   = = = = = = = =  = ********************** = = = = = = = = = = 

This week, we are looking at a different Competency: 

K. Understanding, identifying and managing our own pattern of violence

1. Acknowledge past/present violent/controlling/abusive behavior

2. Exploring our Motivation(s) for Violence

3. Understanding learned violence/explain to others

4. Stops violence before it happens (Preventing Violence).

  Just on the face of it, many might agree that Violence is often inspired by any of the following:

• Fear
• Upsetness / When someone is feeling down -- enough to hurt self or others or an object
• Stress
• Obsession
• Betrayal
• Disappointment
• Abandonment
• PTSD
• Shock
• Drugs / Intoxication
• Mental Health
• An act of any Congress
• Codependency
• Bad Relationships -- "You can take violence from your home out into the streets..."
• A sense of entitlement

Understanding LEARNED VIOLENCE:

  Where do we learn Violence:

• From Home / Violent Homes / Past Trauma / Foster Care / Group Homes / Gangs / TV / Movies / Music Lyrics / Pop Culture / Video Games / Police Officers / The News (War), Social Medical, The Bible, Some Religions

Alpha Dog... -- 

  To me, the most important parts of the above are what I would call the Roots of our Violence.  When I think about the Roots, I think about words such as:

Our Values, How we believe and Morals

Entitlement

Core Beliefs

Motivations for Violence (Are a Trigger and a Motivation the same?)

Understanding learned violence (Learned by observation, experience, and/or being subjected to it).

Preventing Violence

A deeper... Look: What is Abuse in the context of family relationships... ?

  We expect our kids to love us, want to be around us, to be loyal to the family, to respect us and to obey us..

  But what if they don't do some of that?  (This could cause lots of problems).

How do you "Put them in Check"?   (Punishment vs. Induction).   Induction / Alpha Dog... 

 Whereas other parents help change their child's ways with love.

  Therefore have a choice don't they???  Unfortunately some parents choose to abuse...

   

So what Motivates Violence....???  

  Motivators of Violence:  Fear, Anxiety, Ignorance, Stress, Frustration, Disappointment, Shock, Hate, Tragedy, Depression, Intoxication, Fear of Loss, Jealousy/Insecurity, Feeling unsafe, Being accused, Panic.

What are My Core Beliefs:  

  My Philosophy of Life -- While some people believe in Helping People, others believe in Teaching People, Still others believe in Controlling people, Some people even believe in ignoring people.   Each person gets to choose.  

   -- What I believe why I believe it... what's right and what's wrong... 

  My Morals -- What we believe is right and wrong..  Like about being a partner.. What should a partner be? (Loving, caring, understanding, appreciating, accepting, trustworthy, honest, loyal, self-sufficient, independent, very communicative

  My Values -- What do we value --- Hopefully our values support our morals and lead to our sense of morality.  I value happiness, honesty, having a lot of love in a relationship, trust, faithfulness, gratefulness, appreciation, humble, forgiving, 

  My Theory of behavior Management.  Induction...  Doing so without anger, yelling, hatefulness, stubbornness, no attitude, be sincere.

    +++++++++++++++

-------------------------------

But how do we get motivated To Do Violence?  

  We get set off, things accumulate over time, suppressing negative feelings, ...

  Some people just like doing violence.  Irritability.  

How do we get motivated to prevent violence?

  Mindfulness, consideration, understanding how to stop it, understanding the consequences of violence.  

  Realizing that if I don't change... I might lose important things and people...

  Being open to he possibilities.  

  Getting help when you need it.

  Having Faith can help.  Having Hope..

*** UPCOMING SAN LUIS VALLEY EMPATHY PANEL *** IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT for ALL ALAMOSA & MONTE VISTA DV Treatment Participants !!!

*** IMPORTANT Information REQUIRED for 

ALL ALAMOSA & MONTE Vista DV Tx Participants *** 

(For Wednesday, August 14th -- Save the DATE!!!)

DV SURVIVOR EMPATHY PANEL REFERRAL 

   IMPORTANT INFORMATION FOR ATTENDEES 

Schedule available online at Intervention - SAVE (int-cjs.org) or call 303-902-8344. 

• Probation/Parole/Diversion Department referred clients will receive verification of attendance.  

• The fee is $50.00 payable upon entrance to the panel. MONEY ORDER ONLY! 

• Photo ID and your probation officer’s business card are required to attend.  

• Case Number:     

    Probation/Parole/Diversion Officer:      

• Space is limited due to fire codes, and it is a first come first served policy. 

• There is absolutely no late admittance.  

    Registration begins at 5:30pm and the panel starts at 6:00pm.  

    Program is approximately 60-90 minutes long. 

• Alcohol or illegal drug use is prohibited.  If use or possession is suspected you will not be allowed to attend, and your probation/parole/diversion officer will be notified. 

• No children or guests of attendees are allowed.  No tobacco use is allowed.  

• Attendees must sign a confidentiality agreement.  No recording is allowed. 

• Security may be present during the program.  Any disruptions will result in immediate expulsion and your probation/parole/diversion officer/treatment provider will be notified. 

• There is a fee of $25.00 for a replacement attendance verification form. 

• Please bring this form with you to the panel. 

• PANEL DATE and LOCATION: 

  Wednesday August 14, 2024 

  San Luis Valley Behavioral  Health Group 

  8745 County Road South Alamosa, Colorado

Reducing My Patterns of Control and Power Behaviors, Beliefs and Attitudes of Entitlement

Under Core Competency Item "F", it talks about Reducing My Patterns of Control and Power Behaviors: What does a Pattern of Control-Type Behaviors look like?  

  When people get into trouble for DV, it is very common to find that there was a pattern of Power and Control in place for one of both partners.  

  A lot of times, the people involved cannot see the pattern.  They focus on one or two elements and fail to take in the patterns throughout whole system.

What do Patterns look like?

  Perhaps it looks like a young woman trying to get her boyfriend to stop using addictive drugs.  (She has good and pure intentions), but it sometimes seems as though it might be impossible for her to accomplish such a task.  Still she tries this and tries that -- just like she did with herEx.

  Or Perhaps it looks like a guy telling his girlfriend to quit her job because he's jealous of some guy that works where she works.  Sometimes we can cannot see the big picture; or truly comprehend what we are looking at because we cannot see the whole forest due to the patterns in the trees.

  At times, we cannot see clearly because we are hyper-focused on that one thing that we are trying to control.  Sometimes we believe something because we are only looking at one part of it; rather than studying the whole thing before coming to a conclusion.

  What do Beliefs and / or behaviors that lead to Control-Type Behaviors look like?   

  -- Narcissistism

  -- Gaslighting

  -- Toxicity

  -- A misplaced need to Take Control over situations.  (Like thinking you are always supposed to be in charge.)

  -- Psychotic Delusional Beliefs with Sociopathic Thinking and Behaviors.

 Another task here is Reducing my Beliefs and Attitudes of Entitlement that contribute to my Patterns of Control and Power.  The assumption is that when I want to use power and control over something, I am entitled to do so.

  Am I really entitled to do so in all of these situations... ?  I if was, I might not have gotten arrested.

  And What do Attitudes of Entitlement look like?

  -- Conceit

  -- Privilege

  -- Rudeness

  -- Opinionated

  -- Greed.

  -- Over-Confident

In the process of better understanding our feelings of entitlement:

 We will be Recognizing our core beliefs that lead us into trouble in Relationships (Note: These core beliefs are not necessarily valid though they have been very popular at times).

Core Beliefs such as:

Some people believe in Male Superiority (Might makes Right);  Some actually believe that they have the Right to Control one's Partner, such as who they talk to; who their Friends are; Where they go and when and with whom they go.

Some people believe in Female Inferiority -- Whereas, the woman has to be led around like billi-goat by the man.  And the Man makes all the big decisions.  Further, the Man decides what is a big decision.

                  

 We will be Identifying specific forms or methods of control and power such as:

            Physical dominance.

            Exercising Entitlement

  Male Privilege.

            Economic Oppression.

  Ongoing impoverishment of women.

                 

 and We will be Demonstrating equality and respect in personal relationships.  What does that look like  in practice?  

 Joint Problem-Solving (Both saying what happens with the money.  And/or both working.

 Consensus- Building Agreement rather than Competing to be the Right one.

 Supporting and Valuing of Differences.

           Having Good, Healthy, Clear Communication that makes a positive difference even in negative situations. 

 

Patterns:

What does a Pattern of Control Behaviors look like? 

Perhaps it looks like a continuous thought-driven behavior process that is aimed at exerting control. 

What does a Pattern of Power Behaviors look like? 

A series of behaviors aimed at maintaining a sense of Power.

                    Can we make Progress in Life and Love without trying to Dominate people around us?

For example: Can a young man and a young woman successfully grow their healthy relationship, when one is trying to tell her who she can have as Friends on Facebook.

Unfortunately, Power often destroys more than it enables.

What is a Pattern?

Patterns happen in a step-by-step sequence of events that may or may or may not be repetitive.

Patterns tend to start somewhere and end somewhere and often repeat over and over again. 

Patterns often have a purpose, a goal or a series of steps, and objectives and can lead to a projected outcome.

 

A Pattern might look like this: 

At first I was happy to be with someone.

          Then I started becoming afraid that I was gonna lose her.  And I started tripping on her. 

And now, for some odd reason, I believe that I am entitled to control who may partner talks to, shares time with, makes Friends with across Social Media, who she eats with, who she sleeps with, and even who she dreams about at night.

Would this sort of Pattern lead a Relationship down a Healthy Path? 

Another way of looking at Patterns in Relationships -- From start to finish -- a Pattern of Control and Power Behaviors, Beliefs and Attitudes of Entitlement.  In other words, What are the steps that typically happen when I am using Power and Control Behaviors in my relationship?  Here is an example.  See if you can relate to this (although at times, at times it might seem rediculous)?

  This Might be Called "A Pattern of Delusion."

Step 1 might be:  I Wake up in a bad mood.

Step 2 might be:  I am Thinking about something she or he said about a dream they had last night.

Step 3 might be:  And Now I'm in bad mood.  I Was up half the night at the STRIP CLUB.

Step 4 might be:  I feel guilty so I Upped the ante...

Step 5 might be:  I decide to break up with her because she won't tell me who she dreamt about last night...

Step 6 might be:  She says, "OK.... No Problem."

Step 7 might be:  So now I am convinced she's cheating...   That's proof, right?

Step 8 might be:  I'm already 20 min. late for work and I tell her she has to move out because she cheated and I didn't..."

Step 9 might be: I know she cheated but I need proof, so when she's in the bathroom, I check out her phone.  I see a text from her Sancho, his name is Pat...  it said, "Hi, how are you today?... it's Pat."  So now I know really she's cheating..

Step 10 might be: Hence, I cannot go to work.  

Step 11 might be: I lose my job and I blame it on her.  I blame it on her cheating...

Step 12 might be: So she just laughs and heads out to go find another place to life.  Meanwhile, I am now convinced that she's definitely cheating.

Step 13 might be: After a few months of hate, sadness, anger, offensiveness, and a lot more nights at strip club, I realize that she  was not cheating... because Pat happens to be her female cousin...   But it's too late now. 

  So where are the FLAWS in MY PATTERN of CONTROL and DELUSION (above)?

Questions for Thought and Discussion: 

What do Beliefs in Entitlement look like in REAL LIFE?  

What do Attitudes of Entitlement look like? 

What are my Patterns of Controlling Behaviors?

What are my Patterns of Power Behaviors? 

What are my Pattern of Entitlement?