When you make an important choice in your life, what do you go through... ?
Some folks think that Relationships just happen automatically -- or even magically. Like I'm just walking along one day and BOOM!!! Cupid done hit me with an Arrow.... and I'm in love.
Ain't no stopping me now!
Other times, we feel comfortable; or even obligated due to having a shared history or something like that.
What is this about relationships that a person will pretty much risk their livelihood -- if not her or his life -- in order to be in one? Why are relationships sometimes so difficult and/or so impactful?
Sometimes or Somewhere among the ponderings that we go through while crying through the shambles of a broken relationship we start making choices, don't we? Even in the Break-Up Zone we are making choices. But then a lot of folks don't think about it this way; so what comes next seems like it could be nothing, a make up, a break up, or a new relationship -- or even just a distraction.
So, How about Relationships -- Do our troubles just come to us automatically; or do we help create them? So this gets us to thinking doesn't it...
Do I make SMART Choices regarding Relationships? Sometimes, yes. But No, Not always. Right?
Can we agree that it is time to start Making Smarter Choices regarding our Relationships -- So what is a SMART Choice anyway?
What is A Real S M A R T choice? Well it starts with the following tools here (Spell it out -- SMART):
BEFORE YOU GET INVOLVED IN A NEW RELATIONSHIP or
BEFORE YOU MAKE THE NEXT BIG DECISION IN YOUR EXISTING RELATIONSHIP consider the following:
S -- Be Sort of Selfish. -- Think about your own needs first... (Wants and Desires come later). What are my needs? Don't ever get into a relationship just because THEY want you to. What if I make a bad choice?
M -- MAKE sure you go for a Healthy Relationship -- NOT just a fling -- Unless of course a fling is all you really want. But be sure to protect yourself. Either way, always try to choose the Healthier Road. Before you make a choice; be sure it is a choice you can live with (and hopefully thrive with).
A -- Remember, to make A smart choice. Assess the Potential Pros and Cons first -- before you act. -- Always do a Cost-Benefit Analysis (Hint: Always Analyze the potential costs first). Look at the Risks first.
R -- Always Respect Yourself and Respect your potential partners -- no matter what happens. Respect is the name of the game in healthy relationships. Remember: Whenever DV Happens, someone is probably disrespecting someone. And it might be the other person or themselves or both.
And then finally...
T -- Trust your Instincts, and your Desires, and your Attractions -- but NEVER do so, prior to conducting a thorough empirical analysis. (Empirical means that you separate what you KNOW from what you THINK you KNOW). Get REAL. DO NOT go against Reality. Know as much as you possibly can about what you are getting into before you get into it.
Finally, Slow Down! Don't go so fast... We have all day.
Sometimes the person who we are when we first meet someone else is a good bit different from the person who we become while in the relationship.
Sometimes this might be good.
But other times -- all too many times -- this can be tragic.
Hence, we end up in trouble again -- sometimes BIG Trouble!
If you don't like getting into trouble, then perhaps it could be beneficial to develop some good insights into why your relationships sometimes turn out the way they do -- whether good or bad?
And it seems logical to assume that one of the greatest influences on how we behave in relationships could have something to do with the kind of person we are in relationships. Or with the type of person we are with -- if there is a difference.
So whether I am already in a Relationship; or I am not currently in a Relationship but I want- or don't want to be in that Relationship; questions around the idea of What Type of Person I am; and What Type of Person I might like to have in my life can be very important. Exploring this might help us for a number of reasons. It could definitely give us some useful insights.So, Did I ever really stop to think: What Type of Person am I?
When I am in a Relationship, do I tend to feel, think, react or act in certain ways that either encourage the relationship to last; or even destroy the relationship before it's time?
A very honest look at this can quite possibly bring a bounty of wisdom.
But then we really must remember that it takes two to have a relationship.
So it's not only about me and how I think, feel and behave. But it's also about my partner and how they think, feel and behave.
All of this begs the question(s):
-- What Type of Person am I?
-- What Type of Person Would I Like to Have in my Life?
-- And what exactly do I want and need in a Relationship?
Like am I the type of person that brings out the furious anger in a mate? -- Not that it's my fault if they are abusive though.
Or ... Do I just have a tendency to push a few too many buttons sometimes?
Or ... am I a person who is easy to love on a daily basis?
Think about it:
What kind of person are you?
Are you easy to live with?
Are you an easy lover?
Or Are you difficult to handle?
If so, do you want to change that?
The first step to changing anything is to have a good understanding of what is going on with you.
One who is easy to live with?
One who is an easy lover?
Charming?
Or one who is difficult to handle .... and challenging... or perhaps a little drama here and there?
- Does this quality describe me and how I am in a Relationship? And/Or...
- Does this quality describe the kind of person I would like to be with in a Relationship?
- OR... is this the kind of person who I would LOVE to be like in a relationship; OR in a relationship with... but it just never seems to happen that way?
Industrious
Creative
A Follower
The Leader
A Good Lover
A Hater
Kinda Freaky
A Straight Edge
The Worker
A Good Parent
An Adult Child who has not yet worked through it.
Brutally Honest
A Nice Person
The Helper
The Martyr (Always the Victim)
Very Serious (But NOT Stalker Status)
A Jokester
Really Smart
Somewhat Destructive
The Neat-Freak
A Slob
A Collector (But not a Hoarder)
The Hippie (how about the Old Hippie)
Delicate
Durable
Jealous
A Dancer
Somewhat Courageous
Narrowly-Focused
Broad-Minded
Sex-Appeal
Passive
Aggressive
Passive- Aggressive
Submissive
Straight Up
Laid Back
Religious / Spiritual
Daddy's Little Girl / Mama's Little Boy
Relatively Independent
Talented
Easy-Going
Futuristic
Frugal
Cheap
Wasteful
Dwells on the Past
Forgiving
Humble
Fretful
Confident
Generous
Stingy
Always Punctual
Lackadaisical
Motivated
Waiting to be told what to do
A Real Go-Getter
A Gaming Addict
A Disappointment
The Cheater
El Borracho / La Borracha
Attractive or Cute
Loyal
Very Political
Single-Minded
Foolish
Wise
Prideful
Lazy or
Modest
-- So First, we go through this list (or another list -- you can add to it if you like) and we figure out some good information about who we are. Am I any of these things?
-- And then next, we go through and think about who we really want in our life?
This is probably a useful exercise because some people can be extremely easy to get along with at first. But once they get into the relationship, they can be really hard to deal with. And it truly does not have to be that way.
In other words, it can be heartbreaking when one learns that the person they got involved with is nothing like the person who they thought they were in the beginning.
So Again: Think About It. What type of person are you in a relationship?
And what type of person would you like to be with in a relationship?
*** Click Here to Complete Your
Qualities of Self and Partners
in Relationships Worksheet ***
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