Screen YourSelf for PTSD

 Just Click Here and follow the prompts.

The Group Schedule is Changing Now due to the Addition of some In-Person DV Groups.

 Be mindful of the Group Schedule Changes.  

>>> Please CLICK HERE (BELOW) to check out the New Schedules of Groups (Virtual and In-Person).

Dr. B's New Group Schedule

-- And Don't forget to CLICK HERE for the In-Person Group Treatment Consent Form!

Dr. Beverly is RE-Starting IN-Person DV Groups Next Week!

Beginning Monday, August 9th, 2021  

(Please note: In order to attend any In-Person Sessions at this point in time, you will need to digitally fill out and sign the form via the Link below this schedule.)

PLEASE NOTE -- Text Dr. B at least 24 hours ahead if you plan to attend an IN-Person Session instead of a Virtual Session.  Sometimes Space for IN-Person Sessions could be limited.

*** Please CLICK HERE for Dr. B's NEW GROUP Schedule. ***

Please Note: 

  If you attend any of the In-Person Groups (such as those listed Above); or any other appointment(s) in-person with Dr. Beverly, you will be required to complete a form that reads very much like the form that is LINKed below.  If you are not willing to do that, you should not attend In-Person Treatment Sessions with Dr. Beverly for now.  If this is the case, please make other arrangements with Dr. Beverly.  Feel free to Text Dr. B. if you have any questions.

  *** Please click on this Link Here in order to Review

and Complete the NEW Group Consent Form. ***

 We all know what we need to do:  

(We need to pay our IOU's ASAP!  There is no need to ask Dr. B for your Balance.  You can track this yourself (see below).  And believe me, Dr. B will let you know if you are not paid in full).

All you do is follow these simple steps: 

1. Multiply the number of Sessions that you have attended by $25 each.

2. Then Subtract the amount of any paid Vouchers (Your P.O. or Dr. B. can help you with that info). 

3. After that, Subtract any payments we have already made.

4. Then, you can Pay the Remaining Balance using the PayPal Button to the Right of this Page.  Just Click on the Picture Above; Or, simply Go to THIS PAYPAL LINK to pay right now!

5. If you cannot pay it all off at one time; please just pay the $25 every week, PLUS an extra $25 or some other amount to go toward your Balance until it is paid off.

Thank you.

wb

Helpful Info About The Power & Control Wheel & The Equality Wheel

The Power & Control Wheel: Everything You Need to Know.  The Power & Control Wheel is one of the most long-standing cornerstones of DV Offender Treatment.  Please take time to learn about this.
  Also, The Equality Wheel can been helpful in learning about WHAT TO DO; as opposed to The Power & Control Wheel which presents ideas about WHAT NOT TO DO.
  Just like the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions for Alcoholics Anonymous and other Recovery Programs; and just like The Ten Commandments; the Power & Control and the Equality Wheels off a brief set of ideas about What To DO and What Not To Do.   Equality is not only what you should do; but if you are in a Relationship, you should either be able to expect it.  Or at least that your partner is learning about, or willing to learn about how to have a Relationship based on Equality.

Dr. William T. Beverly

 Dr. William T. Beverly is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Specializing in Prevention of Family Violence.  He has offices in Walsenburg, Trinidad, Alamosa and Monte Vista, Colorado. 

  Dr. B. graduated with honors from Virginia Commonwealth University, has taught at 3 Universities, and has more than 25 years of diverse Clinical experiences.  Dr. Beverly works with numerous other Agencies, Physicians and Practioners in Southeastern Colorado.  Please Call or Text Dr. Beverly at  (719) 671-7793 for more information and/or to schedule an appointment.

Please Read:

  Everyone who attends a DV Session This Week should Pay for that Session This Week, either through the the PayPal / Debit Buttons Below (to the right), through mailing Payment to Dr. B.; or through Voucher.

  Everyone who has an IOU as of This Week, should Pay something on that IOU Every Week until that IOU is completely PAID off.

  Everyone who Attends a DV Session This Week and wants to get CREDIT for this Session SHOULD do three things: 

1. Complete BOTH the Session Worksheet(s) and the Session Feedback Form.  Do this EVERY WEEK.  (Links for those can be found at the bottom of each Session Text.)

2. Pay for this Session This Week (one way or another); and

3. Pay on their IOU if they have one.  You may calculate your Balance by taking your number of sessions multiplying it by your Co-Pay amount, and then subtracting from that, the amount of Vouchers that you have been issued and used within their time limit.  (Ask your P.O. if you need to know about your Vouchers).

Questions:  If you have any questions regarding this, please present your  questions to Dr. B. PRIVATELY.  Please use Text or Email to do this.

Mental Health Issues???  

Contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:  

    800-273-8255 (24/7) (English & Spanish).

*** Also If you feel that you need HELP, tell Dr. Beverly about your concerns and he can help you find the help that you need. ***

Set Me Free!!! Can Journaling Help Us Successfully Recover from A Domestic Violence Offense?

  Does Journaling Help Quell Domestic Violence – Type Thinking, Feeling and Behavior???

  The Fact is that for a lot of people, some of our thoughts and feelings, simply are not ready for Prime-Time.  At the same time, it is often very helpful for us to explore our thoughts and feelings and reason them out privately, for ourselves... before we act.

  Think about it: "What was going through my mind and my heart at the time just before and during my DV Offense?"

  What if I could have dealt with those pre-DV Offense thoughts and feelings without getting a Domestic Violence Charge?

  What would it be like if perhaps once a week, I sat down for a few minutes and I thought about some things and ideas that could help me to never again have DV-Troubles?  

  Could it help me to avoid DV in my future?  Probably so.

  And how could I grow past the person I was when I committed that DV Offense?  Perhaps it might help if I would periodically take a moment to consider the following about me and my situation.  (And It doesn't cost a penny to sit down and think about these things -- or even to write them down.  Yet this could yield very valuable results.)  These things to think about include the following:

   >>> My Good Changes & My Growth

   >>> My Wants & My Needs

   >>> My-Thinking and Re-Affirming My Goals

   >>> My New Insights / My New Knowledge

   >>> My New Sense of Confidence

   >>> My New Challenges

   >>> My New Skills & My Newly Discovered Strengths

   >>> My New Plans

   >>> My Supports (Old and New)

   >>> My New Hopes & My New Dreams

             >>> Positive Affirmations about myself. 

   >>> My Gratitude.  My New things, people and situations to be Thankful for.

  Just imagine what it might be like if once per week, I sat down and just took a moment to think about one or more of the items on the list above.  How might that process change me over time?  Could it maybe help me change for the better?

  I don't really have to think about all of the above all at one time.  It could be that like a puzzle, I could just place one piece per sitting -- and find some sense of accomplishment and esteem almost every time.

  At least I might start to feel more accomplished -- and that would be a wonderful thing.  I might also start feeling less stressed and more effective.

  

For example:

  In 2018, Intermountain Healing published an Article titled: "Writing To Better Health".  They suggested that people benefit from journaling in both Short-Term and Long-Term ways.  They say that Journaling:  

  "Reduces Stress. An overabundance of stress can be damaging to your physical, mental, and emotional health. It’s proven. Journaling is an incredible stress management tool, a good-for-you habit that lessens impact of physical stressors on your health. In fact, a study showed that expressive writing (like journaling) for only 15 to 20 minutes a day three to five times over the course of a four-month period was enough to lower blood pressure and improve liver functionality. Plus, writing about stressful experiences can help you manage them in a healthy way. Try establishing journaling as a pre-bedtime meditation habit to help you unwind and de-stress.

  Improves Immune Function. Believe it or not, expressive writing can strengthen your immunity and decrease your risk of illness. Those who journal boast improved immune system functioning (it strengthens immune cells!) as well as lessens symptoms of asthma and rheumatoid arthritis. Expressive writing has been shown to improve liver and lung function and combat certain diseases; it has even been reported to help the wounded heal faster.

  Keeps Memory Sharp. Journaling helps keep your brain in tip-top shape. Not only does it boost memory and comprehension, it also increases working memory capacity, which may reflect improved cognitive processing.

  Boosts Mood. Want more sunshine in your life? Try journaling. A unique social and behavior outcome of journaling is this: it can improve your mood and give you a greater sense of overall emotional well-being and happiness.

  Strengthens Emotional Functions. Related to mood is how journaling benefits overall emotional health: As journaling habits are developed, benefits become long-term, meaning that diarists become more in tune with their health by connecting with inner needs and desires. Journaling evokes mindfulness and helps writers remain present while keeping perspective. It presents an opportunity for emotional catharsis and helps the brain regulate emotions. It provides a greater sense of confidence and self-identity. Journaling can help in the management of personal adversity and change, and emphasize important patterns and growth in life.  Research even shows that expressive writing can help individuals develop more structured, adaptive, and integrated schemes about themselves, others, and the world. What’s more, journaling unlocks and engages right-brained creativity, which gives you access to your full brainpower. Truly, journaling fosters growth."

Question: "Have you ever had something you really wanted to say in a Relationship, but you just couldn't get to it?  How did that work out?"

I wonder how regular journaling could help with such challenges? 

    Sometimes, we don't really know what we want or need until we write it down.  Seeing it on paper, often has an effect on us. 

   Journaling can be accomplished in numerous forms: Writing a sentence or two per day; or Writing a song about how you feel; or Painting a picture that expresses how you feel or what you are thinking; Drawing a Map, or a Piece of Woodwork that has you in it; or even dictating an Email to yourself; Jotting down Experimental Notes in an Study; Marking notes in a Progress Report or Medical Chart; or even just jotting down a couple of words on an index card that you keep in your pocket or your purse.    

Journaling and Mental Health:

  The Health Encyclopedia by the University of Rochester Medical Center, writes about "Journaling for Mental Health" and they suggest the following: 

"One of the ways to deal with any overwhelming emotion is to find a healthy way to express yourself. This makes a journal a helpful tool in managing your mental health. Journaling can help you:

 >>> Manage anxiety

 >>> Reduce stress

 >>> Cope with depression

 

Journaling helps control your symptoms and improve your mood by:

>>> Helping you prioritize problems, fears, and concerns

>>> Tracking any symptoms day-to-day so that you can recognize triggers and learn ways to better control them

>>> Providing an opportunity for positive self-talk and identifying negative thoughts and behaviors

 When you have a problem and you're stressed, keeping a journal can help you identify what’s causing that stress or anxiety.  Once you’ve identified your stressors, you can work on a plan to resolve the problems and reduce your stress.

Keep in mind that journaling is just one aspect of a healthy lifestyle for better managing stress, anxiety, and mental health conditions."

They also write about "How To Journal".  "Try these tips to help you get started with journaling:

  >>>  Try to write every day. Set aside a few minutes every day to write. This will help you to write in your journal regularly.

>>>  Make it easy. Keep a pen and paper handy at all times. Then when you want to write down your thoughts, you can. You can also keep a journal on your smartphone.

 

>>>  Write or draw whatever feels right. Your journal doesn't need to follow any certain structure. It's your own private place to discuss and create whatever you want to express your feelings.  Let the words and ideas flow freely.  Don't worry about spelling mistakes or what other people might think.

>>>  Use your journal as you see fit. You don't have to share your journal with anyone. If you do want to share some of your thoughts with trusted friends and loved ones, you could show them parts of your journal.

  Keeping a journal helps you create order when your world feels like it’s in chaos. You get to know yourself by revealing your most private fears, thoughts, and feelings.  Look at your writing time as personal relaxation time.  It's a time when you can de-stress and wind down.  Write in a place that's relaxing and soothing, maybe with a cup of tea.  Look forward to your journaling time.  And know that you're doing something good for your mind and body."

Journaling to help with Recovery from a DV Offense 

  What kinds of things could a person with a DV-Related Offense Journal about that could be helpful and contribute to continued healing from that DV Offense?  

  What kinds of things could a person with a DV-Related Offense Journal about that could help them move toward healing in terms of; Accountability; and also help them move toward a Happier / Healthier Self?  Plus this could help us move towards having healthier and more enriching moments, lives and relationships?

   Below is a list of topics that a person could write into the first page of their DV Prevention Journal.  Each time we Journal -- whether it is Daily, every few days, or even Weekly, we can write about one or all of these topics:

• My Good Changes / My Growth: What are some things that I have recently changed for the better?

• My Wants / My Needs: What could I write right now that shows me that I truly want to have a Future without Domestic Violence?  What will I Want or Need in a Life Free of DV?

• Re-Affirming My Goals: This is a chance for me to Re-Affirm my Goals for my Future without Domestic Violence in my Life?  What Goals do I have that can help me find a Future without DV?  It could be as simple as making a list on a piece of paper.  It's the thinking that really gets the process going.  

• My New Insights: What are some New Insights that I have these days?  What are some New and Helpful Things that I am Thinking About or Learning About?

• My New Sense of Confidence:  What are some Things that I feel more Confident about right now than ever before?

• My New Challenges:  What are some new Challenges that I am now facing?  How do I feel about that?

• My New Strengths, New Skills / New Ways of Thinking: What have I learned?  What are some New Skills / New Thinking that I want to / or need to Learn About soon in order to Better Meet These Challenges?  What are some New Strengths about me that I am identifying these days?  How could I use those Strengths to help me prevent DV in the future?

• My New Plans: What is my Plan for now?  A Plan that could help me to overcome these Challenges?  What Plans will I need in order to move successfully into the Future?

• My Supports (Old and New): Who might I speak with / or Where might I search in order to help me successfully meet and deal with these Challenges in case I run out of Ideas?

• My New Hopes: What Hopes do I now have for the future?  What gives me Hope for a Future Without Domestic Violence?

• Positive Affirmations about Myself.   

• My Gratitude: What are some Things or People that I am grateful for, who are Helping Me to Overcome Domestic Violence?

• What do you think might be some good things to Journal About?

The Step-benefits of journaling include:

-- Just feeling what you feel right now;

-- Thinking how your life feels right now:

-- Just thinking about it and how you might want to say it;

-- Thinking about how you want to express it: (writing, poetry, songs, pictures, finger-painting, all kinds of ways to express yourself...)  The Journal does not have to be on paper.

-- The act of writing it down.

*** Please Click Here to Complete Your My DV Prevention Journal Worksheet!*** 

Sources: 

https://intermountainhealthcare.org/blogs/topics/live-well/2018/07/5-powerful-health-benefits-of-journaling/

Journaling for Mental Health:  https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentID=4552&ContentTypeID=1#:~:text=Journaling%20helps%20control%20your%20symptoms,and%20identifying%20negative%20thoughts%20and&text=Journaling%20helps%20control%20your%20symptoms,and%20identifying%20negative%20thoughts%20and

Denial and Responsibility -- Again...

   This week's lesson is about the Responsibility and Denial.  

Why is Responsiblity improtant?

Then why shiolud we be willing and able and willing to recognize when we are in denia. 

The question is can I admit when I mess up?  Can I admit it when I make a poor choice?  

Sometimes it seems difficult to try and own what I have done without any excuses or blame.  

The Grieving Process when someone passes away; or when you take big loss -- or even when you get your heart broken... it's like someone passed away almost.  It leaves a hole.  Not the same person any more... We go through these stages Grieving... 

DABDA -- Denial Anger Bargaining Depression Acceptance   (E.K.Ross, 1969). 

  We go through these stages when someone passes away.  

  The idea is to take accountability / responsibility for things we have done; without letting our natural sense of Denial take over.  

  

  The Worksheet for this week may be found at this Link.  Just Click Here to Complete the Worksheet.

To Love, Honor and Cherish: Would A More Thorough Understanding Of These Words Help Prevent Domestic Violence?

  Somewhere during my lifetime, the traditional American Wedding Vows changed in a significant way -- at one time, the Men promised to "Love, Honor and Cherish for as long as we both shall live".  Meanwhile, the Women -- in the spirit of their historical oppression; would promise to "Love, Honor and Obey for as long as we both shall live."  

  Of course, many different Cultures and Sub-Cultures throughout the World have different traditions related to Marriage and Coupledom.

  These days, some couples -- rather than taking there time, Courting, Sparking, becoming Engaged, and then finally getting married; Many Postmodern Couples appear to fall in love at warp speed; then just casually head off down the road of the trials and tribulations of Cohabitation, Common-Law Marriage and perhaps even Partnership.  Still for what seems to be too many, there are couples who only weeks after meeting each other-- and without so much as meeting each others' families or friends -- decide to take one kind of plunge or another, and with such rapid moves that even a roadrunner couldn't catch them.

  It's almost like sometimes, we are so desperate for what we think is Love, that we will settle in a heartbeat for companionship with almost any willing candidate, or someone good-looking.  And they will venture in with optimism as long as the Sex is good, the Money is plenty, the Social Status is tolerable, and/or perhaps, we just think they could make a real nice Trophy.

  While this path often leads to a lifetime of Bliss; it also has hundreds of thousands of times, led to Tragedy.  

  And perhaps the worst part of these arrangements is that -- Married or NOT -- while many Men and Women sometimes suffer enormously following Break-Ups; when there are children involved; it is quite frequently the children who suffer the most; and this kind of childhood trauma can sometimes last for a Lifetime,

  It is clear that many things have changed around the Human Rituals related to Coupling, Mating and Procreation.  One broadly-practiced alteration -- quite possibly happening due to the post-WW2 Baby-Boom, followed by the Divorce-Boom, and then what some call "The Breakdown of the American Family" -- is that many people these days simply do not get married anymore.  Whereas, in the 1960's, it was considered Taboo to have a child out of Wedlock.  Well, now....  you know what I mean.

  While this essay is not intended to promote marriage; one wonders how many lives might be changed for the better if more Couples made their actual, witnessed -- and even Licensed -- Marriage Vows Together; rather than just Shacking Up together.  

  What do you think?

Some History About the Idea of: To Love, Honor and Cherish:

  It’s almost a no-brainer to assume that people have been making commitments to each other in one form or another for a very long time.

  “In the time of the Roman Empire (17 BC – 476 AD) the lower classes had "free" marriages. The bride's father would deliver her to the groom, and the two agreed that they were wed, and would keep the vow of marriage by mutual consent. Wealthy Romans, though, would sign documents listing property rights to publicly declare that their union was legalized and not a common law marriage. This was the beginning of the official recording of marriage”

  "Some Traditional Wedding Vows (in Western Civilization) can be traced back to the manuals of the medieval church. In England, there were manuals of the dioceses of Salisbury (Sarum) and York. The compilers of the first Book of Common Prayer, published in 1549, based its marriage service mainly on the Sarum manual” (Source).  It should also be noted that the Jews, Hindus and Buddhists also have their Wedding Vows.  Even persons of non-religious, Atheist or secular persuasions Vows such as, “I promise to love, respect, protect, and trust you. I promise to give you the best of myself, because I know that together we will build a life far better than either of us could imagine alone. I choose you. I'll choose you over and over and over again, and I'll keep choosing you” (Source).

One thing for sure is that "To Love, Honor and Cherish" means different things to different people.

  The History of the traditional Wedding Vows according to one Author's Perspective goes as follows:

  "Once upon a time, thankfully not ours, women were considered property. Marriage contracts were usually a financial transaction. A lot of bargaining would take place before a marriage to settle on the bride price, with the poor female the pawn of it all. They had little choice in the matter of whom they would marry. "Love is for the poor for they do not care if they starve, because they already are", was the belief.

  When they were led down to the altar, they would seem to be so docile. The truth is that some were usually drugged so that they wouldn't run away. The practice of being veiled was embraced as a way that the groom wouldn't see the bride's tears. The women would have to say out loud that they would love, honor and OBEY the man who now was their husband and that was that.

  Thanks to women's lib, this is no longer the case. The ladies may choose their mates, be it for financial gain or for love; maybe even both. They are considered equal partners of the men they will marry and as such the vows have been changed to love, honor and cherish.

  Of course, you don't need to use those vows either. You can make your vows completely personal and from the heart. It can make your wedding more memorable for both of you. Just check first with your officiant if you can go ahead and do this, some may be really strict and insist on the basic vows (though they are rare)" (Graham, Lesley-Ann, 2006).

  On the other hand, About Marriage, more traditionally speaking in this culture, The Holy Bible offers a number of ideas about such to many whom it has guided in the practices of Love and Marriage over the past two Millennia.  Two passages that seem to go together are as follows: 

"Ephesians 5:25: "For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her." 9. Genesis 2:24: "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.""

 

Does it Really Make a Difference Whether or not we are Married When it Comes to Domestic Violence or Family Violence?

  Does it really make a difference if people are Married or Living Together?  That is a question for the Ages.  One bit of information regarding this comes from "REWIRE" and Author, Katie Moritz (2018), who wrote an article titled: “How Domestic Violence is Different for Unmarried Couples”.  It reads: 

  "Maybe you've heard the statistic: one in three women and one in four men will experience domestic violence. It's a reminder of how very common it is to find yourself in a violent situation with someone you trusted. But with fewer and fewer people getting married these days, shouldn't domestic violence rates be going down, too?

  Sadly, no. The vast majority of reported domestic assaults actually take place between boyfriends and girlfriends. Researchers at the University of Pennsylvania discovered that more than 80 percent of incidents of domestic violence reported to the Philadelphia police in 2013 happened between current or former unmarried couples.

  These relationships were also more violent than those between married couples.

   “Current boyfriends or girlfriends were more likely than current spouses to injure their victims,” said researcher Susan B. Sorenson, director of Penn’s Evelyn Jacobs Ortner Center on Family Violence, in a news release about the research.

  "They were more likely to push and shove, to grab, to punch," Sorenson explained. "They were more likely to strangle—some pretty awful behaviors toward a partner. They were also more likely to use a knife, a bat or another kind of weapon.  We were not expecting to find this."  (https://www.rewire.org/domestic-violence/).

  

One Wonders: Why might this be this way?  Perhaps one reason for this is because Couples who are not married have yet to make such Vows to each other such as to Love, Honor and Cherish -- which can be made with or without a Church Wedding.  One benefit of marrying within a Church (in some cases) is that couples are encouraged to learn about Marriage before getting married.  Or for example, in Texas they wave part of the Marriage License Fee if Couples under go several Educational-Counseling sessions prior to the Wedding.

 

  So it could be that one possible key to a Safe and Happy Relationship would be some sort of Vow, a Covenant, a Contract, or at least some Promises between.  Perhaps making some sort of agreement with each other could be helpful.

  It could be that the Psychology of this phenomenon is that many humans tend to work better -- or to become better partners -- when there is an understanding that this is a Long-Term Relationship with Clear Expectations and Boundaries; as opposed to it being just a temporary Arrangement of Convenience.  

So If We Are Going To Live Together; Should We Commit To Love, Honor and Cherish -- Even if we are Not Married?  Perhaps so.. that is if we are going to be together, Right?

   Regardless of Married or Not -- and particularly when a Couple decides to bring a child into the world -- we should probably at least commit To Love, Honor and Cherish each other.  Otherwise -- with exception of purely Sexually Recreational Relationships; why would we be having sex, living together and even having children; if we cannot make meaningful commitment to each other?  Even though this is not necessarily a very meaningful commitment for some people.

  Another important questions is that If we are going to have kids; yet there is no commitment; is it healthy for the kids?  Some say that even if we are not married; but we had children together, and then we split up; we should still love, honor and cherish our co-parent(s) -- For the children's sake.  What do you think of that?  

Back to the Basics of Love, Honor and Cherish:

  Think about the basic terms of Love, Honor and Cherish.  What do they mean?  More importantly, What Do They Mean To You?  And What Do They Mean To Your Partner?  

  If we are getting married; it is quite possible that we are going to think carefully about these terms (to Love, Honor and Cherish); prior to taking the Vows.  And if I think more clearly about this before-hand, am I not less likely to make a mistake of marrying the wrong person?

What does it mean, To Love?

"“Love encompasses a range of strong and positive emotional and mental states, from the most sublime virtue or good habit, to the deepest interpersonal affection, to the simplest pleasure.” (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love)

According to the dictionary, love is "an intense feeling of deep affection."

Meanwhile, Urban Dictionary defines love as, "The act of caring and giving to someone else. Having someone's best interest and wellbeing as a priority in your life. To truly love is a very selfless act."  (Source)."

According to Dr. B., Love is the Ability and the Willingness to Accept someone for the way they are Right Now, and in the Future and on and on and on .

 

What does it mean, To Honor?  (Why is this a part of the Wedding Vows?)

"“Honour or honor is the idea of a bond between an individual and a society as a quality of a person that is both of social teaching and of personal ethos, that manifests itself as a code of conduct, and has various elements such as valour, chivalry, honesty, and compassion.” (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honour).

According to Eagle Family Ministries: “The strength in “honor” is in its definition. As defined by Webster, it is as high respect, esteem, and exalted title or rank. In practical terms, that means to recognize the worth of our spouse and decide to cherish them as a treasure they are. Honor instructs us to put our other half ahead of ourselves and others (The only seat higher than our spouse is God). Also, it is giving them the very best version of you, instead of giving that to others.  Last, but not least, it is “the little things” that we do every day that builds honor in marriage” (Eagle Family Ministries.  Source.)

 

What does it mean, To Cherish?

"To hold dear : feel or show affection for.  To keep or cultivate with care and affection.  To nurture."  (Source).

Important Questions to Ask Yourself -- and possibly to ask your Partner -- especially before you make a long-term Commitment:

  So what does it take to successfully love, honor and cherish someone -- how does it all start? To begin this process we probably need to answer some questions.  Perhaps, we first need to learn how to do these things for our Selves -- To Love My Self, To Honor My Self, and To Cherish My Self...  Then, once we can do that, we can begin to ask the following in a serious way regarding our intentions as they relate to our prospective partner:

>>> Am I definitely ready to Love, Honor and Cherish My Partner?

>>> Am I truly able to Love, Honor and Cherish My Partner?

>>> Do I really want to Love, Honor and Cherish My Partner?

Then, we might get to the following questions: 

>>> Does this other person wish to Love, Honor and Cherish me --  And.... are they truly Able and Ready and Willing to do this with me?

Note: If we BOTH are Ready, Able and Willing to Love, Honor and Cherish each other.... there is a possibility that our relationship will be good.

>>> >>> >>>  AND does it feel as if we Can BOTH go on like this .... For Ever and Ever and For Ever as Long as We BOTH Shall Live.   (Think about it....)

  And Remember: If the other person is not Ready, Willing and Able to Love, Honor and Cherish you; it may not be about you at all.  More so, it may be about the fact that they are not yet Ready, Willing and Able to Love, Honor and Cherish themselves....

  And then there are cases where we have totally different definitions of these words.  This is why it can be a good thing to talk about it ahead of time; rather than rushing into it... 

  Until we get to this point in our Relationships (as described above, where we are Ready, Willing and Able to Love, Honor, and Cherish); perhaps we should just settle for Dating the person(s) to whom we feel attracted; rather than marrying or shacking up with them?  

  This way, perhaps fewer people might get hurt.

Discussion Questions: 

  How might our World change if we held ourselves to a standard that says: We would only want to live with, or marry someone, or have children with them if we are truly ready, willing and able to Love, Honor and Cherish them for life?  

Or..

  How might our World change if we held ourselves to a standard that says, we would only want to live with, or marry someone, or have children with them if they were also ready, willing and able to Love, Honor and Cherish us for ever and ever?

  Oh... But that take some more time, doesn't it...?  Hence, Patience really is a Virtue for those who value a Peaceful Home...

***Please CLICK HERE to Complete Your Love, Honor and Cherish Worksheet!***

Always remember to complete your Session Feedback Form after each Session.  

*** Also, please Click Here complete your Session Feedback Form for today's Session.

And Remember, it is never too early to work on another Treatment Plan.       

 

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Music:

It's Too Late Baby (Carol King)

Where is the Love (Roberta Flack & Donny Hathaway)

There is Love (Peter, Paul and Mary)

Cherish (The Association)

I Love You Baby (Frankie Valli)

Cherish (Cool & the Gang)

Do Ya Do Ya Want My Love (ELO)

Want Somebody to Love (Queen)

Sources: 

https://ezinearticles.com/?Love,-Honor-and-Obey-The-History-Of-Wedding-Vows&id=215344

https://www.rewire.org/domestic-violence/

https://www.eaglefamily.org/honor-build-achieve-marriage/#:~:text=As%20defined%20by%20Webster%2C%20it,than%20our%20spouse%20is%20God

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_vows#:~:text=The%20oldest%20traditional%20wedding%20vows,mainly%20on%20the%20Sarum%20manual.

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/love-sex/relationships/a26857708/definition-of-love/

https://www.minted.com/wedding-ideas/wedding-vows/secular#:~:text=I%20promise%20to%20love%2C%20respect,'ll%20keep%20choosing%20you.%E2%80%9D

Using Gratitude for Healthier Relationships and Prevention of Domestic Violence

  “The word gratitude comes from the Latin root gratus, meaning “pleasing; welcome; agreeable.” Gratus is also the root of related terms such as grace, gratuity and gratis, all signifying positive moods, actions and ideas” (Source).

A Brief History of Thankfulness and Gratitude:

  Whether at home during our childhood, at school as we learn and grow, within our religions, our clubs, our traditions, our associations, our teams, our Tribes, our cultures, out on the streets, in churches, and even at work, and in adult personal relationships; we learn about Gratefulness and Thankfulness and the many values of such.  

  Further, the practices of Gratitude and Thankfulness go back possibly 3,200 years or more among Humans.  For example: In the Torah, the Hebrew Bible which largely forms the Old Testament of the "Bible" one will find the concept of Gratefulness.  Also, the Buddhist Tradition includes forms of Gratitude and Thankfulness going back 3,500 years.  And per one interpretation of Islam for Muslims, "God mentions thankfulness even before belief in Him."  In Islam, dating back about 1,300 years, "The Concept of Gratefulness in Islam, as one author explains: "one of our foremost duties is to be grateful to God for all of His blessings. We can describe three levels of thankfulness:  To realize and appreciate all blessings by and within the heart.  To say thanks with the tongue.  and To express gratitude by doing righteous deeds” (Source).

  Regardless of one's Religious beliefs; it seems that the Tradition of Human Thankfulness and Gratitude dates back at least 3,500 years and probably much further among various Indigenous Tribes throughout the World including the Navajo and even the Celtic.  Hence, it is logical to assume that there must be some benefits for Humans in realizing and expressing their thoughts and feelings around Thankfulness and Gratefulness.   

  In other words, if Humans have been Thankful and/or Grateful for thousands of years, it is quite possibly a good thing, and an important thing to learn about as we mature. 

What good does it do for us to feel Thankful?  How does Gratefulness help us?  

  It seems reasonable to assume that if we are spending more time feeling Thankful or Grateful, then we are quite possibly spending less time feeling angry or feeling cheated.

  It also seems that if we are spending more time and energy expressing our Thankfulness or our Gratitude, then we are spending less time expressing resentment, bitterness or hatred.  

  Which type of person would you rather spend your time with: 

  A person who is frequently feeling Angry or Bitter, and acting Resentful and/or Hateful; or a person who is frequently feeling Thankful or Grateful and acting Humble and/or Appreciative?

  Finally, Which type of person would you rather be: Thankful and Grateful -- even for the little things in life; Or Ungrateful?

As for the Evolution of Gratitude:   

  Psychologist Malinia Suchak of the Greater Good Science Center suggests: 

  “Plenty of research shows the benefit of saying thank you, as well as of other expressions of gratitude. Gratitude is one of the fundamentally important parts of human life, and comparative psychologists like myself are always interested in where these things come from, in the grand scheme of things. How did we as humans end up as a species for whom gratitude is as much a part of our social relationships as gossip?

  It turns out this question is centuries old, with Darwin himself suggesting that humans and other animals share the “same emotions, even the more complex ones such as jealousy, suspicion, emulation, gratitude, and magnanimity.” And—at least for gratitude—some initial research by my colleagues and I suggests that Darwin might be right” (https://gratefulness.org/resource/the-evolution-of-gratitude/).”

 

Is Being Thankful and/or Grateful Good For You?

  It seems logical to assume that being Thankful and being Grateful for the good things in life and in relationships is good for us in a number of ways.  

  In the field of Positive Psychology, there has already been a good bit of research done on the benefits of Gratitude:  

"Research shows that gratitude can:

•  Gratitude can Help you make friends. One study found that thanking a new acquaintance makes them more likely to seek a more lasting relationship with you.
•  <<<_____>>>

•  Gratitude can Improve your physical health. People who exhibit gratitude report fewer aches and pains, a general feeling of health, more regular exercise, and more frequent checkups with their doctor than those who don’t.
•  <<<_____>>>

•  Gratitude can Improve your psychological health. Grateful people enjoy higher wellbeing and happiness and suffer from reduced symptoms of depression.
•  <<<_____>>>

•  Gratitude can Enhance empathy and reduces aggression. Those who show their gratitude are less likely to seek revenge against others and more likely to behave in a prosocial manner, with sensitivity and empathy.
•  <<<_____>>>

•  Gratitude can Improve your sleep.  Practicing gratitude regularly can help you sleep longer and better.  (Better sleep to a clearer mind..).
•  <<<_____>>>

•  Gratitude can Enhance your self-esteem. People who are grateful have increased self-esteem, partly due to their ability to appreciate other peoples’ accomplishments.
•  <<<_____>>>

•  Gratitude can Increase mental strength. Grateful people have an advantage in overcoming trauma and enhanced resilience, helping them to bounce back from highly stressful situations. (Morin, 2014).  (https://positivepsychology.com/gratitude-exercises/)."
• <<<_____>>> 

 

  According to Chowdhury, (2020), "The Neuroscience of Gratitude and How it Affects Anxiety and Grief"; "In its simplest form, gratitude refers to a ‘state of thankfulness’ or a ‘state of being grateful’."

  Chowdhury (2020) also reports that: 

• "Gratitude impacts on mental and physical well-being. Positive psychology and mental health researchers in the past few decades have established an overwhelming connection between gratitude and good health.  Keeping a gratitude journal causes less stress, improves the quality of sleep, and builds emotional awareness (Seligman, Steen, Park and Peterson, 2005).
• <<<_____>>> 

•   Further, Chowdhury explains that:  "In positive psychology, gratitude is the human way of acknowledging the good things of life. Psychologists have defined gratitude as a positive emotional response that we perceive on giving or receiving a benefit from someone (Emmons & McCullough, 2004)."
• <<<_____>>> 

•   Gratitude is positively correlated to more vitality, energy, and enthusiasm to work harder."  Chowdhury wrote that: "Thanking others, thanking ourselves, Mother Nature, or the Almighty – gratitude in any form can enlighten the mind and make us feel happier. It has a healing effect on us. (Russell and Fosha, 2008). (Chowdury, 2020)"
• <<<_____>>> 

 

• Chowdhury also explains: 

•   "There are different types of benefits one gets from being Grateful.  For example, one gets Psychological Benefits for "A Happier You", Physical Benefits for "A Fitter You", and Social benefits for "A Better You".
• <<<_____>>>

•   In a Neuro-scientific way, Gratitude reportedly helps neurotransmitters to produce substances that help improve one's mental health.
• <<<_____>>>

•   That "Gratitude Brings Happiness."  Further, Gratitude "Improves Interpersonal Relationships".
• <<<_____>>>

•   "Gratitude can improve Relationships: "Couple studies have also indicated that partners who expressed their thankfulness to each other often, could sustain their relationships with mutual trust, loyalty, and had long-lasting happy relationships."
• <<<_____>>>

•   "Gratitude helps promote Optimism, Selflessness, Spirituality, Empathy and Self-Esteem. In turn, these sensations may lead one toward True Happiness." (Chowdhury, 2020) 
• <<<_____>>>

The Gratitude Journal Exercise: 

  Chowdhury (2020) also suggests that people practice something Simple, such as keeping a "Gratitude Journal".  "Gratitude journaling is the habit of recording and reflecting on things (typically three) that you are grateful for on a regular basis. ... Keeping a gratitude journal is a popular practice in positive psychology - the scientific study of happiness."

  Below is a Gratitude Journal model offered by TherapistAide.com (2015) that has been adapted for Prevention of Domestic Violence: 

Title: "Why I’m Grateful" (Complete the sentence of 3 or more of these...):

• I am grateful for my Life because... _______________ ...

• I am grateful for the Life of my Partner because... _______________ ...

• I am grateful for my family and my children because... _______________ ...

• Something good that my Partner and I shared this week was... _______________ ... 

• I am grateful for my work because... _______________ ...

• Something silly that I am grateful for... _______________ ...

• Something else that I am grateful for … _______________ ...

  Think about it: How might taking a moment to think about questions related to our Thankfulness or our Gratefulness such as those above be good for us and for our interpersonal relationships?  What might be some benefits of this to us?

• It's Easy to do.  And it's FREE Too!
• It Only takes a few minutes per week, perhaps...
• It Might help me develop a Better Attitude.
• This could help us build stronger bonds.
• Could give me Better Understanding of a lot of things.
• Gratefulness helps me let go of Negative Emotions.
• It might improve my Health.
• Just being able to Appreciate what I have around me can be a blessing in and of itself.  What I actually have could be a blessing too especially once I realize it.
• It could help me feel better about myself.
• It Might make me seem like I am a nicer person if I am Grateful.  I might seem to be Thankful too.
• Gratefulness Helps in New Relationships; and in More Mature Relationships alike.
• Provides us with New more Positive things to Discuss with Our Loved Ones and with Strangers too.
• Doing so regularly Could Help me Build More Confidence in Myself.
• It Might even help me to Express More Gratitude to my Partner over time.  My Gratefulness could help my Partner feel better about herself or himself also help them feel more positive about our relationship.
• It May help me to feel less resentment and less anger about the negative things in my life and in my past.
• Gratefulness quite possibly Helps me to be more energetic and more positive at my Work -- It might help me perform better as well.
• Gratitude might make me a Better Person.

Discussion Question: 

  For example, It stands to reason that if we are more aware of the things in a Relationship and in Life that we can be Grateful for or Thankful for; that we would then perhaps be at least a little more humble in our relationships; and that some degree of humbleness or humility can possibly help lead us to being better Partners in Relationships; hence we could have Happier and Healthier Relationships.  

  What are some other possible ways that Gratitude or Thankfulness might help us to have Healthier and Happier Relationships?

   

  * Please CLICK HERE to Complete Your Gratitude & 

Thankfulness for Healthy Relationships Worksheet. *

Always remember to complete your Session Feedback Form after each Session.  

*** Also, please Click Here complete your Session Feedback Form for today's Session.

And Remember, it is never too early to work on another Treatment Plan.       

 

* Please Click Here to Work on Another Treatment Plan. *

About Paying for Sessions...

PLEASE CLICK HERE TO PAY VIA PAYPAL!

Thank you.  And have a nice day.

Music:  

  "Blue Sky" (The Allman Brothers Band).

  "Good Day Sunshine" (The Beatles).

  "I Want To Thank You!!!"  (ZZ Top).

  "How Sweet It Is To Be Loved By You" (Marvin Gaye).

  "Tupelo Honey" (Tupelo Honey).

  "Thank You." (Led Zepplin).

  "Peaceful Easy Feeling" (The Eagles)

  "Heard it in a Love Song" (The Marshall Tucker Band)

Sources: 

  (Chowdhury, M. R. (7/22/20) From: "The Neuroscience of Gratitude and how if Effects Anxiety and Grief".  Retrieved for Gratitude Therapy.)

  (Kandler, M. (9/6/2018).  From: Retrieved 7/22/2020, from: "What is a Gratitude Journal?'  Happy Feed.) 

  https://marytn.medium.com/the-concept-of-thankfulness-in-islam-b16e9e40332a#:~:text=Gratitude%20in%20Islam%20is%20a%20form%20of%20worship.&text=Being%20ungrateful%20to%20God%20is,most%20of%20them%20are%20ungrateful.&text=And%20be%20grateful%20for%20the,is%20He%20Whom%20you%20worship.

 

  (Morin, 2014).  (https://positivepsychology.com/gratitude-exercises/).

  (TherapistAid.com, 2015)

  https://www.forbes.com/sites/luisromero/2017/11/22/gratitude-the-ultimate-spiritual-practice-a-thanksgiving-special/?sh=15a9c2222706

(c. 2021, All information on the Blog (Except where otherwise noted); are the intellectual and/or photographic and/or digital property of Dr. William T. Beverly, L.C.S.W., DVOMB Approved Offender Treatment Provider.)