What Difference Can I Make? Options, Choices, Decisions and Consequences

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 What Difference Can I Make? 

  Options, Choices, Decisions and Consequences

Food For Thought...

Think about the situation you were in before your DV Charge?  

Think about it this way for a second: 

   What about that situation probably needed changing before it happened?

Think about your DV Charge -- 

  If I had made changes to what probably needed changing; 

would my DV Charge had happened in the first place?

 Or did I even know there were changes needed; because the alternative could be disasterous.

  Now that I got my DV Charge; what changes can I make to be sure that I never again have DV in my life?

  It's important to note that in DV Treatment; it's typically NOT about changes that someone else should have made -- or changes they should make.

  It's about changes that I can make or changes that I made -- leading to better or worse circumstances.

  But in order to know that I need to make some changes; I have to be totally aware.  It's almost like I have to have a crystal ball to tell me the future.  We cannot always see what's about to happen.  

  Nonetheless, a person could try to be more aware what could happen and then work on ways to avoid it.

  So, if there was a change that I coulda-shoulda-woulda made; then why didn't I make it already?

  Maby I did not see it at that time?

  Maby I saw it, but I didn't realize at that time how important it was?  (Kind of like having a slow leak on a tire.... and you have to drive to Pueblo...)

  Or maby I didnt' want to make that change?

  Or maby I wanted to make the change...  but only once I had no other choice?

  Maby I tried to get away; but it just wasn't working?

  Like an Autopsy -- Trying to discover what happened, 

  How it happened.

  Why this happened to him.

  And How it could have been avoided.

What changes can I make now to be sure it never happens again.

50 Ways to Leave your Lover.

Other Notes: 

Hard question (This may not apply to you; and it is NOT meant to make anyone feel bad):  

  But, Then if I knew changes needed to be made; why didn't I already make those changes?  Maby I no idea it could happen any day now.

  Could I have made those changes had I wanted to and felt ready to make the changes; could I have done so.?

  Or, Did I try to make those changes already; but it just wasn't happening?

  What happened?

  And so... how is it that your attempt to make those changes did not work?

  And finally if I needed to make some changes, and if my attempts did not work... then Why was I still there???

  How Might things have worked out differently, had I gotten help if needed; and if I had been making the changes that I could have made that could help me get out of the situation?

  *(For example: Had I gotten some help and then been able to quit drinking; I migth have been able to leave them...  Or perhaps even If I had gotten sober, maby they would have wanted to get sober bad enough to make their own changes.)

  And this is where the CODEPENDENCY sometimes comes in.  

 What is Codependency?  "Codependency is a dysfunctional relationship dynamic where one person prioritizes the needs of another over their own, often at the expense of their own well-being and self-worth. It's characterized by excessive reliance on others for approval, a sense of identity, and a tendency to take on excessive responsibility for others' behavior and emotions. "

  More about Codepencency:

  "Key aspects of codependency:

One-sided relationships:

Codependent relationships often involve a "taker" who relies heavily on the "giver" for emotional support and validation.

 

Loss of self:

The codependent individual may neglect their own needs, interests, and desires, focusing instead on the needs of the other person. 

Poor boundaries:

Codependent individuals may struggle to set healthy boundaries, leading to over-involvement in others' lives and a lack of personal space. 

Enabling behavior:

Codependent individuals may unknowingly support or enable the unhealthy behaviors of the other person. 

Low self-esteem:

Codependent individuals often struggle with low self-esteem and a need for external validation. 

Fear of abandonment:

A fear of being alone or rejected can lead codependent individuals to stay in unhealthy relationships. 

Where it can occur:

Codependency can occur in romantic relationships, family dynamics, friendships, and other social connections. 

It's important to note:

Codependency is not a formal diagnosis in the same way that a mental disorder is, but it is a pattern of behavior that can have significant negative impacts on individuals and their relationships. 

Seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor can be beneficial for identifying and managing codependent patterns of behavior. "

  Other reasons why one cannot leave an unhealthy relationship?

    Financially broke.

    Narcicism...  "Nobody leaves me... and never leave anyone behind."  WHen narcicistic, one typically cannot really see how others truly see you.

    Thinks they aer unable to function without the other person.

    Comimitted to changign the other person.

    Thinks they cannot live without the other person.

    In very rare cases; they have been kidnapped, changed to walls, blinded with spears and literally cannot get away.

  It takes some work, but you can probably get away if you are really committed to getting away.

  The bottom Line is that we have choices to make... and Change often reqiures choices -- Hard Choices... Difficult chocies... and even confusing choices.

  But if we stay too long sometimes, our choices become limited....  Very limited... like a jail cell.