An Emerging Philosophy of Domestic Violence (DRAFT -- PLEASE DO NOT COPY or PRINT).

--THIS IS A DRAFT POST--

-- PLEASE DO NOT DUPLICATE OR PRINT --

  What is a philosophy?  According to Wikipedia, A philosophy is: 

"Philosophy is defined as the systematic study of fundamental questions concerning existence, knowledge, values, reason, and language. The term originates from the Greek word "philosophia," meaning "love of wisdom."  Philosophy involves rational and methodical consideration of reality and human experience, emphasizing clarity and rigorous arguments. It addresses deep questions about the nature of ourselves and the world we live in, reflecting on its methods and assumptions."

  A Philosophy is made up of questions about What something is, Why it is what it is, What it means, How it is made, What it is made of, Why it exists, and What it should be, and probably How one knows What it is to?

  So What is My Philosophy of Domcstic Violence?

What is DV???

  A Philosophy is made up of questions about What something is -- Its disrespect, It's abuse, It's an emotion (it's got emotion all over it... From cause to impact.  A Violation of one's rights.  It's a really bad behavior; It's both a lack of control and a manifestation of an attempt to control others; or just a lack of control of our emotions and our behavior. In some places, DV is illegal.  In other places, it is encouraged.  

  Why it is what it is, Why is DV what it is as described above or elsewhere?  It's morally wrong.  In some places, it is wrong due to Civil Rights, Feminist Movement, and the evolution of American Law.  

  In other places, it might be encouraged or required due to religious, theocratic traditions.  

  What about Violence against Men?  

  A violation of Rights because -- Assault is real.  Harassment or False Imprisonment, and Menacing.

What does it mean -- For some it meant, "The man just has a lack of confidence."  Does it mean -- there's no love there?  Possibility...  Shame on you!  It probably means this relationship needs some work (at least), Possibly not real healthy... that could be the fault of either or both partners. Might mean that one or both partners are uneducated about what DV is.  

How it is made?  For some it's made of ignorance, for others, it's made of desparation and fear and anger, it's also sometimes made out of drunkeness and even stonedness and trippin Balls.  It's made from relationships taht are not based in Friendship.  It's made from hoodwinking.  

What it is made of, Disrespect, Impatience, Ignorance, Faulty relationships, Intolerance, Desparation, Anger, a sense of inequality, Toxicity.

Why does DV Exist?  Because some folks don't know any better.  Human nature to be violent, Jealous, Dominant, Controlling of others and/or of their own environemtns.

Why (DV Laws) exists, and WHy does DV exist?  As a set of laws To protect the victims and possible future victims, To protect children

Human nature, 

What it should be, and probably should be... What should DV Be?  Fair -- It should be judged equally in the legal arena; One and done -- if it happens, it should never happen again.  DV Should be some thing that is learned about and talked about at a much younger age and among all.  Should be taught in a preventive manner in school.

How one knows What it is to?  From education when/if it is possible.

 

  How does DV Happen: Can be a results a  misunderstanding,  

  How does one (or a couple) Prevent DV?  

, Why it is what it is, What it means, How it is made, What it is made of, Why it exists, and What it should be, and probably How one knows What it is to?

What Domestic Violence is, (Personal Definition versus Legal Definitions, versus Societal Definition).

What is the Meaning of Domestic Violence?  Happens within the home or  within the family.  And harm (physical, emotional or social)

Why Domestic Violence is what it is, (A. Reference -- The Violence Against Women Act.  -- B. Reference Biblical References to DV.)

Why Domestic Violence Exists, (Habit, Bad Parenting of the individuals involved, Learned Violence, Misinterpretations of scripture and other things, Anger Mgmnt. Issues, Addiction, Mental Illness, Impatience, Frustration, Because it can be addictive.  In some cases, Society Promotes it.

What is Domestic Violence is made of?  Power and Control, Anger, Bad History, Bad Choices, Physical Violence, Emotional Violence, Sexual Violence, Financial Violence, Social Violence, Digital Violence

How is Domestic Violence made? (The Ingredients), but how do the Ingredients come together?   First, perhaps, comes small talk, dating, attraction, affinity, lust, possessiveness,  Love, attachment, obsession, jealousy, betrayal, sense of loss, fear of loss, control, toxicity, violence, A form of Abandonment.

In a Moral Sense, what is Domestic Violence? It's wrong, It's inexcusable, It's destructive, It's harmful and harm is bad, I hurts innocent people, It's illegal, It is VERY difficult to justify in any given case, It can be a violation of a person, as well as it can be humiliating, embarrassing, It's a form of bullying, It can suck the life out of someone, 

How does one knows What Domestic Violence is?  How do you know DV when you see it?  When you see one person out of the relationship feeling intimidated or the other person controlling what they eat.  

How is DV Addicting?  When you see two people just constantly going at it for what seems to be no reason at all.

What Causes DV?  Insecurities, Mishandled Anger, A loss of control, Assumed Privilege, Selfishness, A lack of empathy or sympathy, A desire for Power or Control, 

How is DV Enabled -- But not caused?  It's helped along by a lack of Societal Protections, An abundance of Alcohol and other Drugs, A violence Culture (Bolstered by violence-infected mass media), Enabled by poor training among professionals, 

What are the Results of DV?  More DV, Jail, Court, Probation, Treatment, Divorce, Separation, Child Abuse, Depression, PTSD, Drug and Alcohol Abuse, Broken Homes, Poverty, 

What is DV In a Diverse sense?  Well, in Sharia Law -- it seems to be legal, It tends to mutate across cultures, It's passed down to children in some cases, 

What is the Nature of DV?  

So How do you know if it's DV?  Because they are hitting each other.  Or because they are burdening each other with some sort of real or threatened pain (physical, emotional, financial, sexual, social, digital pain).  

What Domestic Violence should be --It should be stopped, prevented, frowned upon, it should cease, 

What is the Human Experience of Domestic Violence?  At first, it was essentially ignored for thousands of years -- and certain cultures and religions addressed it; while others did not address it.  Different Groups, Societies, Cultures, Nations and Religions came up with with different ways of discouraging it o encouraging it, or addressing it, or preventing it.

What does DV look like?  "A couple that's always fighting."  It looks DV Classes.  It looks like Women's Shelters.  It looks like Childrens' Shelters.

Emotional Intelligence (The Feeler / or The Feeling-Thinker) -- For this person, DV might be: Expert at being Emotional Abuse.  And/or They would be very sensitive to Emotional Abuse.  (A feeling manipulator). 

Versus Intellectual Intelligence (The Thinker, The Reasoner versus)  -- For this person, DV might be: Manipulative (A thinking manipulator).  A person who is aware of their abuse.

Versus the Hands-On Intelligence (The Experiential Thinker/Feeling) -- For this person, DV might be: All-out hand-to-hand combat.

When writing a Philosophy of Something, the following topics should be covered (according to AI):

Defining the core concept, 

Exploring its fundamental principles, 

Examining its ethical implications, 

Analyzing its relationship to other concepts, 

Considering different perspectives on the subject, and 

Providing a reasoned argument for your own position on the matter; 

Essentially, using critical thinking to delve deep into the nature and meaning of a particular subject area. 

 What is the Nature of DV:

 What is th Meaning of DV:  

 

The Ontology of DV: 

"Ontology is the branch of philosophy that studies the nature of existence, being, and reality. It also examines the kinds and structures of objects, properties, events, processes, and relations. "

Ontology of Domestic Violence:

"Ontology, at its simplest, is the study of existence. But it is much more than that, too. Ontology is also the study of how we determine if things exist or not, as well as the classification of existence. It attempts to take things that are abstract and establish that they are, in fact, real."

Phenomenology of Domestic Violence:  

1 Descriptive phenomenology. ...

  How would you describe Domestic Violence?

2 Interpretive phenomenology. ...

"how people experience and make meaning of their lives"

3 Hermeneutic phenomenology. ...

"Hermeneutic phenomenological research is rested on the ground of the subjective knowledge. As a philosophy of knowledge applied in hermeneutic phenomenology the epistemology is grounded on the belief that knowledge making is possible through subjective experience and insights."

4 Narrative phenomenology. ...

"Narrative research involves interpreting stories to understand how people make sense of their experiences and perceptions."

The Epistemology of Domestic Violence: 

"Epistemology is the philosophical study of knowledge, or the theory of knowledge. It examines the nature of knowledge, how it's created, and what its limits are. Epistemology also explores how people should acquire beliefs, and which beliefs are valid. "

The Morality of Domestic Violence:  (Ethics: Investigates moral principles and what constitutes right conduct)

"morality is a system of ideas that helps determine what is right and wrong, or good and evil. It is a subjective concept that is part of the philosophical study of ethics, also known as moral philosophy. "

Logic: Examines correct reasoning and how to distinguish good arguments from bad ones. 

Metaphysics: Explores the most general features of reality, existence, and properties. 

Pragmatism and Domestic Violence: 

Pragmatism is a philosophical movement that emphasizes the practical usefulness of ideas, policies, and proposals. It originated in the United States in the late 19th century and was dominant in the country in the early 20th century. 

Pragmatism is based on the idea that: 

The truth of an ideology or proposition is determined by its practical success 

The meaning of a proposition is found in the practical consequences of accepting it 

Ideas should be practical and useful, and unpractical ideas should be rejected 

Action is more important than doctrine, and experience is more important than fixed principles 

Ideas are instruments and plans of action, and their meanings come from their consequences 

Pragmatism is often contrasted with idealism, which is based on high principles or ideals. Pragmatism is based on real-world conditions and what can realistically be done. 

The term "pragmatism" was first used in print in 1898 by William James in his address "Philosophical Conceptions and Practical Results". However, James claimed that his friend and compatriot C. S. Peirce coined the term almost 30 years earlier. 

Notable proponents of pragmatism include Charles Sanders Peirce, William James, and John Dewey. 

Aesthetics: Deals with the nature of beauty and artistic appreciation. 

Making Payments and Settling Balances for DV Treatment: EVERYONE Who is in DV Treatment Must Read This and Complete the Form at the Bottom

 IMPORTANT: Don't Get Discharged as Unsuccessful due to having a Past-Due Balance:

(Originally Posted 6/1/2021.)

Making Payments for DV Treatment:

  Hello there -- Please READ this entire Text or Email.  (If this TEXT is too long for your Cell Phone Text App, then TEXT me your Email Address at 719-671-7793 so I can email it to you).

Please Note: The Colorado Domestic Violence Offender Management Board's Standards and Guidelines for Domestic Violence Offenders states the following:

 

In Section 5.04, 2, B, Item 9, says: "The offender paying for his/her own evaluation and treatment is an indicator of responsibility and shall be incorporated in the treatment plan..."

  This means that if a DV Client does not have a Voucher from Probation for every session; she or he must pay Dr. Beverly for her or his own Treatment.  

  This also means that Dr. Beverly, cannot and will not successfully discharge any DV Clients who has an outstanding Balance.

  As you probably know: 

   The DV Admin Intake Fee is a one-time $25 fee, 

   The DV Post-Sentence DV Evaluation is one-time $75 fee, 

   The DV Text/Blog Fee is a one-time $25 fee, 

   The Group Sessions are $35 per Session & Individual DV Sessions are $65 each.  

   The prices have been this way since June 1st, 2021.   

  In other words: If you are attending Dr. Beverly's DV Treatment Sessions in-person or via conference call, you should expect to pay for your sessions each time you attend.  Or you may pay in advance.  

  Everyone who has any Balance in Dr. B's DV Treatment really must clear that up as soon as it is possible (No Exceptions).  Chances are that if you have not been paying every week, you have a Balance.

  (WAIT!!!  DO NOT Just CALL OR TEXT Dr. B. for your Balance or with other questions yet.  Let's see what you can figure out for yourself.  Please Follow the steps below.  You can do this...!) 

 Also, please keep this Blog Entry or Text Message.  And be sure to READ all points below before getting distracted.

  Everyone who attends DV should be paying weekly or every two weeks if possible.  Please READ everything here and then follow the link below to make payments.  On your payments, please be sure to enter your name so that you will get credit.

  In case you heard something different, during COVID-19 because of the COVID Restrictions and due to our Using Distance-Learning Tools for some Sessions, we had a serious problem of people NOT paying their fees every week.  Whereas, if you were here prior to COVID-19, you know that we typically do not even allow someone into a Treatment Session until AFTER they pay for it.  This is all explained in the Treatment Contract that was signed when you started Treatment.

  Some people have balances due.  This is because they have not been paying every week. 

  DO NOT WAIT for me to give you a Total Balance or an Invoice.  While I do balance everyone's account at the time of Discharge because we cannot discharge anyone who has a balance; I normally do not give out Balances or Invoices, as it is a waste of time.  If you have a balance, please start paying on that as soon as possible.

  The way to figure out if you have a balance is to do the following:

1. Sometimes, Probation Officers will award Vouchers to Clients.  One thing for certain is that Probation Officer are probably more likely to award Vouchers to clients who are attending every session and to clients who are making progress in Treatment.  If you are not sure whether or not you have a Voucher, contact your Probation or Diversion Officer.  The only way to figure this out is to speak with your Probation or Diversion Officer.  Also remember that when they issue Vouchers, these Vouchers must be used within a certain time-frame; otherwise they expire and are useless.  Do not ask me if you have a Voucher.  Ask your Probation Officer.  If you have a Voucher that did in-fact cover a given Session, then you won't have to pay for that session.

2. Then, if you were Evaluated your Intake Fee was $25, Your Blog Fee was $25, and your Evaluation Fee of $75.  

3. Add up your total number of sessions attended.  Multiply your total number of sessions by $35 each.  If you started after June 1st., text me at 719-671-7793 for that session fee amount.  (If you need to know how many sessions you have attended, I can usually give you a ballpark figure.  If you need this, please TEXT me for this at 719-671-7793.  Do not call unless it is a REAL Emergency or a Crisis.

4. Add your Evaluation, Intake and your Session Fees for a Subtotal.

5. Subtract each valid used Voucher that you had from your Subtotal.

6. Then Subtract any payments you made from that (After Vouchers) Subtotal.

7. This is your current Balance for DV Treatment.

8. If you have a Balance due, then you will see that total at this point after doing your math.

9. EVERY TIME that you attend a Treatment session, you should add $35 (or your appropriate session fee) to your total running balance and you should keep track of that. 

10. EVERY WEEK, (if possible) you must pay something.

11. Failure to pay something each week -- or -- failure to pay anything on your Balance after a week; can lead to Involuntary Unsuccessful Discharge from DV Treatment.  In order to avoid this, pay something every week, and keep track of your Sessions, your payments, payment dates, and payment amounts.

12. You should not have to ask about your Balance or for an Invoice until it is time to be Discharged.  And theoretically, by that time, you should NOT have a Balance because you have been paying every week.

13. Typically, all payments are made using cash if in-person, or using a Credit or Debit Card.  If you do not have one, you should be able to go to Walmart and get a prepaid care with which to do this.  If that is not possible, please mail your regular payments to me at P.O. Box 871, Walsenburg, CO 81089. Or bring them to an In-Person Treatment Session.

14. So if you have a Balance -- and you know who you are -- Please start making payments TODAY using the link below.  Do not worry about paying more that what you owe.  That hardly ever happens.  And if that happens, I will definitely settle up with you as soon I am made aware of the over-payment.

  ***PLEASE SEE THE INSTRUCTIONS BELOW ON HOW TO MAKE PAYMENTS*** 

   https://drbsdvpreventionandeducation.blogspot.com/

 (If when you hit the link (above), you do not see the Paypal / Debit / Credit Buttons in the upper - right-hand corner; then do this:

   A. Scroll to the bottom of your cell phone screen. 

   B. Tap where it says, "View Web Version". 

   C. You will see the Paypal / Debit / Credit Card Buttons in the Top-Right Corner of your screen. 

   D. Use your fingers to navigate to make your payments.  And MAKE your payment.)

15. If you have any questions about this, please TEXT me at 719-671-7793. (Do not call unless it is a REAL Emergency or a Crisis.)

16. Finally, if you have a Balance-related, Voucher-related, Payment-related or Fee-related question that really must be answered by Dr. B; please DO NOT ask Dr. B about this during Group.  This is a private matter and Group Time is precious.  Instead, send a Text to Dr. B at 719-671-7793.

17. From here on our, I will assume that you understand that if you have a Balance for Dr. B's DV Treatment and if you are not paying something on this Balance every week or at least every other week; you may be Discharged from DV Treatment as Unsuccessful.

18.  If you have a serious Income issue and you wish to be considered for a reduction in your fees, please send Dr. B a TEXT and he will set you up with the forms that you will need to fill out and the forms you will need to provide in order to prove that you are unable to pay these fees.  Meanwhile, continue to pay what you can.

    

*** Please Click Here to Complete your 

     Making Payments & Balances Agreement. ***

Thank you.  And have a nice day.  Dr. B

(Updated, 12/8/2024, Originally published 9/13/2021) 

 

"The Courage to Change the Things I Can" in order to Prevent Domestic Violence from Happening in my life... I am going to....

  Assumption: If I am here today because I got a Charge related to Domestic Violence; and/or because I have some sort a glitch that if adjusted properly, I could probably be a lot less likely to have Domestic Violence in my life; then it would probably a great time to consider some sort of change in my life -- A change in the way I handle things such that I don't end up in a similar situation again.  

  Actress Comedian Carol Burnett once said, "Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me."

  A good question to ponder; Am I up for some kind of a change?

Speaking of Change:

  Serenity is often thought to be a combination of accepting the things that I cannot change,  I would like to be able to have the serenity to do this... 

     ---- having the Courage to change the things that I can change, 

     ---- and having the Wisdom to know the difference between things I can change and things I cannot change. 

  Rhetorical Question: Which among these is the most important then -- Serenity, Courage, or Wisdom?

Or do we truly need all three of them?  They kind of work together to form one, though right?  We need all three.

  Now, think about a given relationship with potential for Domestic Violence; If having had DV is a Risk Factor, Can I change that Risk Factor?  Or is it permanent?  (One can probably change whether or not the potential is still present.  Or perhaps another way to look at it, is that one can probably change how high one's Risk is for DV in the future.  For example, if alcohol is one's major Risk Factor, then one could change his or her potential for DV by Drinking or Not Drinking Alcohol.)

  What about a given relationship could I possibly change?  Probably almost anything as long as both people want to make a change.  However, if only one person needs to make the change, then it might only take one of the partners to make the changes.  But generally speaking, both partners need to be involved in the change.  And in fact, usually both partners need to make some changes on their own.

  So what does it take to make these changes?   

• A Curiosity about what needs to be changed.  
• (Being willing to ask the question)
• A Desire to make the change.
• Support to help one work through the change. 
• The Knowledge and Skills needed to get through the change.
• The Right Tools for the Change (i.e., Help from others, Patience, Stamina, and perhaps even Courage...).

  In fact, Courage could be the main ingredient needed to make the right change.  But what makes Courage.  What is Courage Made of: 

  Well, Audre Lorde was known to have said, "When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid" (From Inspiring Quotes by Women). 

  Sounds like Change takes Courage, Wisdom and Commitment.

  So what does Courage really have to do with it? 

• Courage makes it easier to get through the good and the bad.
• Courage helps one know when you need help.
• Courage helps ask for help.
• Courage helps one honestly consider and even accept some of the critical ideas of others.
• It takes Courage to really listen to yourself.
• The Serenity and the COURAGE to Accept things things I cannot Change.
• The Wisdom and the COURAGE to Know the Difference between the things I can Change and the things I cannot change.
• The Courage to Change the things that I can Change.  
• The Courage to make the necessary and desired changes that will help one move forward; rather than backwards.

  

Things that one might have the Courage to change might include?

• Quitting Alcohol or Drugs.
• How one handles their Anger.
• One's Attitude.
• One's Peer Group.
• How one Thinks about certain things.
• How one Reacts to certain things.
• How one Feels about certain things.
• One's level of Accountability.
• The degree to which one tries to blame others for their own problems and their own regrettable decisions and behaviors.
• One's Behavior.  The Courage to change how I act.
• What one does or does not do.

So Think about it: What might each type of Courage below look like as one considers making the Changes that one could make in order to Prevent any DV thinking, Feeling or Behavior in the future?

• Physical Courage   -- ???
• Social Courage -- ???
• Moral Courage  -- ???
• Emotional Courage  -- ???
• Intellectual Courage  -- ???
• Spiritual Courage  -- ???

Think about all the benefits of Holding my Temper and handling things in a calmer way -- Especially when I am mad to smack-em in the head:

  But Had I Held My Temper, then I might have been able to walk away on my own time instead of in handcuffs...

  List some of the OTHER Benefits of Holding My Temper.  What could they be? 

No Jail

No Bail

No Probation

No Court Fees

No Treatment

No Treatment Fees

"You coiuld get jobs.

You could rent an apartment or 

Or get a loan for a house

"I could have went my own life without knowing anybody in the Courthouse"

I could have dealt without knowing all the cops.

It would have saved humiliation.  

It would be easier to see my kids.

I might still have my house.

I might still have my still have my retirement account.

I wouldn't have to go to Therapy.

My credit wouldn't be ruined.

All the druggies down on the corner wouldn't know me by name.

I probably wouldn't have PTSD.

My Ex- and I might be able to settle our differences without using Talking Parents.

My 401-K wouldn't be gone.

I wouldn't know all the cops in town by first name.

I wouldn't been so afraid to wear Orange.

I wouldn't still have that smell in my nose.

I wouldn't be so used to peeing in front of everyone on camera.

I could cancel my subscription to that Adult Channel.

At least me and my baby could still hanging out and chilling together.

  Name a few more reasons why it would have been beneficial to handle things in a calmer way instead of getting a DV Charge.

Intergenerational Domestic Violence: How Does It Work?

*** DRAFT POST: Please Do Not re-post, copy, or print.  ***

 Intergenerational Domestic Violence: How Does It Work?

  How do we learn Domestic Violence?

From seeing it from other people like parents, grandparents, siblings, friends, TV, Movies, Songs

  Some Things that we Believe to be True:

"What is intergenerational domestic violence?  Intergenerational cycles of

violence occurs when violence is passed from parent to child, or sibling to sibling. Children exposed to domestic violence are likely to develop behavioral problems, such as regressing, exhibiting out of control behavior, and imitating behaviors."  (Source).

  "The association between childhood exposure to domestic violence and later intimate partner violence (IPV) perpetration in adulthood has been well established in the literature. However, the literature examining the factors of exposure that contribute to perpetration in adulthood is fraught with mixed findings, with some studies finding a direct link between childhood domestic violence exposure and later IPV perpetration and others ruling out a link after controlling for other contextual barriers such as community violence and socioeconomic status. This study examined 124 non-treatment-seeking and unadjudicated adult male IPV perpetrators and found exposure to domestic violence in childhood contributes to the normalization of violence, which could predict future adult IPV perpetration."  (Source).

  "The prevalence and impact of childhood exposure to adult domestic violence (DV) has been documented for more than 20 years. It is estimated that 3 to 10 million U.S. children are exposed to adult DV in their households by seeing it, hearing it, or observing the aftermath of such violence (Carlson, 1984, 2000; Straus, 1992). Although exposure to adult DV is neither a prerequisite nor a determinant for problem behaviors, children who have been exposed to DV are more likely to exhibit cognitive and behavioral problems (e.g., acceptance of violence, withdrawal, aggression) when compared to those not exposed to violence in their homes (Appel & Holden, 1998; Edleson, 1999; Edleson et al., 2007; Lehmann, 2000; Rossman, 2001). For clarity, we are using domestic violence for exposure to violence in childhood, and intimate partner violence for adult perpetration of the violence."  (Source).

  "Previous research shows higher rates of IPV perpetration are associated with higher levels of childhood DV exposure (Delsol & Margolin, 2004; Ehrensaft et al., 2003; Murrell, Christoff, & Henning, 2007). Based on a review of 21 studies, Delsol and Margolin (2004) found a range of 34% to 54% of men who engaged in IPV as adults were exposed to DV as children, compared with the 8% to 27% of men without a history of violence in their childhood home. At the same time, the relative effects of childhood exposure to DV are still quite mixed (Feldman, 1997; Holtzworth-Munroe, Bates, Smutzler, & Sandin, 1997; Hotaling & Sugarman, 1986). For example, a proportion of children exposed to DV do not exhibit more cognitive or behavioral problems when compared to children not so exposed, which has been explained in part by resilience in the children (Graham-Bermann, 1996)."  (Source).

  Social learning theory (SLT) states that people behave as they do in part as a result of observing and imitating others’ behaviors (Bandura, 1973, 1977). We internalize attitudes learned from others, imitate behaviors of our role models, and receive reinforcement through positive and negative feedback from our role models (Wareham, Boots, & Chavez, 2009, p. 163). Indeed, studies have found that individuals exposed to DV in their childhood might learn abusive behaviors and perpetrate IPV in their adulthood (Ehrensaft et al., 2003; Feldman, 1997; Stith et al., 2000; Wareham et al., 2009; Widom, 1989). Delsol and Margolin (2004) noted that exposure to family violence could also lead to distorted beliefs about violence, including seeing IPV as an accepted component of family life. This latter explanation, IPV as an accepted component of family life, led to the selection of one of the constructs for this study: perceived norms of IPV perpetration."  (Source).

  What are some key symptoms of intergenerational trauma?

"Common symptoms of generational trauma can include:

Hyper-vigilance.

Difficulty trusting others.

Low self-esteem.

Fear of death.

Hopelessness.

Substance abuse problems.

Mental health disorders." (Source.)

  Some says that Facts support Theories, and Theories compel postulation of certain Hypotheses, such as as "The intergenerational transmission hypothesis (which) predicts that experiencing physical abuse in childhood will lead to increased risk for physically abusing one's own children"  (Source).

  "What Is Generational Trauma?  Generational trauma refers to the psychological effects of trauma that are passed down from one generation to the next."  (Source).

"Even if descendants don’t directly experience the original trauma, they may still exhibit emotional or psychological symptoms tied to it, especially as they learn fears, responses, and coping mechanisms from their caregivers.

Generational trauma is sometimes called “family trauma,” but it can be used to refer to any type of bonded community that experience traumatic events or behaviors, even if they are not directly related.

The psychological and emotional effects of traumatic events can be passed down over time through teaching that stems from feeling unsafe or unstable.

These effects can often cause intense challenges for future generations and can last for centuries if left untreated.

Generational trauma may be seen in families with trauma survivors who have experienced oppression, racism, discrimination, or violence."  (Source).

  War is also at root of a great deal of generational trauma.

    Going further:  

  "How Do You Uncover Generational Trauma?

  "Generational trauma can be seen in individuals through various symptoms such as anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, or self-destructive behaviors.

Relationships within a family with generational trauma may involve codependency or unhealthy attachment styles. These attachment styles can cause dysfunctional family dynamics that can perpetuate the effects of generational trauma.

To uncover generational trauma, you must first identify where the traumatic responses are coming from. The sources of generational trauma, such as systematic discrimination, can be difficult to uproot, even after they are identified.

The second step is to acknowledge the trauma and its impact on your life non-judgmentally. Feelings of guilt or shame can make symptoms worse.

Then, it is essential that families and communities experiencing the collateral of generational trauma seek professional support. For example, this could look like family therapy under the guidance of someone in the psychiatry field.

After learning coping strategies and finding effective support systems, it becomes possible to heal." (Source.)

From A Different Angle, we see that: 

"The term cycle of violence refers to repeated and dangerous acts of violence as a cyclical pattern,[1] associated with high emotions and doctrines of retribution or revenge.[citation needed] The pattern, or cycle, repeats and can happen many times during a relationship.[1] Each phase may last a different length of time, and over time the level of violence may increase.[citation needed] The phrase has been increasingly widespread since first popularized in the 1970s.[2]

It often refers to violent behaviour learned as a child, and then repeated as an adult, therefore continuing on in a perceived cycle.[3] (Source.)

 

How Can We Prevent Intergenerational DV?

"How to stop intergenerational abuse? 

One of the most significant ways to break generational trauma is by openly and honestly communicating with your children and other family members or caregivers. Another way is to try to observe and gain awareness of your family's patterns and whether you contribute to these patterns too.Oct 22, 2024" (Source).

"How Do You Start Healing Generational Trauma?

Taking the step to start healing generational trauma can be a big one, but some ways to start can involve:

Finding the root source of the trauma

Accepting the trauma

Working on being open to change

Practicing self-care

Allowing yourself to grieve and process your emotions

Seeking professional support and trauma treatment

Trauma-informed care can be a practical and effective approach for individuals with generational trauma and focuses on understanding, acknowledging, and responding to a person’s life experiences."  (Source).

"What Are Some Coping Mechanisms You Can Use to Heal Historical Trauma?

There are some tips and techniques that you can use to manage and heal from generational trauma, which can include:

Learning how to identify, acknowledge, and accept your trauma

Practicing mindfulness and meditation

Learning to set boundaries

Practicing self-care

Communicating and finding support from others

Historical trauma refers to multigenerational trauma that occurs in specific cultural, racial, or ethnic groups and is related to oppression and major traumatic events like slavery, the Holocaust, forced migration, or the colonization of Native Americans."  (Source.)

  "Historica Trauma can also devastate multiple generations of survivors of Wars and Gandfather.

  Some ways to help heal from historical trauma can include:

  Connecting with people who are strong in the culture and ancestry

  Finding support from others and working through grief together

  Acknowledging your feelings and experiences

  If you or a loved one have generational trauma, reaching out for professional support from a therapist, clinician, or another mental health professional is best.

  Seeking therapy for generational trauma or historical trauma can help you learn healthy coping mechanisms and begin to heal and break the patterns left by oppression, violence, and discrimination."

  Family therapy can also help work to heal the entire family system."  (Source).

Survivors of Wars in their own lands, survivors of severe Gang Violence, and survivors of other catastrophies such as "The Great Depression" can also have pass along the trauma reaction to their children.

xxx

What Difference Can I Make? Options, Choices, Decisions and Consequences

 *** DRAFT POST: Please Do Not re-post, copy, or print.  ***

 What Difference Can I Make? 

  Options, Choices, Decisions and Consequences

Food For Thought...

Think about the situation you were in before your DV Charge?  

Think about it this way for a second: 

   What about that situation probably needed changing before it happened?

Think about your DV Charge -- 

  If I had made changes to what probably needed changing; 

would my DV Charge had happened in the first place?

 Or did I even know there were changes needed; because the alternative could be disasterous.

  Now that I got my DV Charge; what changes can I make to be sure that I never again have DV in my life?

  It's important to note that in DV Treatment; it's typically NOT about changes that someone else should have made -- or changes they should make.

  It's about changes that I can make or changes that I made -- leading to better or worse circumstances.

  But in order to know that I need to make some changes; I have to be totally aware.  It's almost like I have to have a crystal ball to tell me the future.  We cannot always see what's about to happen.  

  Nonetheless, a person could try to be more aware what could happen and then work on ways to avoid it.

  So, if there was a change that I coulda-shoulda-woulda made; then why didn't I make it already?

  Maby I did not see it at that time?

  Maby I saw it, but I didn't realize at that time how important it was?  (Kind of like having a slow leak on a tire.... and you have to drive to Pueblo...)

  Or maby I didnt' want to make that change?

  Or maby I wanted to make the change...  but only once I had no other choice?

  Maby I tried to get away; but it just wasn't working?

  Like an Autopsy -- Trying to discover what happened, 

  How it happened.

  Why this happened to him.

  And How it could have been avoided.

What changes can I make now to be sure it never happens again.

50 Ways to Leave your Lover.

Other Notes: 

Hard question (This may not apply to you; and it is NOT meant to make anyone feel bad):  

  But, Then if I knew changes needed to be made; why didn't I already make those changes?  Maby I no idea it could happen any day now.

  Could I have made those changes had I wanted to and felt ready to make the changes; could I have done so.?

  Or, Did I try to make those changes already; but it just wasn't happening?

  What happened?

  And so... how is it that your attempt to make those changes did not work?

  And finally if I needed to make some changes, and if my attempts did not work... then Why was I still there???

  How Might things have worked out differently, had I gotten help if needed; and if I had been making the changes that I could have made that could help me get out of the situation?

  *(For example: Had I gotten some help and then been able to quit drinking; I migth have been able to leave them...  Or perhaps even If I had gotten sober, maby they would have wanted to get sober bad enough to make their own changes.)

  And this is where the CODEPENDENCY sometimes comes in.  

 What is Codependency?  "Codependency is a dysfunctional relationship dynamic where one person prioritizes the needs of another over their own, often at the expense of their own well-being and self-worth. It's characterized by excessive reliance on others for approval, a sense of identity, and a tendency to take on excessive responsibility for others' behavior and emotions. "

  More about Codepencency:

  "Key aspects of codependency:

One-sided relationships:

Codependent relationships often involve a "taker" who relies heavily on the "giver" for emotional support and validation.

 

Loss of self:

The codependent individual may neglect their own needs, interests, and desires, focusing instead on the needs of the other person. 

Poor boundaries:

Codependent individuals may struggle to set healthy boundaries, leading to over-involvement in others' lives and a lack of personal space. 

Enabling behavior:

Codependent individuals may unknowingly support or enable the unhealthy behaviors of the other person. 

Low self-esteem:

Codependent individuals often struggle with low self-esteem and a need for external validation. 

Fear of abandonment:

A fear of being alone or rejected can lead codependent individuals to stay in unhealthy relationships. 

Where it can occur:

Codependency can occur in romantic relationships, family dynamics, friendships, and other social connections. 

It's important to note:

Codependency is not a formal diagnosis in the same way that a mental disorder is, but it is a pattern of behavior that can have significant negative impacts on individuals and their relationships. 

Seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor can be beneficial for identifying and managing codependent patterns of behavior. "

  Other reasons why one cannot leave an unhealthy relationship?

    Financially broke.

    Narcicism...  "Nobody leaves me... and never leave anyone behind."  WHen narcicistic, one typically cannot really see how others truly see you.

    Thinks they aer unable to function without the other person.

    Comimitted to changign the other person.

    Thinks they cannot live without the other person.

    In very rare cases; they have been kidnapped, changed to walls, blinded with spears and literally cannot get away.

  It takes some work, but you can probably get away if you are really committed to getting away.

  The bottom Line is that we have choices to make... and Change often reqiures choices -- Hard Choices... Difficult chocies... and even confusing choices.

  But if we stay too long sometimes, our choices become limited....  Very limited... like a jail cell.