Important LINKS for ALL DV Clients to Use:

ALL New DV Clients should go to each of these LINKS and Complete ALL Attached Worksheets Before Starting DV Treatment.  Also, Please Save the Links on your device for future reference: 

COVID-19 Protocol Reminder for Clients

DV Treatment Orientation Link,

Important Notice: Pay-As-You-Go Rules Link,

The Making Payments for Treatment Link, 

Paying for DV Sessions Link,  

DV Group Scheduling Link, 

The Basic Weekly DV Blog Link, and 

The Anger Management Blog Link.

Making Payments and Settling Balances for DV Treatment: EVERYONE Who is in DV Treatment Must Read This and Complete the Form at the Bottom

 Making Payments for DV Treatment:

  Hello there -- Please READ this entire Text or Email.  (If this TEXT is too long for your Cell Phone Text App, then TEXT me your Email Address at 719-671-7793 so I can email it to you).

Please Note: The Colorado Domestic Violence Offender Management Board's Standards and Guidelines for Domestic Violence Offenders states the following:

 

In Section 5.04, 2, B, Item 9, says: "The offender paying for his/her own evaluation and treatment is an indicator of responsibility and shall be incorporated in the treatment plan..."

  This means that if a DV Client does not have a Voucher from Probation; she or he must pay Dr. Beverly for her or his own Treatment.  

  This also means that Dr. Beverly, cannot and will not successfully discharge any DV Clients who has an outstanding Balance.

  In other words: If you are attending Dr. Beverly's DV Treatment Sessions in-person or via conference call, you should expect to pay for your sessions each time you attend.  Or you may pay in advance.  

  Everyone who has any Balance in Dr. B's DV Treatment really must clear that up as soon as it is possible (No Exceptions).  Chances are that if you have not been paying every week, you have a Balance.

  (WAIT!!!  DO NOT CALL ME OR TEXT ME for your Balance or with other questions.  Please Follow the steps below.  You can do this...) 

 Also, please keep this TEXT Message.  And be sure to READ all 15 points below before getting distracted.

  As you probably know, The DV Admin Intake Fee is $25, the DV Post-Sentence DV Evaluation is $75, the DV Text/Blog Fee is $25, the Group Sessions are $35 & Individual DV Sessions were $65.  The prices changed to these rates on June 1st, 2021.  Anyone who started their DV Sessions prior to June 1, 2021 is still eligible for the old fees. 

  Everyone who attends DV should be paying weekly or every two weeks if possible.  Please READ everything here and then follow the link below to make payments.  On your payments, please be sure to enter your name so that you will get credit.

  Due to COVID-19 Restrictions and due to our Using Distance-Learning Tools for some Sessions, we have a serious problem of people NOT paying their fees every week.  If you were here prior to COVID-19, you know that we typically do not even allow someone into a Treatment Session until AFTER they pay for it.  This is all explained in the Treatment Contract that was signed when you started Treatment.

  Some people have balances due.  This is because they have not been paying every week. 

  DO NOT WAIT for me to give you a Total Balance or an Invoice.  While I do balance everyone's account at the time of Discharge because we cannot discharge anyone who has a balance; I normally do not give out Balances or Invoices, as it is a waste of time.  If you have a balance, please start paying on that as soon as possible.

  The way to figure out if you have a balance is to do the following:

1. Sometimes, Probation Officers will award Vouchers to Clients.  One thing for certain is that Probation Officer are probably more likely to award Vouchers to clients who are attending every session and to clients who are making progress in Treatment.  If you are not sure whether or not you have a Voucher, contact your Probation or Diversion Officer.  The only way to figure this out is to speak with your Probation or Diversion Officer.  Also remember that when they issue Vouchers, these Vouchers must be used within a certain time-frame; otherwise they expire and are useless.  Do not ask me if you have a Voucher.  Ask your Probation Officer.  If you have a Voucher that did in-fact cover a given Session, then you won't have to pay for that session.

2. Then, if you were Evaluated prior to June 1st, 2021, add your Evaluation Fee of $50.  If you were evaluated after June 1st., text me at 719-671-7793 for that fee amount.

3. Add up your total number of sessions attended.  Multiply your total number of sessions by $25 each.  If you started after June 1st., text me at 719-671-7793 for that session fee amount.  (If you need to know how many sessions you have attended, I can usually give you a ballpark figure.  If you need this, please TEXT me for this at 719-671-7793.  Do not call me unless it is a REAL Emergency or a Crisis.

4. Add your Evaluation and your Session Fees for a Subtotal.

5. Subtract each valid used Voucher that you had from your Subtotal.

6. Then Subtract any payments you made from that (After Vouchers) Subtotal.

7. This is your current Balance for DV Treatment.

8. If you have a Balance due, then you will see that total at this point after doing your math.

9. EVERY TIME that you attend a Treatment session, you should add $25 (or your appropriate session fee) to your total running balance and you should keep track of that. 

10. EVERY WEEK, (if possible) you must pay something.

11. Failure to pay something each week -- or -- failure to pay anything on your Balance after a week; can lead to Involuntary Unsuccessful Discharge from DV Treatment.  In order to avoid this, pay something every week, and keep track of your Sessions, your payments, payment dates, and payment amounts.

12. Do not ask me about your Balance or for an Invoice until it is time to be Discharged.  And theoretically, by that time, you should NOT have a Balance  because you have been paying every week.

13. Typically, all payments are made using a Credit or Debit Card.  If you do not have one, you should be able to go to Walmart and get a prepaid care with which to do this.  If that is not possible, please mail your regular payments to me at P.O. Box 871, Walsenburg, CO 81089. Or bring them to an In-Person Treatment Session.

14. So if you have a Balance -- and you know who you are -- Please start making payments TODAY using the link below.  Do not worry about paying more that what you owe.  That hardly ever happens.  And if that happens, I will definitely settle up with you as soon I am made aware of the over-payment.

   https://drbsdvpreventionandeducation.blogspot.com/

 (If when you hit the link (above), you do not see the Paypal / Debit / Credit Buttons in the upper - right-hand corner; then do this:

   A. Scroll to the bottom of your cell phone screen. 

   B. Tap where it says, "View Web Version". 

   C. You will see the Paypal / Debit / Credit Card Buttons in the Top-Right Corner of your screen. 

   D. Use your fingers to navigate to make your payments.  And MAKE your payment.)

15. If you have any questions about this, please TEXT me at 719-671-7793. (Do not call unless it is a REAL Emergency or a Crisis.)

16. Finally, if you have a Balance-related, Voucher-related, Payment-related or Fee-related question that really must be answered by Dr. B; please DO NOT ask Dr. B about this during Group.  This is a private matter and Group Time is precious.  Instead, send a Text to Dr. B at 719-671-7793.

17. I understand that if I have a Balance for Dr. B's DV Treatment and if I am not paying something on this Balance every week or at least every other week; I may be Discharged from DV Treatment as Unsuccessful. 

*** Please Click Here to Complete your 

     Making Payments & Balances Agreement. ***

Thank you.  And have a nice day.  Dr. B

(Originally published 9/13/2021) 

 

Paying for DV Sessions

  PLEASE ALWAYS Make your PayPal Payments BEFORE your DV Session.  

VERY SHORTLY, we will be returning to conducting our Sessions the same way that we used to.  And people who have not paid first will not be allowed to attend the session.  Please read below and click on the appropriate links for more information.

CLICK HERE for more information about Making Payments and Clearing Up Balances.

Or You Can Make a Payment via PayPal Right Here & Right Now!  Please Click RIGHT HERE.  Or go the PayPal Buttons on the top and bottom of the Right Side of the Page.

  Please remember: If you attend a Session today, you should pay for this session today.  If you have a voucher for today, then that voucher can pay for this session.  However, a voucher can never be used for a session that occurred before the Voucher date.  Also, Vouchers must be used before their Expiration date.  

  If you have any Balance at all; you should be making weekly payments -- EVERY Week.  If you have ever attended a Session that was not covered by a Voucher, and that you did not already pay for, you should start paying for that session (or those sessions) today as well.

 Please keep track of when you have vouchers, when you pay for a session, and the sessions that you owe for.  If you are inaccurate in your tally, Dr. B will correct the inaccuracy.

  It truly is a pleasure to provide this Service to you and for this Community.  However, in order to survive, this Service depends on you paying for your Sessions as soon as possible.  Furthermore, paying for Sessions is a required part of DV Offender Treatment, as per the Colorado Domestic Violence Offender Management Board. 

  There are numerous ways to pay for your Services on this Blog.  Please either look to the Right-hand column if you are using a PC or a Tablet.  Or, if you are using a cell phone, please scroll all the way down to the bottom of your screen and you will see a link that says, "View in Web Browser" or "View Web Version".  Hit that link and when that screen shows up, you will see PayPal buttons at the bottom right side of the page, as well as a PayPal Link at the top of the Page.

  If you have any questions, please either email or text Dr. Beverly.

  Thank you.

Intimacy, Healthy Relationships and Prevention of Domestic Violence

  Picture a bridge between two people....  a conduit over which or through which all of the goodness of the Relationship and intensity flows... And it always takes two (or more) to maintain that bridge...  This bridge cannot stand up there without being held on both ends...  --- All the time.  Then the question becomes: In a close, secure, and wonderful relationship; what would that bridge be made of?   Intimacy.

  According to the Dictionary, the word, Intimacy, can be defined as:  “A close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group.  A close association with or detailed knowledge or deep understanding of a place, subject, period of history, etc.  For example: “Intimate knowledge”.

Another author wrote: 

  “Intimacy means creating an authentic connection.

  What is the meaning of intimacy?  What intimacy means varies from relationship to relationship, and within a given relationship.  From context to context, the definition of intimacy changes and the meaning varies.

  Intimacy has more to do with shared moments than sexual interactions. Intimate feelings may be connected or confused with sexual arousal.   Intimacy is linked with feelings of closeness, safety, trust and transparency among partners in a collaborative relationship.

  For intimacy to be sustainable and nourishing it also requires trust, transparency and rituals of connection. It is possible to compete over intimacy but that is likely to be self-defeating.” (Source).

Types of Intimacy: 

  Surely, there are different types of intimacy depending on the persons involved as well as on the situation.  Different types of Intimacy could include: Sexual, Emotional, Professional, and numerous others:

  The Naya Clinics, writes: "Intimacy is defined as a close familiarity or friendship; closeness. While it may seem this applies to romantic relationships, intimacy is important in non-romantic relationships as well. It is essential to forming connections with others that are deep, lasting, and healthy."; reports that the different types of Intimacy include: Physical, Emotional, Intellectual, Creative, Experiential and Spiritual (Source.)

  Whereas Author Rhett Smith states that there are 12 types of Intimacy shared between partners, including: 

"Sexual Intimacy: Sharing passion and physical pleasuring

Emotional Intimacy: Being tuned to each other’s wavelength

Intellectual Intimacy: Closeness in the world of ideas

Aesthetic Intimacy: Sharing experience of beauty

Creative Intimacy: Sharing in acts of creating together

Recreational Intimacy: Relating in experiences of fun and play

Work Intimacy: Closeness of sharing common tasks

Crisis Intimacy: Closeness in coping with problems and pain

Conflict Intimacy: Facing and struggling with differences

Commitment Intimacy: Mutually derived from common self-interest

Spiritual Intimacy: Unity shared in religious expression

Communication Intimacy: Mutual understanding and affirmation" (Source.)

Look at it this way for a moment:

For many of us, Relationships are largely about Sex.  And due to Societal messages, many people confuse Sex with Intimacy or Intimacy with Sex.  

I propose that: Sexual Relationships Without Intimacy Probably Put Us More At Risk Of DV.  -- Unless of course, we are simply intimate and one of the core pillars of our relationship is that our Sex is simply casual -- and NOT meaningful.

I was talking to a policeman once.. and I asked him what exactly constitutes Intimacy in terms of a DV Offense -- requiring that two people have or have had an Intimate Relationship?  His response was that Intimacy was "Sex".

  Think about this proposition:  Sex Without Intimacy Probably Puts Us More At Risk Of DV

Sex Without Intimacy is probably NOT a partnership, not love, It might not even be liking, and it is quite possibly not as safe as Sex with Intimacy

Sex Without Intimacy is probably more dangerous for BOTH partners.

More Intimacy helps decrease Animosity.... helps increase more understanding and more acceptance and possibly even a deeper love.

What makes up intimacy?  (If you wish to have an intimate relationship, you probably need to do most or all of the following).  An intimate relationship might contain -- like a Bridge between two intimate people -- it is made up of parts -- some of which are listed below:

Honesty: “Honesty is when you speak the truth and act truthfully.  What is honesty?  Many children understand a definition of honesty to be "don't lie". But a complete definition of honesty also means that an honest person doesn't do things that are morally wrong. If something you do is breaking the law or you have to hide it because you'll get in trouble, you are probably not being honest.  What is honesty? – Honesty is speaking the truth.  Honesty is being accountable.  Lying is not honest (also called dishonest) because you are saying something that isn't true.”

Trust: “Assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something.”

Respect: “It means valuing each other’s points of view. It means being open to being wrong. It means accepting people as they are. It means not dumping on someone because you're having a bad day. It means being polite and kind always, because being kind to people is not negotiable. It means not dissing people because they're different from you. It means not gossiping about people or spreading lies.”

A mutual sense of Equality: “The quality or state of being equal: the quality or state of having the same rights, social status, etc.”  When each has an equal right to determine whether she/he is being (or going to be) happy or sad.  (Equal in spirit rather than in substance).

Humility: “The quality or state of being humble.”  Can I apologize with sincerity when I mess up?

Forgiveness: “Allowing room for error or weakness.”

Liking and - or Attraction --  or Feeling Wanted (Not necessarily Sexual Attraction) to: “Feeling as if one wants to be around someone due to the way it makes her/him feel when they are together (i.e., happy, energetic, sexy, lovely, good about self).”

Spontaneity / Compromise: “Taking a risk, living life to the fullest, no plans, "don't think just do". To be spontaneous is to be the most relaxed go with the flow and have fun person, you would never get mad if plans changed you would get excited because then it would become spontaneous.”  Or just being able to spontaneously have fun together.

Faith: “Complete trust or confidence in someone or something.”  (There may also be a Spiritual component here as well).  A lot of successful couple share Faith; or they each have tremendous respect (if not admiration) for the faith that is held by the other partner.

Self-Awareness: “Is having a clear perception of your personality, including strengths, weaknesses, thoughts, beliefs, motivations, and emotions. Self-Awareness allows you to understand other people, how they perceive you, your attitude, and your responses to them in the moment.”

Vulnerability: “Susceptibleness to physical or emotional attack or harm.”  If you are with someone with whom you cannot feel vulnerable; you might be lacking intimacy.

Accountability: “The fact or condition of being accountable; responsibility.”  Being willing to think critically about self, actions, thoughts and feelings – taking the good with the bad.

Patience: “The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.”  Listening to someone (long enough -- and without distraction) and sincerely trying to understand what they mean.  Taking your time.

Other qualities of Intimate Relationships could include: Hope, Unconditional Acceptance, Confidence, Interest, Affection, Affinity, and Altruism.  Intimacy is often about being willing to work on it.  Intimacy is not about being “perfect.”  But it's about being sincere.  Intimacy may even feel like “symbiosis.”

Thus, it was said earlier that Intimacy is a Voluntary Condition.  Intimacy is like a bridge.  It is held up (actively or passively) between two or more people.  Intimacy is something that both people hold up and maintain.  It takes two (or more) to do intimacy, and it often takes effort.  It rarely happens without work.

Commitment and Integrity. Finally, Intimacy quite possibly requires a mutual sense of clarity about the integrity of the Relationship.  In other words, if one person is in love; but the other is not; it may not be Intimacy.

Why is Intimacy So Important to Learn About in Domestic Violence Treatment?

  For one, simply answer this question: How can Domestic Violence Effect (and/or be effected by) Intimacy?  Or how could Intimacy be impacted by Domestic Violence?

1. Did you and/or your partner have moments of dishonesty in relation to your DV event(s)?
2. Did you and/or your partner find that the trust between you was challenged or destroyed in relation to your DV event(s)?
3. If your partner or someone else called the police on you, could it be that this was an attempt to equalize the immediate situation between you and your partner?
4. Did you and/or your partner ever find the other to be impatient with the other person or with yourself?
5. When your DV event happened, were you 100% self-aware – aware of your partner?
6. Have you totally owned up to (become accountable for) your part of what happened that got you into DV-related trouble?  How did this measure up to the intimacy you shared?
7. Finally Intimacy probably leads to a Kinship of sorts.  A psychological kinship (Bailey).

NOTE: True Intimacy is not included in relationships that are about Power and Control!!!  Intimacy is more likely to be found in relationships that are about Equality. 

In other words, Intimacy and Domestic Violence cannot happen at the same time -- even in cases where there was a false accusation of Domestic Violence.

  With the one possible exception: During the honeymoon phase -- of a conflict... just after the explosion..... both are trying harder and you might catch a (mistaken) glimmer of intimacy there...  Like Intimacy is not even really there in such situations.  However, many of us tend to see it during those times...  Or Perhaps it is just wishful thinking.  And maybe we just see the Intimacy in such situations because we are so hurt after fighting that we see want to see through our tears and our fears.

So Try to Guess for Yourself -- If two people are truly sharing Intimacy with each other; which of each of these dichotomous interactions will they be likely to share?

Violence and Disrespect vs. Respect and Non-Violence

Confrontation vs. Argument

Competition vs. Collaboration

Denial vs. Acknowledgement

Avoidance vs. Resolution

Blame vs. Accountability

Studying vs. Assuming

Curiosity vs. Prejudice

Rushing vs. Patience

Aggressive vs. Assertive

Jealous vs. Trusting 

Unconditional Giving vs. Keeping Score

Letting her or him win at Chess vs. Checkmating her or him as fast as possible

Non-Disclosive / Appropriate (sometimes possibly even including TMI) 

Discussion Question: 

How was your experience of intimacy impacted by the DV that you took part in?  

 

*** Please CLICK HERE to Complete your 

Intimacy and Prevention of Domestic Violence Worksheet! ***  

Some Definitions are From: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/ and http://www.urbandictionary.com/ and http://www.pathwaytohappiness.com/ and http://oxforddictionaries.com/us/definition/american_english/.  Parts of the above were Compiled By Dr. Beverly, March. 2014