Patience and domestic violence prevention

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Patience and domestic violence prevention

  I'm of the belief that a high proportion of domestic violence offenses happen in some part or greatly due to impatience.   

  Naturally, patience is one of those things that we were supposed to learn when we're children.  Our parents are supposed to teach us to learn how to wait for dinner, to learn how to wait for breakfast, to learn how to wait for lunch, etc...  etc...  etc...

   And then our teachers at school and first grade and kindergarten were supposed to teach us how to learn how to wait in line.  Isn't that one of the first things you learned in School?  Or was it learning how to wait your turn to speak, learning how to raise your hand and get the attention of the teacher before you speak?  

  And it seems that as kids, everybody is supposed to be learning how to do things you're supposed to do like cleaning up your room, the dishes, your desk at school, the playground or even the bathroom.

  Even if it means you can't get back to the things you want to do so quickly. Right?

  Has anyone else noticed how it seems when it comes to domestic violence a lot seems to happen because someone was impatient? 

  A lot of times we are pushing the barrier. 

  A lot of times we're aggravating people that we say we love because we want things to happen now -- we want it right now and we don't think that we have time to wait for it.  We don't want to wait for it.  We're not going to wait for it.  

  And then next thing you know everybody gets angry and people start throwing nasty words towards each other and maybe even things start getting physical. All because someone was in a hurry... they were impatient and they thought someone else was just too darn slow.

  Then what happens???  Then we get locked in a police car and we're all pissed off and we're wearing handcuff and the cop is just sitting there acting like it's just another day cuz for the cop it is just another day. Heck, he's got all day...

  Meanwhile we become impatient because we're not in the jail yet or we were becoming impatient because we haven't seen our lawyer yet.  Or we become impatient because we haven't gotten any kind of a break during the process. Or maybe we have an addiction and we become really impatient because we don't have our drugs. 

  Then what happens?

  So patience is a big part of this whole situation.. Right???

  I believe that it's a fact or at least a reasonable testable Theory to postulate that if somebody is patient in a relationship they will probably have a better relationship than if they are in impatient. 

  And if someone is impatient, they are more likely to have a DV Offense.

  What are some ways that a person might demonstrate that they are impatient in a relationship?

  What are some things that happen to a relationship when someone is impatient?

  What are some ways that a person might demonstrate when they are being patient in a relationship?

  What might be some of the benefits of being patient in a relationship?

  A lot of times you hear back in the day patience is a virtue meaning if you really want to get the things you value if you really want to be virtuous being patient is a way to get it. Now being patient should never be confused with just being sluggish and not doing what you need to do in order to get things done. However one can get things done in a reasonable way in a reasonable manner in a reasonable amount of time while also being patient. 

If you've ever had somebody who was impatient with you then you know what I'm talking about here you know what it was like to have somebody rushing you all the time or making you do something in a hurry that you really wanted to do more slowly so that you could do it correctly. 

So patience is extremely important and impatience is a great way to get in trouble with the people around you. 

A lot of people have lost good jobs because they felt they deserved a raise right away. 

A lot of people in domestic by this treatment have gotten into trouble because they thought they were supposed to be done with domestic violence treatment even sometimes before they even started. 

And then other people got into domestic violence but didn't do all the things they were supposed to be doing in domestic violence like attending participating doing the work and paying for treatment and so therefore they weren't done yet and yet they get all coffee because they're not done yet. 

That's impatience. 

A lot of bad things have happened because people were impatient a lot of things have gotten messed up terribly because people were impatient patience is a virtue patience is very important patience is something that you can talk to your partner about and that you can do. 

Now should I be so impatient that I'm lecturing my wife about her level of patience probably not cuz that's me being impatient again. Because a lot of times you kind of got to let somebody figure out their own speed on their own and if you love somebody like I love my wife then I would hope that you would be able to let her do it at her own speed for the most part. 

So patience is very important in relationships all kinds of relationships work relationships personal relationships with friends and family relationships with people you're taking care of like an elderly person or like a little child patience with your friends helping them come around to something you think they ought to do or see patients with yourself a lot of people are impatient with themselves and it really drives them crazy and starts to get them into trouble in a big way. 

So patience is extremely important I hope you can work on that I hope you can think about that I hope you can Wonder during any given day or right here in this room right here in group I hope you can think okay I might be impatient am I doing everything I need to do before I start raising hell about thinking I didn't get what I was supposed to get. 

Patience is important patience is a virtue patience is a skill learning how to be patient is not easy a lot of us grew up in families where our parents had no patience. If you ever grew up with a parent who had a very serious drug addiction sometimes it seem like they were extremely impatient when they were really fiending. 

Or if you grew up around somebody who's very ill or has a chronic illness or something you're going to find some extra patience. Cuz if you don't have more patience with them you're going to find that they eventually don't want to be around you. You're also going to find patience is necessary in a lot of situations and work it's that Syrian play even when if you're a sports person and you were in on the team you have to be patient while your team is working together to make things happen. If you were in basketball and you've been fouled you have to be patient wait for the referee to give you the ball to make your shot. Because if you're impatient in basketball you might get to foul on yourself instead of letting the guy shoot and not fouling you might file him next thing you know you just lost more points. You have to learn how to be patient life in relationships one would think that if somebody claims they love somebody that they would be more patient with them than with anybody else. However then manners comes into play and sometimes we're actually more patient with strangers than we are with a person we claim that we love. How ironic is that that's kind of strange isn't it. Maybe using the word strange three times in the sense isn't a good idea either but I hope you'll be patient while I get my language together here so being patient is a really important thing and if you want to have a good relationship if you want to never again get in trouble for anything pretty much then you got to be patient now what about what about in times when you need patience when you need somebody to be patient with you what about times when you really want somebody to be patient with you and they're not being patient with you? Well you can always ask for patients you can always pause and wait until they stop and they realize that they're being impatient and then you can go about what you need to do and possibly answer their question or do what they need you to do in the meantime patience is something you can kind of expect the people however remember if you expect things of people then you're probably going to be disappointed sometimes however at the same time I don't think we can lecture people about patience with so much and the only reason I'm telling you about patients is because I want you to be successful in relationships moving forward I want you to have good relationships I definitely don't want you to ever get into trouble again for domestic violence therefore I want you to learn how to have patience especially with the person you say you love. And I also want you to have patience with me as a facilitator we're in the middle of the move I'm extremely busy person I need you to do your part and make sure that you're getting everything done that you're supposed to be getting done before you demand to me that you should be done. I need you to be patient anybody need to be patient if somebody hand you a contract or a treatment agreement or anything like that you need to be patient enough to read that thing before you sign it and then even after you sign it you need to keep an idea of okay one of my obligated to you need to weigh things out we need to always wait things out for instance if I think my wife is cheating on me which a lot of people have that idea that their Partners cheating on them rather than being impatient accusing them of cheating or even asking them if they're cheating maybe I should think about it first and think about me being patient say wait a minute why do I always think people are cheating on me that can help me a lot if I really examine myself if I'm patient enough with the woman I say I love so that I don't bother them about this issue and instead I first think about why am I so worried about this what is going on with me and then I might even get to the point where I say to myself you know what would really be good and smart would be if I actually start treating that person a whole lot better and then one day maybe one day we'll both have enough patience and ability and time to sit down and talk about how much we really love each other how much we care for each other how much we really really pray that each other will be there for us as we get older. But instead unfortunately people demand things unfortunately people become impatient unfortunately people just say oh I'm going to cut it to the quick cuz this is too painful so I'm going to just tell her she's a cheating b**** instead of being patient. Now am I saying being patient is the same as being passive no I'm saying being patient is letting time pass being patient is allowing other people to have their time and to do what they need to do in the order they need to do it rather than demanding to take over their agenda in life. I'm saying being patient is being considerate being patient is allowing things to take their course. Is being patient allowing a baby to walk into the street a busy Street of course it's not but being patient and bring them back over the sidewalk there's no need to spank them or yell at them or scream at them or anything boy they're going to be scared enough just feeling our our craziness that we feel cuz they almost walked into the street. And then one day we can sit down and patiently talk with them about the street and how dangerous it can be I have a firm believer that a lot of violence in this world happens because of patience a lot of abuse in this world happens because of impatience a lot of spankings happened to children because of impatience parents sometimes I just want to sell this right now I'm going to smack the hell out of them and I'll teach melissa. That's also been impatience that's impatience where is what we need is more patience not less patients the more patient we are with each other the better our lives are the more we can each do the things we need to do in the order we need to do them and in the way they need to be done according to our standards and then we can move it forward and then the other person can patiently take a look at it and we can be patient as the other person is looking at what we've done and the other person can maybe patiently add to it help with it or even give constructive criticism but they have to do it patiently otherwise somebody's going to get pissed off or offended or somebody's going to be feeling like they're getting picked on and then it's all blown up again. So the bottom line is patience is a good word if I were you I would write it on some things put in your pocket or these paper pull it out once while I look at it think about it am I being patient right now am I being patient with a woman I say I love am I being patient with my probation officer it was really busy am I being patient with Dr B in terms of getting done with TV am I being patient with the other people in the group when they speak do I actually listen to what they're saying do I pay attention am I being patient with this world this world is crazy yeah you got an antifa out there intentionally blowing things up just like the weatherman did when I was a kid in the 1960s you got people out there blowing things up because they're impatient you have people being hurt killed and people in the up in prison for life because somebody's impatient they want their money and they want it right now. Or somebody's impatient because somebody supposedly said something nasty about him and so they're going to be impatient they're going to go over there and straighten it out right now by hurting somebody that's the ultimate impatience that's also very selfish if somebody has something to say about you who care? So patience is important patience makes our world a relatively decent place the Constitution United States is America's largely built on the idea that a reasonable person in the United States has some degree of patience that's why you have to be a certain age in order to be considered an adult and then in order to be considered to have adult privileges as an adult rights as well as adult patience yeah children have rights at the same time they are under the care of a more patient person who happens to be their parents and I realize that times in your life you've had people that demand things right now you might have had a teacher or a gym coach or even a parent who's extremely impatient in your life you might have even had a girlfriend or boyfriend who is extremely impatient towards you because they had an addiction or because of something else going on in their life maybe they had an anxiety disorder and they got panic attacks while they were waiting for things. So perhaps you know what it's like to be around somebody who's impatient you know it doesn't make somebody love someone it doesn't help so if I want things to work out my life I need to be more patient I need to learn to be patient I need to be patient with the deer on these dark roads out here at night when I'm driving I need to drive more slowly I need to drive more deliberately I need to use my lights carefully to make sure if there is a deer I can see it before I possibly hit it. Cuz a deer don't know that better. Even in and I'm not trying to be I'm not trying to convert you to any religion but in some religions they say you know it's a good thing God is patient with us otherwise he would just kill the whole human species. And then there are other people that are so convinced that climate change is happening that they're impatient they want everybody to stop any kind of technological progress because they want to have the the Earth be clean and wonderful and beautiful the way they want it and so they're willing to blow up factories and kill people in order to make their world the way they want it Wars have been fought over impatience they're great deal of war is happening a lot of people have been killed over impatience Hitler exterminate 8 million Jews because he was impatient he wanted them out of the way. There's a lot of impatience and Iran right now the government is killing people who disagree with the government they've been doing it for a very long time they do it because they're impatient they can't be patient that's actually sit down and listen to what the citizens of Iran or telling them about how they feel about the government and how the government there works also in some ways you could say the United States has been kind of the impatient and how it is treated around at this point at the same time I remember when all this sparked up it was about almost 45 years ago and I remember when it started and that's where a lot of people became impatient with Iran however rather than attacking Ron we waited and waited and then we waited another 10 years another 10 years another 20 years another thing we waited a long time for Iran to come around and to get rid of their nuclear arms and to do what they're supposed to do in order to be more patient and less dangerous to the rest of the world. But now now they are being run right now by people that are very interested in making sure that they get to go to their version of Heaven therefore they have to do what they believe is their version of virtuous behavior and that includes killing anybody who doesn't believe in the god that they believe in or believe in the Quran that they read the way they read it. And the same thing is for certain Christians the same thing as for certain Jews the same thing as for certain Hindus some people are very impatient with people who do not believe what they believe religiously So This Is Not Unusual this is not a totally crazy thing. Patience is a big part of what impacts our world and the more impatient we are the more likely we're going to hurt people are we going to hurt ourselves how many people do you think might have committed suicide because they were impatient they couldn't handle the situation they were in and so they decided to end it rather than going through it. They decided they wanted what they wanted they wanted it right now and so they killed themselves because they wanted to get away from the pain that they were in rather than waiting it out or working it out. How many people are dead right now because of that? This is a very important topic patience will help you prevent any sort of DV or any sort of criminal problems in the future if you just start thinking patients man if you have to write it backwards on your forehead so every time you get a tattooing backwards on your forehead so you'll be able to look in the mirror and every time you look in the mirror which we all do you'll see the word patience all need to be more patient we all need to learn how to be more patient I need to be more patient and I would suggest if you really take an honest look at your life and yourself and how you do things in some ways you probably ought to be more patient too I would even bet you that if you really take an honest look at your DV offense somewhere in there was somebody being an impatient and there's a good chance that you might have been impatient and they might have been impatient or at least somebody was being impatient.