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Living in and surviving a type of hell that probably less than 1% of humans have any idea could exist, Victor Frankl was of sound mind enough to seriously ponder the idea that; Yes, you have a stimulus, and yes you have a response. And sometimes we just want to respond to the stimulus without giving it much thought. But this is often where serious errors in judgement occur resulting in mistakes -- some of which resulting in permanent damage.
In a way, perhaps, Frankl was witnessing and subject to some of the most consequential Cognitive Distortions in Human History.
The Nazis had decided that the Jews must be exterminated; According to the Holocaust Encyclopedia, "During the Holocaust, millions of Jews were held across the vast Nazi camp system, and an estimated 3.5 to 3.7 million Jews were murdered specifically within the camps" (Source). "Out of the approximately 6 million Jews murdered in the Holocaust, an estimated 3.5 to 3.7 million were killed specifically within these camps, predominantly through the use of poison gas chambers at dedicated killing centers such as Auschwitz-Birkenau, Treblinka, Belzec, Chelmno, and Sobibor." (Source).
"On 19 October 1944, he was deported to the Dachau subcamp Kaufering III, where he arrived on 25 October, after a brief layover of three days in the transit-camp section at Auschwitz." (Source).
"Viktor Emil Frankl (Austrian German: [ˈfraŋkl̩]; 26 March 1905 – 2 September 1997)[1] was an Austrian neurologist, psychiatrist, philosopher, and Holocaust survivor,[2] who founded logotherapy, a school of psychotherapy that describes a search for a life's meaning as the central human motivational force.[3] Logotherapy is part of existential and humanistic psychology theories.[4]" (Source).
Existential therapy - Why do I exist?
Man's search for meaning?
What is the meaning of my life?
"Core PrinciplesWill to Meaning: The core belief that striving to find meaning in life is our most powerful motivating force.
Freedom of Will: Humans have the freedom to make choices and take a stand, even-faced with difficult or tragic circumstances.
Meaning in Suffering: Life can retain meaning even through pain, guilt, and death.
How We Find Meaning: According to Frankl, meaning is discovered in three main ways:
Creative values: By creating a work, accomplishing a task, or doing a deed.
Experiential values: By experiencing something fully or loving someone deeply.
Attitudinal values: By the stance and courage we show during unavoidable suffering." (Source.)
LogoTherapy: "Logotherapy is a form of existential psychotherapy focused on helping people find purpose and meaning in life as the primary driving force in human motivation" (Source).
Something happens and then maybe you do something about it maybe you don't.
"The famous quote "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom" encapsulates the core philosophy of psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl. [1, 2]
Meaning of the Quote
- The Stimulus: An external event, trigger, or action that happens to you. [1, 2]
- The Response: How you choose to react or behave in return. [1]
- The Space: The momentary pause where you drop automatic reactivity and activate conscious awareness. [1]
- Growth and Freedom: Your capacity to decide your attitude and actions, rather than letting the environment dictate your emotions. [1]
According to the Viktor Frankl Institute, while this exact phrasing does not explicitly appear in his seminal book Man's Search for Meaning, it perfectly mirrors his psychological teachings on human agency and responsibility. You can read more about how this concept is analyzed and discussed on platforms like Goodreads or BrainyQuote. [1, 2, 3]Would you like to explore practical techniques for pausing (such as mindfulness or the sacred pause) or learn more about Viktor Frankl's psychological framework of logotherapy?" (Source).
But what he said was very important in terms of regaining your strength and your sense of your spirit was the idea of owning the choice that you make in between the stimulus and the response.
Somewhere among the thousands of writings related to what is now called positive psychology authors spoke about the idea of living a life that is worth living truly a life that is virtuous a life that is a life where you can flourish the idea of figuring out what you value and acting according to that and being virtuous and then somehow finding a way to navigate using Aristotle's golden mean could help one to avoid the pitfalls and
The Traps and the extremely negative spotlights and shame of one who is doing things to excess.
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The golden mean:
"AI Overview
- The Two Vices: Every virtue sits between a state of too much (excess) and too little (deficiency). [1, 2]
- Examples in Practice:
- Not a Rigid Formula: The mean is relative to the individual and the specific situation. It is not a fixed mathematical midpoint, meaning the right action depends on context, timing, and practical wisdom (phronesis). [1, 2, 3]
- Goal of Eudaimonia: Practicing the Golden Mean helps individuals build virtuous habits, leading to eudaimonia (human flourishing or true happiness). [1, 2]" (Source).
So..... What is the Golden Mean when it comes ot Relationships?
- Doing things to help you both flourish and grow.
- SO that you can grow and be happy.
- Compassion (Self-love and love for others).
- Communication (Listening carefully, and saying what one truly means in a way that it can be understood.)
- Negotiation. Be willing to give a little. Be able to ask for what you need (and some of what you want).
- Critical Thinking... Try to think before you speak.
- Practice.
And then there's the work the life's work of Dr Kent G Bailey who essentially discovered or rediscovered the concept of psychological kinship and how a successful relationship a marriage the last or relationship that last or doesn't last or at least a relationship that even if there is a breakup can in in such a way that everybody involved actually grows to the experience and doesn't feel they have to regret the experience because they've learned so much and they've gained so much from the fruits that they've realized in the experience even if it was an ending rather than the lifelong relationship that they hoped it would be,
psychological kinship is that ability to treat somebody with a sense of love and acceptance that one would only give to their kin that you could fight you could have a horrible time you could have a terrible contest of wills and trying to figure out how you were right and how they were wrong on and on and yet with psychological kinship one can actually move to a point where they can accept each other and themselves as can as relations as family even if there are no longer or never were biological family or blood family and even if they're no longer married or no longer boyfriend and girlfriend and one of the strengths of psychological kinship if one employees that theory in relationship also could give one the idea that even if they do break up they can still be family especially for the sake of the children and instead of trying to tear each other down and ruin each other's lives and cause each other pain they find ways of supporting each other emotionally or socially if nothing else in order to be sure that the child that grows up within that family that once was no longer feels like their family or their nest has been crushed. Imagine what a difference that could make in so many divorces If people could actually treat each other like family even when they are no longer together.
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Imagine what that would do for the kids if everyone couild just get along...
Just like Rodney King Asked.... "Why can't we all just get along?"
Does someone really win or lose at the end of a relationship?
This brings us this brings us to another psychological theory a very important Theory that Carl Rogers and a very long time ago where he was able to discuss and propose that each of us accepting each other without trying to rank each other or trying to outdo each other trying to prove each other's right or wrong if we accept each other for Who We Are and furthermore and perhaps even before we're able to do that effectively except ourselves for who we are and that not only includes accepting ourselves for our wonderful Beauty and personality but also accepting ourselves for our mistakes, our misgivings, our bad deeds, are negative thoughts, and for the things we may never forgive about ourselves. Rogers seem to believe that if people can accept themselves and accept others as human beings then they can learn to except the relationship on a much different level than if they're unable to accept each other and themselves for who they are including their baggage. Whether it's negative or positive.
It seems that in a relationship that in some ways or even in a lot of ways has the flavor of some or all of the theories mentioned above that that such a relationship might actually help one reach a place in relationship where they actually feel much safer and much more fulfilled much more secure and actually probably much more grateful than they might have felt before.
"Kent G. Bailey's Psychological Kinship Theory:
"As introduced by clinical psychologist Kent G. Bailey in his seminal 1988 paper, "psychological kinship" is defined as feeling and behaving toward a genetically unrelated individual "as if" they were family. [1, 2]
"Bailey argued that while traditional sociobiology primarily defines kinship through shared genes, it fails to account for the deep, familial bonds humans naturally form with non-relatives. Psychological kinship fills this gap by acting as a psychological "phenocopy"—meaning it beautifully mimics the behavioral depth, obligations, and intimacy of actual biological kinship without the genetic link. [1, 2]""Core Dimensions of Bailey’s Concept
- The "As-If" Family Classification: At its heart, psychological kinship is an interpersonal appraisal. An individual emotionally and cognitively moves an unrelated person (like a close friend, romantic partner, or colleague) out of the "acquaintance" category and into the deepest, most exclusive inner circle of "family". [1, 2]
- The Evolutionary Need for Connection: Bailey rooted this concept in evolutionary psychology. Hominid ancestors survived by living in close-knit, cooperative tribal bands. Humans are essentially hardwired to seek familial safety and tribal support, especially during times of vulnerability. [1, 2, 3]
- Psychological Kinship vs. Biological Kinship: Bailey broke kinship down into two primary forms:
Application in the Helping Professions & TherapyA major focus of Bailey’s work on this topic was how it applies to the relationship between a client and a therapist. [1]
- What Clients Actually Seek: Bailey's Kinship Model of Therapy asserts that when clients suffer from psychological distress, they naturally default to an evolutionary mechanism: seeking out "kin" or "tribe" for help. Consequently, many clients unconsciously seek a quasi-familial or psychological kinship bond with their therapist. [1, 2]
- The Stress Correlation: The model establishes that the greater a client's level of stress or trauma, the greater their need for a deep, intimate psychological kinship with their helping agent. [1, 2]
- The Kinship Therapist: Therapists can adopt a "high kinship" approach by offering authentic warmth, deep empathy, and a strong sense of relational safety—providing the familial unconditional support that the client's biological network may be failing to provide. [1]
If you are exploring this for a specific project, let me know:
- Are you studying this concept from an evolutionary perspective or a clinical counseling angle?
- Would you like to explore how shared trauma (identity fusion) contributes to forming these bonds?" (Source).
Also See:
Victor Frankel on Relationships
Carl Rogers on Relationships
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* Relating Key Concepts to Core Competencies: How does this Topic possibly relate to the Colorado DVOMB's Core Competencies for Domestic Violence Offender Treatment? Great question! This Topic relates in some way (large or small) to the following DVOMB Core Competency(ies):
- Cognitive Distortions: Identification of Distortions and Challenging such Disortions
- Accountability
- Personal Pattern of Violence
- >>> Please note: This Topic quite possibly relates in some ways to other Competencies that can help DV Offenders avoid committing Domestic Violence; however, the Competency(ies) listed above appear to be most relevant for this topic.
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