Core Principles in Healthy Relationships -- And How to Prevent Domestic Violence

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Core Principles in Healthy Relationships -- And How to Prevent Domestic Violence

Assumption: If a relationship is Healthy there will not be any Domestic Violence -- 

What does a healthy relationship look like:

• "I don't think it exists"
• Communication
• Understanding
• Trust
• Faith in each other.  
• Takes two to work on it  
• Relationships need work (Understanding, Trust for sure, A desire to make it work)
• Both can be Right at the same time
• Possibly some Faith in God (Humility)
• If you find the right person, you can fall into it.  (When two people fit each other)
• Compromise
• Ability to overcome preconceptions - Ability let go of prejudices.
• Similar Values.
• Religious compatibility.
• Same wave-length.
• Honesty
• Respect
• Altruism / Charity / Ability and Willingness to do Good.
• Humility
• Willingness to Grow  (Focus Group ... In DV Groups)

How does DV contribute to Relationships Failing

"More than one-third of women and one in 12 men have experienced intimate partner violence in their lifetime , according to the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey. Anyone would agree that’s too many. If you’re asking yourself what you can do to help, read on. Below, 10 steps you can take to help stop domestic violence in your community.

1. Know the signs. Domestic violence can happen to anyone—white, black, young, old, rich, poor, educated, not educated. Sometimes violence begins early on in a relationship and other times it takes months or even years to appear. But there generally are some warning signs. Be wary of the following red flags an abuser may exhibit at any point in a relationship:

• Being jealous of your friends or time spent away from your partner
• Discouraging you from spending time away from your partner
• Embarrassing or shaming you
• Controlling all financial decisions
• Making you feel guilty for all the problems in the relationship
• Preventing you from working
• Intentionally damaging your property
• Threatening violence against you, your pets or someone you love to gain compliance
• Pressuring you to have sex when you don’t want to
• Intimidating you physically, especially with weapons

2. Don’t ignore it. Police officers hear the same thing from witnesses again and again—I heard/saw/perceived domestic violence but didn’t want to get involved. If you hear your neighbors engaged in a violent situation, call the police. It could save a life.

3. Lend an ear. If someone ever confides in you they are experiencing domestic violence, listen without judgment. Believe what they are telling you and ask how you can help, or see this list of 25 ways to help a survivor.

4. Be available. If someone you know is thinking about leaving or is in fear the violence will escalate, be ready to help. Keep your phone with you and the ringer on, make sure you have gas in your car and discuss an escape plan or meeting place ahead of time.

5. Know the number to a nearby shelter. You never know who might need refuge in a hurry. Keep numbers to shelters (find local shelter numbers here) and the National Domestic Violence Hotline in your phone (800-799-7233).

6. Check in regularly. If a loved one or friend is in danger, reach out regularly to ensure his or her safety.

7. Be a resource. Someone experiencing violence may not be able to research shelters, escape plans or set up necessities like bank accounts and cell phones while living with his or her abuser. Offer to do the legwork to help ease stress and keep things confidential. Here’s a list of items a survivor may need to take with them.

8. Write it down. Document every incident you witness and include the date, time, location, injuries and circumstances. This information could be very useful in later police reports and court cases, both criminal and civil.

9. Get the word out. Assist a local shelter or domestic violence organization in their efforts to raise awareness in your community. Or use your personal connections to start a grassroots campaign. Organize talks at your workplace wellness fair, HOA meetings and church groups.

10. Put your money where your mouth is. Use your power as a consumer and refuse to support the culture perpetuated in music, movies, television, games and the media that glorifies violence, particularly against women."

(Source).

For Prevention of DV -- Core Principles:

Healthy Relationship Tips: How to Have a Good Relationship.  Healthy relationships are built on a foundation of mutual respect, trust, and open communication, where both partners feel supported, safe, and equal. Key principles include setting healthy boundaries, embracing individuality while staying connected, and managing conflict through constructive, honest dialogue. Commitment to mutual growth and nurturing affection are essential for longevity. (Mark Manson)

Core Principles of a Healthy Relationship:

Mutual Respect: Partners value each other's opinions, feelings, and boundaries without trying to control or change one another.

Trust and Safety: A secure environment where both individuals feel physically and emotionally safe, allowing for vulnerability without fear of retaliation or judgment.

Open Communication: Proactive, honest, and kind communication, including active listening and expressing needs directly rather than expecting partners to guess.

Equality and Compromise: Decision-making is shared, and both partners contribute equally to the relationship's maintenance and conflict resolution.

Independence and Individuality: Maintaining personal hobbies, friendships, and self-care routines outside of the relationship to avoid codependency.

Support and Empathy: Encouraging each other's goals and offering compassion during difficult times.

Constructive Conflict Resolution: Addressing disagreements calmly and respectfully, focusing on solutions rather than winning arguments.

Appreciation and Affection: Regularly expressing gratitude and affection to keep the connection strong. 

(Johns Hopkins University)

How to prevent Unhealthy Relationships .. prevent DV and have Good ones.:

Be able to identify healthy vs unhealthy relationship

Learn about what is a healthy vs. unhealthy relationship (From healthy sources)

Psychological concepts are not always very well understood.  Kepep it simple.

Remember that people are complex and unique.

Respect boundaries

Don't be so controlling

Don't be defensive or unable / unwilling to communicate

Call out unhealhty behaivors ina healthy way.

Don't just disappear -- 

Own your own bad behavior.

Get perspective

Get out of Denial -- Stay out of Denial

Keep in touch with supports (Healthy supports) (Frinds, trusted adults, support lines, formal suposrts).

Healthy relationship sloook like communication.

Trust.  Being abel to be vulnerable, trusting, comfrtable with eiach toher.

SImple things like listening, taking in other people's interests.

Knowing each other's boundaries.

Giving each other tips on how to improve each other.

(_Source)

Videos:

THE IMPACT OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ON LEARNING

Kids Taught to Prevent Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence Awareness

A Strategy for Domestic Violence

Expert shares tips on preventing domestic violence incidents

Stopping Domestic Violence

Prevent Interpersonal Violence

DIscussion Questions:

1. What would be at least one thoughtful -- yet brief response to describe each of these Characteristics (listed below) of a healthy relationship) ?

Core principles  of healthy relationships? 

Core Values,  of healthy relationships?  

Core Skills of healthy relationships? 

Core Goals of healthy relationships?  

Core Objectives of healthy relationships? 

Core Characteristics healthy relationships

My Personal Mission Statement is for Prevention of Domestic Violence in my Life

  Regardless of what happened or how it happened, if I was named in the Court Case, then I was probably involved.  

  And now, I am choosing to never again be involved in Domestic violence...  NEVER AGAIN!!!  So how might I do that?  

  Could it be that perhaps I need a Personal Mission Statement?

  In order to plan for this, we need to take a good look at our own values.  Our values tend to project our thoughts, our feelings, our desires, our needs, our beliefs, our past, and our shortcomings among other things.  Many of us carry our values around like billboards so that everyone can see them.

  Some folks get Morals and Values confused.  And “While morals may feel like they are usually imposed from the outside, values are natural and personal in character” (Study.com).  So for the purpose of this discussion here today, Values and Morals are essentially the same.

  So here are some questions for us to ponder:

  What are our values?  

  How do our values impact our lives?  

  How do your values impact the lives of others?

  What is My Mission Statement?   

  Great Questions!  Well, Our Missions in life tend to be based on our Values.  We usually gotta believe in something before we really want to make it happen bad enough that we will develop the drive to actually make it happen.

   First, It might help to know what a Mission Statement is. It can sometimes be challenging to separate our Mission from our Values and Goals.  In fact, our Goals and our Mission can sometimes be intertwined.   So let's check out a few popular Mission Statements.  For example:

 Even McDonald's has a Mission Statement!  For example: McDonald’s says, “Our mission is to make delicious feel-good moments easy for everyone.  This is how we uniquely feed and foster communities” (McDonald’s).

Martin Luther King “refused to allow prison, violence or the threat of death sway his end mission. Instead, he stood beside his goal of achieving rights for all through nonviolent protests. Dr. King maintained a vision for a more diverse America where all people enjoyed the benefits of equality” (The National Civil Rights Museum).

“The goal of the Grateful Dead was to provide a high quality experience with high quality music. They wanted to play great music for people who were really into music. There were choices they could have made along the way that, while more profitable, would have meant abandoning their true goal”  (Anne Grady Group).

And “The Red Cross, born of a desire to bring assistance without discrimination to the wounded on the battlefield, endeavors—in its international and national capacity— to prevent and alleviate human suffering wherever it may be found. Its purpose is to protect life and health and to ensure respect for the human being”  (The American Red Cross). 

  Types of Values might include: Personal Values, Professional Values, Social Values, National Values, Religious Values....

  In this particular case, it is important now to know that for each one of us involved in DV Offender Treatment: "My Personal Mission Statement is for me to be able to prevent any more Domestic Violence in my life." 

  Let's see if we can we agree on to the following:  

  Whereas, according to the Courts, I have had some Domestic Violence in my Life.  This problem may have created costs for others and for myself including costs related to: Time, Money, Trust, Emotional or Physical Trauma, Stress, Pain, Mental challenges and numerous other resources.  

  Therefore, I have decided I no longer want DV in my life.  In order to make that Mission come true, I need a Mission Statement 

 "A meaningful personal mission statement contains these basic elements. 

1. What I want to do?  –  "What I want to accomplish?  What contributions do I want to make and to whom?... to what?"  And finally, "What do I hope to get out of it?"

2. What do I want to be?  Like...  How do I want to be viewed or perceived by others when my Mission is done?  –  And what character strengths do I have to help me accomplish this?   Also, What qualities do I want to develop during this process.  How do I want to grow?" and

3. I need to keep in mind that an effective Personal Mission Statement must also be doable for me.  

  In order to create a good Personal Mission Statement: I have to be honest with myself; I have to be Flexible; willing to listen to others who mean well; and I have to be strong.  I need to have more positive energy in my life -- in other words, I first need to try and let go any negative energy that I am holding onto.  Then I need to have some faith in the present and the future.  In order to create more positive energy in my life, I may also need to develop more skills related to being patient.  I may need more of a positive outlook, more tact (or be more appropriate with others), and I may also need to develop a sense of good will.  Doing good in my life would not hurt either.  Also, I need as much Mindfulness as I can get.  

  I CAN DO this!  But first, I will have to be committed to making better decisions, as well as correcting my errors, and then following up by doing the right thing(s)!

  So I need some important tools: including knowing myself better, knowing what other things I need, what I want, what I like, how I love, my feelings, my anger, my respect for everyone -- including myself, my boundaries, my morals, my resistance, all of my wisdom -- all the energy that I can muster, my courage, and my needs and wants in a relationship, etc...  I also need to be aware of the things and situations that I simply cannot tolerate.  

  Furthermore.  I also need to know what I am capable of; and what I am not capable of.  I need some reliable ways of knowing when things are truly good; as well as when things are not good.

  And Finally: In order for me to prevent DV from happening again in my life; I will need to recognize the warning signs -- the Red Flags!  

  I have to be able to manifest and promote a lifestyle that can accommodate healthy relationships as well as one that is without violence of any kind.

Knowledge Building Questions: 

  “It's time to start building On My Individual Values in order to create My Personal Mission Statement for Domestic Violence Prevention”.  First I need to know the following:

Question: “What are some of my Personal Values as they relate to Relationships and Prevention of DV?"

Question: “What is my Mission in Life as it relates to Relationships and Prevention of Domestic Violence?”

Question: “How might my Values and / or my Mission in Life help me to Prevent Domestic Violence in my future relationships?”

  And this is how I am going to do it: I am going to Feel, Think, Love, Listen to my Heart, be Honorable, Plan, Act, Respect others, Command Respect for myself, Re-Assess, and then go for it again... 

*** Please Click Here to Complete your 

Personal Mission Statement To Prevent DV ***