The Value of Support Systems in Prevention of Domestic Violence

Think About It:  How might Social Supports (and other Supports) Help Prevent Domestic Violence?

  Think about this for a second with an open mind... on the day I got my DV Offense; might the outcome have been different if I had gone to visit a trusted friend and shared my frustrations with them; rather that doing what I did that got me into trouble?  In other words, could Support have helped prevent my DV Offense?

Support:

  One thing that is often missing in relationships where there is Domestic Violence is Support.  Support can come in many different ways and it is often very helpful; at the same time, it is not always helpful.  

  Nonetheless, There is no telling how many lives have improved by Supportive others; however, it is surely a tremendous number.

  The DVOMB Core Competencies -- under Item T -- say:  "T) Offender identification of pro-social and/or community support and demonstration of the ability to utilize the support in an appropriate manner (sponsor, support person, etc. (but not the victim))."

  What is Support?  In this sense, support is that which flows between two (or more) people when we give and/or receive help.  Support can be physical, instrumental or emotional.

  When we need Support, we are sometimes fortunate enough to be on the receiving end of Support.  Support often helps hold us up and helps us get what we need -- (although not completely and not all the time).

  As givers, it also helps us feel more whole and more capable.  How do you feel after you help someone?  It kind of feels like a good energy of sorts that feeds both the recipient and the giver.

  Many of us are taught to believe that if we give support wisely, it can often-times come back to us when we need it.... a simple term for this could "Karma"; and/or "The Golden Rule".

  It is good either way.  So it's usually good to give; and usually good to receive as well.

Support comes in different types: 

  Prosocial: These supports help us do the Right thing.

                vs 

  Antisocial: Sometimes encourage us to do the Wrong thing.

and,

  Formal -- Counselors

               vs 

  Informal -- Friends

  

Community Support Basics:

    Taxpayers (The overwhelming; but often invisible supports)  (Through Paychecks, but also through County/State/City Fees and Taxes & Sales Taxes).

    Those who do not get Tax Refunds, but instead pay thousands into the system to help you.

    

Benefactors (donors) vs Beneficiary   

Foundations (Endowments) vs (for example) Scholarship Awardees

    

  Multi-Generation or Legacy-type Community wealth entities (i.e., Existing Structures; or Multigenerational Use Assets): City Parks, State Parks, National Parks, Schools, Various Services, Police, Fire, Health, Mail, Higher Education, Public Safety, Armed Services, Museums.

  Instrumental Community Wealth helps you maintain and make good changes (Job Corps, Vocational Training, FHA Loans, GI Bill, La Puente, AA, NA)

  Institutional Community Wealth (Medical Centers, Research Institutes, Big Charities (i.e., The Red Cross, and others).

  Cultural Community Wealth: Associations, Clubs or Organizations of Identified Cultural Groups including, Cultural Dance or Music Groups, Churches, Historic Venues or Displays -- such as Local History / Exhibits, Local Legacy Educational entities like Community Theatres.

  It is important to note that many of the above entities would not survive or exist without Volunteers.

On A More Personal Level, Types of Social Support include:

 Tangible Support: A Car, Help with Rent

 Instrumental Support: A Good Job Reference; or a Good Rental Reference; or Introductions to people that can help you.

 Emotional Support: People helping people cope with troubles and helping people feel better.

Support As A Need:

  Support is a NEED for many Humans.  It just is.  And Social Support is a type of support that quite possibly could make a difference when it comes to preventing DV.  

  Our Support Networks are often under-used.  Furthermore, in abusive relationships; one or both partners, sometimes even discourages the use of such networks.  Unfortunately, Social Support (and other types of Support) are frequently precisely what is needed; and should never be discouraged.  But then without them, in some cases, the DV might be more likely to happen.

  The Mayo Clinic wrote: “ A social support network is made up of friends, family and peers. Social support is different from a support group, which is generally a structured meeting run by a lay leader or mental health professional.

  Although both support groups and support networks can play an important role in times of stress, a social support network is something you can develop when you're not under stress. It provides the comfort of knowing that your friends are there for you if you need them.

  You don't need to formalize your support network. A coffee break with a friend at work, a quick chat with a neighbor, a phone call to your sibling, a visit to a house of worship or volunteer work are all ways to develop and foster lasting relationships with others” (Source).

 

  More Regarding Social Support, The Mayo Clinic also writes about “Risks of isolation and benefits of social support”.  They say, “Studies have demonstrated that social isolation and loneliness are associated with a greater risk of poor mental health and poor cardiovascular health, as well as other health problems. Other studies have shown the benefit of a network of social support, including the following:

• Improving the ability to cope with stressful situations
• Alleviating the effects of emotional distress
• Promoting lifelong good mental health
• Enhancing self-esteem
• Lowering cardiovascular risks, such as lowering blood pressure
• Promoting healthy lifestyle behaviors
• Encouraging adherence to a treatment plan
• Cultivating your social support network

  If you want to improve your mental health and your ability to combat stress, surround yourself with at least a few good friends and confidants. Here are some ideas for building your social network:

  Volunteer. Pick a cause that's important to you and get involved. You're sure to meet others who share similar interests and values.

  Join a gym or fitness group. Incorporating physical fitness into your day is an important part of a healthy lifestyle. You can make friends while you exercise. Look at gyms in your area or check a local community center.

  Take a class. A local college or community education course puts you in contact with others who share similar hobbies or pursuits.

  Look online. Social networking sites can help you stay connected with friends and family. Many good sites exist for people going through stressful times, such as chronic illness, loss of a loved one, a new baby, divorce and other life changes. Be sure to stick to reputable sites, and be cautious about arranging in-person meetings.

 Give and take: The foundation of social networks

  A successful relationship is a two-way street that requires your active participation. Here are some suggestions for nurturing your relationships:

Stay in touch. Answering phone calls, returning emails and reciprocating invitations let people know you care.

• Don't compete. Be happy instead of jealous when your friends succeed.
• Be a good listener. Listen when your friends are speaking. Find out what's important to them.
• Don't overdo it. Be careful not to overwhelm friends and family with phone calls and emails. Save those high-demand times for when you really need them.
• Appreciate your friends and family. Take time to say thank you and express how important they are to you.
• Give back. Be available for family and friends when they need support." (Source).

More about the Properties of Support:

The Values of Kinships: (Kinship gives us a sense of belonging).

    Familial Kinship -- Bio Family or Legal Family.

    Psychological Kinship -- Often a product of mutual support.

    Belonging to -- Organizations / Associations / Municipal Groups / Churches / Study Groups etc...

 

  It's important that we recognize our ability to utilize support in an appropriate manner (sponsor, support person, etc. not the victim).

Remember: Support is often a Give and take.

  How Helpful Have Supports Been for me in my Lifetime?  

  Am I Willing and Able to Accept Support when I need it?

  Am I Willing and Able to Give Support when it is needed?

  Do I give Back?

Think About It:  How might Social Supports (and other Supports) Help Prevent Domestic Violence?

• -- Gives me an outlet to share viewpoints with (a different opinion might be helpful).
• -- Give me a possible friendly critic - who can constructively help me redirect my mind or my efforts.
• -- They say that letting the Sun shine in helps to chase away the shadows.  In other words, quite frequently, having more eyes on a situation helps keep the situation healthy and safe.  
• -- Having more support might help one or both partners to get the help that they might need (i.e., Mental Health Care, Crisis intervention, Medication Mgmnt).
• -- Sometimes Support helps me get through the rough spots, such as if I need $100 to help pay the rent this month.
• -- Perhaps someone in the Network knows of a good job opening and also knows that I need a job. Then they could hook me up with a good job referral.  Wouldn't that be great?

*** CLICK HERE to Complete your Support: Give and Take Worksheet. ***

Always remember to complete your Session Feedback Form after each Session.  Thank you.  And have a nice day.

      Please click here to complete Dr. B's Session Feedback Form.

Sources: 

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/social-support/art-20044445

(c. 2021, All information on the Blog (Except where otherwise noted); are the intellectual and/or photographic     and/or digital property of Dr. William T. Beverly, L.C.S.W., DVOMB Approved Offender Treatment Provider.)

Mental Health Issues???  

Contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:  

    800-273-8255 (24/7) (English & Spanish).

*** Also If you feel that you need HELP, tell Dr. Beverly about your concerns and he can help you find the help that you need. ***

Set Me Free!!! Can Journaling Help Us Successfully Recover from A Domestic Violence Offense?

  Does Journaling Help Quell Domestic Violence – Type Thinking, Feeling and Behavior???

  The Fact is that for a lot of people, some of our thoughts and feelings, simply are not ready for Prime-Time.  At the same time, it is often very helpful for us to explore our thoughts and feelings and reason them out privately, for ourselves... before we act.

  Think about it: "What was going through my mind and my heart at the time just before and during my DV Offense?"

  What if I could have dealt with those pre-DV Offense thoughts and feelings without getting a Domestic Violence Charge?

  What would it be like if perhaps once a week, I sat down for a few minutes and I thought about some things and ideas that could help me to never again have DV-Troubles?  

  Could it help me to avoid DV in my future?  Probably so.

  And how could I grow past the person I was when I committed that DV Offense?  Perhaps it might help if I would periodically take a moment to consider the following about me and my situation.  (And It doesn't cost a penny to sit down and think about these things -- or even to write them down.  Yet this could yield very valuable results.)  These things to think about include the following:

   >>> My Good Changes & My Growth

   >>> My Wants & My Needs

   >>> My-Thinking and Re-Affirming My Goals

   >>> My New Insights / My New Knowledge

   >>> My New Sense of Confidence

   >>> My New Challenges

   >>> My New Skills & My Newly Discovered Strengths

   >>> My New Plans

   >>> My Supports (Old and New)

   >>> My New Hopes & My New Dreams

             >>> Positive Affirmations about myself. 

   >>> My Gratitude.  My New things, people and situations to be Thankful for.

  Just imagine what it might be like if once per week, I sat down and just took a moment to think about one or more of the items on the list above.  How might that process change me over time?  Could it maybe help me change for the better?

  I don't really have to think about all of the above all at one time.  It could be that like a puzzle, I could just place one piece per sitting -- and find some sense of accomplishment and esteem almost every time.

  At least I might start to feel more accomplished -- and that would be a wonderful thing.  I might also start feeling less stressed and more effective.

  

For example:

  In 2018, Intermountain Healing published an Article titled: "Writing To Better Health".  They suggested that people benefit from journaling in both Short-Term and Long-Term ways.  They say that Journaling:  

  "Reduces Stress. An overabundance of stress can be damaging to your physical, mental, and emotional health. It’s proven. Journaling is an incredible stress management tool, a good-for-you habit that lessens impact of physical stressors on your health. In fact, a study showed that expressive writing (like journaling) for only 15 to 20 minutes a day three to five times over the course of a four-month period was enough to lower blood pressure and improve liver functionality. Plus, writing about stressful experiences can help you manage them in a healthy way. Try establishing journaling as a pre-bedtime meditation habit to help you unwind and de-stress.

  Improves Immune Function. Believe it or not, expressive writing can strengthen your immunity and decrease your risk of illness. Those who journal boast improved immune system functioning (it strengthens immune cells!) as well as lessens symptoms of asthma and rheumatoid arthritis. Expressive writing has been shown to improve liver and lung function and combat certain diseases; it has even been reported to help the wounded heal faster.

  Keeps Memory Sharp. Journaling helps keep your brain in tip-top shape. Not only does it boost memory and comprehension, it also increases working memory capacity, which may reflect improved cognitive processing.

  Boosts Mood. Want more sunshine in your life? Try journaling. A unique social and behavior outcome of journaling is this: it can improve your mood and give you a greater sense of overall emotional well-being and happiness.

  Strengthens Emotional Functions. Related to mood is how journaling benefits overall emotional health: As journaling habits are developed, benefits become long-term, meaning that diarists become more in tune with their health by connecting with inner needs and desires. Journaling evokes mindfulness and helps writers remain present while keeping perspective. It presents an opportunity for emotional catharsis and helps the brain regulate emotions. It provides a greater sense of confidence and self-identity. Journaling can help in the management of personal adversity and change, and emphasize important patterns and growth in life.  Research even shows that expressive writing can help individuals develop more structured, adaptive, and integrated schemes about themselves, others, and the world. What’s more, journaling unlocks and engages right-brained creativity, which gives you access to your full brainpower. Truly, journaling fosters growth."

Question: "Have you ever had something you really wanted to say in a Relationship, but you just couldn't get to it?  How did that work out?"

I wonder how regular journaling could help with such challenges? 

    Sometimes, we don't really know what we want or need until we write it down.  Seeing it on paper, often has an effect on us. 

   Journaling can be accomplished in numerous forms: Writing a sentence or two per day; or Writing a song about how you feel; or Painting a picture that expresses how you feel or what you are thinking; Drawing a Map, or a Piece of Woodwork that has you in it; or even dictating an Email to yourself; Jotting down Experimental Notes in an Study; Marking notes in a Progress Report or Medical Chart; or even just jotting down a couple of words on an index card that you keep in your pocket or your purse.    

Journaling and Mental Health:

  The Health Encyclopedia by the University of Rochester Medical Center, writes about "Journaling for Mental Health" and they suggest the following: 

"One of the ways to deal with any overwhelming emotion is to find a healthy way to express yourself. This makes a journal a helpful tool in managing your mental health. Journaling can help you:

 >>> Manage anxiety

 >>> Reduce stress

 >>> Cope with depression

 

Journaling helps control your symptoms and improve your mood by:

>>> Helping you prioritize problems, fears, and concerns

>>> Tracking any symptoms day-to-day so that you can recognize triggers and learn ways to better control them

>>> Providing an opportunity for positive self-talk and identifying negative thoughts and behaviors

 When you have a problem and you're stressed, keeping a journal can help you identify what’s causing that stress or anxiety.  Once you’ve identified your stressors, you can work on a plan to resolve the problems and reduce your stress.

Keep in mind that journaling is just one aspect of a healthy lifestyle for better managing stress, anxiety, and mental health conditions."

They also write about "How To Journal".  "Try these tips to help you get started with journaling:

  >>>  Try to write every day. Set aside a few minutes every day to write. This will help you to write in your journal regularly.

>>>  Make it easy. Keep a pen and paper handy at all times. Then when you want to write down your thoughts, you can. You can also keep a journal on your smartphone.

 

>>>  Write or draw whatever feels right. Your journal doesn't need to follow any certain structure. It's your own private place to discuss and create whatever you want to express your feelings.  Let the words and ideas flow freely.  Don't worry about spelling mistakes or what other people might think.

>>>  Use your journal as you see fit. You don't have to share your journal with anyone. If you do want to share some of your thoughts with trusted friends and loved ones, you could show them parts of your journal.

  Keeping a journal helps you create order when your world feels like it’s in chaos. You get to know yourself by revealing your most private fears, thoughts, and feelings.  Look at your writing time as personal relaxation time.  It's a time when you can de-stress and wind down.  Write in a place that's relaxing and soothing, maybe with a cup of tea.  Look forward to your journaling time.  And know that you're doing something good for your mind and body."

Journaling to help with Recovery from a DV Offense 

  What kinds of things could a person with a DV-Related Offense Journal about that could be helpful and contribute to continued healing from that DV Offense?  

  What kinds of things could a person with a DV-Related Offense Journal about that could help them move toward healing in terms of; Accountability; and also help them move toward a Happier / Healthier Self?  Plus this could help us move towards having healthier and more enriching moments, lives and relationships?

   Below is a list of topics that a person could write into the first page of their DV Prevention Journal.  Each time we Journal -- whether it is Daily, every few days, or even Weekly, we can write about one or all of these topics:

• My Good Changes / My Growth: What are some things that I have recently changed for the better?

• My Wants / My Needs: What could I write right now that shows me that I truly want to have a Future without Domestic Violence?  What will I Want or Need in a Life Free of DV?

• Re-Affirming My Goals: This is a chance for me to Re-Affirm my Goals for my Future without Domestic Violence in my Life?  What Goals do I have that can help me find a Future without DV?  It could be as simple as making a list on a piece of paper.  It's the thinking that really gets the process going.  

• My New Insights: What are some New Insights that I have these days?  What are some New and Helpful Things that I am Thinking About or Learning About?

• My New Sense of Confidence:  What are some Things that I feel more Confident about right now than ever before?

• My New Challenges:  What are some new Challenges that I am now facing?  How do I feel about that?

• My New Strengths, New Skills / New Ways of Thinking: What have I learned?  What are some New Skills / New Thinking that I want to / or need to Learn About soon in order to Better Meet These Challenges?  What are some New Strengths about me that I am identifying these days?  How could I use those Strengths to help me prevent DV in the future?

• My New Plans: What is my Plan for now?  A Plan that could help me to overcome these Challenges?  What Plans will I need in order to move successfully into the Future?

• My Supports (Old and New): Who might I speak with / or Where might I search in order to help me successfully meet and deal with these Challenges in case I run out of Ideas?

• My New Hopes: What Hopes do I now have for the future?  What gives me Hope for a Future Without Domestic Violence?

• Positive Affirmations about Myself.   

• My Gratitude: What are some Things or People that I am grateful for, who are Helping Me to Overcome Domestic Violence?

• What do you think might be some good things to Journal About?

The Step-benefits of journaling include:

-- Just feeling what you feel right now;

-- Thinking how your life feels right now:

-- Just thinking about it and how you might want to say it;

-- Thinking about how you want to express it: (writing, poetry, songs, pictures, finger-painting, all kinds of ways to express yourself...)  The Journal does not have to be on paper.

-- The act of writing it down.

*** Please Click Here to Complete Your My DV Prevention Journal Worksheet!*** 

Sources: 

https://intermountainhealthcare.org/blogs/topics/live-well/2018/07/5-powerful-health-benefits-of-journaling/

Journaling for Mental Health:  https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentID=4552&ContentTypeID=1#:~:text=Journaling%20helps%20control%20your%20symptoms,and%20identifying%20negative%20thoughts%20and&text=Journaling%20helps%20control%20your%20symptoms,and%20identifying%20negative%20thoughts%20and

Denial and Responsibility -- Again...

   This week's lesson is about the Responsibility and Denial.  

Why is Responsiblity improtant?

Then why shiolud we be willing and able and willing to recognize when we are in denia. 

The question is can I admit when I mess up?  Can I admit it when I make a poor choice?  

Sometimes it seems difficult to try and own what I have done without any excuses or blame.  

The Grieving Process when someone passes away; or when you take big loss -- or even when you get your heart broken... it's like someone passed away almost.  It leaves a hole.  Not the same person any more... We go through these stages Grieving... 

DABDA -- Denial Anger Bargaining Depression Acceptance   (E.K.Ross, 1969). 

  We go through these stages when someone passes away.  

  The idea is to take accountability / responsibility for things we have done; without letting our natural sense of Denial take over.  

  

  The Worksheet for this week may be found at this Link.  Just Click Here to Complete the Worksheet.