A Problem-Solving & Conflict Resolution -- In Search of a Model that works

DRAFT POST!  Please DO NOT PRINT, 

DO NOT RE-POST, and DO NOT COPY.

When you have a problem:  (First we have to admit...)

(AA Model is a good model)

Stay calm, Consult with someone who knows something, Have some plans, be flexible, Think about, Write down some ideas, One Step at a Time / Small Objectives leading up to Larger Goals.

And remember: You got to laugh at yourself.

Work on Preventing or Avoiding nasty Confrontations. 

Do some critical thinking...   Be honest with yourself... 

Let others be honest with you.   

It helps to have open communication with your partner.  

Learn how to Communicate about it -- Talking and Listening.

  (Being sober helps with the listening.)

Be willing and able to make changes.  

Keep Your Confidence.  Be Confident.  Keep Secrets if people ask you to... unless of course...  If someone is in danger and revealing the secret to the right person could help prevent that danger from coming through.

Believe in Miracles / Realize that you cannot control everything.

Be Open-Minded.  Be Willing to Try New Things.

Maintain your Respect for others; and your Self-Respect.

Stay in the Present Moment.  

Think it through Logically -- 

Try to apply a Cost-Benefit Analysis.  

Always consider the potential costs.

"Know when to hold them, Know when to fold them.  

Know when to walk away, and Know when to run." (Kenny Rogers)

Count your blessings.  Be grateful.

Have a Sponsor who can help remind you to keep doing the right thing.

The SAMHSA Conflict Resolution Model: 

  "This Conflict Resolution Model is one method you can use to act assertively. 

  It involves five steps that can easily be memorized." 

 

 1. Identifying the Problem. This step involves identifying the specific problem that is causing the conflict (for example, a friend’s not being on time when you come to pick him or her up). 

 2. Identifying the Feelings. In this step, you identify the feelings associated with the conflict (for example, frustration, hurt, or annoyance). 

 3. Identifying the Specific Impact. This step involves identifying the specific impact or outcome of the problem that is causing the conflict (for example, being late for the meeting that you and your friend plan to attend). 

 4. Deciding Whether To Resolve the Conflict. This step involves deciding whether to resolve the conflict or let it go. In other words, is the conflict important enough to bring up? 

 5. Addressing and Resolving the Conflict. In this step, you set up a time to address the conflict, describe how you perceive it, express your feelings about it, and discuss how it can be resolved. 

 • What is the purpose of using the Conflict Resolution Model?

 • Identify the five steps of the Conflict Resolution Model and apply it to an example of your own.

 36 Assertiveness Training and the Conflict Resolution Model Participant Workbook 

  Someone suggested using DNA Testing to determine if a relationship could work out.  

But AI said:  "Experts agree that DNA cannot reliably determine a "perfect" partner. While some dating services analyze immune system genes (HLA) to predict physical chemistry or scent-based attraction, genetics do not dictate relationship success, shared life goals, or emotional compatibility."

Other Ideas:

Wait for the right time.

Educate yourself about the thinking and acting skills involved in having a successful relationship.

Wait for the right feelings to come along.

Look for "the right foreverness" -- a Relationship that can last forever.  

Perhaps one of the first a things a person should do is spend a lot of time making decisions about what kind of partner you want before you go out.

Discussion Questions:

What is one Relationship-Related Problem You Feel You Need to solve?  

   "."

What might be your first step to you solve it?  

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What is one quality that you really want in a Relationship Partner?  

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Technique -- Discussion.