D V O M B Mandatory Core Competencies and how they Relate to Successfully Completing DV Offender Treatment in Colorado.

 Mandatory D V O M B Core Competencies      

  What is the Domestic Violence Offender Management Board of Colorado (D V O M B)?

  What is the Core of something -- the Core of a Topic or a Way of Life?

  What is a Competency?

  The list below contains the D V O M B Core Competencies.

  Each DV Offender in Colorado is required to have developed some sense of mastery of each Core Competency before he or she can successfully complete DV Offender Treatment.  

  As you read the following Competencies, ask yourself the following questions:

  Am I confident that I understand this Competency Fully?  

  Could I define this Competency if I were called on to do so?

  Could I explain this Competency in detail if I was asked to?

  Could I describe this Competency as it relates to me and my life and my relationships -- past and present?

  Could I share about how this Competency might be able to impact my life -- should I employ it?

  Could I describe how this Competency might impact my relationships?

  Could I explain how this Competency describes something that was or was not in the Relationship at the time I got my DV-related Charge? 

  Could I draw a mental picture about how this Core Competency -- should I learn about it, master it, and fully employ it -- How it could change my life in the long run; as well as the lives of those who are close to me?

Instructions: 

  Please Note: These D V O M B Core Competencies (below) are a Mandatory Requirement for DV Offenders in Colorado. The State Agency that manages DV Offender Treatment in Colorado is the D V O M B.  And the D V O M B mandates that every DV Offender be required to master the following Core Competencies before they can be successfully discharged from DV Offender Treatment.  

Imagine that the list below is on a Worksheet -- Please read each one of the D V O M B Core Competencies (below), and underneath each one, please describe what this Core Competency means to you in terms of how it could relate to you never again having DV-Type Thinking, DV-Type Feelings, DV-Type Behavior or a DV-Related Offense.

In other words, how could this Core Competency Help You PREVENT DV in the Future?

  Please note that each Competency is denoted by a capital letter from the Alphabet and that the writing underneath each Competency contains further explanation of that Competency.  

  While you are reading, if there is a word that you do not understand, please say so.  There is no shame in Googling a word like "Coercion".  Or if you need more help you could email or text Dr. B and ask him.  Also you could ask your nearest English, Criminal Justice or Psychology Major to explain it to you.

  Also, please be clear that it does not matter whether or not one thinks that a given Competency on this List (below) does, or does not apply directly to them, or to their DV Offense.  

  What matters here is that in order to be able to eventually complete DV Offender Treatment in Colorado, one MUST master each of these Core Competencies (below).  This is one opportunity you will to demonstrate that.

  In other words, if there is a Competency about Psychological Abuse; it does not really matter whether or not there was Psychological Abuse in your relationship or involved in your offense.  What matters is that by the time you are done with DV Treatment, you will have a much clearer and broader understanding about the concept of Psychological Abuse as it negatively impacts people, as well as how it relates to your Thinking, Feeling and Relationships; than you had before DV Treatment.

PLEASE CAREFULLY READ the Instructions Below:

Whatever you do, DO NOT just put a check-mark or write "N/A or Not Applicable or None, or Does not Apply to me, or Never did this.... ,or I understand this Competency" on this list below (which you will find on the Worksheet).

Instead, what you need to do here is to demonstrate by your answers how each one of these Core Competencies below has been mastered by you, regardless of the nature of your DV-Related Offense; or how your DV Offense relates to the Core Competency itself.

And this can be done by writing just a couple of sentences under each one of the Lettered Items (A-through-V). Your responses should demonstrate that:

A) You understand what this Competency is about;

B) You understand the harm that can be done by the behavior that is described by, or warned about by such a Competency; and

(C) That you are capable of using this Core Competency and your DV Treatment and other Treatments to help you improve your LIfe and your Relationships; while at the same time, decreasing the probability of having another DV-type Offense.

In short, all you really need to do here is to simply try to write a sentence or two with the primary Core Competency Terms in the Sentence, that explains what you know about this topic that is highlighted in each Competency; as well as your commitment to improving your life and your ability to have healthy relationships.

For example: if I was completing a response or a sentence related to the Personal Change Plan Competency, I could write: "My Personal Change Plan essentially includes themes such as ways that I could prevent Domestic Violence in my future. I realize how my behavior in the past has negatively impacted myself and others; and I am committed to changing my ways such that this will never happen again."

 - A.   Elimination of Abusive Behavior

 - 1. Offender commits to the elimination of abusive behavior:

 - 2. Eliminates the use of physical intimidation, psychological cruelty, or coercion toward one’s partner or children. 

 - B.   Demonstration of Change

 - 1. Offender demonstrates change by working on the comprehensive personal change plan;

 - 2. Begins implementing portions of the personal change plan;

 - 3. Accepts that working on abuse related issues and monitoring them is an ongoing process;

 - 4. Begins designing an Aftercare Plan;

 - 5. Completes an Aftercare Plan and is prepared to implement this plan after discharge from treatment.

 - C.   Personal Change Plan

 - 1. Offender completes a comprehensive Personal Change Plan:

 - 2. The Plan Reflects the level of treatment and has been reviewed and approved by the MTT;

 - 3. Driven by the offender’s risks (or Risk Factors) and level of treatment.

 - D.   Empathy  

 - 1.  Offender development of empathy: Recognizes and verbalizes the effects of one’s actions on one’s partner/victim;

 - 2.  Recognizes and verbalizes the effects on children and other secondary and tertiary victims such as neighbors, family, friends, and professionals;

 - 3.  Offers helpful, compassionate response to others without turning attention back on self (Recognizing Empathy Worksheet.).

 - E.   Responsibility

 - 1. Offender accepts full responsibility for the offense and abusive history;

 - 2. Discloses the history of physical and psychological abuse toward the offender’s victim(s) and children;

 - 3. Overcomes the denial. minimization and blame that accompany abusive behavior;

 - 4. Makes increasing disclosures over time;

 - 5. Accepts responsibility for the impact of one’s abusive behavior on secondary, tertiary victims and the community;

 - 6. Recognizes that abusive behavior is unacceptable (abuse wrong-no excuses or justifications-no blaming)

 - F.   Understanding of offense, pattern of power and control, cultural context

 - 1. Offender identifies and progressively reduces pattern of power and control behaviors, beliefs, and attitudes of entitlement  (Personal Pattern of Power & Control Behaviors Worksheet):

 - 2. Recognizes that the violence was made possible by a larger context of the offender’s behaviors and attitudes;

 - 3. Identifies the specific forms of day-to-day abuse and control, such as isolation that have been utilized, as well as the underlying outlook and excuses that drove those behaviors;

 - 4. Demonstrate behaviors, attitudes and beliefs congruent with equality and respect in personal relationship

 - G.   Offender Accountability 

 - 1. Accepts responsibility for one’s abusive behaviors,

 - 2. Accepts the consequences of those abusive behaviors,

 - 3. Actively works to repair the harm, and prevent future abusive behavior;

 - 4. Taking corrective actions to foster safety and health for the victim

A.        - Recognizes and eliminates all minimizations of abusive behavior and without prompts identifies one’s own abusive behaviors

B.        - Demonstrates full ownership for his/her actions and accepts the consequences of these actions: The offender demonstrates an understanding of patterns for past abusive actions and acknowledges the need to plan for future self-management and further agrees to create the structure that makes accountability possible

C.        - The offender accepts that their partner or former partner and their children may continue to challenge them regarding past or current behaviors.  Should they behave abusively in the future, they consider it their responsibility to report those behaviors honestly to their friends and relatives, to their probation officer, and to others who will hold them accountable

(Accountability Letter Practice Worksheet.)

 - H.      - Consequences and Choice

 - 1. Offender accepts that one’s behavior has, and should have, consequences;

 - 2. Identifies the consequences of one’s own behavior and challenges distorted thinking and understands that consequences are a result of one’s actions or choices.

 - 3.  The offender makes decisions based on recognition of potential                                                 consequences; (Costs / Benefits Analysis)

 - 4. Recognizes that the abusive behavior was a choice, intentional and goal-                                   oriented

 - I.    Offender participation and cooperation in treatment:

 - 1. Participates openly in treatment (e.g. processing personal feelings, providing constructive feedback, identifying one’s own abusive patterns,

 - 2. Completes homework assignments,

 - 3.  Presents letter of accountability,

 - 4.  Demonstrates responsibility by attending treatment as required by the Treatment Plan

 

 - J.    Offender ability to define types of domestic violence

 - 1.  Defines controlling behavior and all types of domestic violence e.g. (a) physical, b) emotional, c) sexual, d) psychological, e) animal abuse, f) property, g) financial, h) isolation & jealousy, i) male privilege, j) intimidation,  &  k) coercion and threats.

 - 2.  Identifies in detail the specific types of DV engaged in, and the destructive impact of that behavior on the offender’s partner and children;

 - 3. Demonstrates cognitive understanding of the types of domestic violence as evidenced by giving examples and accurately label situations; defines continuum of behavior from healthy to abusive. (Types of DV Worksheet.)

 - K.  Offender understanding, identification and management of one’s personal pattern of violence

 - 1. Acknowledges past/present violent/controlling/abusive behavior;

 - 2. Explores motivations;

 - 3. Understands learned pattern of violence and can explain it to others;

 - 4. Disrupts pattern of violence prior to occurrence of behavior

 - L. Offender understanding of intergenerational effects of violence;

 - 1.  Identifies and recognizes past victimization, its origin, its type and impact;

 - 2. Recognizes the impact of witnessed violence; acknowledges that one’s upbringing has influenced current behaviors;

 - 3. Develops and implements as a plan to distance oneself from violent traditional tendencies, as well as cultural roles. (Examples: Homework assignments such as the Genogram, violence autobiography and timeline.  (Brief Autobiography of violence Worksheet.) 

 - M. Offender understanding and use of appropriate communication skills:

 - 1. Demonstrates non-abusive communication skills that include how to respond respectfully to the offender’s partner’s grievances

 - 2. How to initiate and treat one’s partner as an equal;

 - 3. Demonstrates an understanding of the difference between assertive, passive, passive aggressive, and aggressive communication,

 - 4. Makes appropriate choices in expressing emotions;

 - 5. Demonstrates appropriate active listening skills

 - N. Offender understanding and use of “time-outs” and Stop-Breathe-Focus

 - 1.  Recognizes the need for “time-outs” and/or other appropriate self-management skills;

 - 2.  Understands and practices all components of the time-out;

 - 3. Demonstrates and is open to feedback regarding the use of time-outs in therapy

 - O. Offender recognition of financial abuse and management of financial responsibility

 - 1.  Consistently meets financial responsibilities such as treatment fees, child support, maintenance, court fees, and restitution;  the MTT may choose to require the offender to provide documentation that demonstrates financial responsibilities are being met;

 - 2. Maintains legitimate employment, unless verifiably or medically unable                                        to work

 - P.  Violence and Abuse

 - 1. Offender eliminates all forms of violence and abuse

 - 2.  The offender does not engage in further acts of abuse and commits no new DV offenses or violent offenses against persons or animals.

 - Q.  Weapons

 - 1. Offender prohibited from purchasing, possessing, or using firearms or                       ammunition:

 - 2. An exception may be made if there is a specific court order allowing this – must provide written proof – treatment provider must address safety plan/storage etc.

 - R.    Identification and challenge of cognitive distortions

 - 1. Offender identifies and challenges cognitive distortions that play a role in the offender’s violence

 - 2. Offender demonstrates an understanding of distorted view of self, others, and relationships (e.g. gender role stereotyping, misattribution of power and responsibility, sexual entitlement)

Additional Competencies:

 - S. Offender understanding and demonstration of responsible parenting:

 - 1. Consistently fulfills all applicable parenting responsibilities such as cooperating with the child/children’s other parent regarding issues related to parenting,

 - 2. follows established parenting plan and appropriately uses parenting time including the safety and care of the child/children;

 - 3. Demonstrates an understanding that abuse during pregnancy may present a higher risk to the victim and unborn child. 

 - 4. The offender demonstrates sensitivity to the victim’s needs (physical, emotional, psychological, medical, financial, sexual, social, during pregnancy;

 - 5. Demonstrates appropriate interaction with the children and partner in a co-parenting or step-parenting situation

 - T. Offender identification of pro-social and/or community support and demonstration of the ability to utilize the support in an appropriate manner (sponsor, support person, etc. not the victim)

 - U. Offender’s consistent compliance with any psychiatric and medical recommendations for medication that may enhance the offender’s ability to benefit from treatment and/or reduce the offender’s risk of re-offense.

 - V. Offender’s consistent compliance with any alcohol or substance abuse evaluation and treatment that may enhance the offender’s ability to benefit from treatment and/or reduce the offender’s risk of re-offense

* Click Here to Complete the CORE COMPETENCIES WORKSHEET *

Below are some additional Worksheets that are part of this Process.  

If you would like to learn more, feel free to click on any of these and complete them if you wish: 

 -  DV Autobiography  

 -  Personal Change Plan   

 -  Aftercare Planning Worksheet.

 -  Statement of Responsibility (and Accountability)                          

 -  Personal Mission Statement Worksheet.  

 -  Commitment Statement/Elimination of Abusive Behavior

(c. 2021, All information on the Blog (Except where otherwise noted); are the intellectual and/or photographic     and/or digital property of Dr. William T. Beverly, L.C.S.W., D V O M B Approved Offender Treatment Provider.) 

Revisiting My Autobiography Of Domestic Violence

 Revisiting My Autobiography Of Domestic Violence.

  What could be gained from developing a better understanding of her or his Autobiography of Domestic Violence?

What's the use or Value in doing this?

 -- To make me aware of what has happened in my life;

 -- Might help me understand myself a little better -- in terms of how I react to violence as well as in terms of how I get to the point of thinking about doing violence.

 -- Might it help me get a better understanding of my current situation?

 -- Could it also help me figure out some of my fears?

 -- Could enlighten me on how to prevent problems in the future.

 -- Maybe help me get a better understanding of my reactions to situations.

 -- So that I can develop a better understanding of the different types of violence.  And finally,

 -- It's about me getting a better look at what Victim's experience; as well what Witnesses such as children experience when they are exposed to it -- and how these experiences impact their lives.

  What do we mean by Violence?  Violence typically involves the intentional or unintentional use of Physical, Emotional, Social or even Financial Force against another person, animal or entity where by the the action itself puts them at risk of harm.

  What is Domestic Abuse?  

"“Domestic abuse, also called "domestic violence" or "intimate partner violence", can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure, or wound someone. Domestic abuse can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender. It can occur within a range of relationships including couples who are married, living together or dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels. 

Anyone can be a victim of domestic violence, regardless of age, race, gender, sexual orientation, faith or class

Victims of domestic abuse may also include a child or other relative, or any other household member.

Domestic abuse is typically manifested as a pattern of abusive behavior toward an intimate partner in a dating or family relationship, where the abuser exerts power and control over the victim.

Domestic abuse can be mental, physical, economic or sexual in nature. Incidents are rarely isolated, and usually escalate in frequency and severity. Domestic abuse may culminate in serious physical injury or death.”  (United Nations)."

  Understanding my Autobiography of Domestic Violence is also about exploring my Experience of this (and other) Violence, as well as my reaction to what I did or what I didn't do.

  What does Violence do to us?  How does it impact our lives? 

"Nothing Good..."

Treatment Planning Updates: Updating Our Treatment Plans for Success in DV Treatment and Success in Future Relationships

  The big question at this point is: "How likely am I to re-offend?"  

  Secondly: "How am I gonna prevent that?"

  The Domestic Violence Offender Management Board of Colorado requires that DV Offenders complete a Treatment Plan or a Treatment Planning Review approximately every 3 months.    
  There are different requirements for different levels of Treatment (such as, A, B, or C).

  Regarding construction of the DV Treatment Plan, the The DVOMB writes: 

  "A Treatment Plan shall be implemented after the completion of the intake evaluation process. The individualized plan shall promote victim and community safety while identifying treatment goals for the offender. The written Treatment Plan shall include goals that specifically address all clinical issues identified in the intake evaluation. The treatment goals shall be based on offender criminogenic needs, offender competencies, and identified risk factors."  (DVOMB Standards). 
  Below are a number of things to think about when you are Treatment Planning for Success:

Pre-Treatment-Planning Questions:
  Before you try to work on your Treatment Plan, please try and answer these questions:


1. What are some of your Strengths that are helping you get through this DV Treatment Successfully?  Everyone has strengths.  What are some of your strengths?
  (Examples: Loyal, Respectful, Trustworthy, Faithful, Hard Worker, Sensitive, Good Parent, Great Partner......


2. What are your Criminogenic Needs?  Do any of the items on this list seem to relate to you:  (If I have one of these, these are things to work on in my Treatment Plan.)

“Criminogenic Needs are factors in a [justice-involved individual's] life that are directly related to recidivism. Research has identified six factors that are directly related to crime: low self-control, anti-social personality, anti-social values, criminal peers, substance abuse and dysfunctional family” (Source).

• Criminal History; History of Low Self Control:
• Education (truancy, Low IQ, Learning Disorders, Suspensions/Expulsions) – Poor Grades.  Dropped out.
• Employment Issues: Typically does not have a job.
• Financial Issues / Irresponsibility:
• Dysfunctional Family / Marital: Family of Origin History.
• Accommodation: Are you lacking a place to live?  (For an Alternative View: Do you tend to just go along with the crowd no matter what they do?)
• Leisure /Recreation: Not enough vacation time or rest time. 
• Anti-Social Companions:
• Alcohol / Drug Problems:
• Emotional / Personal / Psychological Challenges:
• Anti-Social Attitude / Orientation:
• Anti-Social Personality Pattern:

3. What are your DV Risk Factors?  Which ones of the Risk Factors below apply to you and/or your Offense?  (From the DVRNA)   (If I have any one of these, I might be more likely to Re-Offend; unless I make some changes to the way I think and behave.)

 -- Domain A: Prior domestic violence related incidents

• 1.            Prior to the current DV Offense, have you ever had a Domestic Violence conviction or deferred sentence?   (Critical Risk Factor—Level C)
• 2.            Have you ever had a Violation of an order of protection (documented violation)?  (Level B minimum)
• 3.            Have you ever had, or do you have a Civil Domestic Violence related protection order against you?  (Level B minimum)
• 4.            Have you ever been arrested for domestic violence?  (Level B minimum)  
• 5.            Have you had prior domestic violence incidents that were not reported to criminal justice system?  (Level B minimum)

-- Domain B: Drug or alcohol abuse

• 1.            Have you had any substance abuse/dependence within the past 12 months?  (Level B minimum)
• 2.            Do you have a history of substance abuse treatment within the past 12 months or 2 or more prior drug or alcohol treatment episodes during lifetime?  (Level B minimum)
• 3.            Do you use illegal drugs?  (Level B minimum)

 -- Domain C: Mental health issue

• 1.            Do you have an Existing Axis I or II Mental Health diagnosis (excluding V codes)?  Have you ever been told by a professional that you have this?  (Level B minimum)  
• 2.            Do you have a personality disorder with anger, impulsivity, or behavioral instability?  Have you ever been told by a professional that you have this?  (Level B minimum)
• 3.            Do you have severe psychopathology?  Have you ever been told by a professional that you have this?  (Level B minimum)
• 4.            Recent psychotic and/or manic symptoms?  Have you been told by a professional that you have this?    (Level B minimum)
• 5.            Psychological/psychiatric condition currently unmanaged?  Have you been told by a professional that you have this?  (Level B minimum)
• 6.            Noncompliance with prescribed medications and mental health treatment?  If you have been prescribed Psychiatric Medications, have you taken them as directed? (Level B minimum)
• 7.            Are you exhibiting symptoms that indicate the need for a Mental Health evaluation?  Do you feel that you need a Mental Health Evaluation?  (Level B minimum) 

 -- Domain D: Suicide/homicidal 

• 1.            Have you had serious homicidal or suicidal ideation/intent within the past year?  Have you thought seriously about killing your self or anyone else within the past year? (Level C)
• 2.            Have you thought about Suicide in the past 12 months?
• 3.            Have you made threats to kill anyone within the past 12 months?
• 4.            Has the Victim accused you of making threats of harming or killing her / him?

 -- Domain E: Use and/or threatened use of weapons in current or past offense or access to firearms

• 1.            Is there a Gun in your home that is in violation of a civil or criminal court order? (Level C)
• 2.            Have you used or threatened to use weapons (of any kind) in current or past offense? (Level C)
• 3.            Do you currently have access to firearms?

 -- Domain F. Criminal history-non-domestic violence (both reported and unreported to criminal justice system). This domain applies only to adult criminal history.

• 1.            Were you on community supervision (Probation or Parole) at the time of the offense? (Level C)
• 2.            Have you ever before been arrested for assault, harassment, or menacing.
• 3.            If so, how many times?
• (Level B minimum if 2 or more.)
• 4.            Do you have any prior non-domestic violence convictions?
• 5.            Have you ever had a violation of conditional release or community supervision (i.e., violated probation or parole)?
• 6.            Have you ever in the past assaulted strangers or acquaintances?
• 7.            Have you ever been accused of animal cruelty or animal abuse?

 -- Domain G: Obsession with the victim? 

• 1.            Have you been accused of stalking or monitoring the victim in this DV offense?
• 2.            Do you have a tendency to obsess over the victim?  Or Have you been jealous over the victim in the past?  Or Would you describe yourself as having a  potential for violence toward the victim?  Or Do you find that you are consistently jealous of the victim?

 -- Domain H: Safety concerns

• 1.            Has the victim indicated that she/he is concerned for her/his own safety?
• 2.            Does your victim indicate that she/he believes that you are capable of killing her?
• 3.            Do you or did you tend to control most of the victim’s daily activities?
• 4.            Did you try to “choke” victim?  Did the victim accuse you of trying to choke her/him?
• 5.            Do you feel that the physical violence between you and the victim is increasing in severity?
• 6.            Have you ever forced the victim to have sex when not wanted?  Did the victim accuse you of doing this?
• 7.            Was the victim pregnant at the time of the offense?  If so, were you aware of this?
• 8.            Have you been accused of abusing the victim  previously during Pregnancy?

 -- Domain I. Violence and/or threatened violence toward family members, including child abuse (does not include intimate partners) 

• 1.            Have you any Current or past Social Services or DHS case(s)?
• 2.            Have you assaulted family members in the past?
• 3.            Were children present during the offense – Were they on the property?

 -- Domain J: Attitudes that support or condone spousal assault.                                    

• 1.            Would you say that you explicitly endorse attitudes that support or condone intimate partner Assault?  Do you talk about your violence toward the victim in an approving or justifying way?
• 2.            Would you say that you endorse attitudes that support or condone intimate partner assault?

 -- Domain K: Prior completed or noncompleted domestic violence treatment            

• 1.            Have you begun or completed DV Treatment in the past – prior to this offense?

 -- Domain L: Victim separated from offender within the previous six months   

• 1.            Were you and the victim separated within the past 6 months?

 -- Domain M: Unemployed

• 1.            Are you currently Unemployed – but not retired, on public assistance, a student, or supported as the homemaker by your partner?

 -- Domain N: Involvement with people who have pro-criminal influence 

• 1.            Would you say that you have some criminal acquaintances in your life?
• 2.            Would you say that you have some criminal friends in your life?

4. Core Competency Areas in need of Improvement:  Below is a basic list of the DVOMB Core Competencies for DV Offender Treatment.  Can you think of any of these that you have not yet mastered?

• A. Abusive behavior elimination               
• B. Empathy                        
• C. Offense & Abusive history                      
• D. Power & Control behaviors                
• E. Accountability                              
• F. Consequence acceptance                       
• G. Participation & cooperation in treatment                       
• H. Defines types of domestic violence                    
• I. Personal pattern of violence                   
• J. Intergenerational violence effects                       
• K. Communication skills                
• L. Time-out use                
• M. Financial responsibility                           
• N. Eliminates all forms of violence and abuse                      
• O. Weapons prohibitions                             
• P. Cognitive distortion identification & challenge                              
• Q. Parenting skills                            
• R. DBT (Dialectic Behavioral) skills                            
• S. Healthy Sexuality

  *** Please Click Here to Complete Your Treatment Planning WorkSheet. ***

(Previously published on 9/11/2020)

 (c. 2020, William T. Beverly, Ph.D., LCSW, All information on the Blog (Except where otherwise noted); are the intellectual and/or photographic and/or digital property of Dr. William T. Beverly, L.C.S.W., DVOMB Approved Offender Treatment Provider.).

Getting Your Personal Change Plan Done -- AGAIN!!!

  Sometimes people might get tired of hearing that they need to put together another Personal Change Plan.  Question: Would I rather have changes that just happen to me -- and even effect me in a bad way?  Or would I rather make the plan myself and hopefully do better in the long run?  The bottom line is that Personal Change is an ongoing thing and one can make a new Personal Change Plan Monthly, Weekly, or even Daily if they really want to.

  From one planning period to another; hopefully things are changing for the better.  It is hoped that anyone who is reading this for the second or third time is doing better now than they were doing when they did their previous plan.

  It might be good somewhere along the lines to think of making a new plan -- The first question being: What progress have I made since the last time I was in the position of making a new plan?

What's all this about the Commitment to Positive Personal Change?   

  Frankly, if one has not yet come to a point where she or he can see a need for some Personal Changes; then one ought to try and think about it some more.  How did I get into this mess?  What is one thing about me, or something that I thought, or something that I did that helped contribute to this tragic series of events?  The fact is that I was there.  Regardless of innocence or guilt, I was there.  Regardless of my intent or my actual thoughts and behaviors that day, I was arrested, charged, prosecuted and here I am.

  What reasonable person would not want to see some sort of a positive change at this point?  So come on!  What are some things that I could change that would help make sure that I never again end up in such a situation?

  

Keep that in mind as we move forward; One foot after another.

 

  The Domestic Violence Offender Management Board of Colorado says that The Personal Change Plan is a written plan for preventing abusive behaviors and also for developing healthy thoughts and behaviors. It further says that everyone here "shall design and implement this plan during treatment and utilize it after discharge."                                     

  The Personal Change Plan primarily encourages a person to really think about the following among other things:

 

    --> Identifying his or her triggers. 

    --> Identifying his or her cycles of abusive thoughts.

    --> Identifying his or her abusive words.

    --> Identifying his or her abusive behaviors.

    --> Coming up with thoughts, words and behaviors that can help him or her turn otherwise 

          potentially abusive situations into situations that are no longer abusive.

    --> Creating a plan for preventing or interrupting the triggers and cycles. 

This is My Promise; My Commitment to Personal Change: 

  “I hereby commit to eliminate abusive behavior; which includes the use of physical intimidation or violence, coercion, emotional, verbal or economic abuse, or psychological cruelty toward my spouse, partner and/or children.  If I do behave abusively in the future, I consider it my responsibility to report or discuss these behaviors honestly with my friends, relatives, probation officer or other interested party who will hold me accountable.”

Then we are asked to think about and list the following: 

• The ways I am going to prevent abusive behavior of any kind are by?  How might I do this???

• The ways I am going to change my thinking so my thoughts and behaviors will be healthy is by?  How might I make this happen???

• If I realize I am in danger of becoming abusive I will do the following?  What are some resources that I have that might help me prevent such a situation?

Some questions to ask yourself as you do this include:

• Am I ready to make some changes?

• Think about It at this point, what kinds of changes have I already made since the DV Offense?

• If I have already made some changes in my life that impact how I hold my Relationships; Are the changes I made working for me?  Or do I need to tweak them around a bit?

• Do you need to make more changes?

 A Good Starter List of Possible Personal Changes to Plan for that Could Help One Prevent DV Is Below:

  Think about it NOW -- Given what I have already learned and I've already changed:   What kinds of changes do I need to make now in order to avoid DV in the future?    For Example, are there more things that I should do; or have I already done everything that I should -- or that I can at this point?
  For example here are some ideas that might inspire some more good changes for me to make.

• Learn how to take Time Outs when I need them.

• Learn how to use Stop, Breathe and Focus when needed.

• Respect yourself and others always.

• Plan Ahead in order to prevent problems -- This includes communication.

• Don't spy on your partner.  Learn how to Trust my partner.

• Avoid Competing with my partner.  Create Win-Win situations.

• Don't be afraid to question myself and my motives some.

• Always be willing to take my time.

• Be Sober.

• Watch out for Red Flags?

• If something in my relationship is Wonderful -- then It might be good to Tell my Partner About It.

• Always remember to give myself positive affirmations.

• Be aware of, and be mindful of my Cognitive Distortions.

• Apply what I know about Relationships in order to have healthy relationships

• Listen to, and pay close attention to my Partner. (Put down the phone, Turn off the TV etc..) when it's time to communicate about important things.

• Learn How to Argue Respectfully -- To avoid fights -- Always be Respectful.

• Learn to always disagree in a Respectful manner.  Create Win-Win solutions.

• Find things about the Relationship that make me feel Happy, Safe and Grateful.

• Am I willing to do things differently this time?

• If you feel a need for Treatment or could benefit from Treatment, then go get it.

• Be Careful.  Be Courteous.  Be Patient.  Be Kind.  Be Humble.  Play nice.

• I should try to be aware of my Triggers.  Try to avoid or prevent situations that tend to trigger me.  Keep my eye on the Ball.

• Learn how to Negotiate and Compromise and to Navigate with Patience.

• Get in the habit of Road-mapping potentially difficult situations.

• Use Fairness in Decision-Making (means everyone agrees or it is not yet fair).

• Be careful never to Fight and never to be Disrespectful.

• Act with Prevention in Mind.  Prevent problems.  Get ahead of the Curve.

• Learn how to appreciate the differences between me and my partner.  

• Try to learn new things from your partner on a regular basis. 

• Never be afraid to look at my partner honestly in terms of what they are contributing to the Relationship.  (But the secret is -- try not to compare what I contribute to what they contribute).

• Learn some good rules for Argument: One thing at a time.  Listen.  Be Flexible.  The objective is to solve the problem; not to win.

• Don't ever try to make my Partner feel Ashamed.

• Stop Keeping Score of things that I do Good for my Partner.

• Stop Keeping Score of things that my Partner did Badly.

• Never be afraid to look at yourself honestly in terms of what I am contributing to the Relationship.

• Always be willing to Re-Think conclusions that do not yield win-win results.

• Wake up every morning and try to think of some things that I feel grateful for.

• Believe in my Self -- Increase my Self-Esteem.  Do things that make me feel good.

• Strive to have lots of FUN with my partner.

• Look for Positive Solutions -- even in Negative Situations

• Always find different ways to tell your partner that I love her or him when I feel that way.

• Remember to try and be Patient with my Partner.

• Don't ever Humiliate my Partner. 

• Trying to find Win-Win Solutions. 

• Never be Afraid to Make Positive Changes (Sometimes the Devil you know is safer than the Devil you don't know.  But all the time, the Devil you know is the Devil.)

• Learn how to give without expecting anything in return.

• Always be Patient with myself.  No one is Perfect.

• Never threaten my Partner in any way.  Don't threaten or scare anyone.

• Always help my Partner feel safe.

• Don't ever call my Partner a Name other than a nice Name.

• Takes some time to jot down all the great things about my partner.

• Make a list of fun and healthy things that I could do to become a better partner.

• And there are many many more ideas on how to have a Healthy Relationship......

MORE IDEAS for A GOOD Personal Change Plan:

  Consider and learn how to develop some of the following Patterns of Thinking, Behaviors and Traits:

Social Support -- "Social support is the perception and actuality that one is cared for, has assistance available from other people, and that one is part of a supportive social network. These supportive resources can be emotional (e.g., nurturance), tangible (e.g., financial assistance), informational (e.g., advice), or companionship (e.g., sense of belonging)and intangible (e.g. personal advice).”  It is frequently a great idea to seek support from trusted friends, family and professionals.

Accountability – “The state of being accountable, liable, or answerable.” Or “"A personal choice to rise above one's circumstances and demonstrate the ownership necessary for achieving desired results—to See It, Own It, Solve It, and Do It." This definition includes a mindset or attitude of continually asking, "What else can I do to rise above my circumstances and achieve the results I desire?" It requires a level of ownership that includes making, keeping and answering for personal commitments.”

Prevention -- “The act or practice of stopping something bad from happening : the act of preventing something.”

Trust and Support -- "Supporting her/his goals in life. Respecting her/his right to her/his own feelings, friends, activities, and opinions." 

Respect -- "Listening to her/him non-judgmentally.  Being emotionally affirming and understanding.  Valuing her/his opinions.  This term essentially means valuing each others point of view. It means being open to being wrong; It means accepting people as they are;  It means not dumping on someone because you're having a bad day;  It means being polite and kind always, because being kind to people is not negotiable;  It means not dissing people because they're different to you; and It means not gossiping about people or spreading lies."

Negotiation and Fairness -- "Seeking mutually satisfying resolutions to conflict.  Accepting changes.  Being willing to compromise."  This often requires a bit of patience.

Responsible Parenting -- "Sharing parental responsibilities.  Being a positive, nonviolent role model for the children."

Non-Threatening Behavior -- "Talking and acting so that she or he feels safe and comfortable expressing her/his-self and doing things."

Shared Responsibility -- "Mutually agreeing on a fair distribution of work.  Making family decisions together."

Economic Partnership -- "Making money decisions together.  Making sure both partners benefit from financial arrangements."

Honesty and Accountability -- "Accepting responsibility for self.  Acknowledging past use of violence. Admitting being wrong. Communicating openly and truthfully."

  Perhaps we can put things such as those mentioned directly below to an end in our lives.  And then we can move forward in a much better way as we learn how to employ the following ideas in our relationships.  Below are some Definitions related to the Personal Change Plan...  It would be really good to try and learn what all these words mean -- and how they could relate to -- and even improve -- a good Personal Change Plan? 

Commitment – “A promise to do or give something. : a promise to be loyal to someone or something. : the attitude of someone who works very hard to do or support something.”

Eliminate (Like to eliminate abusive behavior) – To do away with. To end something.

Abusive behavior – Characterized by wrong or improper use or action; (for example: corrupt <abusive financial practices>; using harsh insulting language <an angry and abusive husband>; or physically injurious).

Physical intimidation -- Encroachment into your physical space (usually defined as approximately three feet away from you) in a manner that is threatening, even without contact.  This could also include Purposeful acts designed to make your physical environment uncomfortable.

Verbal Intimidation -- This can include: shouting, especially from a near distance; use of cursing or other abusive language; use of demeaning language.  This form of intimidation may also include repeated telling of insulting or demeaning jokes, references to your person, or physical gestures designed to insult or demean you as a person.

Physical violence – Physical actions that are designed to harm another person, an animal or an object.

Coercion – “The intimidation of a victim to compel the individual to do some act against his or her will by the use of psychological pressure, physical force, or threats. The crime of intentionally and unlawfully restraining another's freedom by threatening to commit a crime, accusing the victim of a crime, disclosing any secret that would seriously impair the victim's reputation in the community, or by performing or refusing to perform an official action lawfully requested by the victim, or by causing an official to do so.”  See also: Harassment, Intimidation and Bullying.  Blackmail is a word that is often used to describe Coercion.

Emotional abuse – “Emotional abuse is any kind of abuse that is emotional rather than physical in nature. It can include anything from verbal abuse and constant criticism to more subtle tactics, such as intimidation, manipulation, and refusal to ever be pleased.  It is mostly used by insecure people who feel the need to undermine people's feelings to the point where it is absolutely unbearable and action must be taken.  Emotional abuse is not a joke. People say it’s not abuse because there's not physical harm being done, but that is not true at all. In case you might of not known before, words do in fact hurt, and they leave marks inside our brains as well.”  And emotional abuse often leads to physical harm.

Verbal abuse – “Verbal Abuse is use of words to attack or injure an individual, to cause one to believe an untrue statement, or to speak falsely of an individual.”  Verbal abuse also is sometimes an indicator of physical abuse that is about to come.

Economic abuse --  “Economic abuse is a form of abuse when one intimate partner has control over the other partner's access to economic resources,[1] which diminishes the victim's capacity to support him/herself and forces him/her to depend on the perpetrator financially.”

Blaming the Victim --  "A devaluing act where the victim of a crime, an accident, or any type of abusive maltreatment is held as wholly or partially responsible for the wrongful conduct committed against them.  Victim blaming can appear in the form of negative social reactions from legal, medical, and mental health professionals, as well as from the media and immediate family members and other acquaintances.  Traditionally, this has emerged in racist and sexist forms.  The reason for victim blaming can be attributed to the misconceptions about victims, perpetrators, and the nature of violent acts."  

Psychological cruelty – The systematic destruction of a person’s self-esteem, self-image, psychological well-being, reputation, or cognitive abilities typically through the use of violence, intimidation, coercion or verbal abuse.

*** Click on this Link to Complete Your Personal Change Plan. *** 

(First Posted, 7/6/2020; Originally penned 2013.)

Sources: Some Definitions from online sources including: Merriam Webster Dictionary, the Legal Dictionary, Ladybug Books, The Urban Dictionary,  Ask.com, Wikipedia, and ASME.  Also Equality and Power and Control Wheel Definitions from Duluth, MN.

 (c. 2020, William T. Beverly, Ph.D., LCSW, All information on the Blog (Except where otherwise noted); are the intellectual and/or photographic and/or digital property of Dr. William T. Beverly, L.C.S.W., DVOMB Approved Offender Treatment Provider.).