Personality Traits and Prevention of DV

How do Personality or Personality Traits Impact Our Relationships?

  Please consider that some study results "demonstrate(d) that personality traits shape the overall quality of one's relationship, which in turn influences the likelihood of relationship dissolution" (Source).   In other words, a Personality can make-or-break a relationship.

  And dissolution could also perhaps increase the possibility of Domestic Violence.  Because some of the most possibly violent times in a relationship are the months just before and the months just after a relationship Breaks-Up.  Then of course, perhaps our Personality Traits could influence DV-type Thinking, DV-Type Feeling and DV-Type Behaviors.

  Also, according to NIH, "Among the Big Five personality traits, emotional stability is often associated with positive relationship expectations. Whereas, low levels of emotional stability (a.k.a. high neuroticism) increases relationship instability and the likelihood of breakups (Roberts et al., 2007; Solomon and Jackson, 2014).Sep 29, 2017). 

Personality Traits might include the following: agreeableness, conscientiousness, openness, and emotional stability, flexibility, optimism, positivity, negativity, and pessimism,  sense of humor, empathy, assertiveness, curiosity, confidence, open-mindedness, self-awareness, and others.

Close Relationships and Personality Traits:

  “Understanding personality effects and their role in influencing relationship quality, varied according to gender and relationship duration, could help us better understand close relationships. Participants were Chinese dating dyads (couples) and were asked to complete both the Big Five Inventory and Perceived Relationship Quality Component scales. Males and those who had a long-term relationship perceived better relationship quality; individuals who scored higher on agreeableness, conscientiousness, openness, and emotional stability enjoyed better relationship quality; gender and/or relationship duration moderated the actor effect of extraversion and the partner effects of conscientiousness, emotional stability, and openness on relationship quality. Regarding the profile similarity, those couples who were more dissimilar in their profile personality had better relationship quality, especially when they were in a relatively long-term relationship. Meanwhile, with an increase in profile similarity, the males' perceived relationship quality decreased.”

  People are born into a complex network of social relations, of which the intimate relationship is one of the most important. In this kind of relationship, individuals interact with each other directly and deeply to pursue and construct a happy life.  A good long-term romantic relationship, in turn, can make an individual happier and lead to longer life expectancy (Claxton et al., 2012).

  In explorations of the factors affecting romantic relationship quality at the individual level, the role of personality has been widely confirmed.  Personality is a stable and fundamental psychological construct (Donnellan et al., 2005).  It (personality) better predicts the degree of relationship quality compared to other factors related to romantic relationships—such as attitudes, values, and beliefs (Luo and Klohnen, 2005). Therefore, understanding how personality influences the relationship quality can help scholars better understand the mechanisms of romantic relationship variation.” (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5626872/).

 Dr. B. Says, It's not always about our Personalities not Matching, or about our Values, or our Beliefs.  It's probably more about how our Personality allows us to convey our values and beliefs through our own Personality features.  And it's also about how our personality impacts the way we perceive the Values and Beliefs of others.

Personality Traits that may be helpful for Healthy Relationships include -- 

Which ones..... I gotta know!?!?!?

"There really is no one way to be or act in a relationship. We're all so different, and we all bring unique aspects of ourselves to the table, so if you're asking yourself how to be in a relationship, know that it's truly tough to pinpoint any specific personality traits all people who have success in love have in common.

 In reality, anyone, if they want it, can have a successful relationship. But there are a few traits that can make sharing your life with someone a helluva lot easier. "Successful relationships don't just happen by chance," Chicago-area couples therapist Theresa Herring, LMFT tells Bustle. "They require people to be intentional and do things that fill the relationship's emotional bank account rather than deplete it." That's why traits like flexibility, optimism, and positivity can go a long way when it comes to finding and keeping a healthy, long-term relationship, whereas things like negativity or pessimism might just get in the way."

Dr. B. says: "The Balance of the Emotional Bank Account Gets Higher with positive experiences with each other.  And positive experiences tend to depend on each person's Personality Traits and how they express them with their words , gestures and behaviors.  They also depend on how one perceives as well.  Basically, it's important to enjoy and make good memories with your partner."

 The original article continues: 

"That doesn't, however, mean you can't be in a healthy relationship if you aren't super cheerful, or a natural "glass half full" type. "While certain personality traits can help you find and maintain love, don't worry if you don't have them," Herring says. "These traits can be learned."  They're something you can decide to work on, and slowly begin to practice in your life.  You can also develop them by going to therapy, where you might, for example, learn to think with more positivity than negativity.

 Anyone can create a healthy, loving relationship if they want to.  And anyone can pick up the personality traits that make a LTR easier.  Here are the traits that experts say come in handy when it comes to having success with love."

 

1   Flexibility

Loving, long-term relationships require a certain degree of flexibility — especially when disagreements and conflicts arise. So the more you're willing to not always get your way and compromise, the better.

"If you are more flexible in your thinking style, then you typically have an easier time seeing another point of view and accepting that [there's often not a] 'right' or 'wrong' in a situation," relationship expert Sara Sedlik, MA, LMFT tells Bustle. "Both sides can be validated and both sides can learn to find the 'win-win' in a disagreement."

"This is a trait you can decide to adopt for yourself, by simply deciding you'll let things slide, and having a more "go with the flow" attitude. But it's also a trait that can be cultivated, possibly with the help of a therapist, who might be able to help you uncover why you were feeling more rigid in the past."

 

2   A Sense Of Humor

 "If anything's going to make life easier, and help you through difficult times, it's a sense of humor. "Humor is the most sophisticated of the natural defense mechanisms," Sedlik says. "If you take yourself too seriously, you are likely to let the small things weigh on you. If you can add humor into your life, and make light of a personally challenging situation or idiosyncrasy together (you both have to be on the same side of humor here), then the emotional charge is definitely less." (Andrew Zaeh for Bustle).

Dr. B. Says, "Making something lighter with a touch of humor or humility; is not the same as laughing at someone or being sarcastic.  Obviously, the latter could be destructive.  Basically, it comes down to not taking yourself too seriously.  Remember: It's more helpful to laugh with your partner; than to laugh at your partner."

 The original article continues: 

3   Empathy

"If a relationship is going to go the distance, it'll pretty much be a requirement that both partners have a strong sense of empathy. "This is the most important, in my opinion, because without empathy, we judge," Sedlik says. "And judgment leads to disconnection."  And disconnection leads to breakups."

Dr. B. says: "Empathy and Sympathy are NOT the same." 

The article continues:  "At the root of all relationships is the need to feel safe and vulnerable and truly seen for who we are without judgment," she says. "When we have empathy, we can reserve judgment and listen, validate, and have emotional connection."  (Andrew Zaeh for Bustle)."

 

4   Assertiveness

Assertiveness is another big one. "People in healthy relationships are able to state their needs and ask for them to be met," Herrings says. "They also, in turn, respond to their partner's requests," which is why this trait can help foster healthy, long-term relationships.

It can, however, be a tricky trait to learn — especially if you're shy or anxious. But again, it's something everyone can pick up, with time.   (Andrew Zaeh for Bustle)."

Dr. B. says, "A Key ingredient to Assertiveness is being Respectful.  Assertiveness requires Respect.  Whereas Aggressiveness or Aggression is different from Assertiveness.  When we are Aggressive, we are typically being Disrespectful.  And Disrespect kills relationships.  Think about it: Would you want to be with someone who disrespected you?"

 

5   Curiosity

"Curiosity is one trait that should be brought to a relationship in the beginning, and maintained from there on out. "Curiosity is crucial to maintaining healthy relationships because the ability to remain curious heads off relationship-damaging assumptions," therapist Alice Roberts, CSW tells Bustle. "When something goes wrong, a curious person holds their judgement until they understand more about the situation."

But a curious person might also find that their relationship stays fun and fresh, too — which goes a long way when it comes to staying together. "Curiosity ... helps couples avoid stagnation, as the curious couple is always going to be up for seeking out new adventures together," Roberts says.  (Alice Roberts, CSW).

Dr. B says: "If we remain curious -- especially in difficult times -- then we can hold off on judging our partner; and possibly head off the negative impact." 

 

6   Confidence

"People who are confident know what they want out of life, and they know how to get it, which is why "confidence plays a huge role in both attracting a partner and maintaining a secure long-term relationship," Roberts says.

"It's also a trait that makes it more likely you'll stand up for yourself in a relationship. As Roberts says, "Confident individuals are less prone to losing themselves in a relationship, allowing them to enjoy their partner as their equal." "Like assertiveness, confidence might seem like a trait that's impossible to attain. But it's one that can be worked on, and developed over time, with the help of friends, family — and possibly even a therapist."  (Andrew Zaeh for Bustle).

Dr. B. says, "Losing one's self in a relationship can be known as Codependency.  And this is sometimes a negative trait."

 

7   Positivity

"Again, you don't have to be a ray of sunshine in order to find love. But a sense of positivity certainly doesn't hurt. "When we’re around happy, upbeat individuals, it makes us happier too," Kat Haselkorn, a matchmaker with Three Day Rule in Washington, DC, tells Bustle. "Positivity makes you more fun to be around and can attract potential partners to you like a moth to a flame. If you’re a glass half empty person, it’s not the end of the world. Try to keep some of the negativity to yourself and find the positive spin on things. Then verbalize that."

 Positivity can also make relationship woes feel less earth-shattering. If you're going through a rocky period, for example, a sense of positivity can see you and your partner through to the other side.  (Hannah Burton/Bustle).

 

8   Open-Mindedness

 "If you're on a mission to find "the One," keeping an open mind certainly can help. "One reason for this is — love doesn't always come in the package we expect," Haselkorn says. "It's funny how many people have this checklist of characteristics they think they need to fall in love with someone, when really, that kind of rigid thinking can be isolating and lead to few opportunities for a relationship." That's why, people who allow themselves to "date outside the box," so to speak, may have more success in love.   (Andrew Zaeh for Bustle).

Dr. B. Says, "At the same time while you are trying not to be too picky, you want to be somewhat choosy and careful, and above all, take your time."

 

9   Self-Awareness

 Dr. B. says: "Being aware of ourselves helps us prevent bad things, and helps us say things that we need to say.  It also helps us know what we need.  It also helps us know what we don't want or don't need.  And it also helps us be more confident of ourselves; which then helps us be more pleasant and appealing to others.  

  It's important to identify, process, and accept  your own pain in life.  A cure is also a really wonderful thing.  At the same time, one should be careful to NOT be Ruminating to much -- or obsessing too much about the negative things in their life.  In other words if your World seems filled with negativity, it is good to avoid expressing negative emotions all the time.  Each expression (whether it's good or bad) has it's most appropriate and most effective time, place and situation to be shared.  

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And Surely There are Other Traits that could be Helpful to Having Good and Healthy Long Term Relationships.... RIGHT ???

In what ways might these Positive Personality Traits help prevent Domestic Violence?

•   More positivity -- can help ward off negative thinking and regretful behaviors.  
•   Staying Curious keeps us from being too judgmental.  Be sure that you truly KNOW what you think you know.  Judging the other person critically or too intensely or too often can lead to Domestic Violence or a breakup, to say the least. 
•   Empathy, or being more aware of others' feelings also helps us develop more understanding and perhaps even more patience; which also helps reduce DV.
•   Being assertive instead of being aggressive means we are more respectful and less disrespectful.  Which also means we are more communicative and less threatening.  And finally, it means we are probably more likely to get what we want and need.  
•   Being less insecure, and less jealous helps our relationships.  Being more secure helps us prevent jealousy as well.  Being secure in yourself is important.
•   Also being less rigid... or less one-minded can help.  Being more open-minded helps us to be able to truly consider things the other person is saying to us.  It also helps us be more patient.  And again, patience helps us prevent violence.
•   Being more flexible helps bring even very serious conflicts to a peaceful ending.  Look for win-win solutions. 
•   Being more able to compromise can be a key to happiness and longevity in healthy relationships.
•   Being fun to be with promotes confidence and is almost always a plus to help smooth things out and prevent crises.  Being fun to be with helps generate really good memories also.  And good memories are important.
• So above all, learn to laugh at yourself.

Think about it:  Could it be possible if BOTH me and my partner have healthier personality traits; then couldn't we have a better Relationship...  A more satisfying relationship.  And of course, a Relationship Free of Violence?

What might be your Positive Personality Profile???

*** Please CLICK HERE to 

Complete Your Positive Personality Profile Worksheet.***

(Originally Published 11/30/2020)

Sources: 

(From the Article: "9 Interesting Personality Traits All People Who Have Success With Love Have In Common"   (By:  BDG Media, Inc. By Carolyn Steber, May 3, 2018).  (Source).