Important LINKS for ALL DV Clients to Use:

ALL New DV Clients should go to each of these LINKS and Complete ALL Attached Worksheets Before Starting DV Treatment.  Also, Please Save the Links on your device for future reference: 

COVID-19 Protocol Reminder for Clients

DV Treatment Orientation Link,

Important Notice: Pay-As-You-Go Rules Link,

The Making Payments for Treatment Link, 

Paying for DV Sessions Link,  

DV Group Scheduling Link, 

The Basic Weekly DV Blog Link, and 

The Anger Management Blog Link.

Paying for DV Sessions

  PLEASE ALWAYS Make your PayPal Payments BEFORE your DV Session.  

VERY SHORTLY, we will be returning to conducting our Sessions the same way that we used to.  And people who have not paid first will not be allowed to attend the session.  Please read below and click on the appropriate links for more information.

CLICK HERE for more information about Making Payments and Clearing Up Balances.

Or You Can Make a Payment via PayPal Right Here & Right Now!  Please Click RIGHT HERE.  Or go the PayPal Buttons on the top and bottom of the Right Side of the Page.

  Please remember: If you attend a Session today, you should pay for this session today.  If you have a voucher for today, then that voucher can pay for this session.  However, a voucher can never be used for a session that occurred before the Voucher date.  Also, Vouchers must be used before their Expiration date.  

  If you have any Balance at all; you should be making weekly payments -- EVERY Week.  If you have ever attended a Session that was not covered by a Voucher, and that you did not already pay for, you should start paying for that session (or those sessions) today as well.

 Please keep track of when you have vouchers, when you pay for a session, and the sessions that you owe for.  If you are inaccurate in your tally, Dr. B will correct the inaccuracy.

  It truly is a pleasure to provide this Service to you and for this Community.  However, in order to survive, this Service depends on you paying for your Sessions as soon as possible.  Furthermore, paying for Sessions is a required part of DV Offender Treatment, as per the Colorado Domestic Violence Offender Management Board. 

  There are numerous ways to pay for your Services on this Blog.  Please either look to the Right-hand column if you are using a PC or a Tablet.  Or, if you are using a cell phone, please scroll all the way down to the bottom of your screen and you will see a link that says, "View in Web Browser" or "View Web Version".  Hit that link and when that screen shows up, you will see PayPal buttons at the bottom right side of the page, as well as a PayPal Link at the top of the Page.

  If you have any questions, please either email or text Dr. Beverly.

  Thank you.

Intimacy, Healthy Relationships and Prevention of Domestic Violence

  Picture a bridge between two people....  a conduit over which or through which all of the goodness of the Relationship and intensity flows... And it always takes two (or more) to maintain that bridge...  This bridge cannot stand up there without being held on both ends...  --- All the time.  Then the question becomes: In a close, secure, and wonderful relationship; what would that bridge be made of?   Intimacy.

  According to the Dictionary, the word, Intimacy, can be defined as:  “A close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group.  A close association with or detailed knowledge or deep understanding of a place, subject, period of history, etc.  For example: “Intimate knowledge”.

Another author wrote: 

  “Intimacy means creating an authentic connection.

  What is the meaning of intimacy?  What intimacy means varies from relationship to relationship, and within a given relationship.  From context to context, the definition of intimacy changes and the meaning varies.

  Intimacy has more to do with shared moments than sexual interactions. Intimate feelings may be connected or confused with sexual arousal.   Intimacy is linked with feelings of closeness, safety, trust and transparency among partners in a collaborative relationship.

  For intimacy to be sustainable and nourishing it also requires trust, transparency and rituals of connection. It is possible to compete over intimacy but that is likely to be self-defeating.” (Source).

Types of Intimacy: 

  Surely, there are different types of intimacy depending on the persons involved as well as on the situation.  Different types of Intimacy could include: Sexual, Emotional, Professional, and numerous others:

  The Naya Clinics, writes: "Intimacy is defined as a close familiarity or friendship; closeness. While it may seem this applies to romantic relationships, intimacy is important in non-romantic relationships as well. It is essential to forming connections with others that are deep, lasting, and healthy."; reports that the different types of Intimacy include: Physical, Emotional, Intellectual, Creative, Experiential and Spiritual (Source.)

  Whereas Author Rhett Smith states that there are 12 types of Intimacy shared between partners, including: 

"Sexual Intimacy: Sharing passion and physical pleasuring

Emotional Intimacy: Being tuned to each other’s wavelength

Intellectual Intimacy: Closeness in the world of ideas

Aesthetic Intimacy: Sharing experience of beauty

Creative Intimacy: Sharing in acts of creating together

Recreational Intimacy: Relating in experiences of fun and play

Work Intimacy: Closeness of sharing common tasks

Crisis Intimacy: Closeness in coping with problems and pain

Conflict Intimacy: Facing and struggling with differences

Commitment Intimacy: Mutually derived from common self-interest

Spiritual Intimacy: Unity shared in religious expression

Communication Intimacy: Mutual understanding and affirmation" (Source.)

Look at it this way for a moment:

For many of us, Relationships are largely about Sex.  And due to Societal messages, many people confuse Sex with Intimacy or Intimacy with Sex.  

I propose that: Sexual Relationships Without Intimacy Probably Put Us More At Risk Of DV.  -- Unless of course, we are simply intimate and one of the core pillars of our relationship is that our Sex is simply casual -- and NOT meaningful.

I was talking to a policeman once.. and I asked him what exactly constitutes Intimacy in terms of a DV Offense -- requiring that two people have or have had an Intimate Relationship?  His response was that Intimacy was "Sex".

  Think about this proposition:  Sex Without Intimacy Probably Puts Us More At Risk Of DV

Sex Without Intimacy is probably NOT a partnership, not love, It might not even be liking, and it is quite possibly not as safe as Sex with Intimacy

Sex Without Intimacy is probably more dangerous for BOTH partners.

More Intimacy helps decrease Animosity.... helps increase more understanding and more acceptance and possibly even a deeper love.

What makes up intimacy?  (If you wish to have an intimate relationship, you probably need to do most or all of the following).  An intimate relationship might contain -- like a Bridge between two intimate people -- it is made up of parts -- some of which are listed below:

Honesty: “Honesty is when you speak the truth and act truthfully.  What is honesty?  Many children understand a definition of honesty to be "don't lie". But a complete definition of honesty also means that an honest person doesn't do things that are morally wrong. If something you do is breaking the law or you have to hide it because you'll get in trouble, you are probably not being honest.  What is honesty? – Honesty is speaking the truth.  Honesty is being accountable.  Lying is not honest (also called dishonest) because you are saying something that isn't true.”

Trust: “Assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something.”

Respect: “It means valuing each other’s points of view. It means being open to being wrong. It means accepting people as they are. It means not dumping on someone because you're having a bad day. It means being polite and kind always, because being kind to people is not negotiable. It means not dissing people because they're different from you. It means not gossiping about people or spreading lies.”

A mutual sense of Equality: “The quality or state of being equal: the quality or state of having the same rights, social status, etc.”  When each has an equal right to determine whether she/he is being (or going to be) happy or sad.  (Equal in spirit rather than in substance).

Humility: “The quality or state of being humble.”  Can I apologize with sincerity when I mess up?

Forgiveness: “Allowing room for error or weakness.”

Liking and - or Attraction --  or Feeling Wanted (Not necessarily Sexual Attraction) to: “Feeling as if one wants to be around someone due to the way it makes her/him feel when they are together (i.e., happy, energetic, sexy, lovely, good about self).”

Spontaneity / Compromise: “Taking a risk, living life to the fullest, no plans, "don't think just do". To be spontaneous is to be the most relaxed go with the flow and have fun person, you would never get mad if plans changed you would get excited because then it would become spontaneous.”  Or just being able to spontaneously have fun together.

Faith: “Complete trust or confidence in someone or something.”  (There may also be a Spiritual component here as well).  A lot of successful couple share Faith; or they each have tremendous respect (if not admiration) for the faith that is held by the other partner.

Self-Awareness: “Is having a clear perception of your personality, including strengths, weaknesses, thoughts, beliefs, motivations, and emotions. Self-Awareness allows you to understand other people, how they perceive you, your attitude, and your responses to them in the moment.”

Vulnerability: “Susceptibleness to physical or emotional attack or harm.”  If you are with someone with whom you cannot feel vulnerable; you might be lacking intimacy.

Accountability: “The fact or condition of being accountable; responsibility.”  Being willing to think critically about self, actions, thoughts and feelings – taking the good with the bad.

Patience: “The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.”  Listening to someone (long enough -- and without distraction) and sincerely trying to understand what they mean.  Taking your time.

Other qualities of Intimate Relationships could include: Hope, Unconditional Acceptance, Confidence, Interest, Affection, Affinity, and Altruism.  Intimacy is often about being willing to work on it.  Intimacy is not about being “perfect.”  But it's about being sincere.  Intimacy may even feel like “symbiosis.”

Thus, it was said earlier that Intimacy is a Voluntary Condition.  Intimacy is like a bridge.  It is held up (actively or passively) between two or more people.  Intimacy is something that both people hold up and maintain.  It takes two (or more) to do intimacy, and it often takes effort.  It rarely happens without work.

Commitment and Integrity. Finally, Intimacy quite possibly requires a mutual sense of clarity about the integrity of the Relationship.  In other words, if one person is in love; but the other is not; it may not be Intimacy.

Why is Intimacy So Important to Learn About in Domestic Violence Treatment?

  For one, simply answer this question: How can Domestic Violence Effect (and/or be effected by) Intimacy?  Or how could Intimacy be impacted by Domestic Violence?

1. Did you and/or your partner have moments of dishonesty in relation to your DV event(s)?
2. Did you and/or your partner find that the trust between you was challenged or destroyed in relation to your DV event(s)?
3. If your partner or someone else called the police on you, could it be that this was an attempt to equalize the immediate situation between you and your partner?
4. Did you and/or your partner ever find the other to be impatient with the other person or with yourself?
5. When your DV event happened, were you 100% self-aware – aware of your partner?
6. Have you totally owned up to (become accountable for) your part of what happened that got you into DV-related trouble?  How did this measure up to the intimacy you shared?
7. Finally Intimacy probably leads to a Kinship of sorts.  A psychological kinship (Bailey).

NOTE: True Intimacy is not included in relationships that are about Power and Control!!!  Intimacy is more likely to be found in relationships that are about Equality. 

In other words, Intimacy and Domestic Violence cannot happen at the same time -- even in cases where there was a false accusation of Domestic Violence.

  With the one possible exception: During the honeymoon phase -- of a conflict... just after the explosion..... both are trying harder and you might catch a (mistaken) glimmer of intimacy there...  Like Intimacy is not even really there in such situations.  However, many of us tend to see it during those times...  Or Perhaps it is just wishful thinking.  And maybe we just see the Intimacy in such situations because we are so hurt after fighting that we see want to see through our tears and our fears.

So Try to Guess for Yourself -- If two people are truly sharing Intimacy with each other; which of each of these dichotomous interactions will they be likely to share?

Violence and Disrespect vs. Respect and Non-Violence

Confrontation vs. Argument

Competition vs. Collaboration

Denial vs. Acknowledgement

Avoidance vs. Resolution

Blame vs. Accountability

Studying vs. Assuming

Curiosity vs. Prejudice

Rushing vs. Patience

Aggressive vs. Assertive

Jealous vs. Trusting 

Unconditional Giving vs. Keeping Score

Letting her or him win at Chess vs. Checkmating her or him as fast as possible

Non-Disclosive / Appropriate (sometimes possibly even including TMI) 

Discussion Question: 

How was your experience of intimacy impacted by the DV that you took part in?  

 

*** Please CLICK HERE to Complete your 

Intimacy and Prevention of Domestic Violence Worksheet! ***  

Some Definitions are From: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/ and http://www.urbandictionary.com/ and http://www.pathwaytohappiness.com/ and http://oxforddictionaries.com/us/definition/american_english/.  Parts of the above were Compiled By Dr. Beverly, March. 2014

Dr. B's Holiday Hours

 The Holidays are coming!!!  The Holidays are coming!!! 

  There will be some temporary schedule changes due to the Holidays.  And there are many other available Groups for Men and for Women over the next 2 weeks; hence there is no excuse for missing DV Groups over the next 2 weeks.  

  Please note that throughout the next two weeks, all DV Groups will go on as regularly scheduled unless they are listed as having temporary changes below.

  

Please See Schedules Below: 

   FRIDAY, December 24th (Christmas Eve):  

                  There will be a Men's DV Group at 9 a.m. 

                  There will be a Women's DV Group at 11 a.m. that morning.  

                There will be no other DV Groups on Friday the 24th due to it being Christmas Eve.   No Sessions will happen on Friday, December 24th AFTER 12-noon because it is Christmas eve.  All other DV Groups on all other days and evenings will go on as always.  Please click here to view the regular schedule.

 

   SATURDAY, December 25th (Christmas Day):

                  There will be a Men's DV Group at 11 a.m. 

   FRIDAY, December 31st (New Years Eve):  All Groups will go on as regularly scheduled:

There will be a Women's Virtual Friday Morning DV Group (Conference Call only).  [Fridays from 11 to 12:30 p.m.]

There will be a Men's Trinidad Friday Evening DV Group (Conference Call only).  [Fridays from 4 to 5:30 p.m.]

There will be a Men's Trinidad Friday Evening DV Group {Level A & Diversion Only} (In-Person Clients only). [Fridays from 6 to 7:30 p.m.]

   SATURDAY, January 1st, 2022 (New Years Day 2022):  

                  There will be a Men's DV Group at 11 a.m. 

*** Please go to this LINK in order to view the Schedule to see other available Groups that one might attend.

Click Here for the DV Group Session SCHEDULE, for ABSENCE ATTESTATIONS, for TREATMENT PLANNING INFO, and for SESSION FEEDBACK FORMS

*** IMPORTANT *** Please NOTE: In order to be on track toward Successfully Completing DV Treatment, one must complete certain Worksheets and Forms on a Weekly Basis.

  Schedule of Virtual DV Sessions: If you are a DV Client and you do not have INDIVIDUAL pre-Scheduled weekly Session with Dr. B. or with Lucy, you should attend one of these sessions EVERY WEEK.  For a Schedule of Dr. B's DV Sessions 

*** CLICK HERE! for Dr. B's NEW Schedule of Group Sessions! ***

***QXR & CONSENT FORM for Attending In-Person DV Sessions.  CLICK HERE NOW!!!***

  Absence Attestations: If you have recently not had a session for a given week, you will need to complete an Absence Attestation.  In order to Complete your Absence Attestation, please CLICK HERE! 

  Treatment Planning: If you have not completed a Treatment Plan or a Treatment Planning Review over the last 10 weeks, you should do so as soon as possible.  CLICK HERE to complete a New or Revised Treatment Plan.

  Session Feedback Forms: If you have had any session of any kind (Group or Individual) with Dr. B. or with Lucy, you should complete one of these Feedback Forms for EVERY WEEK you have attended.  Ideally, you should do these each week -- right after you complete the Topic Worksheet for that Session.  CLICK HERE to complete your Session Feedback Form(s).

(c. 2020, All information on the Blog (Except where otherwise noted); are the intellectual and/or photographic                                                                                        and/or digital property of Dr. William T. Beverly, L.C.S.W., DVOMB Approved Offender Treatment Provider.)

U.S. Surgeon General's Warning about a Looming Youth Mental Health Crisis due to the Pandemic

 Please click here to read the Surgeon General's Warning.

Personality Traits and Prevention of DV

How do Personality or Personality Traits Impact Our Relationships?

  Please consider that some study results "demonstrate(d) that personality traits shape the overall quality of one's relationship, which in turn influences the likelihood of relationship dissolution" (Source).   In other words, a Personality can make-or-break a relationship.

  And dissolution could also perhaps increase the possibility of Domestic Violence.  Because some of the most possibly violent times in a relationship are the months just before and the months just after a relationship Breaks-Up.  Then of course, perhaps our Personality Traits could influence DV-type Thinking, DV-Type Feeling and DV-Type Behaviors.

  Also, according to NIH, "Among the Big Five personality traits, emotional stability is often associated with positive relationship expectations. Whereas, low levels of emotional stability (a.k.a. high neuroticism) increases relationship instability and the likelihood of breakups (Roberts et al., 2007; Solomon and Jackson, 2014).Sep 29, 2017). 

Personality Traits might include the following: agreeableness, conscientiousness, openness, and emotional stability, flexibility, optimism, positivity, negativity, and pessimism,  sense of humor, empathy, assertiveness, curiosity, confidence, open-mindedness, self-awareness, and others.

Close Relationships and Personality Traits:

  “Understanding personality effects and their role in influencing relationship quality, varied according to gender and relationship duration, could help us better understand close relationships. Participants were Chinese dating dyads (couples) and were asked to complete both the Big Five Inventory and Perceived Relationship Quality Component scales. Males and those who had a long-term relationship perceived better relationship quality; individuals who scored higher on agreeableness, conscientiousness, openness, and emotional stability enjoyed better relationship quality; gender and/or relationship duration moderated the actor effect of extraversion and the partner effects of conscientiousness, emotional stability, and openness on relationship quality. Regarding the profile similarity, those couples who were more dissimilar in their profile personality had better relationship quality, especially when they were in a relatively long-term relationship. Meanwhile, with an increase in profile similarity, the males' perceived relationship quality decreased.”

  People are born into a complex network of social relations, of which the intimate relationship is one of the most important. In this kind of relationship, individuals interact with each other directly and deeply to pursue and construct a happy life.  A good long-term romantic relationship, in turn, can make an individual happier and lead to longer life expectancy (Claxton et al., 2012).

  In explorations of the factors affecting romantic relationship quality at the individual level, the role of personality has been widely confirmed.  Personality is a stable and fundamental psychological construct (Donnellan et al., 2005).  It (personality) better predicts the degree of relationship quality compared to other factors related to romantic relationships—such as attitudes, values, and beliefs (Luo and Klohnen, 2005). Therefore, understanding how personality influences the relationship quality can help scholars better understand the mechanisms of romantic relationship variation.” (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5626872/).

 Dr. B. Says, It's not always about our Personalities not Matching, or about our Values, or our Beliefs.  It's probably more about how our Personality allows us to convey our values and beliefs through our own Personality features.  And it's also about how our personality impacts the way we perceive the Values and Beliefs of others.

Personality Traits that may be helpful for Healthy Relationships include -- 

Which ones..... I gotta know!?!?!?

"There really is no one way to be or act in a relationship. We're all so different, and we all bring unique aspects of ourselves to the table, so if you're asking yourself how to be in a relationship, know that it's truly tough to pinpoint any specific personality traits all people who have success in love have in common.

 In reality, anyone, if they want it, can have a successful relationship. But there are a few traits that can make sharing your life with someone a helluva lot easier. "Successful relationships don't just happen by chance," Chicago-area couples therapist Theresa Herring, LMFT tells Bustle. "They require people to be intentional and do things that fill the relationship's emotional bank account rather than deplete it." That's why traits like flexibility, optimism, and positivity can go a long way when it comes to finding and keeping a healthy, long-term relationship, whereas things like negativity or pessimism might just get in the way."

Dr. B. says: "The Balance of the Emotional Bank Account Gets Higher with positive experiences with each other.  And positive experiences tend to depend on each person's Personality Traits and how they express them with their words , gestures and behaviors.  They also depend on how one perceives as well.  Basically, it's important to enjoy and make good memories with your partner."

 The original article continues: 

"That doesn't, however, mean you can't be in a healthy relationship if you aren't super cheerful, or a natural "glass half full" type. "While certain personality traits can help you find and maintain love, don't worry if you don't have them," Herring says. "These traits can be learned."  They're something you can decide to work on, and slowly begin to practice in your life.  You can also develop them by going to therapy, where you might, for example, learn to think with more positivity than negativity.

 Anyone can create a healthy, loving relationship if they want to.  And anyone can pick up the personality traits that make a LTR easier.  Here are the traits that experts say come in handy when it comes to having success with love."

 

1   Flexibility

Loving, long-term relationships require a certain degree of flexibility — especially when disagreements and conflicts arise. So the more you're willing to not always get your way and compromise, the better.

"If you are more flexible in your thinking style, then you typically have an easier time seeing another point of view and accepting that [there's often not a] 'right' or 'wrong' in a situation," relationship expert Sara Sedlik, MA, LMFT tells Bustle. "Both sides can be validated and both sides can learn to find the 'win-win' in a disagreement."

"This is a trait you can decide to adopt for yourself, by simply deciding you'll let things slide, and having a more "go with the flow" attitude. But it's also a trait that can be cultivated, possibly with the help of a therapist, who might be able to help you uncover why you were feeling more rigid in the past."

 

2   A Sense Of Humor

 "If anything's going to make life easier, and help you through difficult times, it's a sense of humor. "Humor is the most sophisticated of the natural defense mechanisms," Sedlik says. "If you take yourself too seriously, you are likely to let the small things weigh on you. If you can add humor into your life, and make light of a personally challenging situation or idiosyncrasy together (you both have to be on the same side of humor here), then the emotional charge is definitely less." (Andrew Zaeh for Bustle).

Dr. B. Says, "Making something lighter with a touch of humor or humility; is not the same as laughing at someone or being sarcastic.  Obviously, the latter could be destructive.  Basically, it comes down to not taking yourself too seriously.  Remember: It's more helpful to laugh with your partner; than to laugh at your partner."

 The original article continues: 

3   Empathy

"If a relationship is going to go the distance, it'll pretty much be a requirement that both partners have a strong sense of empathy. "This is the most important, in my opinion, because without empathy, we judge," Sedlik says. "And judgment leads to disconnection."  And disconnection leads to breakups."

Dr. B. says: "Empathy and Sympathy are NOT the same." 

The article continues:  "At the root of all relationships is the need to feel safe and vulnerable and truly seen for who we are without judgment," she says. "When we have empathy, we can reserve judgment and listen, validate, and have emotional connection."  (Andrew Zaeh for Bustle)."

 

4   Assertiveness

Assertiveness is another big one. "People in healthy relationships are able to state their needs and ask for them to be met," Herrings says. "They also, in turn, respond to their partner's requests," which is why this trait can help foster healthy, long-term relationships.

It can, however, be a tricky trait to learn — especially if you're shy or anxious. But again, it's something everyone can pick up, with time.   (Andrew Zaeh for Bustle)."

Dr. B. says, "A Key ingredient to Assertiveness is being Respectful.  Assertiveness requires Respect.  Whereas Aggressiveness or Aggression is different from Assertiveness.  When we are Aggressive, we are typically being Disrespectful.  And Disrespect kills relationships.  Think about it: Would you want to be with someone who disrespected you?"

 

5   Curiosity

"Curiosity is one trait that should be brought to a relationship in the beginning, and maintained from there on out. "Curiosity is crucial to maintaining healthy relationships because the ability to remain curious heads off relationship-damaging assumptions," therapist Alice Roberts, CSW tells Bustle. "When something goes wrong, a curious person holds their judgement until they understand more about the situation."

But a curious person might also find that their relationship stays fun and fresh, too — which goes a long way when it comes to staying together. "Curiosity ... helps couples avoid stagnation, as the curious couple is always going to be up for seeking out new adventures together," Roberts says.  (Alice Roberts, CSW).

Dr. B says: "If we remain curious -- especially in difficult times -- then we can hold off on judging our partner; and possibly head off the negative impact." 

 

6   Confidence

"People who are confident know what they want out of life, and they know how to get it, which is why "confidence plays a huge role in both attracting a partner and maintaining a secure long-term relationship," Roberts says.

"It's also a trait that makes it more likely you'll stand up for yourself in a relationship. As Roberts says, "Confident individuals are less prone to losing themselves in a relationship, allowing them to enjoy their partner as their equal." "Like assertiveness, confidence might seem like a trait that's impossible to attain. But it's one that can be worked on, and developed over time, with the help of friends, family — and possibly even a therapist."  (Andrew Zaeh for Bustle).

Dr. B. says, "Losing one's self in a relationship can be known as Codependency.  And this is sometimes a negative trait."

 

7   Positivity

"Again, you don't have to be a ray of sunshine in order to find love. But a sense of positivity certainly doesn't hurt. "When we’re around happy, upbeat individuals, it makes us happier too," Kat Haselkorn, a matchmaker with Three Day Rule in Washington, DC, tells Bustle. "Positivity makes you more fun to be around and can attract potential partners to you like a moth to a flame. If you’re a glass half empty person, it’s not the end of the world. Try to keep some of the negativity to yourself and find the positive spin on things. Then verbalize that."

 Positivity can also make relationship woes feel less earth-shattering. If you're going through a rocky period, for example, a sense of positivity can see you and your partner through to the other side.  (Hannah Burton/Bustle).

 

8   Open-Mindedness

 "If you're on a mission to find "the One," keeping an open mind certainly can help. "One reason for this is — love doesn't always come in the package we expect," Haselkorn says. "It's funny how many people have this checklist of characteristics they think they need to fall in love with someone, when really, that kind of rigid thinking can be isolating and lead to few opportunities for a relationship." That's why, people who allow themselves to "date outside the box," so to speak, may have more success in love.   (Andrew Zaeh for Bustle).

Dr. B. Says, "At the same time while you are trying not to be too picky, you want to be somewhat choosy and careful, and above all, take your time."

 

9   Self-Awareness

 Dr. B. says: "Being aware of ourselves helps us prevent bad things, and helps us say things that we need to say.  It also helps us know what we need.  It also helps us know what we don't want or don't need.  And it also helps us be more confident of ourselves; which then helps us be more pleasant and appealing to others.  

  It's important to identify, process, and accept  your own pain in life.  A cure is also a really wonderful thing.  At the same time, one should be careful to NOT be Ruminating to much -- or obsessing too much about the negative things in their life.  In other words if your World seems filled with negativity, it is good to avoid expressing negative emotions all the time.  Each expression (whether it's good or bad) has it's most appropriate and most effective time, place and situation to be shared.  

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And Surely There are Other Traits that could be Helpful to Having Good and Healthy Long Term Relationships.... RIGHT ???

In what ways might these Positive Personality Traits help prevent Domestic Violence?

•   More positivity -- can help ward off negative thinking and regretful behaviors.  
•   Staying Curious keeps us from being too judgmental.  Be sure that you truly KNOW what you think you know.  Judging the other person critically or too intensely or too often can lead to Domestic Violence or a breakup, to say the least. 
•   Empathy, or being more aware of others' feelings also helps us develop more understanding and perhaps even more patience; which also helps reduce DV.
•   Being assertive instead of being aggressive means we are more respectful and less disrespectful.  Which also means we are more communicative and less threatening.  And finally, it means we are probably more likely to get what we want and need.  
•   Being less insecure, and less jealous helps our relationships.  Being more secure helps us prevent jealousy as well.  Being secure in yourself is important.
•   Also being less rigid... or less one-minded can help.  Being more open-minded helps us to be able to truly consider things the other person is saying to us.  It also helps us be more patient.  And again, patience helps us prevent violence.
•   Being more flexible helps bring even very serious conflicts to a peaceful ending.  Look for win-win solutions. 
•   Being more able to compromise can be a key to happiness and longevity in healthy relationships.
•   Being fun to be with promotes confidence and is almost always a plus to help smooth things out and prevent crises.  Being fun to be with helps generate really good memories also.  And good memories are important.
• So above all, learn to laugh at yourself.

Think about it:  Could it be possible if BOTH me and my partner have healthier personality traits; then couldn't we have a better Relationship...  A more satisfying relationship.  And of course, a Relationship Free of Violence?

What might be your Positive Personality Profile???

*** Please CLICK HERE to 

Complete Your Positive Personality Profile Worksheet.***

(Originally Published 11/30/2020)

Sources: 

(From the Article: "9 Interesting Personality Traits All People Who Have Success With Love Have In Common"   (By:  BDG Media, Inc. By Carolyn Steber, May 3, 2018).  (Source).

REMINDER: During these COVID-19 Times, Every One of Us Should Be Careful and Considerate of Others, Right?

IMPORTANT!  Please Read this:

  This means that if we are attending -- or planning to attend -- any of Dr. B's DV Sessions In-Person we need to follow the guidelines as explained in the "COVID-19 In-Person Treatment Rules, Screener, & Hold Harmless Agreement".  

  And please remember that you should NOT attend DV Sessions In-Person if you are experiencing any kind or symptoms or sickness from any illness. If you are feeling ill, or if you have been around someone who is ill, please DO NOT attend in-person. Rather, if you feel well enough, please attend via Conference Call for now.  

  REMEMBER: If you have been experiencing Fever, Cough or Breathing Difficulty within the past 12 days, DO NOT ATTEND IN-Person Groups.  

  And also, DO NOT ATTEND In-Person if you have been in close physical contact in the last 14 days with Anyone who is known to have laboratory-confirmed COVID-19.  

  Finally, DO NOT ATTEND IN-Person If you have been in close physical contact in the last 14 days with Anyone who has any symptoms consistent with COVID-19 

  If you are not sick, you will still need to attend weekly sessions.  Hence, if you cannot attend in-person, you will be accommodated either On-Line or Over the Telephone.  Check the Schedule of Sessions Here.

  At In-Person Sessions, you may wear a mask if you wish; and please always be sure to keep 6-feet away from others.

  Whether you are healthy as an Ox; or sick as a dog; Please CLICK HERE to Complete the In-Person Group and Individual Treatment Consent form (even if you have already completed one of these).  Please do this before your next Session.  Demonstrating an understanding of this information is required in order to attend Dr. B's DV In-Person Sessions.

  Have a Safe and Happy Day!

  Thank you.

  wb

Pay for your Sessions Right NOW and Right HERE!

 

   To Make a Payment via PayPal Right Now, 

Please Click RIGHT HERE 

       To Make your Payment!!!  

  Or go the PayPal / Debit / Credit Buttons on the top and bottom of the Right Side of this Blog Page.

  Of, if you are Paying on your Phone: You can get to the Paypal / Debit / Credit Buttons by scrolling to the very bottom of your screen, and clicking on the "View Web Version" or "View as Web Page" at the bottom of your screen.  

  Then when the page opens up, you will see the Paypal / Debit / Credit Buttons on the Right-Hand Side of your screen.  

  Then just expand your screen, press the correct button and go from there.    

  Remember, if you make a payment, it has not gone through until you get a message on your screen telling you that your payment went through.

  After making a Payment, always be sure to text Dr. B so that he can confirm that you payment went through.

Screen YourSelf for PTSD

 Just Click Here and follow the prompts.

The Group Schedule is Changing Now due to the Addition of some In-Person DV Groups.

 Be mindful of the Group Schedule Changes.  

>>> Please CLICK HERE (BELOW) to check out the New Schedules of Groups (Virtual and In-Person).

Dr. B's New Group Schedule

-- And Don't forget to CLICK HERE for the In-Person Group Treatment Consent Form!

Dr. Beverly is RE-Starting IN-Person DV Groups Next Week!

Beginning Monday, August 9th, 2021  

(Please note: In order to attend any In-Person Sessions at this point in time, you will need to digitally fill out and sign the form via the Link below this schedule.)

PLEASE NOTE -- Text Dr. B at least 24 hours ahead if you plan to attend an IN-Person Session instead of a Virtual Session.  Sometimes Space for IN-Person Sessions could be limited.

*** Please CLICK HERE for Dr. B's NEW GROUP Schedule. ***

Please Note: 

  If you attend any of the In-Person Groups (such as those listed Above); or any other appointment(s) in-person with Dr. Beverly, you will be required to complete a form that reads very much like the form that is LINKed below.  If you are not willing to do that, you should not attend In-Person Treatment Sessions with Dr. Beverly for now.  If this is the case, please make other arrangements with Dr. Beverly.  Feel free to Text Dr. B. if you have any questions.

  *** Please click on this Link Here in order to Review

and Complete the NEW Group Consent Form. ***