Planning for Personal Change -- The Personal Change Plan Process: From Sad, Scary and Troubled Beginnings; To Learning, Changing and Winning.

 From Sad, Scary and Troubled Beginnings; To Learning, Changing and Winning.

When people first come to DV Tx, they are sad, angry, lonely, disappointed, feeling like The Victim, In Shock from Jail, and generally just dissatisfied with Criminal Justice System -- Police, DA's, Courts, Judges, Probation, and DV Tx Providers

  Whereas the GOAL of DV Treatment is to Participate Consistently and in a Meaningful Way, in order Make some good Changes.

People go from Feeling like it was not my fault, It was their fault, It is the System's Fault, and on and on; to -- if they are successful -- a point where they realize that it doesn't matter who's fault it is... you are in this situation, so you might as well just get through it.

In order to get through it, we need to Learn; we need to change some (a little if not a lot), and we all need to win.

Yet, in such a situation; it is hard to feel like you are winning when you got arrested, cavity searched, insulted, humiliated, embarrassed, tried and convicted, sentenced, insulted again, embarrassed some more, assigned to a P.O. or Jail or Both, and then finally.... referred to DV Offender Treatment.

Then you have to put up with Embarrassing Evaluations, Weekly, Group Meetings, Drug Tests, DV Reviews, Probation Meetings -- and/or Behavior Contracts, Therapy, More DV Groups etc... etc... etc..  

Yet in the midst of this....  everyone still has choices.  Do I make a fool of myself and intentionally NOT do what the Court tells me to do; or do I do it, and eventually, this all becomes a thing of my past.

It seems that one of the smartest things a person could do in this situation would to sign up for DV Treatment, Attend all Intake and Evaluation sessions, attend all groups, attend all Treatment Planning Sessions, and do all the homework, fill out all paperwork, pay the fees, and then start LEARNING And MAKING CHANGES.

The sooner a person starts doing all that is required, and also putting their best effort into learning what ways to prevent DV; the sooner a person makes positive changes, learns more and more, and moves along towards their finish line in a good way.

  Meanwhile, this whole process really gets its wings once a person begins to actually spend time thinking about things such as the following:

• What are my Risk Factors?   Heck.  What is a Risk Factor?
• What is Positive Change?  "I'm done living this way... I'm gonna do something about it."
• What are some Ways I could Plan for Positive Change?  (Thinking about what do I gotta change...???).  Why???  (Why NOT???)  If I make this change, chances are I will feel better, be happier, more productive, others will be happier with me, and my kids and other people will benefit also.
• What is Personal Change?  Personal Change is changing something about myself, my look, my    actions, my thoughts, my feelings, my people, my life that makes a positive difference.
• What are some things I could do the Change?  First... Simply Realize that I need to make this change.  And if I fall, then get back up on that horse and ride again.  We must be persistent.
• Why Do This?  Why Make Personal Change?  Because Personal Change and bettering one's self can be a great start toward putting all this craziness behind you.  So Just Do It!
• We need to learn how to Prevent DV From happening again in our lives.  Okay then.... What are My Triggers?  What puts me at Risk of another DV Offense?  Things like Anger, Arguments, Intoxication, Drugs, Alcohol, Boredom, Poor Communication Skills, A Lack of Accountability, Resentment, Blaming Everybody Else (but myself), and Shutting it all out can lead to additional DV-Type Thinking and Behaviors.  Getting these things out of my life can help me prevent DV.
• I need to identify my Cycles of Abusive Thoughts and Behaviors.  Like, let's say I am heading towards another DV Offense... What are some things that happen and or ways that I am feeling or thinking that get me into this trouble.
• For some of us it is as simple as the person who chose as a mate.
• For others, it is about DENIAL.  (Which is NOT just a river in Egypt.).
• And still for others, it's about the things and thoughts that I still do and have that lead towards the Dark side...  Such a Drugs, Alcohol, Playing the Victim all the time, Failing to Communicate, or the people I choose to be around.
• And then FINALLY ....   How do I PLAN to prevent and/or interrupt my triggers and cycles?  

ALL this comes down to 3 Questions:

   1. The way I am going to prevent abusive behavior of any kind of by:  ?

   2. The way I am going to change my thinking so my thoughts and behaviors will be healthy is by:  ?  and

   3. If I realize I am in danger of Becoming Abusive I will do the following?

And Remember -- If one manages this process successfully; then one might be have to successfully apply this same sort of sequence of steps and process toward the successful resolution of a whole other type of challenge.