Monday, September 25, 2023

Recognizing My Cognitive Distortions to Prevent Domestic Violence Thinking and Behaving

 What are Cognitive Distortions and Why do we do them?  “Cognitive Distortion (CD) is a term that you may be familiar with. The simplest descriptions of CD are ‘faulty thinking’ or ‘distorted thinking’ but there are a number of terms around that you may have also heard:  • Justification. • Neutralization. • Objectification. • Externalization. Or • Minimization.”

  Believe it or not, Cognitive Distortions are a normal part of being human: “The important first principle of understanding CD is the idea that it is a normal process that we all engage in, regardless of whether we are offenders or not. In fact, cognitive distortion is a normal psychological process that all human beings engage in, regardless of age, gender, sexual orientation, race, culture or socio-economic group."  

  We do Cognitive Distortions because: One way to look at it is that we all have our Defenses; and CD are types of Defenses.  “Faulty thinking patterns (or CD's) exist for many different reasons, but it is always true that the thinking error serves a purpose for the individual. Common purposes of cognitive distortion are as follows: 

1) To deny responsibility for our behavior; 

2) To deny or avoid negative consequences of our behavior; 

3) To allow us to continue to behave in a way that we know is wrong; 

4) To avoid facing painful emotions; 

5) To avoid or to deny change. (Source).


Food for Thought: How might Cognitive Distortions Impact Relationships as well as the lives of those who get stuck in their Distortions?


Here are some Popular Cognitive Distortions: 

  All-or-Nothing Thinking / Polarizing

  Overgeneralization

  Mental Filter  

  Disqualifying the Positive

  Jumping to Conclusions

  The Mind Reading Error

  The Fortune Telling Error

  Magnification

  Minimization

  Catastrophizing

  Emotional Reasoning

  Should Statements

  Labelling

  Mislabeling

  Personalization

  The Control Fallacies:

    The Fallacy of Fairness

    The Fallacy of Blaming

    The Fallacy of Change

    Always being Right

    Heaven's Reward Fallacy

    Rose-Colored Glasses


Here is what they look like in Action:      

  How do Cognitive Distortions relate to DV?  CD’s facilitate or inspire some of the crazy thinking that might lead us to feeling DV is a proper option or is justified.  CD helps humans feel that certain bad or risky behaviors (such as DV) are OK.  When in fact they are not.  

  What are some Popular Cognitive Distortions that are Related to DV?

"ALL-OR-NOTHING THINKING / Polarizing: We see things in black and white categories.

OVERGENERALIZATION: We see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.

MENTAL FILTER: Picking a single negative or Positive detail and dwelling on it exclusively - all reality becomes unjustifiably darkened or unrealistically lightened. 

DISQUALIFYING THE POSITIVE: We reject positive experiences by insisting they “don’t count”.

JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS: We make a negative (or positive) interpretation even though there are no definite facts.

a.  The Mind Reading Error: We arbitrarily conclude (without proof) that someone is reacting negatively to you.

 b. The FortuneTeller Error: We anticipate that things will turn out badly – and believe it to be fact.  We confuse one's "truth" with The FACTs.

MAGNIFICATION (Catastrophizing) or MINIMIZATION: Exaggerating the positive impact of something much smaller; or Denying the negative of something much bigger.

EMOTIONAL REASONING: "I feel it, therefore it must be true."  Or basically, thinking with one's heart instead of one's brain.

SHOULD STATEMENTS: We try to motivate yourself with shoulds and shouldn’ts or “Musts” and “oughts”; as opposed to first and foremost navigating what is; or what is not.

LABELING AND MISLABELING: Over-generalization.  We attach a negative label (or very positive label) to yourself or others: “I’m a loser”; or "He's an idiot." 

PERSONALIZATION: We see ourselves as the cause of negative events which in fact we were not primarily responsible for."  (Much of this material came from: Source).

Some Other Cognitive  Distortions Include: 

  The Control Fallacies: If we feel externally controlled, we see ourselves as helpless -- a victim of fate. For example, “I can’t help it if the quality of the work is poor, my boss demanded that I work overtime on it -- so I was too tired to do everything correctly.” 

  •  The Fallacy of Internal Control: has us assuming responsibility for the pain and happiness of everyone around us.  For example, “Why aren’t you happy? Is it because of something I did?”
  •   The Fallacy of Fairness: We feel resentful because we think we know what is fair, but other people won’t agree with us. As our parents tell us, “Life is always fair”; or some say, "Life is not always"; and people who go through life applying a measuring ruler against every situation judging its “fairness” will often feel badly and negative because of it.
  •   The Fallacy of Blaming: We hold other people responsible for our pain, or take the other track and blame ourselves for every problem. For example, “Stop making me feel bad about myself!”  However, nobody can “make” us feel any particular way — only we have control over our own emotions and emotional reactions.
  •   Fallacy of Change: We expect that other people will change to suit us if we just pressure or cajole them enough. We need to change people because our hopes for happiness seem to depend entirely on them.
  •   Always Being Right: We are continually on trial to prove that our opinions and actions are correct. Being wrong is unthinkable and we will go to any length to demonstrate our rightness. For example, “I don’t care how badly arguing with me makes you feel, I’m going to win this argument no matter what because I’m right.” Being right often is more important than the feelings of others around a person who engages in this cognitive distortion, even loved ones.
  •   Heaven’s Reward Fallacy: We expect our sacrifice and self-denial to pay off, as if someone is keeping score.  We feel bitter when the reward doesn’t come.
  •   Rose-Colored Glasses: Failure to consider the down-side.  Forgetting to assess the costs in a Cost-Benefit Analysis.

Question -- Repeating from before
  1. In what ways might a given Cognitive Distortion Impact a given Relationships?  
  2. And How might unchecked Cognitive Distortions Impact one's life?

Solutions / Prevention:

How Can I Keep My Cognitive Distortions from Negatively Impacting My Life; or the Lives of those who Love Me?

Perhaps one of the  surest solutions to Cognitive Distortions is Critical Thinking: "the objective analysis and evaluation of an issue in order to form a judgment."  Or always try to be willing and able to consider possibilities that you haven't thought of before... 

One should always be willing to ask: "Is this Reality; or is this just one of my Cognitive Distortions?"


  "These are some ideas on ways to fix Cognitive Distortions:

  Check out this list of Ways to possibly FIX Cognitive Distortions:

    1. Identify the Cognitive Distortion -- Like what Am I doing wrong?
    2. Examine the Evidence
    3. Double Standard Method
    4. Thinking in Shades of Grey ("or Color... why not color?)"
    5. Experimental Method
    6. Survey Method
    7. The Semantic Method
    8. Definitions
    9. Re-Attribution
    10. Cost-Benefit Analysis

    Now, lets take a closer look at these ideas for solutions to Cognitive Distortions:



10 Proven Methods for Fixing Cognitive Distortions

Cognitive distortions have a way of playing havoc with our lives if we let them. A cognitive distortion takes place in our minds when we experience an upsetting event in our lives — a disagreement at work, an argument with a partner, a poor result in school — and we think about it in a way that reinforces negativity and feeling bad. While some may believe that “feeling bad’ is a necessary component of learning from our mistakes, many get stuck in a repetitive, reinforcing pattern of feeling bad about themselves. This can lead to lower self-esteem and a self-fulfilling prophecy in future interactions.

Cognitive distortions — also known as “stinkin’ thinkin'” — can be undone, but it takes effort and lots of practice, every day. If you want to stop the irrational thinking, you can start by trying out the exercises below.

"How to Fix Common Cognitive Distortions

You can use any one or a combination of the methods described below to combat irrational, automatic thoughts and cognitive distortions. Try a few of them out and look for the one that seems to work best for you, because different people respond to different ways of fixing their irrational thoughts.

1. Identify the Cognitive Distortion

The most important step of fixing any problem in your life is identifying exactly what the problem is and how extensive it is in your life. An auto mechanic starts with a diagnostic assessment of your car when it has a problem.

In this same manner, you need to identify and track the cognitive distortions in your daily thinking first, before you start working to change them. You do this by creating a list of the troublesome thoughts throughout the day, as you’re having them. This will allow you to examine them later for matches with a list of cognitive distortions.

An examination of your cognitive distortions allows you to see which distortions that you prefer. Additionally, this process allows you to think about each problem or predicament in a more natural or realistic manner. David Burns called this exercise keeping a daily mood log, but nowadays you can use an app or anything that’s convenient to record your cognitive distortions.

2. Examine the Evidence

Much like a judge overseeing a trial, the next step is to remove yourself from the emotionality of the upsetting event or episode of irrational thinking in order to examine the evidence more objectively. A thorough examination of an experience allows you to identify the basis for your distorted thoughts. If you are overly self-critical, you should identify a number of experiences and situations where you had success.

One effective method for examining the evidence is to look at individual thoughts connected to the event, and objectively decide whether those statements reflect an opinion or stone cold fact. For example, statements such as “I’m selfish” and “There’s something wrong with me” are opinions. “My co-worker spoke in angry voice toward me” and “I forgot to take out the trash” are facts. Segregating facts from opinions can help you determine which are likely to be a component of a cognitive distortion (the opinions) and therefore need your focus and efforts to undo.

3. Double Standard Method

An alternative to “self-talk” that is harsh and demeaning is to talk to ourselves in the same compassionate and caring way that we would talk with a friend in a similar situation. We are frequently much harder on ourselves than the people we care about in our lives, whether it be a friend or family member. We would never think of speaking to a close friend in the way we speak to ourselves in our own mind.

Instead of treating yourself with a different standard than what you hold everyone else to, why not use one single standard for everyone including yourself? Isn’t that more fair than using a double-standard? Give yourself the same encouragement that you would a trusted friend.

Imagine studying for an exam and telling a friend, “You’re going to screw this up, just like you screw everything else up!” Yet these are the same kinds of thoughts that run through many students’ minds before an exam. Can you answer such automatic, negative thoughts back with a rational response? For example, “You’re going to do well on this exam, I just know it. You studied hard for it and did your best to memorize the material. I believe in you.”

4. Thinking in Shades of Gray

Learning to undo black-and-white (or polarized) thinking can be challenging, because our minds take cognitive shortcuts to simplify processing of stimuli in order to hurry our ability to make a decision or choose a response. Black-and-white thinking can sometimes serve a good purpose, but it often leads a person down a path of irrational belief too.

Instead of thinking about a problem or predicament in an either-or polarity, thinking in shades of gray requires us to evaluate things on a scale of 0 through 100. When a plan or goal is not fully realized, think about and evaluate the experience as a partial success on this kind of scale.

For example, someone might think, “You can’t do anything right. You just blew your diet by having that second bite of ice cream.” What is the likelihood that a person’s entire dieting routine — that they’ve been following rigorously for months — is now made worthless by a single additional bite of ice cream? On our scale of 0 through 100, it might be about 1 percent likelihood.

5. Experimental Method

Can you test whether your irrational thoughts have any basis in fact outside of a trial? You sure can, by using the same kinds of methods that science uses in order to test a hypothesis.

For example, let’s say you’ve been putting off organizing your digital photos because it’ll be “too hard” or “I just can’t do it.” What if the task was broken down into smaller parts, such as tackling just a single month at a time in one sitting? Is the thought that it’s just “too hard” still true, now that you’ve broken the task into smaller, attainable components?

In another example, imagine a person who believes over time that she is no longer liked by her friends because they never connect with her on social media or call. Could that person test whether it was true that her friends no longer like her? What if she reached out to them and asked them out to lunch or for drinks one day? While it’s not likely all of her friends will accept an invitation, it’s likely at least one or two of them will, providing clear evidence in support of the fact that her friends still like her.

6. Survey Method

Similar to the experimental method, the survey method is focused on asking others in a similar situation about their experiences to determine how irrational our thoughts might be. Using this method, a person seeks the opinions of others regarding whether their thoughts and attitudes are realistic.

For example, a person might believe, “Romantic partners should never fight. And if they do fight, they should never go to bed angry at one another.” Who could they survey to see whether this is true or not? A few friends who appear to be in happy relationships might be a good start. That person would soon realize that all couples fight, and while it may be a good idea not to go to bed angry, plenty of people do and their relationship is just fine despite that.

If you want to double-check on the rationality of your thought, check in with a few trusted friends to see what their opinions and experiences are.

7. The Semantic Method

When a person engages in a series of should statements (“I should do this” or “I shouldn’t do that”), they are applying a set of unwritten rules to their behavior that may make little sense to others. Should statements imply a judgment about your or another person’s behavior — one that may be unhelpful and even hurtful.

Every time you find yourself using a should statement, try substituting “It would be nice if…” instead. This semantic difference can work wonders in your own mind, as you stop “should-ing” yourself to death and start looking at the world in a different, more positive manner. Shoulds make a person feel bad and guilty about themselves. “Wouldn’t it be nice and more healthy if I started watching what I ate more?” puts the thought into a more curious, inquisitive phrasing — one where the answer might be yes, but might also be no (for instance, if you’ve just started cancer treatment, now’s not a good time to change your eating habits).

8. Definitions

For people who are more intellectual and like to argue about minutiae, this method of arguing with your cognitive distortions might come in handy. What does it mean to define ourselves as “inferior,” “a loser,” “a fool,” or “abnormal.” An examination of these and other global labels may reveal that they more closely represent specific behaviors, or an identifiable behavior pattern, instead of the total person.

When a person starts delving into the definition of a label and asking questions about those definitions, the results can be surprising. For instance, what it does it mean to think of yourself as “inferior”? Inferior to who? Others at your workplace? What are their specific work experiences and backgrounds? Aren’t they all inferior to someone else too? The more questions you ask when challenging a definition or label, the more you may come to realize the uselessness of such labels — especially when applied to ourselves.

9. Re-attribution

In personalization and blaming cognitive distortions, a person will point the finger to themselves for all of the negative things they experience, no matter what the actual cause.

In re-attribution, a person identifies external factors and other individuals that contributed to the problem or event. Regardless of the degree of responsibility a person assumes, a person’s energy is best utilized in the pursuit of resolutions to problems or identifying ways to cope with predicaments. By assigning responsibility accordingly, you’re not trying to deflect blame, but ensure you’re not blaming yourself entirely for something that wasn’t entirely your fault.

For example, if a project at work failed to get done on time and you were one of the members of the 5-member team, you’re one-fifth to blame for the project missing its deadline. From an objective perspective, you are not entirely to blame for the missed deadline.

10. Cost-Benefit Analysis

This method for answering an irrational belief relies on motivation rather than facts to help a person undo the cognitive distortion. In this technique, it is helpful to list the advantages and disadvantages of feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. A cost-benefit analysis will help to figure out what a person is gaining from feeling bad, distorted thinking, and inappropriate behavior.

“How will it help me to believe this negative, irrational thought, and how will it hurt me?” If you find the disadvantages of believing a thought outweigh the advantages, you’ll find it easier to talk back and refute the irrational belief. "  (SOURCE)


*** Please CLICK HERE to complete your

Cognitive Distortions  Worksheet ***

and

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One song that demonstrates Cognitive Distortions in DV Thinking is "Redneck Crazy"


Sources: 

From: Beck, A. T. (1976). Cognitive therapies and emotional disorders. New York: New American Library.  Burns, D. D. (1980). Feeling good: The new mood therapy. New York: New American Library.  Retrieved from: psychcentral.com/lib/2009/15-common-cognitive-distortions.

(Burns, David D. Feeling Good. Morrow, 1980; & from: Grohol, J. “15 Common Cognitive Distortions; 1992-2012, Psych Central).

(Compiled by Dr. Beverly, July 2013)


DVOMB Core Competencies Objectives for his Lesson:

_______R)    Identification and challenge of cognitive distortions

_______1. Offender identifies and challenges cognitive distortions that play a role in the offender’s violence

_______2. Offender demonstrates an understanding of distorted view of self, others, and relationships (e.g. gender role stereotyping, misattribution of power and responsibility, sexual entitlement


Tuesday, September 12, 2023

BASIC DBT Skills for Prevention of Domestic Violence-Type Thinking and Feeling and Domestic Violence Itself!

 BASIC DBT Skills for Prevention of Domestic Violence-Type Thinking and Feeling and Domestic Violence Itself!  

What are the moments when DV happens truly made of?  

  Stress, Anger, Impatience, Disrespect of others and Disrespect of self...  Other feelings?  Fear, Rage, Exhaustion...

   It wasn't me... I wasn't thinking...          I wasn't there... 100%  I don't even remember what happened...

   I was off my center.  I ran out of patience.   I couldn't stand it any more.

  It was all her fault...  It was all his fault.

  So how did that work out for ya???

  What's say we try a few DBT Skills???


DBT TIPP Skills:  Presentation

  Trick your body into feeling like you are under water

  Intense Exercise

  Paced Breathing

  Paired Muscle Relaxation


Mindfulness How Skills:  Presentation

  How to Observe

  How to Describe

  How to Participate


Mindfulness of Current Emotions:  Presentation

  Notice the Emotion and observe it

  Be willing to experience the emotion (Notice where in your body you feel it.)

  Respect and Love your Emotions (Even the painful ones).

  Do not Judge your Emotions.  (They are what they are.)

  Practice Loving your Emotions


Wise-Mind:  Presentation

  "An Intuitive, Centered State of Mind -- where you are the wisest and make the most effective decisions."

  "Not Emotion Mind and Not Reasonable Mind.

  Emotion Mind (State of mind when your emotions control your Thoughts, Urges and Behaviors).

  Reasonable Mind (State of mind when your reason controls your (Thoughts, Urges and Behaviors).
  You lose your sense of empathy.

  Wise-Mind represents the Integration of Emotion Mind and Reason Mind

  Knowing facts and log as well as tuning into emotions and senses" (Source.)



Notes:


  Using DBT for Stress




Monday, September 4, 2023

Codependency, Relationships and Domestic Violence

Codependency has a lot of faces.... It's not just one thing.. There are a few definitions that truly cover this concept. 

 What is Codependency?

  One way to look at it is that: “Codependency is a circular relationship in which one person needs the other person, who in turn, needs to be needed. The codependent person, known as 'the giver,' feels worthless unless they are needed by — and making sacrifices for — the enabler, otherwise known as 'the taker.'"(Source: Very Well Mind).

  Codependency is what happens  when we perceive our sense of wellbeing to be tied to someone else's happiness.  Like, we are NOT okay, unless they are happy.

  So we (as individuals) could be perfectly happy and doing well; but if our partner (or someone else with whom we are codependent) seems to be unhappy or seems to be otherwise in trouble; then we sometimes feel a need to address it quickly, even if it costs us tremendously.

  According to Melodi Beatty (Author of the fantastic Book, "Codependent No More"), Codependency can be described as when we make someone else's problem into our problem.  She asks: "Is someone else's problem your problem?  If, like so many others, you've lost sight of your own life in the drama of tending to someone else's, you may be codependent."

  •   Another author wrote: "Many people have heard of codependency and understand that it can be harmful in a relationships. But, what does being codependent mean?  Some people interpret codependency as an extreme dependence on someone else, a strong need for the companionship of another. 

  Although this might be part of it, this is not the entire definition of codependency.

  "Codependency is a mental and emotional problem that affects the way people interact and connect with others in an interpersonal relationship.  It creates problems in relationships as it causes people to become uncomfortable with themselves. Many codependent people have low self-esteem and struggle to think well of themselves. As a result, they often enter into destructive relationships that are abusive or otherwise unfulfilling" (Source.)

  It's not uncommon for a person with Codependency to get involved with another person who has a whole lot of serious needs (i.e., Addiction, Mental Illness, Physical Illness, or even Personality Issues, etc..).  

  Codependency would be wonderful if it was just humans caring for other humans and showing compassion.  But that is not what it is.  Why?  Because there's a catch... what if in expressing my need to have someone else be okay, I am actually trying to control them?  Trying to control what they do?  Trying to control who they like and spend their time with.  And trying to control where they go as well...? 

  All this , just so that I would be OKAY???  Why does me being OKAY depend so much on someone else?  What kind of relationship is that?  Looks like two people being dependent on each other.  

  But at what point does it become unhealthy?  

  When it gets out of control.  Or when it escalates to a point where we are both truly dependent on each other for things that we should be providing for our selves (i.e., Proving we are trustworthy, proving we are good people or proving that we deserve to be loved.).

  What happens when we are too Codependent?  

"What Does Being Codependent Mean?

Many people have heard of codependency and understand that it can be harmful in a relationship. But, what does being codependent really mean? Some people interpret codependency as an extreme dependence on someone else, a strong need for the companionship of another person. Although this might be part of it, this is not the entire definition of codependency.

Codependency is a mental and emotional problem that affects the way people interact and connect with others in an interpersonal relationship. It creates problems in relationships as it causes people to become uncomfortable with themselves.  Many codependent people have low self-esteem and struggle to think well of themselves.  As a result, they often enter inter destructive  relationships that are abusive or otherwise unfulfilling.

To be codependent is to rely heavily on someone else. Often, people who are in a codependent relationships rely on a partner who actually has an addiction problem.  Codependent individuals often have excessive emotional or psychological dependence on their significant other making for a relationship dynamic that is toxic and unfulfilling." (Parts of this passage were edited for clarity) (Source)."


Potentially Harmful Patterns in Codependent Relationships:

  Some believe that in Codependent Relationships and/or Relationships involving one or more people who have some Codependency or Codependent Traits; one  might experiences at least one of the following Codependent Patterns:

  • Denial Patterns -- Like denying how we truly feel sometimes.
  • Low Self-Esteem Patterns -- Like being highly critical of ourselves or denying our own self-worth.
  • Compliance Patterns -- Like People-Pleasers just getting along to go along.
  • Control Patterns -- Such as somehow NEEDING others to be like us or to follow our advice and getting angry when they don't.  And...
  • Avoidance Patterns -- Like doing anything to avoid Rejection or Anger.


Is codependency a bad thing?  It can be... 

  But Not necessarily in all cases...

  Perhaps Codependency is not necessarily inherently a bad thing...  But what happens when our needs are no longer being met?  

  Perhaps what happens then is that damage can be done... like damage to a relationship -- or even emotional damage to ourselves  -- or damage to other people.  Perhaps?  

  It's like thinking that OUR Needs do not need to be satisfied.  Besides, sometimes we are just too busy meeting their needs, right?  But then that cannot go on but for some it can go on and on and on.... until they break.

  One author wrote: "Codependency is so damaging because it doesn't allow healthy relationships to flourish.  In order for people to truly give of themselves, their needs must be met as well, which means breaking codependent behaviors."  (Source.)


What about Codependency and Boundaries -- 

  Again, Codependency might be wonderful if it is just about being caring and giving -- or receiving.  

  However, people with Codependency often give with strings attaches...  (LIke they give you a gift; but then they expect something in return).  

  Such as strings like... "Now, I'm going to write you a check for $15,000 to pay for your Treatment.  

  So you just go there, get better, and come back soon so that we can both feel better.  

  (But then what happens, after the person goes, spends the money, gets the treatment, then drops out half-way through....and Relapses worse than ever...???)  

  BOOM!!!  What a disappointment for everybody!  The addict is ashamed.  And Codependent is pissed off.

  It's like, we often hear people in aggrieved relationships talking about time in the Relationship as though it were an investment...  Like I want something for my investment -- don't you?  

  However, this is sometimes a sign of Codependency...  

  It is?  How so?  Well, is not a Relationship really mostly just time that we spent together?  Things that we did together?  Moments that we shared? 

  I mean...  It's not like a Mutual Fund -- or a Savings Account ... now is it?


So think about it:

  If my partner is so busy paying attention to my problems; yet neglecting their own challenges'; then where is that going to lead to?

  In other words, we should probably ONLY give of ourselves in great amounts in situations where our Giving is an Expression of our Love.  

  Meaning, it is perfectly okay if we don't get anything in return.  Because our Joy, truly is an act of Giving.

  So how do we know when Codependency Becomes a Serious Issue?  This is when You say to yourself:  "OMGosh!!! -- Their problem is so bad that it is driving me crazy!!!  

  So, I have a solution: I will change them instead of changing me."  (This is when Codependency is really bad..... So we try to change them.. and that possibly leads to more disappointment, and even "Co-ing Out!"  (Being addicted to Codependency).

  (Does this ever really work?   Does an Unhealthy Codependency ever really work out?  Probably not.)


“9 Warning Signs of a Codependent Relationship

1. People Pleasing -- You will betray your own values in order to satisfy the whims or another person.

2. Lack of Boundaries -- Like you are dependent on someone else in some of the most intimate or material or professional ways -- instead of taking care of yourself.

3. Poor Self-Esteem -- Like when they are upset, you believe it has to be because you are not good enough for them and that it has to be something you did wrong.

4. Caretaking -- Like when you give to someone who is in need; but then you expect something in return (unlike when someone is truly Care-GIVING).

5. Reactivity -- Like when they feel bad; I feel bad... and When they feel good; I feel good.

6. Poor Communication -- I just don't hear things that I don't want to hear.  Like when she said, She will probably always go back to her husband; even though she knows that I love her more.

7. Lack of Self-Image -- Like when I cannot see myself until you tell me what should I see.

8. Dependency -- Like when I cannot make decisions for myself unless you tell me which option is the right one for me.

9. Relationship Stress -- Like when a Relationship becomes fatigued because both people are so busy using up each other's energy; that there is nothing left.

 (Please see: Warning Signs of Codependency.)

  

In Short; Try to Look At It This Way:

  Perhaps people with Codependency sometimes find themselves; Care-Taking; when they really think they are Care-Giving.

  Think about it, isn't Care-Giving the act of giving Care without Strings attached?

  Whereas, Care-Taking… can frequently be something completely different.

  What a difference a word makes!

   And It’s OKAY to be in it for yourself – either in Part or as a Whole…  Just be honest about it.

   But it’s often NOT Okay to do so; yet to also be unwilling to admit it. 

   Not admitting that we truly want something in exchange for our time and efforts could be both a sign of denial and a sign of Codependency.

  Besides, it often pops up in the worst situations.  Codependency is often based in such passive-like and even manipulative behaviors that it is rarely ever pleasant or funny to those who are effected by it.


So what does Codependency Do To Relationships:

  Does it make them better?

  Does it bring harm them?

  Does it make them worse?

  Does it make them more Toxic?

    And in some cases.... perhaps it even does all of these things?


SO How Could CODEPENDENCY LEAD To Domestic Violence???

  Think about it!   


*** Please click here to complete your 

Brief Codependency Assessment. ***