Domestic Violence, Parental Alienation & Child Abuse: A Deadly Intersection

DRAFT In PROGRESS -- 

PLEASE DO NOT PRINT OR COPY

  A real-life glaring example of the intersection of Domestic Violence, Child Abuse, Parental Alienation, and True Crime.  This type of behavior among parents is way too common.

  Click the link below if you would like to view the CBS Special on Parental Alienation.

https://www.cbsnews.com/video/karries-choice/

      IMPORTANT: <<< CLICK HERE >>> DV Session Feedback Form >>>

The Challenges of Breaking Up: Parental Alienation and Domestic Violence: A New and Different Kind of Child Abuse -- Resulting in Parental Alienation Syndrome

DRAFT In PROGRESS -- 

PLEASE DO NOT PRINT OR COPY

 There are many challenges to Breaking Up.

Talking about Parental Alienation 

The Neil Sedaka Song....  
"Breakiing Up is Hard to DO... Don't tak eyou love, away from me...

..."

From: https://www.socialworktoday.com/archive/102708p26.shtml

Parental alienation is a set of strategies that a parent uses to foster a child’s rejection of the other parent. Parental alienation syndrome develops in children who come to hate, fear, and reject the targeted parent as someone unworthy of having a relationship with them. Richard Gardner, PhD, who coined parental alienation syndrome, described in The Parental Alienation Syndrome: A Guide for Mental Health and Legal Professionals that there are eight behavioral components that have been validated in a survey of 68 targeted parents of severely alienated children (Baker & Darnall, 2007).

Eight Manifestations of Parental Alienation Syndrome  

1. A Campaign of Denigration
Alienated children are consumed with hatred of the targeted parent. They deny any positive past experiences and reject all contact and communication. Parents who were once loved and valued seemingly overnight become hated and feared.

2. Weak, Frivolous, and Absurd Rationalizations
When alienated children are questioned about the reasons for their intense hostility toward the targeted parent, the explanations offered are not of the magnitude that typically would lead a child to reject a parent. These children may complain about the parent’s eating habits, food preparation, or appearance. They may also make wild accusations that could not possibly be true.

3. Lack of Ambivalence About the Alienating Parent
Alienated children exhibit a lack of ambivalence about the alienating parent, demonstrating an automatic, reflexive, idealized support. That parent is perceived as perfect, while the other is perceived as wholly flawed. If an alienated child is asked to identify just one negative aspect of the alienating parent, he or she will probably draw a complete blank. This presentation is in contrast to the fact that most children have mixed feelings about even the best of parents and can usually talk about each parent as having both good and bad qualities.

4. The “Independent Thinker” Phenomenon
Even though alienated children appear to be unduly influenced by the alienating parent, they will adamantly insist that the decision to reject the targeted parent is theirs alone. They deny that their feelings about the targeted parent are in any way influenced by the alienating parent and often invoke the concept of free will to describe their decision.

5. Absence of Guilt About the Treatment of the Targeted Parent
Alienated children typically appear rude, ungrateful, spiteful, and cold toward the targeted parent, and they appear to be impervious to feelings of guilt about their harsh treatment. Gratitude for gifts, favors, or child support provided by the targeted parent is nonexistent. Children with parental alienation syndrome will try to get whatever they can from that parent, declaring that it is owed to them.

6. Reflexive Support for the Alienating Parent in Parental Conflict
Intact families, as well as recently separated and long-divorced couples, will have occasion for disagreement and conflict. In all cases, the alienated child will side with the alienating parent, regardless of how absurd or baseless that parent’s position may be. There is no willingness or attempt to be impartial when faced with interparental conflicts. Children with parental alienation syndrome have no interest in hearing the targeted parent’s point of view. Nothing the targeted parent could do or say makes any difference to these children.

7. Presence of Borrowed Scenarios
Alienated children often make accusations toward the targeted parent that utilize phrases and ideas adopted from the alienating parent. Indications that a scenario is borrowed include the use of words or ideas that the child does not appear to understand, speaking in a scripted or robotic fashion, as well as making accusations that cannot be supported with detail.

8. Rejection of Extended Family
Finally, the hatred of the targeted parent spreads to his or her extended family. Not only is the targeted parent denigrated, despised, and avoided but so are his or her extended family. Formerly beloved grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins are suddenly and completely avoided and rejected.

In a recent study (Baker & Darnall, 2007), targeted parents rated their children as experiencing these eight behavioral manifestations in a way that was generally consistent with Gardner’s theory. Parents reported that their children exhibited the eight behaviors with a high degree of frequency. One exception was alienated children being able to maintain a relationship with some members of the targeted parent’s extended family, which occurred in cases where that relative was actually aligned with the alienating parent. This suggests that the context of the contact with the targeted parent’s extended family (that relative’s role in the alienation) needs to be understood prior to concluding whether this component is present in the child.

Also, Long-Term Negative Effects

Not surprisingly, the adult children with parental alienation syndrome believed that this experience had negative long-term consequences for them. Many spoke of suffering from depression, turning to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain, failed relationships and multiple divorces and, most sadly, becoming alienated from their own children later in life. In this way, the intergenerational cycle of parental alienation syndrome was perpetuated.

1. Jennifer J. Harman, Demosthenes Lorandos, Zeynep Biringen, Caitlyn Grubb. Gender Differences in the Use of Parental Alienating Behaviors. Journal of Family Violence, 2019; DOI: 10.1007/s10896-019-00097-5

"parental alienation" and suicide

https://www.summitcounseling.us/blog/169349-the-alienated-parent#:~:text=The%20suicide%20rate%20for%20divorced,cut%20off%20from%20other%20people

"The suicide rate for divorced and separated adults in the United States is about 2.4 times greater that it is for married individuals. Suicide risk factors that can be directly associated with being an alienated parent include: Feelings of hopelessness. Isolation or feelings of being cut off from other people.Jan 23, 2020"

Parental Alienation: The Blossoming of a Field of Study

Jennifer J. Harman, William Bernet, Joseph Harman

First Published February 28, 2019 Research Article

https://doi.org/10.1177/0963721419827271

Article information

 

Abstract

Parental alienation has been an unacknowledged and poorly understood form of family violence. Research on parental alienation and the behaviors that cause it has evolved out of decades of legal and clinical work documenting this phenomenon, leading to what could be considered a “greening,” or growth, of the field. Today, there is consensus among researchers as to what parental alienating behaviors are and how they affect children and the family system. We review the literature to detail what parental alienation is, how it is different from other parent–child problems such as estrangement and loyalty conflicts, and how it is perpetuated within and across different social systems. We conclude by highlighting research areas that need further investigation to develop and test effective solutions for ameliorating the devastating effects of parental alienation that, we posit, should be considered and understood not only as abusive to the child but also as a form of family violence directed toward both the child and the alienated parent.

https://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=-AhklZTeuXEC&oi=fnd&pg=PP15&dq=impact+of+parental+alienation+on+child%22&ots=LHm1pllpks&sig=-nyj-kyeNXqrMx92i3jSAU20rxI#v=onepage&q=impact%20of%20parental%20alienation%20on%20child%22&f=false

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/co-parenting-after-divorce/201304/the-impact-parental-alienation-children

References

Baker, A. (2010). “Adult recall of parental alienation in a community sample: Prevalence and associations with psychological maltreatment.” Journal of Divorce and Remarriage, 51, 16-35.

Bernet, W. et al (2010). “Parental alienation and the DSM V.” American Journal of Family Therapy, 38, 76-187.

Fidler, B. and Bala, N. (2010). “Children resisting postseparation contact with a parent: Concepts, controversies, and conundrums.” Family Court Review, 48 (1), 10-47.

Kruk, E. (2011). Divorced Fathers: Children’s Needs and Parental Responsibilities, Halifax: Fernwood Publishing.

The Vagina Monologues -- Decades of Altruistic Efforts to Improve the Lives of Girls, Women, and Yes; the Entire Planet!

 Watching "Until the Violence Stops: The Vagina Monologues" has been a tradition in Dr. B's DV Treatment Sessions for DV Program Participants for almost a Decade now.  

  The Vagina Monologues is a very entertaining film about a World-wide V-Day (Vagina-Day) Campaign that was launched some 20 years ago by Eve Ensler of Saturday Night Live.  This presentation contains stories of tragedy, oppression, and personal stories told through superb comedy, fabulous music and conveyed by a broad-range of well-known personalities.

  The Vagina Monologues combines a dose of Humanistic Integrity and Accountability with a dose of Women's Empowerment.

  The beauty of the Vagina Monologues is that the money raised has been used to help fund countless projects that operate in order to improve the lives of girls and women around the World.  And this in turn tends to improve the lives of everyone else.

  I have seen it probably at least 50 times and each time I watch it, I get something else -- something new -- about this important topic.

  This is why watching the Vagina Monologues is a required part of my DV Offender Treatment Program.

  Click on The Links below to watch videos related to the Vagina Monologues.  Please watch some of these and then Complete The Worksheet at the Bottom of this Post.

>>> *** Please Click Here to Complete Your            

Vagina Monologues Reaction Worksheet!!! *** <<<

Click Here to Watch Eve Ensler Talk about The Vagina Monologues

Click Here to Watch Ensler Talk (some more) about The Vagina Monologues

= Click Here to Watch Eve Ensler's Ted Talk about the Vagina Monologues =

(((Click Here to Watch the 2018 Vagina Monologues)))

**>>> Click Here to Watch "Until the Violence Stops": 

The Vagina Monologues" online. <<<**  

(This one is a Pay-Per-View or one can view it 

via Subscriptions (Hulu, Prime, IMDB etc...; 

However, it is a good one!) 

Click Here for Another Version of the Vagina Monologues

<<<<<>>>>>

IMPORTANT: <<< CLICK HERE >>> DV Session Feedback Form >>>

Dealing Effectively with Dysfunctional, Destructive, Negative Behaviors and Problems in Relationships

This Is A DRAFT Post.  Please do not COPY or PRINT it.

  How does one Deal Effectively with Dysfunctional, Destructive, and Negative Behaviors and Problems in a Relationship  --  

  It could come from our Partners -- or otherwise these maladies could be manifesting in our Relationship from who knows where else?  

  Or it could be coming in from the World.

  Sometimes the problem is we just can't let go sometimes...  And sometimes we can.

  Have you ever had to deal with such things?  Problems.. negativities that get into your relationship and just fester...  Could be something old Trauma... chasing new Trauma.

  We have temporary fixes like ..... name your poison .....

What Happens when Such things as these Possible Problems Manifest in Our Relationships  What if this negativity grows like a tumor: 

... What if my life with my partner comes up with one or more of the following issues???

>>> What if me, or my partner Throws Tantrums or Fits... ?

>>> What if me, or my partner has a Sex - Addiction  (A Gigantic Porn Collection... Having Affairs,... Paying for sex)... ?

>>> What if me, or my partner has a Sugar Addiction ?  

>>> What if me, or my partner Just keeps on Over-Eating ?

>>> What if my partner or I am just too busy Gambling to do anything the other wants them to do ?

>>> What if my partner or I am just too busy Drinking or Drugging all the time ?

>>> What if me, or my partner has a Caffeine Addiction -- like just Real Hyper...  Just Can't STOP! ?

>>> What If they have a Video Game Addiction and won't quit until they Win The BIG ONE?

>>> What If they have Work-a-holism.. or A Job-addiction ?

>>> What if me, or my partner has a problem involving Spending / Binge spending.. / Credit Card issues  / Creditors calling the House all the time... ?

>>> What if my partner or I have Binge Drinking / Cocaine Binges / Meth Binges / or Extended Acid Trips... ...SHROOMS Problem???

>>> Or one of us has a Rage-alcoholism problem -- Serious Anger Management Issues?  Like breaking stuff right and left... Punching holes in walls...

>>> What if Kleptomania is a part of our relationship ?  Or we have Some other kind of Serious Mental Illness..  Or the Voices told me to do it.  What if my partner has Psychosis ???  (Don't know reality from fiction.)

>>> What if your partner Refuses to Address a Serious MH problem --  Like Trichotillomania -- Paranoia -- Psychosis -- Severe Anxiety or Debilitating Depression ?

>>> What if I have Hypochondria / Yet Still / I am Insensitive to my partner's issues (Basically I am habitually Inconsiderate of their needs)... ?

>>> What if my partner Cannot separate their Role at Work from their Role at Home ?

>>> What is my partner is a Shut-In / Always in Isolation / They are a Loner -- especially during holidays... Like my family has never even met them.... ?

>>> What if they have a Problem with their Temper  / They Lose their Temper over "nothing" on a regular basis?

>>> Selective Mutism... Won't talk when uncomfortable. ?

>>> What if I am a Dangerous Driver / I have Road Rage NO MATTER Who is in the Car  / I got DUI's (And the related expenses) too ?  Where does that leave my partner ?  What if I drive drunk with the kids in the car ?

>>> What if I am a Holy-Roller / Bible-Thumper... -- I am a Guru-Addict -- a Cult-Member --  I am Always trying to convert you to my Religion... ?

>>> What if my partner is a Hoarder -- Compulsive... Obsessive Compulsive -- meaningless collector of everything... ?

>>> What if they are always throwing away your important stuff -- without apology or anything ?

>>> What if they always do things that Seriously Embarrass You in front of your family and friends... (On purpose)... ?

>>> What if I am a Chronic Liar -- Compulsive Liar -- I just Can't or Won't tell the truth....  I will deny the truth even when it is right in front of me... ?

>>> What if I am a Bully !!!  Like you cannot trust them me with the kids even... ?

>>> What if my partner is SIMPLY A NON-STOP Gossip -- Always talking negative about things and people that just do not matter. ?

>>> What if they are Always Jealous... suspicious.. accusing you of cheating... Claiming that they have proof of your BAD DEEDS... ?

>>> What if I am Vengeful / I simply won't forget that one thing that you said or did / I Cannot let it go /  I keep Diggin up the past all the time  / I Will Never Forgive... ?

>>> What if they Can't / Won't Keep a Job / No Ambition / Can't or Won't look for work either... ?    Won't even clean the living room or the Cheerios off the Kitchen Floor?

>>> What if they are Type A -- They Never listen to you / Always talk over you... and then it's all your fault according to them ?

>>> What if they are always Compulsively Cleaning / Compulsively showering / Compulsively Primping....  Always washing their car even... ?

>>> What if I cannot have even the simplest, most insignificant disagreement without it turning into the End of the World?

>>> What if your partner are a Cat-Lady / Cat-Man (OOOh...  that Smell!) / Or they are a Person with a Violent DOG ?

>>> What if they are Always acting paranoid / Always suspecting you of doing wrong --  no matter what you did or where or how or anything?

>>> What if they are just always keeping secrets.. and they tease you with bits of info.. but never tell you the whole story?

>>> What if they used to be so nice and a GREAT LOVER. But now They are a Hater / They Hate everyone...  They are Hyper Critical / There is No Love There Any More?!?

>>> What if I am a Chronic Victim / Always blaming everyone else / I never take accountability... ?

>>> What if I am Sloppy / Unclean...  / Dusty... / Stinky ... / Gross .../  Filthy... / yeaccchhhe..... ?

>>> What if I am Always getting into Fights (with anyone)... everywhere...  Every TIME .. ALL THE TIME.. Where ever I go... ?  You can't take me anywhere...

>>> What if they simply Refuse to pay the bills --- ?

>>> What if you Dial the HELP Number for their particular problem and hand them the phone --- but time after time, they just hang it up... and they say it's your fault  ???  

>>> What if they are a Social Media Addict  -- they got like 7,000 "Friends" on one Ap alone...?

>>> What if I am Someone who likes to FIGHT..  Likes to play ROUGH...  But then I say I am just kidding...?

>>> What if they are simply Someone who ALWAYS NEEDS you to agree with them... -- even when they are wrong?

So, What are Some Viable Solutions to such problems?

  >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

What do you DO???

What CAN YOU DO???

What if some of these describe your partner to a T?

What if some of these describe you to a T?

What happens when you are with someone .. In a committed relationship.. and then you realize that they are like this... 

Do you think DV comes out of this kind of stuff?

   BUT THEN THEY WON'T STOP???

What do you DO??? 

Do You GET DV'd ???...   and Must  

You Do DV ???  (NO WAY!!!)

TO DO; Or NOT TO DO Something About It???  

Is there anything you CAN Do to stop this madness?

SHOULD you DO Something?  (Why?  Why Not?)  

What are the PROS and CONS of just letting it go?  

What are the PROS and CONS of NOT just Letting it GO???

Here are some Possible Solutions (Which One's Might Work for you?):

Learn to live with it?  (NO WAY!!!)

Leave them?  

Blame it ALL on your SELF?  Will that work?

Just ignore it until it goes away?

Don't say anything and just Hope that they change?  (Maybe???)

Drop them off for Therapy... "Send them to Rehab..."?  (YES?!)

Try to get them to get Medication?  (Depends on the Problem!!!)

Get Couple's Counseling?  (Maybe???)

Call in a professional for an Intervention...

Threaten to leave them if they ever do it again?   (Maybe???)

Be grateful that you at least won't die alone?  (NO WAY!!!)

Try to have them arrested?  NONONO

Kill them with Kindness?

Just STRAIGHTEN them out?  (NO WAY!!!)

Start Therapy for yourself to help you deal with the situation?  ("YES!")

Introduce them to your slutty friend and hope they take the bait?  (NO WAY!!!)

Try to Educate them and Change them by yourself?   (Possibly)

Go & See your Fortune Teller?  Get your palm read?  Or Medicine Man (Maybe...)?  Your Curandaro.. or your Psychic... ?

Try to get them hooked on a new Hobby so they will be distracted?  (ehhh...?)

Drive them to a different State and leave them there?  (NO WAY!!!)  Don't even think about it.

Go to Church more and Pray a lot...  Pray Hard!  (???)

Hire an In-Home Applied Behavior Analysis Practictioner or Behavioral Modification Person?  

Start cooking with Herbs and Spices that might be reputed to effectively address and/or change the condition?

You could ask them if they want to get help? (But what if they're in denial?)  

Send them back to their Mother or to their Ex? (NO WAY!!!)

Call their Family and rat them out?   (NO WAY!!!)

Have an affair and just ignore the problems you have at home?  (NO WAY!!!)

Start Drinking or Drugging and blame it on them?  (NO WAY!!!)

Buy some Meds in Mexico and put them into their Food -- Or -- Secretly Drug them?    (NO WAY!!!)  Not on your life!

Have another baby because maybe that'll change things?   (NO WAY!!!)

Work on things together?  (Good idea!)

Brow-Beat them into Submission?  (NO WAY!!!)

Put signs all around the house and in the car too.  (But what would you put on the signs?)

Move away (with them) and start over Fresh in a strange land? 

Listen to them more?  YESSS!

Move away (without them) and start over Fresh?  

Love them till Death Do You Part? 

Cut them off? 

Take away their toys? 

 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

No REALLY???   What could or should you do?

Have you been in similar situations before? 

Which Options Would You Try?

Which Options Should You Try?

Which Options should you never Try???

What works best for you?   You are the one who is going to pay the price.... So what is best for you and your kids.....  And if you still love the other person... include them in your calculations...

               <<< CLICK HERE >>> DV Session Feedback Form >>>

About Relationships: Unhealthy versus Healthy

What is a Relationship?   What is an UnHealthy Relationship?   What is a Healthy Relationship?   Have you Ever stopped to Think About The Differences?

  Have you ever stopped to think that one of the reasons why we get DV Charges is because we might be lacking in our understanding of how Relationships really work?  What are some of the differences between Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships?

  Perhaps the first and most important factor to consider about having a relationship is whether or not I am emotionally, socially, financially, professionally and/or in the right mind and in the right place to have a Healthy Relationship?

  Relationships can be BOTH complex and simple.  So it can really help if we first get educated about Relationships before we go any further.  

But first, we need to ask: What is a Relationship?   

  According to Oxford Languages, A Relationship is: "the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected."

  Or a Relationship can be viewed as: "the state of being connected by blood or marriage."  "they can trace their relationship to a common ancestor"

  Or "the way in which two or more people or groups regard and behave toward each other..  "the landlord–tenant relationship"  (Source.)

• 
  

  So then, a Relationship is about a CONNECTION.  What TYPE of Connection?  

  In Psychology, the American Psychological Association, states that a Relationship might be viewed as: “A continuing and often committed association between two or more people, as in a family, friendship, marriage, partnership, or other interpersonal link in which the participants have some degree of influence on each other's thoughts, feelings, and actions.” (Source.).

What Types of Relationships are there?

  "According to Very Well Mind regarding Basic Types of Interpersonal and/or Informal (no legal contract) Relationships, they write: “Relationships typically fall into one of several different categories (although these can sometimes overlap):

Family relationships

Friendships

Acquaintances

Romantic relationships

Exclusive relationships

Sexual relationships

Work relationships

Situational relationships (sometimes called "situationships")"  (SOURCE.)

And add to those, at least two more:

            "Professional Relationship"

            A "Relationship based on a Psychological Kinship" (This would be a Relationship where you feel like Family; and you are treated like family; but you are neither biologically or legally related to each other (Bailey, K. G., 1987)). 

  Further, any of these relationships (above) can be different in intensity, length, depth, consistency, and can also last different lengths of time and even have different sets of rules or parameters.  The one consistent part is that they all usually up to the two (or more) people involved.

  Additionally, "Very Well Mind also says there are different FORMS of Relationships (Healthy Ones and Unhealthy Relationships) including:

Platonic Relationships

Romantic Relationships

Exclusive Relationships

Codependent Relationships

Casual Relationships

Open Relationships

Long-Distance Relationships

and finally, Toxic Relationships" (SOURCE.)

Below are Descriptions of these different types of Relationships: 

"Platonic Relationships

  A platonic relationship is a type of friendship that involves a close, intimate bond without sex or romance. These relationships tend to be characterized by:

Closeness

Fondness

Understanding

Respect

Care

Support

Honesty

Acceptance

  Platonic relationships can occur in a wide range of settings and can involve same-sex or opposite-sex friendships. You might form a platonic relationship with a classmate or co-worker, or you might make a connection with a person in another setting such as a club, athletic activity, or volunteer organization you are involved in.

  This type of relationship can play an essential role in providing social support, which is essential for your health and well-being. Research suggests that platonic friendships can help reduce your risk for disease, lower your risk for depression or anxiety, and boost your immunity.1

  Platonic relationships are those that involve closeness and friendship without sex. Sometimes platonic relationships can change over time and shift into a romantic or sexual relationship."  (SOURCE.)

 

"Romantic Relationships

Romantic relationships are those characterized by feelings of love and attraction for another person. While romantic love can vary, it often involves feelings of infatuation, intimacy, and commitment.

Experts have come up with a variety of different ways to describe how people experience and express love. For example, "psychologist Robert Sternberg suggests three main components of love: passion, intimacy, and decision/commitment. Romantic love, he explains, is a combination of passion and intimacy."2

Romantic relationships tend to change over time. At the start of a relationship, people typically experience stronger feelings of passion. During this initial infatuation period, the brain releases specific neurotransmitters (dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin) that cause people to feel euphoric and "in love."

Over time, these feelings start to lessen in their intensity. As the relationship matures, people develop deeper levels of emotional intimacy and understanding. 

Romantic relationships often burn hot at the beginning. While the initial feelings of passion usually lessen in strength over time, feelings of trust, emotional intimacy, and commitment grow stronger."  (SOURCE.)

 

"Codependent Relationships: 

A codependent relationship is an imbalanced, dysfunctional type of relationship in which a partner has an emotional, physical, or mental reliance on the other person.

It is also common for both partners to be mutually co-dependent on each other. Both may take turns enacting the caretaker role, alternating between the caretaker and the receiver of care.

Characteristics of a codependent relationship include:

Acting as a giver while the other person acts as a taker

Going to great lengths to avoid conflict with the other person

Feeling like you have to ask permission to do things

Having to save or rescue the other person from their own actions

Doing things to make someone happy, even if they make you uncomfortable

Feeling like you don't know who you are in the relationship

Elevating the other person even if they've done nothing to earn your goodwill and admiration

Not all codependent relationships are the same, however. They can vary in terms of severity. Codependency can impact all different types of relationships including relationships between romantic partners, parents and children, friendship, other family members, and even coworkers.

Codependent relationships are co-constructed. While one partner might seem more "needy," the other partner might feel more comfortable being needed.

Someone who feels more comfortable being needed, for instance, may avoid focusing on their own needs by choosing a partner who constantly needs them." (SOURCE.)

 

"Casual Relationships

Casual relationships often involve dating relationships that may include sex without expectations of monogamy or commitment. However, experts suggest that the term is vague and can mean different things to different people.

According to the authors of one study published in the Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, "casual relationships can encompass situations such as:3

One-night stands

Booty calls

"Sex" buddies

Friends with benefits

Such relationships often exist on a continuum that varies in the levels of frequency of contact, type of contact, amount of personal disclosure, discussion of the relationship, and degree of friendship. The study found that people with more sexual experience were better able to identify the definitions of these labels compared to people with less sexual experience.

Casual relationships are often common among young adults. As long as casual relationships are marked by communication and consent, they can have several sex-positive benefits. They can satisfy the need for sex, intimacy, connection, and companionship without the emotional demand and energy commitment of a more serious relationship.4

Casual relationships tend to be more common among younger adults, but people of any age can engage in this type of relationship. Consent and communication are key." (SOURCE.)

 

"Open Relationships

An open relationship is a type of consensually non-monogamous relationship in which one or more partners have sex or relationships with other people. Both people agree to have sex with other people in an open relationship but may have certain conditions or limitations.

Open relationships can take place in any type of romantic relationship, whether casual, dating, or married.

There tends to be a stigma surrounding non-monogamous relationships. Still, research suggests that around 21% to 22% of adults will be involved in some type of open relationship at some point in their life.5

The likelihood of engaging in an open relationship also depends on gender and sexual orientation. Men reported having higher numbers of open relationships compared to women; people who identify as gay, lesbian, and bisexual relative to those who identify as heterosexual were more likely to report previous engagement in open relationships.

Such relationships can have benefits, including increased sexual freedom and pitfalls such as jealousy and emotional pain. Open relationships are more successful when couples establish personal, emotional, and sexual boundaries and clearly communicate their feelings and needs with one another.

Open relationships are a form of consensual non-monogamy. While there is a primary emotional and often physical connection between the two people in the relationship, they mutually agree to intimacy with other people outside of the relationship."  (SOURCE.)

 

  Oh Wait!!!  This is about Preventing Domestic Violence, Right???  Many DV-related events occur in Unhealthy Relationships.

   What about UNHEALTHY (Romantic) RELATIONSHIPS?  What does an Unhealthy Relationship Look Like?

  While some of above types of Relationships can result in DV; the Toxic Relationship best describes a Relationship where Violence is most likely.

"Toxic Relationships

A toxic relationship is any type of interpersonal relationship where your emotional, physical, or psychological well-being is undermined or threatened in some way. Such relationships often leave you feeling ashamed, humiliated, misunderstood, or unsupported.

Any type of relationship can be toxic including friendships, family relationships, romantic relationships, or workplace relationships.

Toxic relationships are characterized by:

A lack of support

Blaming

Competitiveness

Controlling behaviors

Disrespect

Dishonesty

Gaslighting

Hostility

Jealousy

Passive-aggressive behaviors

Poor communication

Stress

  Sometimes all people in a relationship play a role in creating this toxicity. For example, you may be contributing to toxicity if you are all consistently unkind, critical, insecure, and negative”  (SOURCE.)

What about HEALTHY ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS?

What is a Healthy Relationship  -- What does a Healthy Relationship Include the following.  Better Help suggests that "All relationships are different, but most healthy ones have the following characteristics:   

  Respect

  Intimacy

  Trust

  Effective Communication

  Friendship

  Connection

  Commitment

  Healthy Conflict

  Flexibility

  Enjoyment"

  

  They add: "If you feel that your relationship is lacking in one or more of these areas, it doesn’t necessarily mean that your relationship is unhealthy. Instead, it indicates that you and your significant other may have an opportunity to grow and improve together. Online couples therapy is one way to cultivate your relationship health."  (SOURCE.) 

  Okay.... so what?  What do I do now???  Well, perhaps a FIX is in order???

How Can You Fix A Relationship that is Having Problems:

  According to Meaghan Rice PsyD., LPC writing for TALKSPACE, some of the Most Common Relationship Problem Areas can be:

Communication

Arguments

Staying Close

Sex and Intimacy

Infidelity

Money

Trauma

Showing Gratitude

Children

Keep Things Exciting

Battling over Chores

Trust and Safety

Change in Life Goals

Same Fight Different Day”

 

Remembering to implement any or all of the following can be beneficial in any relationship:

Say please and thank you

Express dissatisfaction without using profanity or name-calling

Schedule regular date nights, even if they’re during the day or at home

Be proactive about pleasing your partner sexually

Spend time asking questions about each other’s wants and needs

Take time outs from debates that seem to be turning into arguments

If you want to solve your relationship issues, remember what it was that first attracted you to your partner. Ask yourself where the relationship problem is stemming from, and then take action to improve the situation. Be honest with your partner and enjoy rediscovering the excitement of your love.” (SOURCE.)

   Finally, One could also consider Couple’s Therapy.  However, one cannot do Couples Therapy until AFTER they have successfully completed DV Treatment.   

  

How About Some DBT-STYLE Informational VIDEOS To Help Improve Your Relationship(s)?

The GIVE Method Video.  CLICK HERE!

DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness #7: Trust in Relationships  CLICK HERE!

DEARMAN: How to Communicate Assertively.  CLICK HERE!

DBT Emotion Regulation #10: Coping Ahead.  CLICK HERE!

DBT Emotion Regulation #1: Recognizing Your Emotions.  CLICK HERE!

DBT Emotion Regulation #2: Being Effective.  CLICK HERE!

DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness #5: Listening & Validation VIdeo.. CLICK HERE!

DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness #1: Communication Styles.  CLICK HERE!

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