Dr. B's DV Prevention & Education Blog: What is it like loving and/or living with a person who is violent? What is it like for Children? What is it like for Adults?

*** THIS IS A DRAFT POST. PLEASE DO NOT PRINT, COPY or DUPLICATE IN ANY WAY. ***

"Loving and living with a violent person is frequently described as a traumatizing, isolating, and confusing experience, characterized by a "cycle of abuse" where violent outbursts are interspersed with periods of calm or kindness. Victims often feel as though they are walking on eggshells, constantly adjusting their behavior to avoid triggering their partner's temper.

DomesticShelters.org

Key Aspects of the Experience

The Cycle of Abuse: Living with a violent partner usually involves a repeating pattern: tension building, the violent act (physical, verbal, or emotional), followed by a "honeymoon phase" of apologies and promises of change.

Constant Fear and Anxiety: The threat of violence can create a permanent state of fear, causing anxiety, depression, and long-term PTSD.

Isolation and Control: Abusers often limit their partner’s contact with friends and family, control their finances, and monitor their activities to create dependency.

Gaslighting and Confusion: Victims may be manipulated into questioning their own reality, memory, or sanity, with the abuser often blaming the victim for triggering the violence.

Trauma Bonding: Despite the harm, victims may feel a deep, intense attachment to their partner—known as trauma bonding—which can make leaving feel incredibly difficult.

Behavioral Hospital of Bellaire

+6"

"Emotional and Psychological Impact

Loss of Self-Esteem: Constant criticism and degradation can erode a person's sense of worth, making them feel they deserve the abuse or cannot survive without the partner.

Shame and Secrecy: Many survivors feel embarrassed or ashamed, leading them to hide the abuse from others, which further empowers the abuser.

Feeling Trapped: Victims often feel trapped due to fear of retaliation, lack of money, or a desire to keep the family together for children.

Physical Symptoms: The stress of living in a violent home often leads to chronic health issues, such as insomnia, headaches, and physical injuries.

Psychiatry.org

+5"

"Why People Stay

Leaving a violent relationship is often the most dangerous time, and partners often stay because the fear of leaving is greater than the fear of staying. Reasons for staying include:

Florida State University

Hope for Change: Believing the partner's promises that the violence will never happen again.

Financial Dependence: Lacking the resources to live independently.

Fear of Retaliation: The threat of severe harm or death if they leave.

PubMed Central (PMC) (.gov)

Finding Help

Violence in relationships is never the victim's fault and rarely changes without intervention.

American Psychological Association (APA)

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (7233) or text "START" to 88788.

Seek Support: Contact a counselor, doctor, or a trusted friend to help create a safety plan.

American Psychological Association (APA)

If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or local emergency services."