Exploring Our Motivations For Violence

* THIS IS A DRAFT.  PLEASE DO NOT PRINT, COPY OR DISTRIBUTE WITHPUT PERMISSION. *

Violence comes in many forms: Physical, Verbal, Psychological, Emotional, Biological, Digital, Economic, Social, Emotional, Psychological, Indirect or Direct.

What Motivates a Person to act Violently: 

  Triggers, Fear, Anger, Pride, Ego, Our Surroundings or Circumstances, Jealousy, Envy, Bad Manners, Gangs, Revenge, To Build Confidence, and even Curiosity, Paranoia, Intoxication, To Further one's cause, Intimidation (Using violence to intimidate), Arguing in bad faith, or shutting the Internet Off / aka/ When one one's communication ability is cut off.

Two of the DVOMB's Core Competencies Related to This are:

F. Reduce patterns of control and power behaviors, beliefs and attitudes of entitlement

1. Recognize core beliefs

2. Identify specific forms of abuse and control

3. Demonstrate equality and respect in personal relationships

What are My Core Beliefs:

"“Core beliefs are the underlying ideas we hold about ourselves, others and the world. These ideas develop during childhood as you begin to use your relationships with caregivers and your own experience to interpret the world around you. From this learning and interpretation, you develop specific thoughts and rules that allow you to get your needs met.

 While in many cases these beliefs can be helpful, there are times when they can cause negative emotions. For example, it is has been suggested that those individuals who experience  symptoms of depression are more likely to have core beliefs that tell them that they are helpless and/or unlovable (McQuaid & Carmona, 2004). Those with anxiety are more likely to have beliefs that suggest that the world is an unsafe place. If you find that you are suffering from symptoms of depression and/or anxiety then it can be very helpful to examine what your core beliefs may be.

Identifying Core Beliefs

The first step in identifying problematic core beliefs is to first learn to identify those thoughts that are bouncing around in your head every day. We refer to these thoughts as automatic thoughts because they simply arise and pop into our heads without conscious thought.  (Source, Rowan Center).”"

So What are my Automatic Thoughts -- given a certain situation: 

  You get dropped off all the sudden in "Boys Town" .. out side of Nuevo Progresso, Tamaulipas, Mexico.. 

    What's you first thought / Automatic Thought: 

        Fearful, Not to get out of hand, Keep Calm... be respectful and have fun....  

  What are your automatic thoughts if you are at home on a Saturday night... and your wife is not home yet.. she said she was going out with friends.. and it's 3 a.m. at this point:

  What are your automatic thoughts:

       She's hiding something....   She's with someone else.. Going out and seeing somebody.. 

       Why do we automatically think this....???

   = = = = = = = =  = ********************** = = = = = = = = = = 

This week, we are looking at a different Competency: 

K. Understanding, identifying and managing our own pattern of violence

1. Acknowledge past/present violent/controlling/abusive behavior

2. Exploring our Motivation(s) for Violence

3. Understanding learned violence/explain to others

4. Stops violence before it happens (Preventing Violence).

  Just on the face of it, many might agree that Violence is often inspired by any of the following:

• Fear
• Upsetness / When someone is feeling down -- enough to hurt self or others or an object
• Stress
• Obsession
• Betrayal
• Disappointment
• Abandonment
• PTSD
• Shock
• Drugs / Intoxication
• Mental Health
• An act of any Congress
• Codependency
• Bad Relationships -- "You can take violence from your home out into the streets..."
• A sense of entitlement

Understanding LEARNED VIOLENCE:

  Where do we learn Violence:

• From Home / Violent Homes / Past Trauma / Foster Care / Group Homes / Gangs / TV / Movies / Music Lyrics / Pop Culture / Video Games / Police Officers / The News (War), Social Medical, The Bible, Some Religions

Alpha Dog... -- 

  To me, the most important parts of the above are what I would call the Roots of our Violence.  When I think about the Roots, I think about words such as:

Our Values, How we believe and Morals

Entitlement

Core Beliefs

Motivations for Violence (Are a Trigger and a Motivation the same?)

Understanding learned violence (Learned by observation, experience, and/or being subjected to it).

Preventing Violence

A deeper... Look: What is Abuse in the context of family relationships... ?

  We expect our kids to love us, want to be around us, to be loyal to the family, to respect us and to obey us..

  But what if they don't do some of that?  (This could cause lots of problems).

How do you "Put them in Check"?   (Punishment vs. Induction).   Induction / Alpha Dog... 

 Whereas other parents help change their child's ways with love.

  Therefore have a choice don't they???  Unfortunately some parents choose to abuse...

   

So what Motivates Violence....???  

  Motivators of Violence:  Fear, Anxiety, Ignorance, Stress, Frustration, Disappointment, Shock, Hate, Tragedy, Depression, Intoxication, Fear of Loss, Jealousy/Insecurity, Feeling unsafe, Being accused, Panic.

What are My Core Beliefs:  

  My Philosophy of Life -- While some people believe in Helping People, others believe in Teaching People, Still others believe in Controlling people, Some people even believe in ignoring people.   Each person gets to choose.  

   -- What I believe why I believe it... what's right and what's wrong... 

  My Morals -- What we believe is right and wrong..  Like about being a partner.. What should a partner be? (Loving, caring, understanding, appreciating, accepting, trustworthy, honest, loyal, self-sufficient, independent, very communicative

  My Values -- What do we value --- Hopefully our values support our morals and lead to our sense of morality.  I value happiness, honesty, having a lot of love in a relationship, trust, faithfulness, gratefulness, appreciation, humble, forgiving, 

  My Theory of behavior Management.  Induction...  Doing so without anger, yelling, hatefulness, stubbornness, no attitude, be sincere.

    +++++++++++++++

-------------------------------

But how do we get motivated To Do Violence?  

  We get set off, things accumulate over time, suppressing negative feelings, ...

  Some people just like doing violence.  Irritability.  

How do we get motivated to prevent violence?

  Mindfulness, consideration, understanding how to stop it, understanding the consequences of violence.  

  Realizing that if I don't change... I might lose important things and people...

  Being open to he possibilities.  

  Getting help when you need it.

  Having Faith can help.  Having Hope..